Chapter 9

In the prep room Hawkeye had taken to telling Radar stories about when he and Shayla had been kids. Radar was listening intently enjoying the anecdotes and discovering more about Shayla. Hawkeye was glad of something to keep his mind away from reality and had amused himself with just how many stories he could recall.

"Oh, I remember this one time, our cousin Billy had come over, he'd promised us he would take us fishing on a little boat in the nearby river. I was twelve and Shay nine, Billy was about three years older than me. We had been both excited at the idea of going fishing. We had all the gear ready and waiting for Billy to give the go ahead. When he finally did, I rushed to grab it altogether and on my way back I saw Shay slap Billy round the face. She stormed off after that and I went fishing with Billy on my own. I soon found out what a darn right sleaze he was. As soon as he had the opportunity the little rat pushed me in the river! After saving myself and getting my soaked self home I discovered the reason for Shay's outburst, apparently Billy had tried to kiss her! Needless to say we never spoke to Billy again!"

"Gee, he sounded an awful mean sorta guy." Radar commented.

"He was and we found out a lot more awful things about him when…" Pierce stopped. He had been jolted into reality as Hunnicut and Winchester ambled into the room. Both looked worn out and extremely tired and they were avoiding his gaze.

Radar followed Pierce's eye line and found the same sight. He lit up knowing that the operation was finished and then frowned. Did they always look that forlorn after an operation? He wasn't sure. He couldn't say that he had been around after such operations to know for sure.

"We did the best we could." Hunnicut said skirting around news. He just couldn't bring himself to say it outright, knowing that by a few words he was ruining all hope Hawkeye had in him.

"What does that mean? What happened? Tell me!" Hawkeye replied fiercely, he hated all the anonymity. He wanted it straight; avoiding the truth didn't alter the facts.

"She's dead, Pierce, I'm sorry." Winchester said speaking on behalf of Hunnicut who had declared it should be him that relayed the news.

"The bullet severed a main artery; it was too close to her heart." Charles continued.

Hawkeye's mouth had fallen open in shock, his stared blankly at Winchester as he spoke. It was too much to take in. Without so much as a word he simply turned and left the tent for the somewhat limited but nevertheless comfort of the swamp.

Remaining where he was Radar hugged his teddy tightly and fought back the tears. Why did this have to happen? He knew he was destined never to get any further with a girl then the initial crush but this was drastic. Did it have to go that far? And poor Hawkeye, what did he ever do to deserve losing his little sister like that? The man spent his life saving people; thousands owed their lives to him and how was he repaid? Having his own sister die at the operating table. Well it just wasn't fair.

Outside Pierce almost knocked Father Mulcahy over, he wasn't giving any attention to who stood in his way as long as he got to where he wanted to go. The Father politely said sorry for getting in his way and expected a similar response in return, after all it wasn't like Hawkeye to be that rude, but he continued onwards as if nothing had happened. Father Mulcahy frowned, 'something's gone wrong' he thought and cast his eyes towards OR. Clearly Hawkeye needed time to himself, so the Padre figured he would discover what had gone wrong and see if his services could be of use in any way.

Removing his hat as he entered, he found Hunnicut and Winchester finishing changing from the surgical garments to their regular uniforms. He asked simply what had happened.

"She didn't make it Father." Hunnicut explained solemnly.

"Oh my, what a sad tragedy and poor Hawkeye, it must be hard for him losing her in such a way." Father Mulcahy said understanding fully what had just occurred outside.

"Do you think I should go and talk to him Father?" Hunnicut enquired, it had been something that had been playing tug of war in his brain since Pierce had left and who better to gain advice from then a priest.

"I think he needs time to come to terms with what has happened, to grieve a little if you will. Perhaps I should have a word with him when he's up to it; I fear he will need convincing that Shayla is in God's hands now."

Hunnicut nodded, Pierce would definitely need convincing of that. He would need convincing of a whole lot of other things as well. He would certainly need convincing that it wasn't his fault or Hunnicut's or anybody else's and that Shayla had died doing what she came to do: helping and doing good.

Radar whimpered he couldn't keep his tears in no matter how hard he tried. It was all too upsetting to be so brave about. His mind kept racing about thoughts of what could have happened and it was making him even sadder knowing that they could never happen now.

"Oh Radar, now don't cry. It's a sad time but you have to remember she is safely in heaven now." Father Mulcahy's attention was grabbed, he hadn't noticed Radar sitting there quietly clutching his teddy bear, he had been more interested to know the news. Annoyed with himself for not noticing him first, Father Mulcahy sat beside Radar and offered a comforting arm around his shoulder.

"Father, is it wrong to think about all the things that could have happened if she hadn't…well you know…"

"No, I don't think it's wrong just perhaps not advisable."

"Good because I'm thinking it. I'm thinking that she's gonna come through that door and say 'everything's alright' and give me a hug. I know she's not but I wish she was you know. I wish I could have told her how much I liked her."

Father Mulcahy nodded knowingly. He sympathised with Radar realising how much of a blow it must have been to begin to like someone and imagine all sorts of futures only to have that torn away from you in a matter of days. It was somewhat like his own experience of this war. He had a parish back home which he had been growing to love and cherish when he had felt a call to go into army ministry, all the pictures he had built of his church were torn away from him as he moved to Korea and set up a new kind of ministry in M*A*S*H 4077.

"You know Radar, I think it's only human to think of the possible outcomes if the present one hadn't been but God sends us these things to try us and well, we have to take what we can out of them and use it to do better."

"Well I'll try and find something, Father, but I don't think it's going to be easy."

"Things rarely are Radar, that's what makes it a challenge." Father Mulcahy chuckled at the statement knowing all too well how very true it was.

He bade Radar goodbye and claimed he was going to take this opportunity to speak to Hawkeye hoping that he had been given enough time alone now. Radar thanked the Father as he left and the Father in return blessed him.

Taking a moment for the Father's words to process in his brain, Radar took a cookie of the plate and stuffed it in his mouth. Then shifting his teddy into one arm he used the other to pick up the plate of cookies as he retreated from the prep room to his office area. On the journey he devoured the cookies with the mind-set that it was his way of comforting himself. When he was eating he wasn't thinking about anything.

Putting the empty plate down on his desk, Radar sat himself down and found a spare piece of paper. Picking up a pen he began to write, in the form of an essay, all the things that Shayla had done in the short time she had been in the unit. He figured that if he wrote everything down he would then be able to find something to take away from the experience.

"Now that we have had our little chat, Hawkeye, I would like to suggest something that might be able to help everyone to feel more content with the knowledge Shayla is safe with God." Father Mulcahy was standing beside Hawkeye, he had conversed with him on all the topics Hunnicut had felt needed to be expressed and explained fully. It had been a hard task to begin with but eventually Hawkeye had come to the Padre's way of thinking. Although despite this, Father Mulcahy could tell there was still some doubt left in him.

"Suggest away, Father." Pierce replied feeling a little better after Father Mulcahy's reassuring words.

"I would like to hold a memorial service in her remembrance. Celebrating her life opposed to mourning it. You can add some words, an anecdote perhaps or some reference to her character, what she was like before she dedicated her life to nursing and after, if you'd like."

For a moment Pierce thought about it, thinking it through and then slowly he began to nod, gradually becoming more confident as his mind was made up.

"Yes, I think that's a good idea, Father, I'm sure I'll have loads of things I could say."

"That's the spirit, I'll go and tell Colonel Potter the plans and get everything sorted. Meanwhile don't lose faith and try not to dwell too much on the tragic elements."

"I'll try." Pierce said discouragingly. He didn't want to let Father Mulcahy down but he wasn't entirely certain his mind would let him do that.

Father Mulcahy gave a half-hearted smile as he left the tent. He hated seeing anyone in such emotional pain, let alone the one person from whom his jokes and japes practically made the situation and place worthwhile to live in. Many people might have lost it if it hadn't been for the everyday comedy that revolved around Hawkeye. Father Mulcahy knew that even though in words he was trying, deep down inside it was going to take Hawkeye a lot longer to heal.

Colonel Potter had consented profusely to the service and was willing to let Father Mulcahy take full reign in organising it for the benefit of the whole camp. It would take place the following day at a time the Father would arrange, considering what needed to be done. The Colonel had agreed with Father Mulcahy on the value of such a service and how it could help those it particular mourning. He offered his assistance to the Father, although presently Father Mulcahy could see little use for it until he had sat down and planned the service; he thanked him all the same and promised if there was anything he would let him know.

Father Mulcahy spent the night planning through his service and assigning jobs where he thought was appropriate. Of course he would have to wait until the morning to ask the people in question about these jobs for he realised it was gone midnight by the time he had satisfyingly finished.

As a mark of respect the bar was closed for the night and people took early nights for a change, reflecting on the tragedy of the day. Perhaps the only person not to sleep at all during the entire night was Pierce. He spent the night drinking away his sorrow by the homemade alcohol that was made directly from the contraption in his tent.