[Chapter 13 : Looking Ahead ]

Cragen return to his office and shut the door. He sat back down behind his desk, and sighed. He was afraid that it would come to this but he had to act. If he didn't, it wasn't only her career that was on the line, but her sanity. He had a tentative plan up his sleeve from the moment she'd come back to work, but he had not spoken to anyone else about it. Now, it was time to put the plan into action. He only hoped Olivia would go along with it.

It was another fifteen minutes until Olivia walked back into the squadroom. Feeling a bit self-conscious about what had just transpired, she kept a low profile as she put her handbag in the bottom drawer of her desk and then headed towards the captain's office. His door was shut so she knocked and waited for him to give her permission to enter.

'Come in Olivia. Sit down. How you doing?'

'Ok, tired I guess. A bit embarrassed that I just felt apart at work. I'm so sorry Ca…'

'The first part of the sentence I accept. Not the second part. You have nothing to be sorry about.'

As Olivia was getting ready to say something, the Captain raised his finger. 'Let me finish, Liv. We both have been doing this job for a long time.' The captain rose from behind his desk and walked to the other side of his office from where he could survey the people who worked under his command. 'Liv, there is a reason why detectives don't stay long in this unit, unlike some other units, our work is emotional, draining, sometimes dirty. Because of the nature of the cases and the victims, we push ourselves harder, work longer hours, and because of that many of us can't keep up a decent kind of life outside of work. We don't only put our lives on the line but our hearts and souls too.' The captain walked back to his desk before he continued but he remained standing, resting his hand on his chair.

'Liv, come sit in my chair for a few minutes.'

'What? Why?'

'Just do it, will you?'

Olivia stood up, walked around the table and gingerly sat down in her captain's chair.

'How does it feel?'

Olivia sat staring up at her captain not sure what she was suppose to say or where this conversation was going.

'Liv, we need to talk.'

Olivia inwardly started to cringe. The way Captain started the conversation by referring to detectives not staying in the unit long she didn't really want to hear the rest of the conversation. She had a feeling that the captain was going to tell her it was time to transfer to another unit… her job at SVU would soon become yet another thing that Lewis took from her.

Olivia started to stand but her captain indicated that she should remain seated in his seat. Instead he took seat on the edge of his desk . 'Olivia in the next few months or a year things are going to change here quite a bit. John and I are both feeling the pressure from above to put our papers in. John has indicated that he will be doing it sooner than later. I might try and hang on for a bit longer, maybe a few months. Olivia, I asked you to sit in the Captain's chair for a reason. I've haven't told you this yet but for awhile now I have seen the ability in you to one day sit in this chair and own it.'

Shock spread all over Olivia's face. This conversation was definitely not going the direction she thought it would.

'Don't tell me your haven't thought about it, Liv?'

'Uh….um, Captain. Actually I haven't. I'm only a detective.'

'And one of the best at that. Liv, obviously you won't take over from me, you've still got a way to go, but I think one day you'll make a mighty fine captain.'

'Wow. Thank you Don.'

Cragen stood up and picked up a file from inside a cupboard and sat back down on his desk.

'Liv, when John leaves I'll need a sergeant and I'll prefer if it be one of our own. What do you think about slowly studying for the exam?'

'To be honest sir, this conversation is going in the opposite direction to where I thought it would.'

'Aah. You thought that after your meltdown I'd send you packing?'

All Olivia could do was smile and nod.

'Liv, we are all human, even the great Olivia Benson. When you came back, I was expecting you to crack at some point. But Liv, life is not about how we fall, it's about how we get back up. You are a fantastic SVU detective and if you decide to move on, let that be your decision, but until then this is where you excel. You've been back three days and your first case back hasn't been the easiest. We all tired and drained, running on fumes. Heck, you haven't been home since you walked in here on Monday! Let's not judge your ability to be part of this squad on one lousy hour after you've been so instrumental in this case.'

'I love being in this unit, Cap. I feel this is home. I've done stints in other units, computer crimes and even with the FBI but after all is said and done, I come back…. I come home. The fact that you see me leading a unit such as this in a few years means a lot to me.'

'Liv, you already leading this unit in a way. We both know you my senior detective and the others look to you for leadership, especially when you all out in the field. You play a huge role in this unit and that's why I would like you to make it official and take the sergeant's exam.'

'Thank you sir. I am interested sir but I would like to take a minute and get back on my feet first.'

'Of course Liv. When you are ready, the file will be in this cupboard.'

'Thank you so much Don.'

'Liv, I want to ask you a favour.'

'Okay?'
'Liv, I need you to be part of this investigation. We still have a missing girl out there and you have established a connection with Sarah and you were the one who found Philip Martins, so you need to be a part of the rest of the investigation. But today has been such an emotional day, why don't to take the rest of the day and come back fresh tomorrow morning.'

'Sir, we haven't found Cathy. Don't you need everyone here helping to find her?'

For a moment Captain Cragen was silent. 'Liv, a ten year old girl has been missing for three days. The guy we think took her has been here for more than 24hrs. We both have a sense of what is coming, as difficult as it is to think about. Everyone is so tired, I will need fresh eyes tomorrow if we going to solve this case. Liv, this is the kind of things you can teach the young ones, when to step back so that the work can continue tomorrow.'

'Give me fifteen minutes to wrap things up? Before I went to the bathroom Amanda wanted to ask me something. I just want to check in with her.'

Cragen nodded. 'Then you get out of here, ok?'

'Will do.'

Olivia got up and gave Cragen his chair back. When she was halfway to the door, Olivia turned around and made her way back to Cragen who was still standing behind his desk. The next minute the Captain was wrapped in a hug.

'Thank you.' Came the whisper in his ear.