[Chapter 19 : A Slow Walk]

Hi guys, here is a nice long chapter for you all. I hope I get some comments…. I love getting feedback!

She was finally at her door. Before entering her apartment she looked down the passage to ensure that she was alone. Her heart was pounding at she entered her apartment. She quickly flicked on the lights and bolted the front door. Her mind told her the next thing she was about to do wasn't necessary and yet she felt herself move through her new apartment flicking on every light with her gun drawn. As she finished her sweep of the apartment she went into her bedroom and sat on her bed with her hands by her side on the bed. All the way home she couldn't shake the idea that the noise she'd heard in the basement was real.

You ready to go back to work, chase criminals and all that but you can't get your car out the basement and enter your own apartment without freaking out? Come on Benson! Get a grip!

That evening while she got showered and dressed her gun was never more than an arm's length away from her. She knew it was silly but she felt better knowing it was there.

Forty-five minutes later Olivia was sitting on her couch nervously. She was wearing her white slacks and a turquoise colour shirt. The shirt came up till her collar bone and the sleeves reached down till just above her elbows. She had stood in front of her clothes wardrobe for quite a while looking at all her dresses that were definitely more sexy than what she had chosen but in the end she just wasn't ready to feel so exposed. Everything about tonight made her nervous but Brian had been so patient for weeks now, she didn't want to cancel on him.

Right then her buzzer went.

'Hello?'

"Detective Benson, there is a man down here. He said his name is Brian Cassidy. Can I send him up? I've checked his ID.'

'Thanks James. You can.'

When Olivia had been looking for a new apartment she'd chosen a building with a good security company. When James heard that she was a cop, he had made a habit of double checking their credentials before sending anyone up to her flat that she had not personally introduced to him. The other doormen seemed to do the same.

There was a knock at the door.

'Hi Liv.'

'Hey Brian. Wow those are beautiful.'

'Beautiful flowers for a beautiful woman.'

'Thanks Bri. Let me put these in water before we go. Please come in.'

As Brian watched her he could see her hands shaking very slightly. He knew that she would be nervous and he was ready for that and had already decided what he was going to do. He had plans and he hoped she would agree to it.

'Liv, there's a note in the flowers. Read it.'

She looked at him questionably and when he said nothing, she took the card and opened it.

Olivia, we've known each other for years but let's try to start afresh. I want to take our time to

walk and talk before we start running. B

Olivia stood there, not knowing what to say. When she turned around Brian was standing smiling. He came to stand in front of her before he started to speak.

'Miss Benson, may I have your arm?'

'You may, Mr Cassidy.'

Brian took her coat and put it around her. Then he gave Olivia her purse. Olivia just watched as Brian took over locking her apartment before handing her back her keys and offering her his arm.

'Shall we take a walk?'

Olivia smiled and linked her arm in with Brian's allowing her gestures to speak for themselves.

'Have a good evening Detective Benson.'

'Thank you James. I'll see you later.'

Brian sat at the table across from the woman he knew that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with. He also knew that he had his work cut out for him. Not only had she never experience unconditional love as a child but now she was trying to find her way back from one of the worst attacks that the NYPD had seen on one of their own.

When they left the apartment he had driven her to one of her favourite restaurants where he had book a table in a corner where people weren't walking past them every minute and he had allowed Olivia to sit with her back to the wall facing the restaurant. He knew that if she felt safe she would possibly be able to relax and enjoy the evening. During the first half of the evening he kept the conversation light. They discuss everything about them growing up without turning to the harder aspects of Olivia's past with her mother. They discussed their sports, boyfriends/girlfriends at school, and so much more. He was enjoying getting to know Olivia a bit more and she him. But as the evening wore on she was becoming more and more distant.

'Olivia, what's wrong?'

'What you mean?'

'You're becoming distant. Are you worried about how the evening will end?'

'No.'

'You sure? Because I meant it when I said we not rushing things here.'

'Brian, I believe you when you said it and you'll never know what that means to me. I mean part of the reason I was so nervous about tonight was that I wasn't sure how fast you wanted to go and if I was ready but tonight has been so lovely and I have enjoyed it.'

'I'm glad but what's bothering you?'

'It's something Cragen said to me earlier.' She said while playing with her glass.

'Something about work?'

'No. Actually was about you.'

'Me?' He wondered how bad this would be.

'Yes, you.' She said shyly. 'You know how I regard him as a father to me. Well, I went into his office to say I was leaving and he picked up that I was nervous about tonight. We spoke about things and he told me that you spent a lot of time beside my bed when I was in hospital.'

'Yes Liv, I was there. We all were.'

'I don't remember much about those few days.'

'Oh Liv. No one expects you too.' He put his hand on the table so that she could put hers in his if she felt comfortable to. He was delighted when she did.

'I mean. I…I' She began to stammer. 'I don't remember much from the time I freed myself.'

'That's understandable. It was a very stressful time.'

'I want to know what happened. It is like I have a gap and I don't like it.

'Well, if you are sure I can tell you what I know. Captain Cragen and the others filled me in on a lot of details.'

'I'd like that. That's if you are comfortable doing it.'

'Of course. Whatever you need, Liv.'

As Brian told her what he knew, other memories of those days flooded Olivia's mind.

'It's over Liv… It's over now.' Nick said as he put the blanket around her.

She just looked out and saw the sea of cops, crime scene units, and emergency vehicles that were outside the cottage.

'He's still alive.' Said Fin as he reached the steps where Olivia stood frozen to the spot.

'I…I don't know how.'

'You did what you had to do.'

'Let's get you out of here.' Nick said as he gently helped his partner down the steps.

Nick led Olivia down the path to where the second ambulance was waiting. He knew he she wasn't really taking in what was going on around her so he had to guide her as he would a child. As soon as she was seated he heard a car roar up the driveway. He looked behind him just to make sure it wasn't the press who had found them. He would protect her by any means from those vultures as she was definitely in no state to be found by them. Instead Nick found the man this woman considered a father running towards them. He thought that the Captain looked liked he'd aged ten years in the last four days. Nick signalled to the concerned man that he needed to slow down before he reached them.

'Liv?' The older man spoke gently. He could see that she was trembling and that her eyes were not really focusing.

'Captain, she's suffering from a variety of things, amongst them dehydration, low blood sugar, shock, trauma and pain. We need to get her to the hospital as soon as we can.'

'I just need a minute with my detective.' He said to the paramedic who was taking Olivia's vitals. 'Liv, they gonna take you in to Mercy and I'm going to sort the scene out them I'm going to follow you as soon as I can. Nick's gonna ride with you and stay with you, ok?' He waited for a response and when none came he knelt in front of her. 'Liv, I know you struggling right now, but can you nod for me to tell me you know what I said to you?'

'Nick is coming with me, you will follow soon.' Came her hoarse voice.

'Yes, I will be there as soon as I can. I've already phoned Brian. He should be waiting for you at Mercy and Melinda is also there waiting.' He looked up at the paramedic before looking at Nick. 'Take her. Nick until she gets to Cassidy or Melinda you stay with her!'

'Yes, Sir.'

'Detective Benson, come on in here and lie down on the gurney.' The female paramedic who had been working on the detective suggested.

Both she and Nick helped Olivia into the ambulance and assisted her to lie down. Olivia found it too painful to lie flat so they moved her to a slightly reclining position. After a nod from the paramedic, Cragen shut the door and knocked twice against the door signalling to the driver that he was good to go. As the aging man watched the ambulance drive off he turned to the house. He wanted to be by her side as soon as possible but first he wanted to see what she had survived and make sure that any and all evidence was gathered as they would definitely put him away this time.

'Liv, you ok?'

'Yeah, I guess there are just parts I'll never remember.'

'Do you want me to go on?'

'Please, I need to fill these gaps, Brian.' She said sadly.

The whole way to the hospital Olivia never closed her eyes. She was too scared that being rescued was a dream. She was scared that if she closed her eyes and reopen the again she would be tied back to that bed with him staring at her.

She felt the ambulance stop and the doors flew open.

'Forty year old female, held hostage for four days, dehydrated…' The words faded as Olivia zoned out.

'Liv. Liv. Olivia, can you hear me?'

Olivia heard a familiar voice calling her back to the present.

'Nick?' Olivia mumbled.

'No Olivia, its Melinda. We are in a treatment room and Nick can't be back here.'

'Hi.' Olivia croaked. Their eyes briefly met before Olivia tried to survey the room.

'Liv, we are alone for a few minutes but the doctors and nurses need to come and treat you. Are you ok with that?'

'Will you stay with me?' She said nervously. She was ashamed that she needed someone with her.

'Of course! I was going to stay even before you asked.' Melinda said as she moved towards the door to allow the other medical staff to enter.

'Hello Detective Benson. I am Dr Cindy Madison. I'll be your primary doctor.'

'Olivia. Call me Olivia.'

'Ok Olivia. This is Mary and she's going to help me treat you. Is that okay?' It was clear that Dr Madison was trying to be as comforting as she could and put Olivia at ease. 'Olivia, I need to ask. Do you need a rape kit?'

At the question Olivia turned her head away from the three women standing in the room. 'I…I'm not sure… I mean I don't think it happened…' Her one hand moved to her face to wipe a tear that had escaped.

'But you can't be sure?'

'No, I was unconscious a lot… He…'

'Olivia, we don't need to go into details now, ok? But if you'll let us I think we should do a rape kit.'

She turned her face to look at Melinda. Her eyes pleading.

'Liv.' Melinda said as she moved closer, 'I promise I'm not going anywhere. We'll do this together.'

She nodded and looked at Dr Madison, 'Ok.'

'Olivia, we will get started, but at anytime you need a break just let us know.'

Three hours later.

Dr Madison had just finished the internal exam when she looked at Olivia. The woman was clutching at her friend's hand, her body was trembling and tears were streaming down her face. Dr Madison's heart broke. She was used to work with patients who had been through traumatic events but after seeing Detective Benson in the passages of the hospital when she was working with victims. She always looked so strong and in control and this made it all the more sad. She removed her gloves and walked toward Olivia.

'Olivia, I want us to take a break. How about I ask a nurse to get us a cup of tea?'

'But what about the evidence?'

'It will still be there in ten minutes. You need to take a break. Why don't we help you to sit up?'

All Olivia could do was nod.

'Liv, why don't we stop here for now?'

'Huh?'

'The story. Why don't we get the cheque and get out of here?'

'Ok.'

As soon as the bill was paid, Brian moved over towards Olivia and helped her put her coat on. He yet again offered her his arm to escort her out to the car.

During the drive home Olivia was silent. Her mind was processing what Brian had said and the memories that it had brought back.

'Liv, please answer me honestly. Are you ok?'

'At this moment Bri, no. I'm not. But I don't want the first time I hear about it to be in the courtroom. I need to hear this, as difficult as it may be, before because I need time… time to think things through… to make sense of it all. If I ever can…'

'Ok, I think I understand. We here, may I walk you up?'

'That would be good. Thanks.'

As they stood in the elevator Brian put out his hand and waited. It took a few moments for her to realize what he wanted. She smiled and put her keys in his hand. He truly was trying to be a gentleman. When the elevator stopped he put his hand behind her back and guided her towards her door. Once again she was nervous about entering her own apartment, she was angry at herself for it. But what amazed her more was the fact Brian seemed to sense her fear. As he opened the door he stood between her and the door as if to protect her from anything that may be in the place. As he open the door, he reached back for her hand and she followed him. As if he had seen what she had done hours ago, he led her from room to room silently showing her that no one had paid her an uninvited visit. When the got back to the living he could see her visibly relax.

'Bri, you want some coffee or tea?'

'Coffee would be nice, thanks.'

He took a seat on the couch, watching her in the kitchen. He knew now, even more than he knew the day the she went missing that he was willing to do whatever it took to make her feel safe. The two sat on the couch for another hour before Brian suggested that he leave. He imagined that Olivia might want to take some time to herself before going to bed.

'Bri, thank you so much for tonight. I enjoyed dinner and the conversation afterwards well… I can't say it was enjoyable but it means a lot to me that you would take me through it.'

'Liv, I want you to know you are the most important person in my life. I want to make our relationship work but I know you need time and I want you to take all the time you need. All I ask is that you allow me to help where I can and be part of your life going forward.'

'Brian, thank you. There's something I want to set straight.'

'Ok.' He was now nervous. Was she about to dash his hopes?

'At the hospital when I said I didn't want to go to your place, it wasn't about you or our relationship.' Olivia looked down at her hands. 'I just didn't want to rush into anything. I've been alone for so long that living with someone else kinda scares me and I was so scared at that point already.'

'Liv, you don't need to continue. I get it and I meant what I said in my note. Let's walk, take our time, heal, and then see where we go from there.'

'Thank you Bri. It really means a lot that you are willing to take it slow. I mean so many guys wouldn't want to take it slow but rather expect us to pick up where we were before it happened.' She said as she took the cups to the sink.

He collected his jacket, walked up to her, took her hand, and kissed it. 'Good night, Miss Benson. Thank you for the evening.'

Olivia chuckled at Brian's gestures. 'Good night Mr Cassidy. Thank you for the walk.'

'Lock the door behind me. Call if you need anything, my lady.'

'I will.'