[Chapter 24 : Finding Benson ]

Hey all. I am so sorry for the delay in updating the story. But I have been writing! I really didn't think the story would turn into such a long one, but I'm really enjoying it. Please let me know if you are still reading the story – I hope I haven't lost all my readers. I have seven chapters written now so I'll upload one or two (if I get reviews/follows I might be nicer) and I'll try keep writing as my time allows. Enjoy!

Olivia woke up with the sun trying to peak through the curtains. She turned over to look at the clock. She was shocked when it showed 10:15. She noticed that there was a note on the pillow near to her and then she remember that she had fallen asleep in Brian's arms. She reached for the note and read it.

'Morning Babe. Didn't want to wake you. Glad you got some sleep. Text me when you wake. Maybe I can come over for lunch. Lv B.'

Olivia smiled. Who thought that that young detective would grow up to be such a thoughtful guy. She texted him.

'Hey. Just woke up. Can't believe I slept till now. How awake are you today? Wish could fall asleep in your arms every night. Liv'

She got up and made her way to the kitchen where she found a flower in a glass with another note.

'Please have more than coffee for breakfast.'

Olivia giggled. Brian did know her well. She decided to please him and her grumbling stomach and eat some fruit. On her off days she did try to eat a balanced diet. It was difficult when she was working and thus she made an extra effort when she had time to herself. While eating she heard her phone beep in the bedroom so she walked to her room with breakfast and all. She read her text message.

'Hey beautiful. Glad you got a few more hours. Have lunch at 12. Shall I come over?'

'I want to run some errands after lunch. Why don't we meet at our usual place?'

'Fine by me. See you in a bit. Bri.'

'Cool. See you soon. Liv.'

Three days later – Saturday morning.

Olivia had been planning this for two days but now as she sat on her couch she wasn't sure if she was ready. She had told no one about her plan. Brian had to work a shift because he had taken the Wednesday afternoon off to be with her. She knew he would talk her out of it if he knew her plan and that's why she hadn't told him but she also knew that it had to be done eventually. She rubbed her hands on her pants before standing up collecting her purse, two bunches of keys and headed out her apartment.

It took her about twenty-five minutes to drive to where she had set out for. Finally she drove up in front of the building that was so familiar to her. She sat there readying herself for the task at hand. After a few minutes she got out the car, readjusted the gun on her hip, walked to the trunk of her car and removed a few boxes. She took one last look at the building she was about to enter before picking up the boxes and entered it. It was the same as always, the smell, the colours of the walls, but somehow she didn't feel the same about it as she always had.

Olivia eventually found herself standing in front of the door. Her hands were sweating and her heart beating fast. For a moment she thought maybe she should have waited until Brian could come with her, but she didn't know if she wanted him to be here when she started this process. She didn't know if crime scene cleanup had been there. She certainly had not called them and she wasn't sure if anyone else from the squad had. She stood in front of the closed door with her head against the cold wood almost wishing she had called someone to clean up the apartment. She wished she had been strong enough to ask someone else to do this for her. Maybe she still could. No! She was here now. She wanted to start to put this whole thing behind her. She wanted to have more of her stuff in her new flat. She had to do this today. Now. She put the key in the lock, turned it and gently opened the door. She slipped in and turned to lock the door. For a moment she stood there, her back still turned to the room.

She drew a few deep breathes before turning around. Her eyes wondered towards the kitchen. It was a mess. The groceries she had bought that night still lay where she had set them down more than two months ago. Her eye caught sight of that vodka bottle. There was still about half a glass in there. She could suddenly taste it in her mouth. Then she spotted a few red marks on her carpet in the lounge. Her hand slid up her face to the place where the blood that had stained her carpet had come from. The chair lay toppled over, still with the tape around its legs. The whole room was beyond a mess. Everything was out of place, knocked over and half broken. She moved towards the chair, knelt down, stripped the tape from the chair and put it up straight. She walked to the bin in the kitchen, and came to a stop beside the stove. The pan with keys and wire lay there. She grabbed onto the counter as she felt the searing heat on her chest. Tears threatened to start forming. She looked up at the ceiling and blinked them away. She took another deep breath, grabbed the bin and walked back to the lounge.

An hour had past, one of the longest hours in recent weeks. With each step she'd taken over the last hour memories had fought their way through her mind. She'd given up in keeping the tears away. No one was with her, so she just let them fall. A few times she had just sat there in her lounge, not moving, just giving herself time to regroup before starting on the next task. She had made some progress with the lounge although it still looked rough. Olivia was sitting on her lounge floor playing with a piece of rope that once bound her hands when her phone rang. She pushed herself up, threw the rope into the trash bag and walked to the counter where her phone lay.

'Benson.' Her voice came out a lot weaker than she'd hoped.

'Hey Babe. What's wrong?'

'Bri. Nothing.' She tried hard to sound like her normal self.

'What are you doing?'

'Cleaning the apartment.' That wasn't a lie. She was cleaning the apartment. She was just neglecting to say which apartment.

'But didn't we do that a few days ago?'

'Yeah.'

'So why you doing it again?'

She didn't respond. He thought he heard a sniff.

'Liv? Are you ok?'

'I'm fine. Listen, I've got something on the stove.' She lied. 'I have to go.'

'Ok. I'll see you when I get home.'

'Uh huh.'

The next second Brian was listening to a dialling tone. He slipped his phone into his pocket and tried to get his mind back onto his work. He couldn't. Something wasn't right. She didn't ask how his day was going, when he would get home, what he wanted for supper. Something was wrong. He pulled out his phone and called their house. If she answered he would tell her he forgot to tell her what time to expect him home. The phone just kept on ringing. He sighed. He couldn't leave another shift this week but he also didn't want to leave the situation. He thought he'd phone the squad room and see who was there. The phone rang a few times and then a voice came over the airwaves.

'Special Unit Victims Unit. Captain Cragen speaking.'

'Oh hi Captain. It's Brian speaking.'

'Hey Brian. Everything alright?' Although Brian wasn't part of his current squad, Cragen made sure to let him know that his door was always open to him. Now with him being with Olivia, that offer was even more true.

'Um, is Nick or Fin there?'

'No, we're having a quiet weekend. I told them to take some time.'

'Amanda?'

'Everyone's taking a day'.

'Oh I see.'

'Brian. What's up?'

'Um…well… I'm probably over reacting.'

'Brian?'

Brian relayed his whole conversation that he had with Olivia and the feeling that he had that something wasn't right.

'Captain, I'm sure its nothing. Just me being over vigilant.'

'Brian, its ok. With everything that has gone on, I understand. Leave it with me and I'll track her down and make sure she's good.'

'Thanks Capt.'

'Brian, thank you. You are really stepping up. I'm proud.'

'I love her, Sir.'

'I'll call you when I've spoken to her.'

Cragen sat in his chair in the office. He had to come up with a legitimate reason to call her. She was a great detective afterall and if she thought something was up she might shut him down before he could establish where she was at. After a few minutes he had come up with a plan. There were some stuff in his office that she could use to study for her sergeant's exam. He could use that to get in the door. He gathered his things and headed out.

His first stop was her new apartment. Brian said that she hadn't answered the phone there, but he decided to give it a go anyways. When he had established for himself that she wasn't home, he had an idea. He dialled Brian's number again.

'Hello.'

'Brian, its Cragen. What did she say she was doing?'

'She said she was cleaning the apartment. But we did that two days ago.'

'I'm at her new place and she is not here.'

Both men were silent for a moment.

'Brian, do you think she's at her old place?'

'No! You don't think she's gone to the old place alone, do you?'

'She is still renting that place, isn't she?

'As far as I know yes but Captain I don't think she's been back there since he took her.'

'You thought you heard her sniff, right?'

'Yeah. Crap! Why didn't she wait until I could go with her.'

'Probably because she is so used to going at things alone. Or she didn't want anyone to see how vulnerable she was.'

'And still is.'

'I'll go over to the flat and see her. Stay at work, Brian.'

'When will she let me in, Captain?'

'Brian, she is. Piece by piece. Just keep at it.'

'I just hate seeing her hurt so much and think she has to fight alone.'

'She is learning. I can see her opening more and more to you. Just remember she has never had someone love her unconditionally.'

'I know.'

'Let me get going. I'll call you.'

'Thank you Captain.'