[Chapter 15 : Nightmares ]

Olivia woke up sweating and shaking. As soon as she could catch her breath, she slammed her arms into her bed. She was beyond frustrated. She wanted to get through one night without waking up every few hours. She was a grown woman, a cop no less, but she couldn't sleep through the night! She rolled over to see the clock show 4:15. She had gone to bed at 9:30, earlier than usual but because she had been had been working for three days straight and she was exhausted, she thoughthad hoped she could get a descent night's sleep. But she had been waking up every two hours. She sat up and allowed her legs to fall off the bed. She sat there leaning on her arms, her head hanging low. When was this going to end? Would it ever end? She finally decided to give up on sleep and start her day. She got up and walked to the kitchen to make herself a cup of coffee.

By 5:10 she was walking into the squad room with her second cup of coffee. Amanda and Fin were at their desks when she walked in.

'Liv! When you said you'll be back in the morning we weren't expecting you so early!' Amanda said.

'Yeah baby girl. How was your time off?' Fin enquired.

'It was fine. Nice actually. Until I tried to get some sleep!.' Olivia blurted out the last part before she could really sensor her words.

'Aah Liv.' Fin said sadly. He knew she was still dealing with a lot, and yesterday confirmed it, but she looked tired and he really hated that she could not get proper rest.

'Catch me up on the case then one of you can go to the crib and get some sleep.'

Once Fin and Amanda had caught Olivia up on the case, Fin went up to the crib and Amanda stayed with Liv. Munch had also been sent home during the night and Nick would return from the crib at six o'clock. During the time Olivia had been off some results had come in from the lab. The forensic team had found evidence of blood in the bathroom of the house where Mr. Martins and Ms. Kerry lived. The blood was a match to Kathy and the technicians who had processed the room were really worried by the amount of blood they suspected to have been present. If they were correct, they highly doubted that a little girl could survive loosing so much blood. Obviously it was difficult to tie the suspected murder to either one of the suspects. As they both lived in the house, their DNA was all over the place and unless the detectives could comprehensively prove that Kathy was indeed murdered and who which of the suspects did it, they wouldn't be able to prove murder.

Olivia left the precinct at around 9am to go to Sarah's house. Olivia had phoned the house around 8:30 to make sure Sarah was ok to see her and Sarah's mother had assured Olivia she could come through. Olivia hated that she had to keep taking Sarah through the time that she was held, but if Kathy had been murdered they just had to try and nail the perpetrator/s and Sarah could hold valuable information even if she didn't know it. As Olivia drove towards the house she could not help but think back on her time when she was being held by Lewis. She refused to be sucked into a flashback because she was driving but she couldn't but help feel her stomach formed a knot just at the thought of what happened. As she arrived at the house she unbuckled her seatbelt and just sat there. She took a few minutes to gather herself before she walked up the path towards the front door.

Unbeknown to Olivia, Sarah's father saw the detective's car roll up in front of the house from the window where he stood. He had been checking the window ever so often to make sure that no unwelcomed visitors or press where gathering on the front lawn. Jake Bell had not only seen the car arrive but he also saw the time that the detective took to gather herself. He saw not the bold, confident detective that the world saw, but instead he saw a vulnerable woman brushing her hand down her face as she tried to gather herself before she hid yet again behind her work persona. He hadn't been sleeping too well since this all started. The first two days he was awake wondering if he would hold his daughter in his arms again and last night both him and his wife were up with Sarah every few hours when she would awake from nightmares. During the long second night of this ordeal, from wwhich he could not seem to awake from, he searched for information on the Internet on the detectives that were searching for his daughter and her best friend. He knew it was a bit creepy that he had researched the detectives but these wereas the people who were working on the case. He had to be sure they were up to the task. What he found, shocked him. Jake was glad to find that the squad involved came very highly recommended, having a high success rate and a few commendations, but what he did not expect to find was a few news clips from a few weeks ago where in the police commissioner and Captain Cragen was appealing for anyone who had knowledge of the whereabouts of a detective Olivia Benson who was now a prisoner of a guy called William Lewis. As Jake's mind went over all the information once again his door bell rang and pulled him back to the present time.

'Good morning Detective Benson. Come in.'

'Morning Mr. Bell. Thank you.'

'How did last night go?' asked Olivia as Jake Bell took her coat.

'It was so good to bring our daughter home yesterday, really it was, but last night was difficult. Sarah woke up every few hours with nightmares so both my wife and I were up most of the night.'

'I understand. Most victims of crimes such as this have nightmares when they return to their normal routines and environment. They will fade with time but until then there is not much you can do, except give her all the love and support you can.'

'We will definitely do that.' Jake said. He secretly wondered who was doing that for detective Benson.

'Sir, if I may, I'd like to offer some extra advice while we are alone.'

'Go ahead detective.'

'I know you have another child.'

'Yes, we have a son. He is 12 years old.'

'Sir, I am not a parent so I am not trying to tell you how to parent your children.'

'I understand that. Please speak freely.'

'Well, I have been doing this a long time and what often happens in many of these cases is that the child who wasn't missing gets overlooked as all the attention is first on finding the missing sibling and then trying to help the sibling who was missing to cope with the aftermath of what's happened.'

'Detective, thank you. I understand what you are saying and I really appreciate you bringing it up. I will make sure I spend some quality time with my son today and see how he is doing. Thank you.'

'You are welcome.' Olivia said smiling.

'Sarah is upstairs with her mom. Why don't you go on up.'

Olivia went upstairs and knocked on the door that had Sarah's name on.

'Come in.' Came Marcelle Bell's voice

Olivia opened the door just enough so that she could just put her head in the room. 'May I come in?' she asked this time focusing on Sarah herself so that both mother and daughter knew that Sarah was the one to whom Olivia was asking permission from.

The girl nodded with a slight smile. Sarah had been sitting in bed propped up with pillows, eating some breakfast with her mother keeping her company.

'Thank you.' Olivia walked towards the bed and nonverbally asked Sarah if she could sit at the bottom of the bed. Again the girl answered the detective's question with a small smile.

Olivia knew that she had to take it very slowly again and re-establish the connection that she had with Sarah yesterday. 'Who is that next to you?' she pointed towards the doll that was next to Sarah.

'Elizabeth.'

'Aah Elizabeth. I see. Did she try to help you sleep last night?'

'She tried but I kept waking up with bad dreams.'

'Bad dreams are horrible hey?'

'Ah huh.'

'Can you tell me about your dreams?'

After about 15 minutes of them discussing Sarah's bad dreams, Olivia sympathesized with Sarah but she could see that Sarah's dreams would not provide her with any new information on the case.

'Sarah, thank you for sharing your dreams with me and I promise you as time goes by, the bad dreams will become less and less.'

'Sarah, is the anything you have remembered since we last spoke that you want to tell me? Anything that you think could help me find Kathy.'

'I don't know.' Sarah said seemingly getting upset at the question. Olivia knew she had to tread very carefully now otherwise Sarah would close up right here.

'Sarah, remember what I told you yesterday? Nothing you say will get you into trouble. Okay?'

The girl started to play with her bed sheets and duvet. Olivia looked kindly towards Mrs Bell as if to warn her about the next few questions.

'Sarah, did you ever go into the bathroom at Mr. Martins' house?'

'Once.'

'Okay. Did Mr. Martins go with you?'

'He stood outside the door.'

'So he never went in while you were in the bathroom?'

'No.'

'Good. Where was Kathy when you went to the bathroom?'

'He locked her in the room.'

Olivia spent about another half an hour gently probing Sarah, looking for anything that they could use to either find Kathy or use again Philip Martins but Olivia eventually decided to stop. When it didn't look like Sarah could give them any more information, Olivia decided to end the interview. She didn't want to make Sarah relive the situation anymore than was necessary. After Olivia assured Sarah and Mrs. Bell that they could call her at any time, she walked out of the house. As she left she heard the bounce of a ball. Olivia looked to her left to see both father and son engrossed in a game of basketball. She smiled. At least her visit wasn't all for nothing.