[Chapter 12 : Pieces ]

Hey guys, had a busy day yesterday so I only have another two chapters for you. I really want to thankSVUAdDict (Guest) for the lovely review she/he sent me. It made my day! These two chapters move away from the case a bit but I promise to get back to the case soon. T

When Olivia left the room where she had been with Sarah, she walked into the squad room and she saw Amanda at her desk. Amanda looked like she wanted to speak to her.

'Amanda, can you just give me a few minutes. I'll be back in a few.'

'Sure Liv.'

Olivia hoped no one would be in the ladies loo. She just needed to compose herself. As she sat relieving herself, her mind took a trip of its own.

'Olivia, can I ask you a question?'

'Sure thing baby'

'Has anyone touched you there when you didn't want them to?'

'Sadly Sarah, if I was to be honest with you as you are with me I'd have to say yes to your question.'

'Didn't you ask him to stop?'

'Sarah, I did ask him.'

'Did he?'

'No.'

'Olivia?'

'Did you tell your dad what happened?'

'Baby, I don't have a dad anymore.'

Tears started to fall involuntarily. She shook her head trying to get a grip but instead she just felt more and more tears build up behind those that had just fallen. She felt like every time she took one step forward, she took two steps back. Here she was in the middle of a shift, having just connected with a victim, a thing she had done so well for years, but instead of feeling like she was getting her stride back, she was sitting in a cubical in the woman's bathroom reduce to tears. So much for getting her life back. All of a sudden she broke. Sliding down the wall until she sat on the floor with her knees pulled up towards her stomach, she cried so hard she thought her heart was going break. She was crying for all the days she would not allow herself to, for being so alone in this harsh world, for not having a real family when she was growing up, for all the things she had seen during her years as a cop, for the way Harris had assaulted her, and for her latest encounter with that monster. Somewhere during her breakdown she heard footsteps enter the room and then leave she hadn't had the willpower to stop herself from crying and although she would normally chastise herself, right now she couldn't. She was cracking, falling apart and there was no one to help her pick up the pieces. Or so she thought.

Amanda not knowing what to do, but knowing she needed to do something, softly knocked at her captain's door. He acknowledged her request without even lifting his gaze to meet hers.

'Whats up, Amanda?' He said while he continued to write.

'Um… Capt. We have a problem.' She spoke so hesitantly and with such sadness that at once he looked up and she had his full attention.

She cried even harder because there was no one to catch her as she was falling, she hadn't heard the heavy steps coming towards her. Suddenly she felt as if someone was quietly sitting on the floor just beyond the door of the stall. For a while the person just sat there and she wasn't sure who it was. She tried to compose herself but after all the crying she had just done, it would take some time. Instead of speaking to her, she saw him just slip his hand under the door of the stall. She looked at it for a moment before she saw the fingers silently calling hers over to it. She obliged. The feel of a human touch set her off yet again. But instead of him consoling her with words, his fingers just wrapped tighter around her damp hands.

After a few minutes, as she was starting to regain her composure, he spoke for the first time.

'Can you please open the door?' He sensed she was scared to allow anyone to see her in the state she was currently in. So he spoke again. 'I have put a sign on the door, no one will dare to come in here. We are alone, Liv. Please open up.'

He held his breath as she withdrew her hand from his. He hoped she was going to open the door and not recoil further from him. Seconds passed and it felt like hours but finally he heard her slide the lock and very slowly open the door.

'Hey Liv.' Was all the older man said as she slowly came into view.

She was surprised at what she saw. The older man, whom she'd grown to admired and love beyond their professional relationship was sitting on the floor, with his back against the wall and he was looking at the ceiling with tears streaming down his face. It was a few minutes before either one spoke.

'It's hard isn't it?' He said.

She wasn't sure what he was referring to so she kept quiet.

'Been alone.' He clarified. 'Long before we ever started here, heck I think you were probably in middle school, I met Bronwyn. We got married about two years after we met and about a year later we were expecting our first child. I had just made detective and life was good. Then all of a sudden in her seventh month Bronwyn went into premature labour. The doctors did all they could but then could save our daughter.' Don stopped to take a breath before he continued. 'Just as we had recovered from the lost, she found a lump in her breast. We fought for two long years. Man, she fought hard, as hard as I've seen anyone fight, but eventually she was tired and then she was gone. In three short years I had lost the two most important people in my life. I was devastated. I had no idea how to put my life back together or even how to start. So I made a very stupid mistake and I turned to the bottle.'

'Don, I never knew. I'm so sorry.' She crawled over and sat next to him. This time it was her who stretched out her hand for his. They sat in silence again, each lost within their thoughts.

'Liv, please I can't lose another daughter….'

Her head flew in his direction. She was confused.

'I know you Liv. You are the strong one. The one the others look up to and follow. They follow your lead, draw their strength from you, learn from you. But behind it, you are just a woman, the little girl, who never got the love and support you desired and deserved. You were left to stand by yourself way too early, had no one to rely on and had to grow up too fast, shoulder too much responsibility. I see you now out there, trying to be who people need you to be, who you think you ought to be but you are cracking and you spending all your time and effort trying to hold things together that there's nothing left for you to use to heal yourself.'

Olivia felt the tears starting to follow again and as per normal she started to shift away from her companion. But as she did that he slipped his arm around her and pulled her in closer. 'Not this time, girl.' Cragen whispered in her ear. As he held her she started to relax and then slowly she turned to him and started to cry into his shoulder. The fact that someone was holding her just too much to continue to hold it all in. After a few minutes she started speak in a voice that Cragen wasn't familiar with.

'Why? Why do bad things keep happening to me?'

'I don't know Liv. I don't know.'

'Don, he touched me, I couldn't help it, I was tied up, drugged and when I awoke, the burns… they were there.'

Don knew what she was referring to. He had read the report but hearing her verbalise what he had done, just broke his heart all over again.

'Why do they always hurt me?'

Had he heard her correctly? Had she just said 'they'? As far as they knew Lewis had worked alone. Who was she referring to?

'Liv. Who are 'they'?'

'Lewis and Harris.'

Cragen's head fell backwards. Of course. How could he not have made the connection! It was only reasonable that the latest attack, though much much worse than the previous, would bring back memories of when she was sexually assaulted while being uncover in a woman's prison.

Cragen slowly eased her away from himself and then took both her face in both his hands and spoke the next words as tenderly but as full of confidence as he could. 'Liv. Listen to me. You can come back from this. I know you can.'

'Don, I don't know how.'

'Liv, do you trust me?'

'Yes Don.'

'Ok, please will you let me show you how?'

Olivia didn't know what to say.

'Olivia, as your friend, please allow me to help you?'

'Okay. I'll try.'

'Thank you Liv.' He said as they started to get up from the bathroom floor.

Olivia was already up and making her way towards the sink to wash her face when Cragen spoke.

'Hey, help an old guy up?'

Olivia smiled and walked back to give Don a hand up.

'Captain, I don't know how I'm going to leave the bathroom. I look like crap!'

'That's why I brought this with me when I came in.' Olivia looked down and saw her captain bring her handbag towards her. 'I can't really have my detective held hostage in the bathroom by her looks, can I?'

'Thanks Cap.'

'Liv, take your time to regroup and then meet me in my office.'

'Don, I've already taken too much of your time…..'

'Liv, my office when you ready.'

Olivia knew right there, she was no longer talking to Don, her friend. 'Yes, captain.'