Chapter 27

As the rest of the team left the hospital, Brian and Cragen walked towards Olivia's room in silence. Just as they arrived at her door, Cragen put his hand on Brian's shoulder and gave it a squeeze. Opening the door revealed just how the last few days had taken their toll on the strong, fearless detective. She lay quietly asleep on the bed, hooked up to an IV bag and a few other things. It was the silence and stillness that shook the two men inwardly as they sat near her bed. Usually by now Olivia would be bribing any doctor or nurse to release her or if that failed she would certainly be complaining to them about having to stay in hospital. Yet right now the only sound that was emitting from her body was that of her breathing.

Brian could not keep his eyes off her. His heart tore in two as he surveyed the damage that Lewis had inflicted on her. The black eye, the split lit, the cut on her forehead and the arm that was in a cast – all obvious signs of a hard fought battle to survive. He tried to imagined the pain she had endured. He could foresee how much pain she would be when she woke up and he hoped that Melinda and the doctors could find a way to help her with that. She had fought hard and in his opinion she had won. She had survived and was going to go home. Whatever happened going forward he would be sure to make her understand that she had been victorious in the fight for survival.

Cragen too sat staring at a sleeping Olivia. Right now she looked so vulnerable. He hoped that for a few hours she would have a peaceful time. She deserved at least some rest before she returned to this cruel world. A world where she had given so much too so many and had received so little in return. He thought of Olivia's childhood, being a product of rape and when her mother could not find a way to put the pieces of her life back together Serena Benson turned to alcohol to numb the pain. Olivia had never explicitly told Don about her childhood but after fifteen years of working cases together, often cases that resembled her mother's, she had let a few details slip. Olivia and her mother had a very difficult relationship. There were times when her mother couldn't stand to have Olivia around and she suffered neglect, physical abuse at times, feeling of having no one to turn to for comfort, security, and nourishment. But instead of being put off by circumstances Olivia had stayed focused at school, graduated and gone to college before enrolling in the academy. As soon as she became a detective she applied to transfer to SVU and since then she had dedicated her life to making things better for the victims she dealt with.

Sleep soon over took the two men that now watched over Olivia.

A few hours later both Brian and Don were awakened by fearful sounds coming from Olivia. There was no doubt that peace had left her and her dreams were being replaced by nightmares. Brian drew his chair closer to her bed and attempted to try and wake her by talking to her. Cragen knew that Olivia would be waking up one way or another and slipped out the room to go and find a doctor. Back in the room, Olivia's dream was growing darker and darker as she struggled against the images that were invading her mind.

'Liv. Liv. It's me Brian. You are safe. Please wake up.' Brian kept saying as he attempted to wake her without physically touching her for fear of making things worse.

'Is she still asleep?' Melinda asked as she and Cragen entered the room.

'Yes. I've been talking to her but its not working.' Brian replied with emotion.

'Okay, I think we need to try touch. It could make things worse but she needs to wake up. Brian just be ready to keep reassuring her as she tries to figure out where she is.'

Melinda gently put a hand on Olivia's shoulder and applied some pressure while calling out to her.

'Olivia. It's Melinda wake up. You're safe in hospital. Olivia.'

After a few tense moments Olivia's eyes shot open and she started to struggle again Melinda. As soon as Olivia's eyes opened Melinda stood back and Brian continued his line.

'Liv. Liv. It's me Brian. You are safe. You're in hospital.' He kept repeating the line until her frightened eyes found his.

'Sshhh. It's ok. You are safe.'

'Bri?' came a hoarse whisper.

'Yes, Liv. It's me. You're safe.' Her eyes were still trying to focus and her breathing was irregular.

'Where?' Her voice was still soft and strained.

'Liv, you are in hospital. You're safe.' He kept reassuring her as he reached for her hand.

'Liv.' Came a voice from the other side of her bed. The sound made her head jerk in that direction.

'It's okay. It's Melinda. We're with you.'

'Melinda?'

'Yes, Liv. Sorry, we had to wake you from a nightmare you were having.'

'Liv,' came Brian voice. Olivia's head followed the voice. 'Cragen is also here.'

'Don?'

At the sound of his name, Don stepped forward into Olivia's line of sight.

'Hey Liv. You're doing great.' Don said gently.

'Hi.' Was all Olivia could think of saying.

Brian held her hand and Melinda and Don stood close to her bed for a few silent moments as they allowed Olivia time to wake up.

It took a few moments to take in where she was. She closed her eyes as the pain started it hit her. It felt like every member of her body was screaming at her at the same time. She couldn't make up her mind where she hurt the most. In the distance, she heard someone talking to her and she tried to follow the sound.

'Liv, how are you doing?' asked Melinda in a very soft caring voice.

Olivia tried to form words but none came. Instead she just held eye contact with Melinda.

'Okay. I can see you're in a lot of pain. We've tried to figure out the best way to help you and you have a choice. Unfortunately, we only have two options. We can give you intravenous pain medication but they will make you feel very out of it, spacey, or we can give you tablets which aren't so strong but will help with most of the pain. But then you'll have to swallow them.'

Olivia was silent.

'Liv, did you hear me?'

Olivia moved her uninjured hand and squeezed the bridge of her nose.

'I don't want to feel spacey, please.' She said in an almost pleading voice. 'But I don't know….if I can…do tablets. He forced me to take them…'

'Liv, you need to take something to help with the pain otherwise you won't be able to heal.' Brian spoke tenderly.

'Tablets.' She whispered as tears formed in her eyes.

'Okay, I'll go fetch Dr. Madison.' Melinda rose to leave the room.

Silence returned to the room as Olivia closed her eyes and made no further attempts to communicate with the men that were beside her bed.

'Hi Olivia.' Dr Madison said as she and Melinda entered the room.

Olivia opened her eyes and turned her head towards the two doctors.

'I have your medication here. We just going to raise the bed a bit so you can sit a bit more upright.'

Olivia tried to make a move to sit.

'Whoa there!' Dr Madison put a hand on her shoulder. 'Let us do the work.'

As Dr Carter and Melinda gently helped Olivia sit, a groan escaped from Olivia's lips. The groan caused Brian's and Don's heart to break yet again.

Everyone in the room gave Olivia a few moments to regain her composure after having being sat up.

Dr Carter proceeded to hand Olivia a small cup with two tablets in as she held the glass of water for Olivia.

'I know this is hard so take your time. Do it when you feel ready.' The doctor coached her patient.

Olivia closed her eyes and took a few breathes before she moved her hand towards her mouth. Almost as soon as the tablets touched her tongue, Olivia started to heave. Melinda quickly retrieved a container.

Brian couldn't stop himself, the sight of his strong, independent girlfriend getting sick because she had to swallow pain tablets produced tears which silently rolled down his cheeks.

As soon as Olivia could she grabbed Melinda's hand before saying, 'Out.' She had said it so softly that only Melinda had heard it.

'Liv, do you want the guys to leave?' She whispered back to Olivia.

All she could do was nod with her head still half into the container. She was so embarrassed. Olivia couldn't believe that she had been reduced to this. She couldn't even swallow tablets! And now she was getting sick in front of her boyfriend and boss!

'Guys, Liv would like some privacy.' Melinda spoke to the men.

Don nodded and put a hand on Brian's shoulder as he silently encouraged Brian to leave.

As soon as Brian left the room he covered his mouth as a sob escaped from his mouth. Don guided Brian to the closest chair and had Brian sit down. Don crouched in front of him.

'Brian, you are allowed to breakdown.'

Brian shook his head.

'No. I have to be strong. She needs me.'

'Yes, she does but that doesn't mean you can't feel what is happening.'

'It hurts.' Another sob escaped.

'I know, Brian. My heart is in a thousand pieces as well.'

A moment of silence past between the two men.

'What you say, we support each other so we can support Liv?'

'Yes please, Don. I need to do this. I cannot fail here.'

'You won't son. You won't.'

Back in the room Olivia lift her head and placed it on her pillow as soon as the guys had left. Her face was pale, and exhausted. Tears began to stream down her face and her shoulders started to shake. Melinda gave the container to a nurse who had silently entered the room to help.

'Liv, I want to come sit beside you and hold you. Can I?'

Olivia gave the slightest of nods.

Having been given permission, Melinda slipped in beside Olivia and gently pulled her towards her. Surprisingly Olivia immediately melted into Melinda. This showed Melinda how drained her friend really was. They sat there for the next fifteen minutes as Olivia silently cried.

Eventually Olivia spoke up.

'It even hurts to cry.' She said with the slightest smile.

'What do you want to do about it?' Melinda asked. It was essential to give as much power back to Olivia at this point as possible.

'Can I try again?'

'Of course, Liv. I'll just go speak to Dr Madison.'

As Melinda left Olivia's room she looked down the hall to see Don and Brian entering the vistors room. As much as her heart broke for Olivia, her heart also broke for Brian and Don in this situation.