A/N: As I said at the beginning this is a short and sweet story, no deep plot, just romance and festive cheer. Happy New Year everyone, and thank you for reading. Dx
Christmas was fast approaching, and Sophie couldn't decide what to do for the holidays. In previous years she had always gone home to be with her parents but this year she really didn't want to see them. She was still feeling angry with them, her father especially, for not giving her more warning about her bonding to Severus, and she wasn't sure spending a few weeks at home with them was a good idea. Also, she had to admit that part of her didn't look forward to leaving Severus behind. She had become so used to seeing him every evening that she could no longer imagine not being with him.
At first it wasn't a problem. The Weasleys were spending Christmas at the school, as usual, so she knew that at least she would be with friends. But then something awful had happened. Their father, Arthur Weasley, was attacked at the Ministry of Magic and almost died. He ended up in St Mungo's Hospital and so of course the family and Harry Potter all went to be with him. Steph and Lee were both going home, too — in fact as far as Sophie was aware no one from the seventh year was staying apart from her — and she didn't really know many people outside her year, so she wasn't sure what sort of Christmas she would have on her own.
Obviously this was something Snape had considered, too. When they were relaxing after her homework one evening he asked, 'Have you decided yet what you're going to do about the Christmas holidays?'
'I thought I might stay at school,' Sophie admitted as she looked at the Potions Master, trying to gauge his reaction.
Snape nodded. 'I did wonder whether you might not want to go home . . . knowing that things aren't great at the moment between you and your father.' His dark voice was soothing, knowing he was touching on a tricky subject which they hadn't discussed since the evening of Sophie's birthday.
'I might be a bit lonely, though.' Her voice was quiet as if she was embarrassed to admit what she was saying. 'With the Weasleys not staying at school, I mean. Although of course I understand completely their need to be with their dad. I just don't really know any of the other people who are staying that well, as there's no one from my year.'
'Well, there aren't normally that many people who stay; last year was an exception because of the Triwizard Tournament. Usually there's only a handful of students so we all tend to dine at one table. The Headmaster loves it and makes everyone join in with the festivities.' Snape scowled for a moment as he thought about it. 'I'm sure you can sit next to me during meals if you can't find anyone better to talk to.' The scowl disappeared to be replaced with a grin, and Sophie smiled back at him. 'Obviously whatever you want to do the rest of the time is up to you, but I would be delighted to have the pleasure of your company whenever you wish it.'
Sophie hugged him tightly, as usual taking in his delicious smell, as she felt him gently stroking her hair.
'Have you spoken to your father at all?' Snape asked quietly, wondering whether he was right to broach the subject again and hoping he wouldn't upset Sophie by doing so.
'No!' The word was almost spat out. Still sounding angry, Sophie continued, 'He's made no effort to contact me since that letter he so kindly sent me the day before my birthday. Why should I contact him?'
'But what about your mother?' Snape queried.
'She hasn't contacted me either. I assume they've realised I'm not very happy with them. I don't see why I should chase after them when they didn't even have the decency to give me some warning about the bonding. It's not as if they didn't know it was coming. They had seventeen years to tell me.' Sophie's cheeks were flushed with anger.
Snape was concerned to hear that there had been no further discussion between Sophie and her family on what had happened to her. Surely they hadn't abandoned her completely to her fate, had they? He could feel her stiff within his arms, her anger making her tense, and continued to stroke her hair and trail his fingers down her back in an effort to soothe and calm her.
'Do you think they'll mind you not going home for Christmas?' he asked.
'Probably not. I'm sure they'll expect you to keep me here as I belong to you now.' Sophie tried to keep the bitterness out of her voice. Strangely she wasn't angry with Severus at all, just with her parents.
'Good,' Snape said honestly. 'In that case I insist you stay here with me for the holiday.'
Sophie looked at him, affronted, and couldn't help wondering whether something was about to change with their relationship. Apart from making her spend her evenings with him — and after the Fred incident Sophie completely understood why he had been so insistent — Severus had never made her do anything. He was always quite relaxed and was generally guided by her desires. But as she stared at him he smiled, showing that he was joking, and she relaxed a little, although part of her was glad that he wanted her to stay.
'Time for you go,' Snape told her after looking at his watch. 'I have hall duty tonight, and it's almost curfew anyway.' He kissed her, as usual, on the forehead, then followed Sophie out the door.
'Can you find out how Mr Weasley is for me, please?' she asked anxiously as they walked down the corridor towards the stairs.
'I'll see what I can do,' Snape promised. 'I'll see you in the morning. Sleep well.'
Christmas was, as Severus had said, a quiet affair with only a handful of students staying at the school. It seemed everyone was eager to get away from Professor Umbridge and her stupid rules that were taking over Hogwarts, so anyone who could get out had done so. When she woke on Christmas morning Sophie was surprised to find a large, brightly decorated stocking at the foot of her bed. She hadn't had one of those since she was a child.
Staying in bed, Sophie slowly opened the presents in the stocking, laughing when she found the traditional nuts and a satsuma. However, she didn't laugh when she saw some of the gifts that had been placed in there. Whoever her Santa was, he knew her very well and had somehow managed to give her things that she not only needed but wanted.
Of course she had a shrewd idea of who Santa was, but what she couldn't work out was how he had got the stocking to her. After all, he wasn't allowed into the girls' dormitories, at least not when they were in use; and surely, as a Slytherin Professor McGonagall wouldn't allow him into the Gryffindor common room, although she suspected her Head of House wasn't aware of her relationship with the Potions Master and Severus probably wanted to keep it that way.
However, somehow he had managed it, the gifts — sweets, quills and ink, parchments, books, and some lovely pieces of jewellery — put a big smile on her face and made her feel much happier about being stuck at Hogwarts for Christmas.
Sophie slowly bathed, enrobed herself in her favourite scent, and dressed, taking care to look her best as it was a celebration day. As she headed down to the common room she saw a pile of presents under the Christmas tree and headed over to check them out, knowing there were only a couple of other people in Gryffindor staying. A large box from the twins contained the usual assortment of goodies from their joke collection. Separate was a gift from Fred, a beautiful scarf and gloves set which she got a little tearful over when she opened it. Steph had bought her a bolero cardigan to go with the dress she had given her for her birthday, and Lee had bought her some earrings. There was nothing from her parents. Her heart sank a little at this but she shrugged it off and went downstairs to the Great Hall to get some breakfast.
Snape was there already, reading the newspaper as he ate. He looked up as she entered the room and gestured for her to come and sit next to him.
'Merry Christmas, Professor Snape,' she said, smiling at him.
'Merry Christmas, Miss Carter.' His reply was stilted as if he had trouble saying it.
'I take it you're not very keen on Christmas, then, sir?' Sophie enquired laughingly. 'More of a Bah Humbug?'
'Actually, I rather enjoy Christmas,' Snape said smoothly. 'It gives me a break from most of the dunderheads that I have to teach all year.'
Sophie laughed. 'Well, I'm afraid you're stuck with me this year, sir,' she said with a wink. 'By the way, thank you for the stocking. It was wonderful,' she added quietly.
'I have absolutely no idea what you're talking about,' Snape said blandly, but that secret smile was appearing again and she knew he was kidding with her.
They spent the rest of breakfast pleasantly enough. Snape asked Sophie what presents she had received and she told him. He looked a little concerned when she admitted her parents hadn't sent her anything but she shrugged it off, saying she wasn't bothered. She asked him about his presents and he told her about the couple of items he had received. Sophie felt bad that he had received so little and a little guilty that she had only bought him a token gift when he had given her so much, but he assured her that he was perfectly content with his haul, pointing out that he had only received gifts from people he liked and had got exactly what he wanted.
After breakfast they wrapped up warmly and went for a walk around the lake, having a snowball fight of their own before making their way back to the castle for the official before-lunch fight, during which all the Gryffindors and Hufflepuffs battled the Slytherins and Ravenclaws, the remaining teachers splitting evenly on each side. The Headmaster was apparently the referee, but the crafty old man attacked everyone who got within range.
Lunch in the seasonally decorated Great Hall was a much more pleasant experience than Sophie had expected. There were only about thirty people, including teachers, and as Severus had said, Sophie got to sit next to him. She had to laugh as she noticed that none of the other students wanted to sit near him but all desperately tried to find places elsewhere. She received several looks of gratitude when she purposely sat down next to him. The best part was that the loathsome Professor Umbridge had fortunately chosen to go elsewhere for the holiday and so the meal was fun, light-hearted and full of cheer.
It wasn't long before Sophie realised that Severus had been accurate in his assessment of the Headmaster's love of Christmas. He celebrated to the full, encouraging everyone around the table to pull crackers and wear the stupid hats that were found within. He had replaced his usual pointy hat with a large pirate one and a matching eye patch and laughed uproariously whenever anyone read out one of the corny jokes from their cracker. Sophie was glad that she got a rather pretty crown in her cracker, although she had to laugh when Severus got a matching crown in his. The Headmaster's eyes sparkled as the Potions Master scowled deeply.
'Put it on, Severus,' the Headmaster roared, laughing, and although Snape looked mutinous he did as he was told.
'Now we really look like a couple — the King and Queen of Hogwarts,' Sophie whispered to him as they waited for their food to arrive. She saw Severus' eyes widen as if panicked by this idea and wondered, for what she realised was the first time, if maybe he was as unhappy about the bonding as she was.
Except that she wasn't really unhappy about it any longer. Having spent so much time getting to know the taciturn teacher, she had got used to being with him. No . . . actually if she was honest she really enjoyed being with him and even liked the physical closeness they shared when they were together on the sofa.
Sophie always felt comforted and safe when the Potions Master had his arms around her and the idea that he might not be happy about the bonding was a bit of a shock. She had always assumed he wanted her as his lover, but of course hadn't he said that first night that if he could have freed her without consummating the relationship he would have done it?
As she thought about it further she realised that this had to be the case, as neither of the choices he had given her actually involved having a romantic relationship with him. Either she could have the current friendship or she could have the more intimate one and then be set free. Was there no chance for both?
'What's the matter?' Snape whispered, seeing her face fall.
'Nothing.' Sophie concentrated on her food, not wanting to talk just at that moment. Her thoughts about the bonding and the choices she faced were making her a little maudlin.
'Are you thinking about your parents?' he asked warily, assuming this was why Sophie's mood had taken a tumble.
'I'm trying not to,' Sophie said.
She was more upset than she wanted to admit that her parents hadn't bothered to send her anything for Christmas or even make an effort to contact her. Even a card would have shown that they still cared about her. However, if they didn't want to know her then so be it; she wasn't going to chase them.
Sophie looked up to see Severus looking at her in concern. She smiled wanly at him to tell him not to worry. As she glanced away she saw the Headmaster looking thoughtfully at the pair of them. That suddenly gave her another thought. Did the Headmaster know about her and Severus? She had never really thought about who else might know about the arrangement, but of course there was no way he would have kept it a secret from the Headmaster, especially if he was as unhappy about it as she now suspected he was.
Dumbledore smiled at her. 'Cheer up, my dear,' he said brightly. 'I'm sure it can't be that bad.'
'I'm fine,' Sophie replied, smiling as brightly as she could manage. The smile soon became a laugh when the Headmaster waved his wand and a sprinkling of rainbow-coloured glitter dust rained down on the table, covering everyone, and Severus, now covered in a particularly large amount, scowled deeply once again.
Once the meal was over, Sophie and Snape slowly made their way back to his quarters to spend a leisurely afternoon playing chess and sleeping off the massive lunch. Sophie's chess skills had progressed considerably under Snape's tutelage and she was now able to provide him with a fairly challenging game. The afternoon went quickly and it was soon time for them to return to the Great Hall for dinner, although neither of them was particularly hungry.
As they walked down the corridor, Snape said, 'I'm sorry your parents didn't contact you today, Sophie.' His dark voice was full of sympathy.
'It doesn't matter.' Sophie tried to keep the pain out of her voice.
As the day had gone on, the hope that her parents were for some reason merely delayed in contacting her had ebbed away, leaving only the stark realisation that they wanted nothing to do with her. Had they disowned her now she was with Severus? Did they think she was merely his property so they had given up all interest in her?
Snape knew Sophie was trying hard to be brave and decided he was going to write to her father and give him a piece of his mind. He was still unhappy that the man hadn't informed his daughter of her fate earlier, and it appeared that now she had turned eighteen he was trying to pretend she didn't exist. Sophie didn't deserve to be treated in such a callous fashion. However, for the time being, he knew he should drop the subject in case she got more upset. He hated it when she cried; he always felt so helpless.
Sophie saw the expression on Severus' face and felt warmth spread through her. He obviously cared about her enough to be annoyed on her behalf, and for some reason that made her feel good.
Dinner was a far less formal affair, a party of sorts, with a buffet set up on the teachers' table. The Headmaster had even allowed butterbeer to be served. Sophie saw Snape grimace as he took a swig of the drink, and she laughed.
'Why are you drinking it if you don't like it?' she asked him.
'For the same reason you always end up having a lemon drop when you visit Albus' office – because he wants you to have it and suffer,' Snape replied grumpily.
'Give it here,' Sophie said sympathetically and went to swap goblets. 'I've finished mine. I rather like it.'
'I don't want you getting drunk,' Snape said jokingly.
'Oh, I see. You're quite happy for me to drink wine and strong spirits but not to have two glasses of butterbeer,' she countered, smiling at him.
'Hmm, you're right,' he replied laughingly, and swapped goblets.
During the course of the evening Sophie talked to everyone in the room. By the time she left the party she had agreed to mentor one of the first years, a Hufflepuff boy who was having difficulties with his studies. Once she conversed with the Headmaster her glass was empty again and he refilled it, laughing as they noticed Snape watching her.
'Severus told me your parents haven't contacted you or sent you a present,' Dumbledore began, sounding sympathetic. 'I'm very sorry to hear that, Sophie. It is a shame that they have decided to abandon you.' His normally twinkly blue eyes looked more grave than usual.
'I'm fine, sir,' Sophie said honestly. 'To be honest, I think Severus is more upset about it than I am. I was annoyed that they didn't bother giving me more warning in the first place, so I didn't really want to see or speak to them anyway.'
'Yes, Severus has rather taken against your father, I think.' Dumbledore looked briefly at Snape again before turning his attention back to Sophie. 'So how are you and our somewhat taciturn Potions Master getting along?' he asked interestedly.
'Actually, rather well.' Sophie smiled and glanced quickly at Snape before returning her gaze to the Headmaster. 'He's a much more interesting and complex man than I had ever realised, although he is a bit dark and brooding. I really do enjoy his company, though.'
'Yes, Severus is rather deep, but he has a lot on his plate. Try not to judge him too harshly, Sophie.'
'I don't, but I do think he judges himself too harshly sometimes. He can be so pleasant, and when he smiles it's a real joy. But he does it so rarely. If only he smiled as much as he scowled, people would realise that he's not such a bad man . . . even if he does hate Gryffindors.'
'I don't think Severus hates you, and you are most certainly a Gryffindor.' Dumbledore smiled. 'And do you not think he uses the scowl as a shield, to prevent people from getting too close?'
'I think you're right,' Sophie agreed wistfully. 'He definitely isn't interested in relationships, that's for sure.'
'What makes you say that?' Dumbledore asked curiously.
'Sir, I assume, as we're talking about it, that you know about the bond between Severus and me?' Sophie looked intently at the Headmaster and he nodded briefly. 'Well, when he gave me the choice of ways in which to conduct our relationship, none of them actually involved having an intimate relationship with him for longer than one night.'
Dumbledore looked at her with interest. 'What choices did he give you?' he asked quietly.
'There were two,' Sophie said a little unhappily. 'Either for us to consummate the bond on that first night, on my birthday, and to then be released of any further commitment to him, or to not consummate, in which case I would be unable to have a relationship with anyone else until consummation takes place. I obviously chose the latter to begin with because I certainly wasn't ready for such intimacy with anyone, let alone Severus—' Sophie broke off for a moment, looking thoughtful.
Dumbledore watched her carefully, not saying anything.
'Recently Fred Weasley and I have become quite close.' She looked again at Dumbledore. 'Although we're not a couple,' she added quickly, not sure who she was trying to reassure. 'When he found out, Severus gave me the opportunity once again to get out of the bond, but I turned him down. The thing is, sir, I enjoy being with Severus . . . .' She trailed off, not quite sure where her thoughts were headed or whether she should be admitting her feelings to the Headmaster.
Dumbledore patted her hand kindly. 'Christmas is a wonderful time, don't you think?' he asked, appearing to change the subject completely. 'Such a magical time. Amazing the strange things that happen over Christmas.' He smiled at Sophie, then excused himself to go and talk to Professor McGonagall.
Sophie moved toward Severus, who was standing on his own near one of the Christmas trees after talking to Professor Flitwick about his decorations. She smiled at him.
'Are you having a really awful time?' she asked worriedly.
'Yes,' Snape's dark voice was blunt. 'I've always hated this part of Christmas Day, and Albus knows it.' He scowled deeply at the Headmaster although he was aware it would have no effect. 'You were having a good chat with him,' he continued casually. 'And I see you're back on the butterbeer again.' His eyebrows rose sardonically.
'Yes, we were talking about my parents,' Sophie said. 'I was just telling him I didn't care if I never spoke to them again.'
'I'm sure that's not true,' Snape said soothingly. 'I know you're angry with them, but once you calm down—'
'At the moment it's true,' Sophie interjected. 'Anyway, I'm having a much better time here with you than I would have done at home. It's just a shame you're not enjoying it, too.' She looked at him playfully and then said, 'Shall we get out of here? If we go back to your rooms you can have a proper drink and not have to force yourself to drink more butterbeer.' She winked at him. 'I'm sure the Headmaster won't miss us, nor will anyone else.'
And so the two of them slowly worked their way to the door of the Great Hall and made good their escape, unnoticed by everyone except the Headmaster, who just smiled his brightest, twinkliest smile ever before turning back to his companions and rejoining the conversation.
As they walked down the dungeon corridor toward Snape's quarters they came across the Bloody Baron, who was looking his usual fierce self.
'Ah, Severus! A very merry Christmas to you, my fine fellow,' he blustered. 'And to you, too, young Miss,' he continued, giving Sophie a low bow.
'Merry Christmas to you, too, Baron,' Sophie said politely, noticing that Snape growled the sentiment almost under his breath.
'Are the festivities over?' the ghost asked, sounding disappointed. 'I was just heading towards the Great Hall.'
'No, the party is still going strong. We had just had enough and wanted some peace and quiet,' Snape said, his dark, rich voice full of meaning.
The Baron smiled at them. 'Well, I shall go and join the fun. Have a good evening.'
With that he floated away up the corridor.
Sophie continued towards Snape's study but suddenly realised that he wasn't with her. She turned to look at him and saw that he was still in the same place and was scowling deeply.
'What's the matter?' she asked, suddenly worried that she had somehow managed to upset him without realising.
He gestured towards the ceiling. 'Mistletoe,' he said mournfully. 'I can't move. It's trapped me.'
Sophie stared at the look of misery on the Potions Master's face for a moment and suppressed the urge to laugh. She had heard about mistletoe although she had never been fortunate, or unlucky enough, depending on which way you looked at it, to be stuck underneath it. A person caught under the mistletoe could only be released by a kiss from an eligible partner. Poor Severus was stuck there until someone kissed him. As she looked at him she knew that Severus saw the mistletoe as a curse. But for her, she suddenly realised, it was a blessing.
Moving forward rapidly, she wrapped her arms around Snape and pressed her lips to his, at first with sweet gentleness and then with more pressure as the kiss deepened. Snape, taken by surprise, was at first too shocked to do anything but succumb to the kiss. However, he soon recovered his equilibrium and snaked his arms around Sophie, pulling her closer to him, and the kiss turned more passionate as they explored each other's mouths.
Sophie felt a tingle down her spine as the kiss intensified. It was like nothing she had ever felt before — way more exciting than the kisses she had shared with Fred. Surely it couldn't just be because of the mistletoe, could it? She pressed herself closer to Severus and gave herself completely to the magical kiss.
Finally they pulled apart, and Snape gently caressed her face before once again grabbing her to him, their lips meeting once more. How long they stood there Sophie wasn't sure but by the time they finally parted, now both eager to reach Snape's quarters, her lips were tender from the kissing. As they hurried hand in hand towards Snape's study she suddenly thought of Dumbledore's comment about strange things happening at Christmas and wondered if this had something to do with him.
Upon entering his quarters Snape headed straight for the drinks cabinet to pour proper drinks for both of them. He needed to be away from Sophie for a moment so he could think. When he had found himself trapped under the mistletoe it hadn't occurred to him for one second that Sophie would even consider freeing him.
When she kissed him he was completely surprised, and he was even more amazed when the kiss wasn't purely a peck for the sake of freeing him, as it could so easily have been. The final astonishment was that she didn't pull away when he kissed her back, but instead seemed to hunger for more kisses which he was more than happy to provide. What he didn't know was what this meant. She had already told him earlier that she was happier with him than with her parents, but he still wasn't sure where this left them.
What he wanted was to take her in his arms again and kiss her as many times as he could get away with, but if he was honest that wasn't all he wanted. How many times had he enjoyed the feeling of Sophie in his arms, her body pressed against his as they relaxed after a long and busy day, his mind conjuring thoughts that were entirely inappropriate given her view on their bonding?
But from the indications he had received so far this evening he thought it possible that he could attempt to take things further with her without fear of being rebuffed. Sophie was a beautiful young woman and his desire to make love to her had never been more pronounced than at this very moment. But maybe, for him, tonight was not the best time to press his suit . . . although he knew that even thinking this was selfish.
He stared at the bottle of cognac in his hand, aware that he was stalling.
In the end it all boiled down to how selfish he was, as was always the case. He had to think rationally to ensure he did what was right, not what was best for him. That Sophie had enjoyed her day more with him wasn't a testament to her desire to be with him but a certainty borne of the fact that she was unhappy with her family for what they had done to her, and surely anything would be better than being with them at the moment.
If he and Sophie continued in the way he so wanted, his final Christmas gift to her would be her freedom from him, the breaking of the bond that had caused her so much hurt and disappointment over the last few months. But this was where his selfishness came in. He now didn't want to break the bond.
Although initially as opposed to the bond as Sophie had been, Snape had very quickly come to enjoy the time he spent with her, finding a peace and in many ways a life far different to the one he had lived up until that point. Yes, she was young — in truth, too young for him probably — but even in the short time they had been together she had given his life a purpose and he could honestly say that she had made him a better person.
He was generally more tolerant now and less inclined to melancholy; she had brightened his life in so many ways, and he didn't want to lose her. But was it fair of him to hold back from giving Sophie the freedom she wanted just because he didn't want to let her go? Of course it wasn't.
If she had readied herself for what needed to be done to gain the freedom she so wanted, it wasn't fair of him to withhold that freedom just because he needed her. He poured two measures of the amber liquid then added another large slug to his glass before slowly turning back to Sophie, forcing his no longer quite so happy face into a smile.
Sophie, who was sitting on the sofa, wondered why it was taking Severus so long to pour the drinks. Her heart was racing after the wonderful kisses they had shared in the corridor and she was hoping they would continue now that they were somewhere less public.
But instead he dashed away to get drinks, seeming eager to be away from her, and didn't return. She glanced at his back, smiling tenderly as she thought of how pathetic he had looked trapped under the mistletoe. It revealed his more vulnerable side, his warmer and more caring side that he rarely showed to anyone, not even her, and it made her want him even more.
But that left her with the same problem she had discussed with the Headmaster, and just the thought of it made her want to cry. Against all odds, what her parents had done to her had opened her up to potentially the most wonderful relationship of her life — but she wasn't going to be allowed to have it. Severus had been quite clear about his choices, made, she could now see, because he wanted the bond as little as she originally had, and neither one of those choices was going to make her happy.
Sophie now longed for a more intimate relationship with him but couldn't allow it to happen because she couldn't face the idea of not being with him any longer. However good that one night of passion might be, it could never make up for spending the rest of her life separated from the man she had slowly come to realise she was falling in love with.
Once she realised how her feelings towards Severus had changed, Sophie had begun to hope that a third way might present itself; that Severus could be persuaded to give her the physicality she now desired but would keep the bond intact afterwards. But any gentle attempts by her to move the conversation in that general direction over the previous week or so had ended with Severus bad-temperedly announcing that the terms were quite clear and set in magic as if he believed she was trying to trick him into freeing her.
Sophie had been disappointed at the time, but now realised his anger was because he didn't want anything more with her than he had already agreed to and wasn't willing to discuss it further. She had tried to remain hopeful that eventually Severus would realise he wanted her as a lover just as much as she wanted him, and hopefully sooner rather than later, but after her epiphany today she wasn't so sure it would ever happen.
Then that perfect opportunity to kiss him had arisen, but just when things seemed to be going so well he had retreated from her again — although that was probably a good thing under the circumstances. Sophie's desire for Severus was now so great that had he decided to move things on she would have gone with it, caught up as she was in the moment and the romance of the kissing, and in doing so she would have lost everything.
At least with his distance, Sophie could now be more circumspect about it, and despite what she wanted deep down in her heart she could at least retain the friendship that she cherished more than anything else in her life.
Sophie was just wondering what Severus was thinking about when he finally turned round to join her, two rather full glasses of cognac held under a somewhat fake smile. He moved to sit next to her on the sofa and passed her the less full of the two glasses, then without a word took a large gulp of his drink. His smile disappeared, to be replaced by a rather wistful look.
'Better than butterbeer,' he announced, raising the glass before taking another large mouthful of the drink.
'Somewhat more alcoholic, though,' Sophie pointed out.
'True, but it's Christmas, so what the hell, let's let our hair down.' He grinned at her and took another, smaller sip.
'The Headmaster certainly does love Christmas, doesn't he?' Sophie said. She tried to relax, aware that things were definitely not as comfortable between them as they usually were. He wasn't holding her, for a start, and it seemed strange and cold.
Snape gave a huge snort of derision. 'The man's a bloody menace, especially with those ridiculous hats. It's a wonder he doesn't go the whole hog and get us all into fancy dress.'
'I really liked our crowns, though,' Sophie replied honestly. 'I thought they were quite classy, especially compared to what everyone else had to wear.' She gazed at Snape and smiled. 'It was nice that they matched, as well. I wonder if that was a coincidence.'
'I don't believe in coincidences — not when bloody Albus Dumbledore is involved,' Snape growled before taking another sip of his drink.
Sophie thought of the mistletoe and wondered again whether the Headmaster had anything to do with it.
'Where does mistletoe come from?' she asked, looking intently at Snape.
He shrugged. 'It's a plant but it has magical properties, hence its ability to trap people under it.'
'But how was it in the corridor?' Sophie pushed. 'Does it just appear or did someone put it there?'
Snape grunted. 'It was probably Albus thinking he was being funny.'
Sophie smiled. 'Well, whoever it was, I'm glad they put it there.'
Snape looked at her in surprise. 'I have to admit I was a little surprised that you released me,' he admitted, his voice gruff.
'Why wouldn't I release you?' Sophie asked, sounding confused. She put her drink on the coffee table in front of her.
Snape shrugged. 'I'm aware that I'm not exactly at the top of anyone's kiss list, Sophie. It would have been quite embarrassing had you not taken pity on me and released me.'
'I wasn't taking pity on you, Severus,' Sophie told him honestly. She moved closer to him, their faces now only an inch apart. 'I just wasn't giving anyone else the opportunity to move in on you.'
Snape gave a small, bitter chuckle. 'Not much chance of that, I think. I am not as desirable as you paint me.'
'Oh, I don't know about that. I think you're extremely desirable,' Sophie whispered as she closed the gap between them, her lips meeting Snape's in another soft kiss.
Snape's heart was pounding in his chest. She had initiated the kissing once more, presumably as a prelude to breaking the bond, and he didn't know what to do next. He wanted her so much, wanted to keep kissing her forever, wanted to pick her up and carry her through to his bedroom and lay her down beneath him on his bed, and . . . but that would be the beginning of the end for them, would be the end of the life he had begun to enjoy so much, would be . . . what Sophie wanted.
He hesitated for a moment before wrapping his free arm around her, then pulled her close as they continued to kiss, knowing that he would never deny Sophie her chance at freedom regardless of his desires. At least she would be his for tonight and he would strive to make it as perfect as he could, would attempt to show her that he was capable of being caring; that she meant so much more to him now than just being his property because of a stupid debt.
As the kiss came to an end he moved slightly to place his own glass on the table and then took Sophie in his arms once more, his lips seeking out hers for more of those wondrous kisses.
They had lain on the sofa together kissing for quite some time when Snape realised that he was going to have to be the one to move things on. While Sophie had obviously prepared herself for what was going to happen and had initiated the kissing, it seemed she wasn't quite brave enough to follow through.
His hands had been moving, caressing her while they kissed, as had hers — although never moving anywhere too exciting — but he couldn't keep doing this without needing something more. It was time to free Sophie from the bond so she could go back to her life, and to a relationship with Fred Weasley, no doubt.
Snape brought the latest kiss to an end and moved to pick her up, knowing the time was now. His entire being was a maelstrom of emotions. He wanted to make love to Sophie so badly it hurt, but at the same time the idea of losing her was almost tearing him apart. Why had he said he would release her once they made love? Why hadn't he made her understand that she belonged to him for eternity?
But even as he cursed himself he knew why he had done it. It was an escape route for him, too. He hadn't wanted to be saddled with a young lover he would be stuck with forever. One night of passion was enough to satisfy the magic that bound them, then they could be separated. He had wanted it as much as Sophie at the time, but over the months they had spent together his view had changed.
For a moment Snape considered that he could have what he wanted. Regardless of what they had agreed, Sophie was only free if he said she was. He could refuse to release her, renege on his promise. For a moment his heart soared at the thought but then it crashed. A dark and painful feeling settled on him as he realised how despicable the thought was. Sophie wanted to be free, and he had promised her that she need only spend one night with him to achieve that. He couldn't break that promise or he would prove himself to be every bit as bad as she had thought him to begin with.
'What are you doing?' Sophie asked, her voice quiet but troubled. She was sure she knew but needed to make sure things didn't go too far for her to be able to stop the breaking of the bond.
'I want to make love to you so much,' Snape told her honestly, his voice gentler than she had ever heard it. 'I want to take you to bed and—'
'No!'
Sophie, panicked by the impending end of their relationship, struggled to get out of his arms as, shocked by her knockback, Snape dropped her back onto the sofa. With a nasty scowl back on his face, he snatched up his glass and stormed over to the drinks cabinet, his heart thudding at the unexpected rejection.
He didn't understand what was happening. Sophie wanted to be freed. She had made that more than clear. He couldn't understand how he might have misread the situation; that was what all the kissing had been about. But surely if she was so desperate to get away from him, if he was so completely loathsome to her, she wouldn't have stopped him . . . unless she really couldn't bring herself to do it, to get physically intimate with him at all, despite her desire to be free.
Sophie was shaking as she realised what she had just done. She was sure Severus didn't understand why she had stopped him from taking her to bed, because in reality, she wanted it at least as much as he did. She had upset him with her reaction, the expression on his face was a testament to that, and once again she felt like crying. Perhaps if she tried to explain it to him he would understand and maybe . . . just maybe . . . .
She stood and moved towards him, touching his arm gently as with a slightly shaking voice she said, 'Severus, I'm so sorry.'
Snape swallowed deeply, pushing his pride deep inside as he turned to face her.
His voice was stiff as he replied, 'You have no need to apologise, Sophie. It's I who should be apologising to you. I'm aware that you have no romantic feelings for me and have expressed no interest in ending our bond, but I'm afraid the kisses rather clouded things for me. I obviously saw something that wasn't there. I apologise most profusely and can assure you that in future there will be no physical contact between us unless you expressly request it.'
Sophie stared at him unhappily, feeling the tears prickling her eyes. She was aware from the stiffness of his voice that she had badly hurt Severus although she hadn't meant for it to happen. She reached out and took his hand, which he gave only reluctantly, and stroked it gently with her fingertips before bringing it up to her lips and kissing it.
'It's not that I don't want to make love to you,' she explained, as Snape looked at her with confusion. 'I do. I want it more than anything I've ever wanted in my life, Severus. I burn with desire for you, but it can't happen. I don't want to lose you.' She could feel the tears sliding down her cheeks now but was unable to do anything to stop them.
'Lose me? But why would you—' Snape began, sounding even more confused.
'Because you only gave us two choices in this relationship,' Sophie cried, cutting him off. 'Either I can have you only as a friend and I get to stay near you, or I can make love to you once but then I'll lose you forever.' She shook her head. 'I can't lose you forever, Severus. I'm in love with you, so I have no choice but to stay as your friend.'
'You're in love with me,' Snape repeated, sounding astonished. Then he frowned. 'But how did this happen?'
'How do you think it happened?' Sophie asked vehemently. 'I've spent so much time with you since the bond became effective that I've got to know you really well. You're nothing like I thought you were. The mean, scowling visage that you project to the world is just an act, designed to keep people from getting close to you. That's not who you are inside, not the man I've come to know and love.
'It built gradually, starting with respect, and moved to desire. Whatever you may pretend to be, I know that really you're wonderful, Severus, and deep down you're kind — the choices you gave me when you could quite easily have forced me into a relationship with you proved that. It's just unfortunate that what I wanted then and what I want now are two completely different things, and neither of your choices fit.'
She wiped away her tears and gave a small, embarrassed laugh as she added, 'Because I was so upset about what my parents had done to me I was too selfish to think about how you felt about the bond. I naturally assumed that you wanted me as your lover, that your refusal to free me was because you were determined to tie me to you regardless of what you said about freeing me.
'But I've come to realise that you didn't want the relationship any more than I did, you were just bound to the legality of it the same as me. Recently I began to think . . . no . . . hope . . . that your feeling towards me had changed over time, as mine had for you, and that you wanted me, too, enough to offer another choice — one where we have the intimacy but then get to stay together. But I know now that isn't the case.' She stared at Snape, her eyes glittering with tears. 'I'm sorry, Severus, I know it's selfish but I can't be as generous as you. I can't give you freedom from the bond, I can't give you up. Not at the moment.'
Snape tried to process Sophie's words. A strange rushing feeling of delight spreading through him as realisation dawned. He could keep her! He could take her to bed and do all those things he had been thinking about almost since she had first come to him — and he could keep her afterwards. He could have this relationship that made him happier than he had been for years: he just had to say the words.
But then, just when he thought he would explode from joy, he was brought down to earth with a bump. He had a job to do, a dangerous job and one he had always known would probably end with his death. He was a spy for the Order of the Phoenix, a double agent entrenched in Voldemort's camp, providing Albus with useful information with which to defeat the megalomaniacal wizard.
A relationship with Sophie, as wonderful as it would no doubt be, would be dangerous, especially for her. If it was true that she was in love with him, the kindest thing he could do would be to free her, to send her away from him and his dangerous life, however much he didn't want to. He closed his eyes, breathing deeply as he tried to gird himself for what he knew he needed to say.
Sophie's hand squeezed Snape's as she tried to work out what he was thinking. She had thought that after her confession she had seen something in his face, something that made her heart race with hope. But just as suddenly it disappeared, to be replaced by an expression she didn't like the look of. Had she annoyed him with her refusal to break the bond and now he was going to cast her away anyway? Was he going to deny her the chance to even stay with him as a friend? The idea that he might insist on that was unbearable.
'I'm sorry, Severus,' she said in a small voice.
Seeming to suddenly realise she was there only at the sound of her voice, Snape stared at her with a frown.
'What are you sorry for?'
Sophie swallowed hard as she felt tears spring into her eyes again. How could she explain to Severus how much her feelings for him had changed, how she would do anything to take back what had just happened between them to keep them together because she could tell from the look on his face that he was going to send her away and she knew, just knew, that if he did that she wouldn't be able to bear the pain?
She wouldn't be able to see him every day knowing she could never touch him, never kiss him; that she wouldn't even be able to speak to him outside of lessons. The thought made her cold and scared but she couldn't explain all of this to him without making herself seem even more pathetic than he obviously already thought she was. Instead, she hung her head, her fingers wiping her eyes as she tried desperately to stop the tears.
Snape stared at Sophie, the pain in his heart growing as he watched her start to cry. He had no idea what she was saying she was sorry for — was she apologising for falling in love with him? That thought almost made him laugh bitterly, but he managed to stop himself for fear of upsetting her further. It was ridiculous that she should feel she had done something wrong when she had been thrust unknowing and unwilling into this situation in the first place.
But what right had he to hurt her so when her feelings for him had evolved in the same way as his had for her? Sending her away wouldn't make things better for either of them, he suddenly realised. It would just make them both unhappy . . . would make him unhappier than he had been for a long time, and it wouldn't solve anything.
He thought again about his work for the Order of the Phoenix. Yes, it was dangerous, but then war was coming and soon it would be dangerous for everyone. That didn't stop anyone else from finding and grabbing hold of love. Surely he deserved some happiness, too, didn't he?
After all this time, surely he had made amends for the terrible betrayal of his beloved Lily, and he knew she wouldn't begrudge him some happiness with Sophie. There was still the problem of her young age, which would surely cause a few eyebrows to raise once it was known that they were a couple; but if Sophie was content, why should he worry about what other people thought? She was the only one whose opinion he cared about.
Like a great black raincloud lifting from his shoulders, Snape realised that this could work between them. The time they had spent getting to know each other had created a solid foundation upon which they could build a relationship. He could finally be happy, but he had to act quickly. Sophie had stopped crying now and was staring at him, waiting for him to say something, looking for reassurance. He grabbed her hands and pulled her towards him until there were only a few inches between them.
'Sophie, I don't want you to be bonded to me,' Snape said gravely. He held tightly to her as he looked deep into her eyes desperately wanting her to understand what he was saying.
'I know,' Sophie replied unhappily. 'But—'
'Please, love, let me finish,' Snape said, stroking her hands. 'I don't want our relationship to be because of the bond. I don't want there to be any suggestion that the bond is the only reason we're together.' He brought her hands to his lips and kissed each one gently. 'Let's get rid of the bond and start again — a whole new relationship built on love and respect — a bond of love, not one of duty.'
Sophie looked at him with astonishment, her heart beating faster with hope as she realised what Severus was suggesting.
'You don't want to get rid of me?' she whispered wonderingly.
Snape shook his head and released her hands, moving to sweep her into his arms and giving her a passionate kiss.
'I'm falling in love with you, too,' he admitted when they finally parted. He was still staring intently at Sophie. 'I know this is really too soon — I mean, we haven't even been intimate yet and you may change your mind once we have been — but I'm really hoping you'll consider making our relationship more permanent. You've got to know me pretty well over the last few months and you know what sort of man I am. I'm hopeful that you can put up with me regardless of what happens in the future.'
He realised Sophie was crying again and looked worriedly at her, wondering if he had said something wrong, but she was smiling, too, and laughing even as her tears fell.
'Are you saying—' she began, seemingly unable to stop the tears that fell with each beat of her racing heart.
'That I want you to marry me,' Snape finished for her. 'Once you leave school, of course. We should wait until then.' He released her for a second before taking her face in his hands and asking seriously, 'Will you marry me, Sophie?'
Sophie looked at him without saying anything for a moment and Snape was convinced his heart had stopped beating. She was so beautiful and he was more terrified than he had ever been in his life, waiting for her response.
She smiled again and tried to nod. 'Of course I will, Severus.'
Snape kissed her, not needing her to say anything further.
'Does that mean we can go to bed now?' Sophie asked once the kissing had eventually come to an end. 'I'm not going to lose you afterwards?'
Snape smiled fondly, but his voice held a trace of hesitancy. 'If you're sure. I still have no desire to force you into something you don't want to do or you're not ready for.'
'I want you more than I've ever wanted anything in my life,' Sophie admitted sincerely. 'So please don't worry about me, Severus. You've just made me the happiest girl in the world.'
Snape picked her up, cradling her in his arms.
'Well, if you're sure, it would be churlish of me to deny you.' He grinned as he carried her towards the bedroom.
'This really is the best Christmas I've ever had,' Sophie said happily. She put her arms around Snape's neck and rested her head on his shoulder.
'I can safely say it's mine, too,' Snape said honestly, and he walked into the bedroom and kicked the door closed behind them.