AN: So...hi. I know it's been a really long time, and I'm terribly sorry. I don't want to give you excuses and make you hate me, so I'll just say that I'm sorry and I hope to resume a relatively normal updating rate- a chapter every one or two weeks. I just started school though so I literally cannot promise anything. I hope this makes up for some part of the wait I made you sit through, but I am sorry. Uh...Enjoy!

OOOOO

"Bilbo?" The Hobbit groaned as he slowly woke. His head was throbbing, and he couldn't even move his arms. What happened? Was he dead? He didn't think death would hurt, but his head really was aching. "Bilbo, wake up." That annoying voice coaxed, and something cold wiped across his brow. He didn't realize how cold he felt until it did. If he remembered his limited healers studies, that meant he had a small fever. Did dead people have fevers?

Slowly he managed to open his eyes, confused about his surroundings for a moment. It wasn't his chambers, so he had to be dead. But, it didn't exactly seem like the afterlife, based off the dark gray stone that made up everything. He thought the afterlife, especially as one of Yavanna's children, would be bright and colorful and that he would feel happy being there. This couldn't be the afterlife. Not to mention the faces that surrounded him. They certainly were not his mother and father.

Balin, Oin, Fili, Kili, and Thorin were standing around him. Oin was running a freezing cold rag over his skin and jotting down things on a piece of parchment as he watched Bilbo wake. Why were they here? He was supposed to be dead! He had tried so hard to die, to be with his mother! After all, she needed him. And he needed her. So why were the Dwarves here? Bilbo looked at them curiously before looking down at himself. He was in a blue sleep shirt and covered in a white blanket. And his arms were bandaged from his wrists to his elbows. They were also strapped to the sides of the bed he was laying in, preventing him from moving them.

"Wh-" He couldn't get his voice to work, only managing to get the first syllable of his question out. His throat was dry as a desert, and it ached almost as much as his head, once he tried to use it. Oin was immediately there, offering him a cup of water. The healer Dwarf helped him drink, since he couldn't move his arms at all. The water soothed his hurting throat enough that he thought he might be able to speak. But he didn't have the chance.

"What did you think you were doing?" Thorin demanded, and Bilbo finally realized that the King was glaring at him. Balin looked pained, and Fili and Kili held matching looks of sorrow. Oin for his part just remained emotionless as he cared for his patient. "You could have died." Thorin snarled again when Bilbo didn't say anything.

"That was the point." Bilbo whispered. Thorin looked angry enough to hit him, but Balin put his hand on the King's shoulder in an attempt to calm him.

"Bilbo, lad, we know you've been having a hard time since you found out about your mother. But you scared us nearly to death. Oin could only just save you. And you've been asleep for almost a week with a light fever." Balin explained. Bilbo felt a knawing sorrow eating up his insides. He had been so close! Everything could have, for once, gone as he wished it. What right did these Dwarves have forcing him to stay alive?!

"You should have just let me go." Bilbo murmured, closing his eyes tight to keep from crying. It didn't work, and a few tears slipped from his lids and down his cheeks as the sorrow continued its warpath through him. Kili accidentally let out a sharp sob, and Fili patted his shoulder, looking like he was only barely keeping himself from crying as well. "In case it escaped your notice, I have nothing to live for. Everything is gone. I can't keep living when every breath is a misery." Bilbo choked on the words, but forced them out.

A rough, calloused hand stroked down his cheek, wiping the tears off his skin. Bilbo remembered it, like he could ever forget it. Thorin's hands were tough, made from hard labor and time, but so gentle whenever they touched him.

"You asked me once if I was going to let you die, and I swore that I would never let that happen. I meant it." Thorin murmured before his hand disappeared. By the time Bilbo opened his eyes, the King was already walking away. Bilbo sniffled a little, trying to keep the majority of his tears away.

"Bilbo...we know you think you have nothing to live for...but what about us? Why can't we be something you live for?" Fili asked hesitantly after a few awkward moments. Bilbo didn't reply, he didn't even look like he'd heard Fili. Slow tears leaked from his eyes as he clenched his small hands and let them loose again. Fili glanced at Balin, who shook his head silently.

"Oin, you'll let us know if there's anything we can do?" Balin supplied, softly. The healer nodded with a small, sad smile and resumed what he was doing. Balin took one last long look at the tear stained face of Bilbo Baggins before leading the young princes of Durin out of the Hospital. For now they had to wait for Bilbo to heal physically. Before anything could be done to mentally heal him.

OOOOO

Dis had hardly left her room all week. She ate, though not much, and she entertained visitors, though with hardly any bravado to be seen. She was clearly worried, more than the others, except maybe Thorin. Even comforting visits from her real sons could not relieve the concern she felt for her surrogate son, who was still unconscious in the hospital wing. Oh Bilbo... if they had only acted sooner. It was all her fault that Bilbo almost died. If only she had done something...

"He's awake." Thorin said simply, and she turned her head to see her brother standing in the doorway to her sitting room. Dis let herself let go of the sigh she'd been holding in all week, one of relief and of heartbreak.

"How...how is he?" She hardly dared to ask. Based off the look on Thorin's face, it couldn't be good. He sighed as well and sluggishly walked to the chair across from his sister. He looked tired, impossibly so, but he was managing, as they all were.

"He regrets being saved. He's angry because we saved him." He admitted with a grimace. Dis closed her eyes for a long moment before rubbing them wearily. "I'll have to put him in a White Room." Thorin murmured tiredly. They had discussed the option before, while they were waiting for Bilbo to wake up. Neither of them really wanted it for the poor Hobbit, but it was evident the Hobbit was still suicidal, and thus needed the safety of the White Rooms.

"I hate this." Dis sighed. "Why did we tell him about his mother?"

"We couldn't exactly lie to him for the rest of his life. As much as I wish we could have." Thorin reminded her.

"I know. But how can we be so cruel as to force him to keep living when clearly it is against his wishes? After we promised not to hurt him anymore, we're causing him all this pain." She bemoaned, clenching her fists. Thorin leaned forward and put his hand over her balled up hands.

"We'll make this right Dis. Just as we planned to. It will take a long time, and a lot of effort, but I believe we are all agreed that he is worth it." She nodded softly, only looking partially convinced before slowly standing. Thorin watched her closely as she walked to the bookshelf across the room and selected a relatively small volume that he knew well. Balin used to read it to him as a Dwarfling, and after Erebor fell and their people were cast out, the elder Dwarf recited it from memory for young Dis and the other children. A small comfort.

"No time like the present." She said simply, still only looking half hearted at best. But Thorin gave her a small smile as encouragement and she nodded before walking out of the room. Thorin remained for a few moments, just staring at the wall as he contemplated what he knew he must do now. There were only a few White Rooms, most of them had yet to be recovered after Smaug's devastation. But there was one relatively close to the royal chambers, specifically for the Royal family, should the worst happen. He would make sure it was ready to receive a new inhabitant and then he would see Oin about when it would be best to move Bilbo to the room. As much as he didn't want to see the Hobbit even more miserable, he would rather Bilbo live now and hate him then die.

Finally he stood to go about his task, while Dis walked briskly to the hospital wing. Most Dwarves could only stare at her as she passed. Everyone knew she was in an emotional place at the moment, and they could all only assume she was headed to see the Hobbit. Thus no one wanted to get in her way. They gave her a large berth and stared as she resolutely marched on towards the infirmary.

Oin glanced up when Dis came into the room and sighed in relief. He had been waiting for the Princess to come visit Bilbo. He was beginning to get worried that she wouldn't come, that she would sink back into the depression that had nearly consumed her after her husband died. Bilbo was not her real son, but she cared for the Hobbit as if he was. That much was abundantly clear. He gave her a little smile, which she tried to return, and gestured towards the back of the infirmary. There were only three Dwarves in for the moment, minor working injuries that wouldn't take long to mend. Bilbo was separate from them, back in the quiet secluded part of the hospital wing.

The Hobbit was feigning sleep when Dis sat down, but the troubled crease between his brows as well as the slow leak of tears from his eyes told Dis he was not truly asleep. Rather than announce her presence, Dis opened the book in her hands and began to read.

Bilbo sniffled occasionally, but as Dis read, some of the tension left his body. He stopped crying and his clenched hands loosened. He still looked upset, but he also look exhausted. Within thirty minutes of reading, he no longer feigned sleep. He looked peaceful, considering the situation, and he rested deeply. Dis closed the book and put it on the table next to his bed for the next time she would come read to him. Then she leaned forward and kissed him on the forehead.

"It will be okay Bilbo. We just need to go one day at a time." She whispered to the sleeping boy before standing and leaving, looking a little lighter herself. Oin watched her go, his heart swelling with relief. Things weren't as bleak as they seemed. There was hope for them all yet.

OOOOO

Dis continued to visit Bilbo daily. They never talked about anything. She would read to him and he would listen silently, sometimes falling asleep and sometimes staying awake. She was his favorite visitor because she did not make him speak. She did not ask him questions that he had no desire to answer. And some days she would bring him flowers from his budding garden. He missed his garden, though not like he missed his mother.

He had been so close. Why couldn't they let him go? Why were they so obsessed with keeping him alive? He found himself growing increasingly resentful as the days went by. Even for Dis, who had only ever been kind to him. Especially to Thorin and Oin, who had kept him alive in the first place. The others in the infirmary would sometimes talk about it. The valiant King Thorin who's inner voice commanded him to check on Bilbo. In the dead of night, when no other would have even suspected for many hours to come. Bilbo had planned everything right, he had given himself plenty of time. But Thorin had ruined that for him, just as he had ruined everything from the very first moment they had met.

He also hated Smaug. Wherever the Dragon was, whatever he was doing, Bilbo hoped that it failed. He hoped the Dragon would be killed in some horribly ordinary fashion that did not mirror his supposed might. He hoped he suffered. None of this would have happened if he had only stayed in the Shire with his mother. He knew from the beginning that the Arkenstone could not be stolen. But he had come anyways and it had gained him nothing but grief and pain. Someday, Smaug would pay for that, at least Bilbo hoped so.

"You'll be moving from the infirmary today." Dis whispered as she stopped reading for the day. Bilbo reluctantly looked at her, which was a rare occurrence these days. "You're stable enough, though Oin will be placing you in casts to prevent further injury. Thorin will be in later to take you to your new room." She flinched at just the thought, and Bilbo did not miss it. He narrowed his eyes in suspicion, considering the possibility that the dungeon was to be his home once more. But surely Thorin wouldn't...

Dis sighed through her nose and nodded softly before putting her book down and leaving the infirmary. Bilbo stared at her empty seat for a long time before he let his eyes fall closed. Eventually he heard Oin shuffle over, and he felt the healer go to work. The elderly Dwarf changed his bandages and put on fresh ointment before beginning to lay wet plaster strips onto his arm. More and more and more were lain down and before too long, his arm was completely covered in the slimy strips. As Oin started on his other arm, Bilbo felt the plaster hardening, sealing his injuries away from his meddling fingers.

The second cast was almost dried when Thorin came for him. The King spoke in hushed tones with Oin for a few minutes, Bilbo staring blankly at the ceiling the whole time. And then Thorin was next to his bed, looking at him expectantly.

"Can you stand or do you require assistance?" He demanded, and Bilbo pointedly ignored him. He was not going to make this easy for the Dwarf, no matter what. Thorin would have to drag him to this new room, which had to be a prison of some sort. Why else would Dis react in such a way to the mere thought of it?

Thorin sighed at Bilbo's silence and quickly slipped his arms beneath the boy to hoist him into his arms. Bilbo hissed a little at the disruption. He'd been sitting in bed for so long, both before the attempt and after, that he was dreadfully sore being moved. Thorin didn't pay much heed to it. He frowned and then began walking. Bilbo kept his eyes closed as they went, trying to ignore the little whispers from Dwarves they passed. After a certain point, the whispers died out and Thorin's footsteps were the only pair he heard.

He cracked open one eye to look at the hall they were in. It was long and there was still rubble at the far end from when the Dragon took the mountain long ago. But the door Thorin stopped in front of was perfectly whole and made of solid white marble. The guard at the door opened the lock for Thorin and the king nudged the door open with his boot before setting Bilbo down on his feet. While the Hobbit hadn't stood by himself for quite some time, he forced his shaky legs to hold him just so he wouldn't have to depend so much on Thorin.

He glanced up at the Dwarf King, who tried to look impassive but his eyes told Bilbo that he was just as hesitant about this as Dis was. Bilbo used the doorway to hold on to as he took wobbly steps forward and looked at the room that was now to be his. He wasn't quite sure what to make of it, and as much as he wanted to give Thorin the silent treatment, he needed to ask.

"What is this place?" He asked quietly, taking another look around the pure white room. The walls appeared to be padded, quite densely too, and there was a thick white carpet on the ground, as well as the ceiling apparently. Bilbo took a moment to wonder just how they got the carpet up there, but soon turned his attentions to other things. There was no bed, only a mattress laying on the floor, with a white fur blanket and goose down pillows. And there were cupboards, but they were too high for Bilbo to reach. Other than that, the room was empty. It felt uncomfortable, to say the least.

"This is called the White Room. We used to use it for Gold Sick Dwarves or insane prisoners before Erebor fell. Now, it's your room." Bilbo turned to look at Thorin, his eyes wide. The Dwarf could not be serious. "There's nothing here you can hurt yourself with. Nothing remotely sharp, nothing poisonous, nothing that could be used for rope. The perfect room for someone like you." Thorin spat it out, and Bilbo flinched, hugging himself tightly as his stomach twisted.

"How long do I have to stay in here?" Bilbo whispered.

"Until you decide you want to live again." Thorin said simply. Bilbo pressed his lips together as the very thought of being forced to stay alive made him want to cry. "And don't think you can lie to me Bilbo Baggins. I will not stand for you hurting yourself, ever again. Am I understood?" Bilbo nodded, but didn't look at Thorin. "You will stay in this room, under lock and key, at night. And during the day you will be strictly observed and your free reign privileges have been limited to the library and the garden." Thorin went on, his voice hard as stone. Bilbo swallowed thickly and bit his bottom lip.

"You don't trust me." He whimpered. He already knew that, but saying it out loud, and having that fact glare him in the face in the form of this terrible white room...it was almost too much.

"No. I don't." Thorin agreed rather bluntly. "And to be frank, it will be a long time before I do again. If I hear of another attempt, you will be confined to the White Room all hours of the day. Am I understood?" Bilbo nodded again, but Thorin needed to hear him agree. "I said am I understood?!" He yelled, and Bilbo jumped. Thorin hadn't yelled at him since the dungeon. Funny how it felt just like back then.

"Yes!" Bilbo shouted back. Thorin grunted and turned to leave, doubting that Bilbo wanted his company for longer than strictly necessary. "Thorin." The Dwarf King stopped mid stride. "Why did you do it?"

"Do what?" He demanded gruffly.

"Why did you save me from dying? You finally could have been rid of me, the Arkenstone Thief, and you made Oin keep me alive." His voice shook, but only a bit. Thorin turned fully around to look at the painfully small boy.

"Because I'm in love with you. When I found you that night, I was terrified that you were already dead. I was terrified that I would lose you." He admitted, and Bilbo's eyes widened even more, if that were even possible. "I have never been so scared in all my life. I don't want to lose you Bilbo." Silence dominated the white room as Bilbo simply stared at Thorin, likely shocked by the revelation. After a painfully long and awkward moment, Thorin sighed and turned to leave again. Bilbo didn't stop him this time. And as the heavy marble door shut and locked, he felt more alone than he had ever felt before.

What was he going to do?

OOOOO

Dis couldn't bring herself to visit Bilbo in the White Room for a few days after he had been moved. For some reason it just felt so much worse to force the boy into such a cold, alienating room than it did to keep him tied up to a hospital bed. But eventually, with the little push from Thorin, she resolutely grabbed a book and trekked to the White Room to see her surrogate son.

Bilbo looked so small as the guard let her into the room. He wasn't on the floor level bed. He was curled up in a corner, looking miserable. He had been changed out of his blue sleep shirt into a white tunic and white pair of trousers. He probably wanted nothing more than to just melt into the wall or floor of the room and disappear all together. Dis felt her heart ache at the sight of him, just as she knew it would. She was a monster, allowing this to happen to him. But she, like Thorin and the company, was far too selfish to let Bilbo go. Not after she had grown so attached to him.

"Bilbo?" She whispered to get his attention. He peeked up at her from where his face was buried in his arms and then immediately hid his face again. It stung worse than Dis liked to admit, and she had a hard time convincing her feet to carry her further into the small room. She sat on his bed, but she hesitated to open the book and read. This was different, seeing Bilbo like this. It was hard enough seeing him in the infirmary, but at least there he was only miserable because he was alive. Here he was just as miserable, and additionally angry because he was being locked in a room that screamed how little he was trusted by the Dwarves.

She felt she didn't have the right to even be there, knowing that she was making him miserable. And she certainly felt that a story would not improve his mood at the moment. She honestly didn't know what she was thinking, coming here where she wasn't wanted. She could find nothing to say to him, not even an apology, because she somehow felt it wouldn't be accepted. If she were in his place, she doubted she would accept it.

She rose to go, cursing herself for coming in the first place, only to be stopped quite still in surprise when Bilbo started speaking to her.

"Thorin said he loves me." It was a weak voice that met her ears, drenched in misery and confusion, but it was the first time she'd heard him speak in what felt like years. She turned quickly, not even computing the words, too focused on the fact that Bilbo was finally speaking to her again. The Hobbit slowly looked up until just his eyes were peeking over his arms. He took in the look of surprise on her face, and cringed a little.

"He...he did?" Dis finally shook herself out of her stupor to answer Bilbo. She was a little shocked that Thorin had actually admitted it, her brother was incredibly stubborn, especially when it came to admitting his feelings for something. "How uh...are you upset about it?" She dared to ask, and Bilbo eyes flicked down to the ground.

"I...I don't know. No one has ever loved me before...except my parents..." He murmured from behind his arms. Dis felt her heart ache a little.

"Bilbo...you must know that we all love you. We've told you so many times... and I see you as my son. I hate to see you hurting so much. You think that you have nothing to live for...but Thorin and I and the company at large would mourn you until the end of our days if you were to die. Especially if it was by your own hands..." Bilbo's eyes flicked up again, looking at her for longer than he had in weeks.

"I miss her. I miss them both." He whimpered, and Dis could not control herself. She stumbled over and collapsed next to Bilbo, pulling him into her side and wrapping an arm around him.

"I know Bilbo. I know you do, and I'm so sorry. If I had the power, I would bring them back for you. But she is with your father and neither are suffering any longer. They will never suffer again. And they will patiently await you, praying that you will live a long full life and have plenty of good stories to tell when eventually you do join them. Most of all, I believe they will want you to find a good love to be able to introduce them to. I know, as a mother, that's all I wish for my children. For them to find love and happiness." Bilbo sniffled and then slow tears started to leak down his cheeks as he burrowed into Dis' embrace.

No more was said by either of them, but Bilbo was visibly lightly as he wept softly. He was still aching inside, still hating himself for failing to join his parents sooner. But for the moment he could accept this small comfort. Everyone needed comfort once in a while, after all.

OOOOO

AN: Okay, so I know it's a bit shorter than usual, but next chapter will be longer and it will either be next chapter or the one after that when Smaug will make his next appearance. Anyway, I'm so sorry it took so long, but I hope the chapter was to your liking. Feel free to leave comments, questions, death threats, angry accusations of mediocre writing abilities, encouragements, etc. etc. below in a review! Thank you for reading!