AN: According to my research the leaving of coins on a serviceman or woman's grave goes all the way back to the Roman Empire. Today, when a visitor leaves a penny it signifies a simple visit, a nickel means you went through basic training with the decedent, a dime shows that the visitor served with the decedent and a quarter says you were there at the time of death. I couldn't find anything about burial guidelines for Medal of Honor recipients other than that they get a special headstone. He probably would be buried in Arlington National cemetery, or at least another military cemetery, but that's a 3-4 hour drive for our favorite couple here so I put Anthony in a family plot in Trenton. Oh…there is some confusion on that point. She isn't and wasn't married to Joe. She was married to Anthony, his brother. I'm a Babe through and through, but I, A) couldn't marry her to Joe. And B) couldn't kill Joe off…so Anthony it is. Hopefully that clears it up.

All recognizable characters and places are the property of their respective owners. This plot, however, is all mine.

SPOV

"Okay, so I put extra diapers and wipes in the bag, I put his yogurt in the fridge, though he might not want it…What else?" I really hated leaving him, even if it was with my mom.

"Steph, stop! We'll be fine. I have done this before you know." She held her hands out for Alex. I hugged him tight, kissed his delicious chubby cheek and handed him over.

"Be good little man. I love you." I said as I backed out of the door. "Bye Alex."

"Ba-ba Mama!" He said and waved to me, already heading towards the toy box my mom kept there for him.

"He'll be fine sweetheart…are you sure you don't want me to go with you?"

"No Mom, I'd rather you stayed with Alex. If I lose it again, he'll just get upset. He doesn't need to see me like that."

"Then just wait until Dad gets home and I'll go with you. I hate the idea of you being alone."

"No, I know this sounds melodramatic, but I need to go there alone. It's been two years Mom. I need to work through some of this…stuff. I never really got past the anger part. I'm just so tired of feeling like this."

"Okay. If you're sure." She pulled me in to a hug. "I love you sweetheart."

"I love you too. I'll see you around dinner time?"

"Yep. I'm making all your favorites. We need to put some more meat back on you." I rolled my eyes.

"Okay mom."

I hustled through the cold wintery air and started my car. The engine grumbled for a second, but finally caught. I should probably take this to the mechanic after I went to the gravesite. Most likely I'd go home and try to get some sleep while my mom had her day with the baby. I'd had a pretty horrific nightmare last night, something about being in a fire. I guess I'd made enough noise to wake up Alex and it took so long to get him settled again, that I'd ended up bringing him into bed with me. I was so used to him sleeping all night that I was exhausted from that missing chunk of sleep. The coffee sitting next to me wasn't helping much either. I drove across town and into the cemetery. I'd hadn't come here all that much, only for the various holidays, but I wound my way through the maze of head stones with no trouble at all. I stopped short a few yards away when I realized that there was someone knelt down at Anthony's grave. From the flowers and coins left on the headstone, I'd known that Anthony had had many visitors, but this was the first time that I'd encountered one. I could only see him from behind, but I knew who this man was. I kept some distance between us to give him some privacy. He was talking quietly but a few words drifted back to me with the cold wind.

"…So fucking sorry."

"…your poor wife…your son!"

"…so unfair!"

His hand came up to wipe at his face. I turned away, sure that he would be embarrassed at my seeing that he was crying. Two years later and this poor guy was still so riddled with guilt! I don't know much about what happened, but I do know it wasn't anybody's fault, per se. I'd been so awful to him the last time I saw him, something I've regretted ever since. I'd put his card in my purse later that day. Since then I've taken it out and stared at it probably fifty times, but I've never been able to make myself call him.

I fussed with the grave blanket in my hand and gave him some time to settle down. I turned back as he was standing and moving away from the grave. We locked eyes and I was floored by the intensity of emotions on his face. We stood frozen for a second before I looked down, shaken by the amount of vulnerability I was witnessing at that moment. I could feel that he had moved closer, but didn't look up until he cleared his throat.

"I'm sorry, I should have guessed that you'd come today. I'm done…I'll just go." He said quietly.

"No, Lieutenant…it's fine." God! This was so damn awkward. "I'm sorry I was so nasty to you the last time I saw you…I guess you can tell I still have a bit of anger huh?" I smiled weakly at him.

"Please don't apologize to me. I'm the one with the horrible timing. I should have come back on a day when you weren't having a party. I hope I didn't ruin the celebration for you."

"No, Alex had a blast. That's all that really matters, right?" He nodded.

"Well, I'll let you go visit." He shoved his hands in his pockets and shuffled his feet. "Do you ummmm…do you have my card still?"

"Yes, I still have it."

"Please, if you need anything, just give me a call? I'm pretty handy with house stuff."

"That's really very nice of you, but my dad usually takes care of that kind of thing."

"Well, just in case then…it was nice to see you again."

I looked over at Anthony's headstone. "Yes, I'm just going to…" I held up the grave blanket and moved away. "Bye"

"Bye." He said softly before dipping his head and walking away. He looked like he had the weight of the world on his shoulders. He disappeared over the crest of the hill that led to the road and I turned and knelt in front of Anthony's grave. Touched at how many more coins were on it since the last time I was here. It looked like a lot of his fellow servicemen and women had visited him.

"You never had a hard time making friends did you Ant?" I shook my head and smiled. "I wish you could see Alex…He's growing so fast. He's just so…sunny! Everybody loves him. He smiled at this cranky looking stranger in the grocery store the other day, and the guy just about melted! He keeps me running too, always busy…" I felt the smile slide off my face. "I still miss you, every day. I've been seeing a doctor, she's helping me with some of it. I felt so stupid going there the first time, but she's really cool and so easy to talk to. I have to let some of this go Anthony. It's eating me up inside." I swallowed hard around the lump in my throat. "I've loved you since high school, I was so used to seeing you all the time. I knew there was always a chance that this could happen with each deployment, it was just so hard to finally come to grips with the idea that I'd never see you again. All that time together and poof…you were gone. But you gave me such a gift in Alex. I can't thank you enough. He was definitely the one thing that kept me sane and forced me to take care of myself…and then to have him be so like you? I love him so much Ant! If you had to leave me, I'm so grateful that you left me a little piece of yourself."

I sat back, surprised that it didn't hurt that much to be here. I don't think it would ever be easy, but it was definitely better than the last time I came here. I wiped the tears off my face and arranged the grave blanket under his stone. It was really cold out here and I was starting to shiver, so I kissed my fingers and traced his engraved name.

"I love you. I'll come back soon." I stood up and pulled my scarf tighter around me and walked to my car. My steps faltered when I noticed that the SUV I'd parked behind was still there and the lieutenant was now sitting in it. He climbed out when he saw me.

"There's something leaking out from underneath your car." I looked down and sure enough some brown gunk had dripped out in a little stream. "I think it's oil, pop the hood and I'll check the reservoir." I climbed in and pulled the hood release and watched as he fiddled around with things.

"There's no oil in here at all Mrs. Morelli. Has it been giving you a hard time?"

"Just today, it usually runs pretty well."

"Do you have a mechanic?"

"Yeah, it's not far from here. I could probably get it there."

"I have a quart of oil in the trunk, I'll add it and hopefully it'll be enough to get you there." He worked under the hood for a minute and dropped it closed.

"Try and start it up. I'll follow you and drive you home."

"Oh no! You don't have to do that. I'll just call one of my parents. My mom is babysitting anyway."

"I'm here already. I waited for you because I saw that and didn't want to leave you stranded. It's no trouble, just try and start it up." It didn't seem like he was going to accept no for an answer, so I ducked back in the car, after three tries the engine caught and the check engine light popped on immediately. If the mechanic wasn't two blocks from here I would've had it towed. I cruised there as quickly as I could and when I pulled in the driveway of the service station the engine started making some choking noises and stalled when I pulled into a parking space. It wasn't until I climbed out that I realized that the place was closed. I went to the office window and peered inside, but no one was there.

"It's closed." I said to the lieutenant when he walked over.

"You can leave it here right?"

"Yeah, the sign on the door says to just slide the keys through the mail slot. I'm just going to take Alex's seat out though. Who knows how long this is going to take to fix." After a struggle with the latches that held the seat in, I finally liberated it and was mortified to find what seemed like an entire box of Cheerios under it. I put the seat on the ground and corralled a few toys from the floor in it. I shouldered my bag and turned to pick up the seat only to see the lieutenant already putting it into his back seat.

"C'mon Mrs. Morelli." The lieutenant said. "It's freezing out here, get in." He opened his passenger door for me. I beeped the car locked and put the key through the mail slot and climbed into his nice warm truck.

"Where to? Where's your little guy? I could take you to pick him up if you want."

"He's at my mom's. I'll just call her and have her drop him off. Would you mind dropping me at my house?"

"Not at all." He said. He seemed a bit happier now, more purposeful.

We sat in silence all the way home. But my mind was going a mile a minute. This man was there when Anthony died, I wanted so badly to ask him if it was quick for him. I needed whatever details he could give me. I'd heard over and over again about his heroics, but I was ready to hear the actual events. He pulled up into the driveway.

"Thank-you for all your help today Lieutenant…Do you have somewhere you need to be right now? I was wondering if I could ask you some questions about Anthony…if that's okay?"

He stared out the front window silently for a few seconds before turning the car off and pocketing the keys.

"As long as you have coffee in there, I'll tell you whatever I can." He said before climbing slowly out of the car. I took a deep breath and joined him on the sidewalk.

I don't typically like angsty drama, so writing this is like a personal challenge. I'm falling in love with the lieutenant almost as quickly as I did with Captain Carlos from Ranger's Rangers. I hope you are too.