Gone

Chapter 14

A/n First of all I want to apologize for the over two month delay between chapters. Life and a runaway muse is my only excuse. But my muse came back a few weeks ago and that led to what was supposed one chapter turned into a lot more. So three chapters are almost done. Here is the first of the three chapters. The others will be posted around the time it takes to get the next part done.

Now thanks to crokettsgirl for helping me get the monstrosity of a chapter done. Also for dealing with my major breakdown and writers block. Thanks also for being such a sounding board. She also found the time to make this chapter as great as it is now. Thanks. Also thanks to scousemuz1k for helping with some of the dialog and moral support. And thanks to everyone has read and reviewed this story and have stuck around through all of the long delays. And now here is the chapter…….

Tim was sitting in the chair outside Tony's door, his hands shaking. He had never seen Tony in that state before and never wanted to again. Gibbs would be so angry at him for first, allowing Tony to drag the true that they were leaving without him and second the state Tony had worked himself into. He knew Gibbs wouldn't like either one or the fact that the doctor gave him a sedative. He closed his eyes to try and relax when he noticed the light snore from the room, the sedative did its job and Tony was calm as well as asleep. He figured that now he could go back in the room. He jumped when a hand came to rest on his shoulder. He stopped from retrieving his bag and didn't leave his chair to enter the room. His heart slowed to normal as he sat up and turned around to come face to face with his boss.

"What happened, McGee?" Gibbs asked as he sat in a chair beside him.

"Tony woke up a little while ago," McGee stammered, "He heard me talking to you on the phone about us leaving. He made me tell him. I tried not to but he threatened to pull out the IV's and come to find you. I'm sorry boss. I thought that Tony was asleep." The younger man explained. He cringed waiting to be yelled at for how he handed the situation. After all he wasn't supposed to tell Tony they were leaving or get the other agent upset and he had done both. He was surprise when Gibbs hand softened on his shoulder.

"McGee" Gibbs said "It's not your fault that you told DiNozzo. I should have been there when he woke up. So you've got nothing to worry about, if it's anyone's fault it should be mine. I never should have left you two alone. I apologize for that," The older agent explained and then held up a hand to finish, "Remember what I said, apologies are okay between friends."

McGee was floored. He looked at his boss' face. There was no anger that faced him and he had felt that it was his fault for Tony finding out and having to be sedated. He felt so sure that Gibbs would feel the same way and give him a dressing down, but, again, there was no anger in the lead agent, not at him anyway.

"But Boss!" Tim answered, "You told me not to tell him about our leaving because he would get upset and he did just like you said. That was my fault." Tim couldn't put the blame down.

Gibbs stood up so he could kneel down in front of his young agent. He could tell that McGee was just as upset as he was. However, Gibbs had years of practice at hiding his feelings the young agent hadn't. Gibbs had just listened to him admit that what happened with DiNozzo was his fault.

"Tim" Gibbs said kindly "Like I said it's not your fault. You go and pack up Tony's things with Ziva right now. Don't worry I am going to have a talk with DiNozzo later, when he is up to it. Just go and don't worry it."

Gibbs reached over and cupped the young man on the back of the head. He watched McGee walk down the long hallway and then out the door into the blinding summer light. Gibbs then put a large thermos of coffee in the large bag he had and proceeded into the hospital room.

McGee jumped into the jeep he had drove and sped down the long road to the base. He was anxious to get back to the case and get back home. He glanced down at his hands and realized that that they were still shaking. He was still upset about what happened between Tony and himself, earlier. He was sure that he had set Tony off, but for the world he didn't know what. He decided to focus on other things. For now he'd just think about packing up Tony's things, question the base commander and then get the hell out of Iraq. Why he thought it would be so great to come here he couldn't remember.

He pulled up to the base as Ziva came out of it. He pulled over Ziva climbed inside. McGee then pulled out of the agency command base and onto the long road that led to the Marine base where Tony was stationed while undercover. They had driven for about fifteen minutes before he felt a warm hand touch his shoulder. He turned to see the concerned face of his team mate. Tim tried to turn his focus back onto the road when he felt the small hand again.

"What do you want Ziva?" McGee said in an exasperated voice "Gibbs wants us to go and get Tony's things. He then wants us to hurry and talk to the base commander. Then we can talk afterwards." He gave a slight nod as he watched the road; sure he got his point across.

"McGee you are upset" Ziva stated in her usual manner, "I can see it in your eyes. You can tell me what is wrong, yes?" She gently asked as she watched her partner.

"I am upset, but it's okay now." McGee answered quietly "Besides, I really don't want to talk about it right now. So just drop it! Okay!" The last part was said quick and clipped which wasn't like McGee at all.

The look in his eyes and the sound of his voice told Ziva that this was probably not the best time to push the subject. The whole situation with Tony going on the undercover mission and then gone missing had been hard all of them. She decided to heed McGee's words to talk later. That would be the better way in the long run.

They spent the rest of the trip in silence. Fifteen minutes later they arrived at the base. Ziva and McGee jumped out jeep and then pulled out some boxes from the back. They would pack what belonged to Tony in them and ship the boxes back home.

"Ziva" Tim said as he helped stack the boxes on the ground, "I'll help you in with the boxes and put them by Tony's bunk. Then I'll go speak to the base commander. When I'm done with him I'll come back and help you finish up here." Tim finished with his train of thought and waited for Ziva to answer him.

"That is fine" Ziva answered, still concerned about her teammate, "I will meet you here by the jeep in one hour. Then you can help me load the boxes that will be taken back with us." She gave him a look to see if he agreed, when she saw the look that he did she continued with what she had been doing.

McGee made his way to the officer's building while Ziva watched for a minute. She then grabbed the rest of the boxes and hurried over to where Tony had bunked while there. She gave a quiet knock on the door in case one of the men was dressing. Not hearing any noise she then entered with the boxes. The barracks was larger than it looked and hadn't been occupied in a few days. Ziva was grateful for the quiet and mindless packing as she began her task.

Ziva started to pack. She did it in two sets, one for what they were bringing home and a smaller amount for what was to stay with Tony. What stayed were his laptop, some clothes, and personal items like his shaving kit. She had the duffle set for what needed to stay and boxes for what was going to be brought home. The locker was finished and she was almost finished with the small night table when she spotted the watch that Abby had given him. Ziva wanted to surprise Tony with some familiar things that she thought would make him feel a little better about them leaving. Ziva found the blanket she had given Tony as a gift under his pillow, she knew both gifts were special to Tony and put them in the duffle that would stay with Tony in his hospital room to take with him when he went home.

Ziva had almost finished, all that was left were a few small items that lay on the night stand. She hadn't found anything that looked like evidence. She had to laugh at a few things she had found that were typical of Tony as she packed them away. She found a few photos and looked through them with a laugh. One of those photos had several men in it that she realized was from Tony's platoon. They stood all together for a group shot which made Ziva giggle at Tony being a marine and with an actual smile on his face.

The smile in the photo again caught Ziva's eye, she couldn't tear her eyes away. So much had happened to her friend on his last mission which had taken that smile away. Neither she nor the rest of the team had seen Tony smile in months. He had changed after that disastrous mission that left him with a horrid stab wound to the side. Tony had completely shut down, not talking to anyone and the regulation therapy sessions hadn't seemed to help either. She knew the therapy session were tales that Tony thought the therapist wanted to here, not what he needed to tell. He had been just going through the day to day motions. He refused to go out for drinks with the rest of the team always having an excuse. Ziva remembered the story Abby had told her about how she showed up at Tony's door for their usual pizza and movie night. He yelled at her and then slammed the door. Stunned after Tony had slammed the door in her face, Abby cried. More tears came when Abby heard the muffled laughs from Tony behind that door. He had changed so much.

Every member of the team tried with Tony, but he'd shut down immediately. No one could seem to get through to him. Until one day a few weeks later he started to open up to Ducky. There had always been a different bond between the two and everyone was glad that Tony had started to open up. Ducky wasn't a therapist but he was a smart man who would listen and that's what Tony needed. The month of testifying at the trail left Tony drained, but also refueled his anger and bitterness more than Ziva had ever seen before. Then suddenly Tony was shipped out on another undercover mission. Personally she didn't think he should be going and knew Gibbs felt the same. That was the last time she had seen Tony DiNozzo until a few days ago.

Ziva took down and packed all of Tony's picture collection. She never thought she'd do it but she even added the one of herself in a bikini from when they were in Los Angeles several years ago. She laughed about the history of her threat about that picture and then went on to the Team picnic picture from a week before Tony had left for Iraq. She put them in the duffle bag so he'd have them. After all was packed for the hospital and the boxes going back to the states she looked around the room to make sure nothing was left behind. She laughed out loud when she found an old pizza box hidden under his bunk. Ziva wondered how on earth he could have smuggled it onto the base. She made a note to ask him about it later.

Ziva had just finished loading all the boxes that were going home in the back of the Jeep. She started to load the huge duffle bag into the back seat that would be left here for Tony. She had seen McGee come out of a building before she had lifted the duffle into the truck. When his hand came down on her shoulder Ziva couldn't help the reflex when she felt someone touch her. She flipped him and turned to see Tim with a confused look on his face as he looked up at her. She felt badly as she helped him up and gave a short apology.

"I am so sorry McGee" Ziva apologized to her friend, "I did not see you coming. I hope that I did not hurt you."

Ziva hopped back inside the jeep after she checked that none of Tony's possessions were still on the ground. Satisfied that she had everything she needed Ziva buckled her seatbelt and watched as McGee pulled out onto the rough gravel road

"Ziva, I'm fine. But my shoulder is going to hurt for a week now." McGee laughed as he drove the jeep. "I talked to the base commander and he really didn't have any more information then what you and Gibbs found when you spoke with Tony's bunkmates. Did you find anything in Tony's things? "McGee curiously asked.

"I was not able to find anything" Ziva answered while studying her partner "If Tony had hidden any evidence I could not find it."

"I had hoped we'd have some good news for Gibbs and Agent Jensen" McGee answered quietly, "Maybe Tony will be able to tell something to Gibbs when he wakes up." McGee stated optimistically.

"Maybe" Ziva answered as she settled back into her seat for the long drive ahead. "Or maybe Agent Jensen will have something else for us to go on."

Tim could see from the corner of his eye that Ziva was still closely watching him. Not wanting to go back to their earlier conversation he kept his eyes on the road. The next thirty minutes they drove in silence back to their head quarters, each trapped in their own thoughts.

McGee still wrestled with how he felt about the situation with Tony. Usually when he felt this way he could go to Abby or Ducky, but they were both in D.C. and Ziva wasn't the easiest person to talk about how he felt to. McGee turned to look at Ziva. He knew she still wanted to know what was wrong.

"McGee, I know that something has been bothering you." Ziva stated, "You have been quiet since he left headquarters. I am not Abby nor am I Ducky, but you can talk to me. It must have something to do with Tony. Yes?" She tried to pull McGee out of him self as she asked.

McGee hesitated about telling Ziva what had happened or how he felt. He knew that Gibbs was right that it wasn't his fault that Tony was upset. Yet Gibbs hadn't seen or heard how angry and upset Tony was or how abandoned his friend felt. He still couldn't shake what he felt at what about it. He looked back at Ziva and found concern in her eyes. That was when he couldn't help but to let everything pour out.

McGee sighed "Ok, so Tony overheard my conversation with Gibbs" McGee said quietly "When I came back into the room he was pretending to be asleep. Only…..Well I was sure that he was asleep, before I took the call from the nurse's station." He stayed quiet for a moment as he saw the incident run through his head, "When I came back from the call I sat down and rebooted my lap top, which was when I noticed he was wide awake. He yelled at me for lying to him. I've never seen or heard him so angry and hateful before in the whole time that I've known him." McGee dropped his head.

"Tony is going through a lot right now." Ziva said. She shook her head at her partner, "Look at me, McGee." When he did look up she locked sympathetic and thoughtful eyes with his.

"Tony has not been himself in months. But McGee, Tony will soon be home and will be with his NCIS family. We will help him deal with everything that he has gone through. You must remember that he is not himself right now. Let Gibbs have a chance to talk things through with him. That is what is needed at this time.

There is no reason to blame your self nor worry, Tim." Ziva kindly told him as she ended what she had to say. She had kept her eyes on him and saw he had relaxed some and wore a small smile. She put her hand on his knee and gave it a squeeze before she pulled it back as they parked.

They were due to leave the next night so they quickly separate the duffle bag that had in it what was to stay of Tony's and left what they were to bring back of his with them. McGee picked up the duffle and both started to walk inside. McGee smiled and whispered a thank you.

"Agent McGee, Officer David." Jensen asked "Did you learn anything else from Tony's things or from the base commander about Reynolds?"

All three sat down at the table that was used for briefings as three coffees where sat in front of the agents. Ziva looked over at McGee, who started to speak.

"The commanding officer said that he didn't know much about the Captain." McGee answered "He did tell me that he wasn't popular with his men. He was known to send them into danger for his own agendas. And apparently Tony had him placed on report after being sent into an ambush."

"I knew that" Jensen answered "Tony came to me after the ambush and said the he thought that Reynolds intentionally sent them there to be killed. He suspected that they were sent to kill Reynolds enemies so he could get the guns he wanted to the people his platoon was sent to capture and arrest. At that time Tony was waiting for an opening to get to Reynolds and offer his services. But Tony reported him after talking to me. We decided that he should after Tony's rant about almost losing all of his men. He said that he was tired of this and just wanted to go home. So he was reported and two weeks later he approached Tony just like we hoped he would." Jensen explained.

"We had no idea" McGee answered "DiNozzo regularly talked to our forensics expert and gave Agent Gibbs almost daily updates. But he never mentioned this. I guess it was because he didn't want to scare Abby. You see, Abby and Tony have always been very close friends. And Tony would definitely hide certain details even from the rest of us." McGee thought a moment, curiosity and concern clearly on his face before he spoke again, "Agent Jensen, do you think he set up Tony on that last week long mission, so he would be killed?"

"I do" Jensen replied while he looked into the faces of the two concerned agents that sat with him, "Tony came to me the night before they left with suspicions that Reynolds may have known who he was. I told Tony not to worry and that there was no way that Reynolds could have figured out who he was. Then on the way back he called me and said that he and his platoon had been ambushed and that he could have sworn that he saw Captain Reynolds. I regretfully told Tony to be careful, but to focus on the mission. I made it sound like he was being paranoid. No wonder he just dropped it." Jensen told the agents with regret in his voice.

Jensen knew he should have listened to Tony and taken what he said more seriously. He knew this, but there was nothing he could do about it now except get that bastard, Reynolds.

"I do know that Tony checked in the morning that he returned" Ziva answered in response to what the older agent told them, "He did not say anything about the suspicions he had about Captain Reynolds. In fact Tony seemed to be happy to be back and talking with Gibbs and Abby. Gibbs told us that he looked completely worn out and had cuts all over his hands and face but that he was okay."

"That was the night that Tony went to meet Reynolds buyers." McGee added trying to fit the pieces together.

"And by that time DiNozzo's cover had already been blown" Jensen answered as he threw his hands up in frustration "Tony knew and I didn't listen. He told me he felt it in his gut that his cover was blown and he wanted to get the hell out right away. At that point I thought it was Carlson's cover that was blown, he hadn't reported in for his sitrep in several days. Damn, I should have known it was Carlson who betrayed the mission and handed Tony over on a silver platter to Reynolds. He never thought what would happen to Tony at the time, all he could think about was the damn money!" Jensen's fist hit the table at his own stupidity.

"The base commander stated that he disliked Reynolds and thought him incompetent. He said that he had told his feeling to his boss, but nothing was done and so the base commander didn't mention it again." McGee stated when he saw how frustrated the older man was. He jumped when the man's fist had hit the table in anger. He could see the many fleeting emotions in the older F.B.I. agent's eyes.

McGee then continued. "The commander always thought that it was strange that there was little information about his background or personal life. There were only the required things all nice and neat. He did apologize for not pushing the issue with his higher ups. He hoped that Tony would able to give us more information. I had finished up with the base commander at the same time that Ziva had Tony's things ready to go. We left right away." McGee told them as he thought about what he had just said.

"I sure hope that Tony has something for us." Jensen answered back "I've thought about this and I'm telling you now. With all Reynolds has to lose he would tie up lose ends. Kill anyone who could make trouble for him. I bet that he has someone on DiNozzo right now." Jensen sighed at the thought.

"Do you really think so?" McGee asked with his face full of concern

Ziva's head snapped up. "That is what I would do if it were me."

Jensen answered at the same time but continued. "I do! Like I said he probably has someone already in place." Jensen replied as he thought, "Probably someone in close contact with Tony. Maybe an orderly or nurse who would make friends with Tony so he wouldn't suspect them." Jensen spoke out load as he thought and became more concerned.

"Tony's not safe alone." McGee stated and then explained what he was thinking, "I mean without protection he's an easy target. Maybe one of us should stay, to look out for him."

"I've got protection set up for after you leave" Jensen answered "I plan to have two agents at his door 24/7 to keep him safe. And I plan on spending as much time as I can with him myself. But I'll talk to Agent Gibbs and let him know what's going on and that I'm positive that Reynolds will try and return. Also that he will have that inside person in place, like I told you. That's why DiNozzo needs to know this, so he can watch out for himself. I do have another stack of case files to go through, but I will have him guarded." The F.B.I. agent assured the two NCIS agents.

Ziva and McGee settled down to the other table and tried to go through the boring case files, only Tony's safety was on their minds. They were all silent even though each agent was thinking about the one agent that needed protection and help. Each decided that if they read through the last of the case files they might find more insight into the man. That man Reynolds, who had caused them to launch a full scale global manhunt. Several hours later they finished going through all of the case files with no luck. The last file done, Agent Jensen told them to go finish their packing, get some rest and that he'd call them if any new leads came through.

BASE HOSPITAL

Gibbs sat in the hated hard back chair that was next to Tony's bed. He found his mind kept playing over and over like one of McGee's tape loops what had happened with Tony. He thought about how Tony would come in and out of consciousness the first few days and how the young man would slowly answer for the Nero checks. Yet he couldn't stay awake, the doctor's had told Gibbs this was normal. Then the thoughts went to how agitated Tony got when he woke for longer periods of time. The younger agent didn't seem right, he wasn't just agitated anymore he was filled with anxiety, his eyes filled with fear and then the sedatives would come to knock him out. Once again the doctor's told him that was normal for what happened to his senior field agent.

Gibbs sighed as he got up once again from that chair that felt like a trap. He stretched his back and legs before he walked to the window. He had gotten coffee the last time he stood up so he sipped the luke warm liquid as he thought. Now DiNozzo had gotten McGee to answer about them all leaving.

"Damn it," Gibbs whispered in frustration, "How am I going to deal with DiNozzo on this one?" He held himself in place with his palm on the window frame. He looked out into the sky and watched off in the distance the light show that was landing on another small town. Disgusted, Gibbs walked back to the chair. He shook his head and conceded to the fact he'd have to sit in it as he lower himself down.

Gibbs felt responsible for all of his team and guilty when he thought he had failed them and guilt was what he felt now. How did he let Leon get around him? He should have known by the way the damn director was acting that he was up to something. For Christ sakes he'd known Leon long enough.

The lead agent remembered that talk he and the director had, how he fought with Vance about sending DiNozzo back under cover. How he felt that DiNozzo wasn't ready, but that damn Vance had spoken to his senior field agent already. He wasn't surprised when Vance had said that DiNozzo had consented to the mission and by that time there was no way to pull him from it. He knew DiNozzo would run to that mission in order to escape the pain from the last mission and not see this until later on. By then it would be too late and this mission would be added to the pain of the last mission!

Why? Why hadn't he fought harder, demanded to have DiNozzo pulled from this mission due to the agent's frame of mind. He should have fought harder, should have at least made sure his team member was safe. Could he have found him faster, gotten to him faster?

Ducky had told him that he didn't fail Tony that he needed to end the way he thought and get on with it. That he'd needed to tell the truth to Tony and go from there. To support his injured agent and damn it that's what he was going to do. When Tony woke up he'd do what Ducky said and let Tony get it all out, see what he was feeling, thinking and then explain what happened to Tony. He hoped somehow Tony would see what really happened and they could settle things. He also knew he had to stay strong for Tony, yet show some compassion as he had in the past when his senior field agent would come to his basement.

Yeah, Gibbs was always there for his team, but Tony made the most trips to his basement for a drink, to talk and to find his answers. Gibbs would listen, make short to the point comments and that always seemed to help his young agent and his friend. He hoped doing it this way was the answer for Tony this time and for him.

Gibbs sighed and leaned back to wait for DiNozzo to wake up and to hear him out. He would follow the plan he had decided on with the help of his dear friend Ducky The ME was always very insightful on matters such as these. So he settled in to wait and hope.