SPOV

I could see the lieutenant coiling tighter and tighter, like a spring. I just knew he was going to lash out, but the next words that came out of his mouth shocked the hell out of me.

"It didn't seem to be helping you sleep last night though!

"What?" No, really, what?

He just stood there looking acutely uncomfortable, placing his eyes anywhere but on me.

"No, no, no, don't clam up now! How could you possibly know that I didn't sleep last night?"

"I…uh…" He stammered. I waited for him to keep going, but grew impatient when it didn't seem he was going to continue.

"Lieutenant, you need to explain yourself. Right. Fucking. Now." I didn't know whether to be scared or be completely irate right about now.

"It's just that I don't sleep real well sometimes." He said reluctantly. "I go out for a drive when I can't figure out what else to do. I…uh…I worry about you and your baby being all alone, so I…um…I'll drive past here just to make sure everything looks okay." He was looking down at his shoes, but he peeked at me quickly.

Wow! That's just…sweet and kind of creepy.

"You watch my house at night?" I asked in disbelief.

"Not every night! Just sometimes I'll drive past. Last night was really bad for me. I went out driving and I ended up passing by. I saw that your light was on in here from the road…it was about 3:00 am? I could see your shadow through the curtains…look, I'm sorry that I snapped at you like that. I'm just really tired, that usually makes it worse." He said guiltily.

I'm pretty sure that he didn't want pity from me, but my god, did I feel bad for this guy.

"I had a nightmare and woke Alex up by accident. It took a while to get him back to sleep. It doesn't happen a lot." I explained. Something about him just made me want to be as honest as possible. "I know that you're not going to like me doing this, but I'm going to give you my doctor's phone number. It's been two years Lieutenant…Carlos. This should have gotten easier for you by now. I don't know you, but you seem like a good man, you deserve some peace. It must be awful to live your life like this." I placed my hand on his forearm and he seemed to relax a bit. He looked me in the eyes finally.

"I just feel like I need to do something for you. Like today, bringing you here. I feel like it'll get better if I can make your life easier somehow." He whispered imploringly.

"I can't ask for that. Look what you've already done for me. You made sure that Anthony's body came home for burial intact. You risked your life to do that. You got hurt doing that." I reached up and touched that scar again. He shuddered and I quickly pulled my hand away. It must've hurt like a bitch when it happened. I hadn't noticed it until he sat before me and bowed his head like he was confessing his sins. The edge of it had been visible just under his collar. I shouldn't have touched it…him, but I just had a feeling he got it that day and my hand moved without input from my brain. "You helped me today, with my car and letting me cry and get snot all over your shirt." A small smile tipped the corners of his mouth. "Please? If you really want to do something for me, let that be it? Take the number and call it?"

"If it means that much to you I'll take the number. It's just that I need to get some sleep. That's why I was so…" He gestured to his eyes. "Today."

"You cried, it's not a crime and it usually makes you feel better. I feel better, even though I should be embarrassed that I broke down like that in front of you." I really did feel a bit lighter after losing it the way I did. couldn't even cry like that in front of my mom. Something about this man was incredibly comforting even when he himself was struggling.

"I'm a Marine ma'am. We're not supposed to show weakness."

"That's bullshit. You're a human being first. Everybody has moments like that. I'd be even more worried if you didn't."

"You're worried about me?" He asked, surprised.

"Umm yeah, in my experience when a big tough guy nearly has a panic attack on my floor, it's kind of indicative of a need for care."

God! I was such a sarcastic bitch sometimes.

"Look, Carlos. Do you talk to any other veterans?"

"Yeah, I have a few friends that are out of the Corps now too."

"Are any of them having problems?"

"I don't know, we don't really talk about this kind of thing. Right now you're the only one who knows that I don't sleep well."

"You haven't told your family or a girlfriend maybe?" He shook his head

"I'm not seeing anyone. My family used to ask how I was doing, I would tell them I was fine and eventually they stopped asking. I just found it really hard to talk about. I don't even know why I'm telling you all this."

"Look, adults aren't my area of expertise, I'm a pediatric nurse, but I really think that with some counseling and maybe an antidepressant, you'll be feeling better soon. I couldn't take them until Alex stopped breastfeeding and by then I was already in therapy…" I paused deliberating whether I should tell him more. "That's another thing you helped me with. It wasn't until after your last visit that I realized how much I needed help. I still had so much anger. The things I said to you! I'm so, so sorry. Maybe if I hadn't said some of those things you would have been recovering by now."

"No, please don't apologize. You were only saying things I was already thinking."

"But that's just it Lieutenant, don't you see? This wasn't your fault. Nothing you did caused it to happen. I could never wish that it was you instead of him. I don't think it was you or him proposition. Believe me, I wish you had both come home. This. Was. Not. Your. Fault!" I said emphatically, gently tapping a fingertip against his chest.

"I do know that, but it's difficult to accept. I'm not usually like this. Today, being the anniversary and talking about it with you, I'm a little raw right now. Usually I'm alright." He said quietly. He looked absolutely exhausted, from the slump of his shoulders to the dark circles under his eyes. It was killing me that he looked so defeated right now.

"Go ahead and sit down. I'm going to make some more coffee, yours is probably ice cold by now. I think maybe you need to relax for a while, this has been pretty draining for me, it must've been exhausting for you too. You're dead on your feet." He just nodded and sat down. I grabbed his cup and went into the kitchen. Rummaging through the cabinet I found some cookies that my mom had brought over, I put some on a plate, grabbed his cup from the keurig and made my way back to the living room. I stopped short in the doorway as the lieutenant was fast asleep on my couch. Putting the cup and plate down, I grabbed the blanket off the back of the couch and covered him up. He looked a little awkward sitting up sleeping, but he needed to rest and I didn't want to risk waking him up by putting his feet up.

I crept back into the kitchen and called my mom.

"Hi sweetheart, how did it go?" She asked anxiously.

"It wasn't as bad as last time. How's Alex?"

"Well, that's good. He's having a little nap laying on his Grandad. Where are you? Dinner will be ready in about two hours."

"My car broke down, but I got a ride home from a friend. Could you drop Alex off when you're done with dinner?"

"Of course. I'll bring dinner over to you. Which friend?"

"Do you remember that lieutenant I kicked out of the house on Alex's birthday?"

"That gorgeous guy?"

"Ummm yeah, I suppose he is quite good looking. He went to visit Anthony's grave at the same time and brought me home when the car started acting stupid…Oh my god, Mom! I asked him to come in and I talked to him about the day Ant died. It was awful, but I'm very grateful for what he told me. This poor guy though! He's seriously still having trouble with the whole thing. He said he doesn't sleep well and has some pretty horrible nightmares, it sounds like. I went to make him some coffee and by the time I brought it back to him he had fallen asleep on the couch!"

"He's not crazy is he?" She asked. Mom was a major worrier.

"No, I get a good vibe from him. He just seems sad and a bit lost. He definitely needs some rest though. I'm going to leave him there for a bit, while I clean up, being Alex is with you. What time will you bring him home?"

"6-ish? Try and get him to stay and I'll bring enough dinner for both of you."

"Thanks Mom. Give Alex a big kiss from me."

"I will. See you in a while sweetheart."

I hung up and spent the next two and a half hours doing everything but vacuuming. I looked in on the lieutenant a few times and he seemed to be resting okay. It wasn't until I was trying to silently unload the dishwasher that I could hear him talking. I went to the living room expecting to find him on his phone, but saw that he was still actually asleep. He didn't seem to be having an all-out nightmare, but he seemed pretty anxious, his words too slurred to make out. I touched his hand gently, not wanting to jar him awake. His fingers automatically wound around mine and held tight. He didn't seem any closer to waking, but he did calm a bit. I sat there for a few minutes watching him sleep. When his face was relaxed like this he was more than 'quite good-looking'. His skin was darker than mine and looked very smooth above his stubble. He had long, thick lashes, a strong jaw and a full-lipped, sensuous mouth.

Why the hell am I thinking about his mouth?

The immediate feelings of guilt and shame that flared in my gut had my hand away from his and had me retreating to the kitchen again. Resolutely not thinking about the physical attributes of the man on my couch.

AN: Go ahead, tell me you wouldn't let him sleep on your couch! I'd probably let him live on mine.

Hope you liked it,

EA xoxo