Any recognizable characters or places herein are the sole property of their respective owners. No infringement is intended. This plot, however, is all mine. Hope you like!

SPOV

I was still tossing and turning two hours after going to bed. I hated laying here staring at the ceiling, waiting for sleep to come. I was a little over-heated, you see. I still had Carlos' sweatshirt on and really didn't want to take it off. It smelled like his soap, like woods and fresh air, and I was huffing it like an addict. Not to mention I had left my door open in case he needed me. I was worried that after his draining therapy session tonight, he might have a nightmare or trouble sleeping.

I also couldn't shake the way he'd looked at me tonight. Yeah, it had been two years since I'd even noticed someone looking at me like that, but the way his eyes had glazed over was unmistakable. I was sure, though, that it was pretty typical male reaction to seeing any woman with nipple hard-ons, so I didn't take it all that personally. But now, here in the dark, his scent surrounding me, remembering the look in his eyes and the way my body fit against his when he embraced me, was doing crazy things to me. I could feel a dull achy throb in parts that hadn't been touched by even myself in more than two years. I squeezed my legs together in the hopes that would quell the ache, but it only intensified it. I blew out a deep breath and tried to clear my head. To no avail, just knowing that he was sleeping downstairs was playing havoc with my libido.

I gave up on sleeping, threw my blankets off and tip-toed into Alex's room. He was fast asleep, little bottom up in the air. I stood in his doorway for a minute and let myself look at the medal on the wall. If our situation had been reversed and I had been the one to leave these two behind. I really don't think I would want Anthony to still be alone. Not that I would ever want to see him being with someone else, but the loneliness I've felt since he's been gone has been excruciating at times, despite having lots of family around. I wouldn't wish it on anyone. There was so many times that it was just me around to see Alex's milestones and I had to pick up the phone and tell his grandparents alone. There was the appointment with the obstetrician clearing me to have sex after his birth, where I rolled my eyes and honestly thought that I would never want to have sex again. I imagined that if Anthony was there we would have celebrated by handing the baby over to one of our parents and heading straight to bed. Back then I would have found it inconceivable that I could be here, now, finding a man, a beautiful man with a beautiful heart, attractive in the most primal way. But the fact that he was somewhat damaged weighed heavily on my conscience, the calm relaxed Carlos of the last few days was such a dramatic departure from the man that broke down before me on my living room floor. I was convinced that all his energy should be focused on getting well and was determined to do everything I could to help get him there. Even if that included me quashing my own growing feelings for him.

As quietly as possible, I made my way downstairs and gazed at him sleeping peacefully on the couch. He had left a lamp on and the shadow that fell across his face elongated his lashes and accentuated his lips. He really was one of the most handsome men I had ever met. Even more so, the last few times I'd seen him, with his easy smiles and the little peeks he'd been giving me of his true character.

I was starting to feel a bit creepy watching him sleep, so I went into the kitchen and made some tea. I stood in the dark, steaming mug in hand, staring at the ice coating everything in my backyard and it was still coming down heavily. All the tree branches were drooping low, looking dangerously close to snapping off.

I hope the power lines stay up.

Wouldn't you know it? As soon as I thought that, there was a tiny pop and the fridge and the microwave clock shut off.

"Shit!" I looked around trying to remember where I put my flashlight and found it next to the back door. I tip-toed into the living room and looked through the window at the houses across the street. All were dark and the streetlights, though sparse, were also unlit.

I felt him standing behind me before he even touched me, yet I still had to stifle a tiny whimper when his hands settled on my shoulders.

"Power out?" He said quietly.

"Mmmhmmm."

"Do you want to wait and see what happens or do you want to go get Alex now?"

He was very close behind me, still holding on. I had to battle with my lungs just to get them to breathe and my heart was pounding so loud in my ears I was surprised he couldn't hear it.

"Let's just wait for a few. If it doesn't come back on in a half an hour then I'll bring him down." I whispered tremulously.

"Don't worry Steph, it'll be okay." He must've mistaken my shakiness for worry and he pulled my back to his front and wrapped his arms around me. Really not helping the situation I was in. He was quite a bit taller than me and I could feel him against the top of my butt, though he was calm. I felt my cheeks flush with heat and was grateful that the lights were out so he couldn't see. My breathing became even more erratic and he turned me around and cradled my head to his chest. His solidly muscled chest, that was covered in just one little thin layer of clean smelling cotton, his dog-tags tucked into his undershirt, hard under my cheek. Before I could stop myself I nuzzled my lips over the exposed skin above his heart and felt his breath catch.

I backed away from him as quickly as I could, muttering, "I'm going to set up Alex's pack and play over here." I pointed to the other side of the room, "Just in case." He nodded, but otherwise didn't move from his spot with his back to the window, his face lost in the dark.

I made it to the hall closet without breaking my neck and felt around blindly until I found it and heaved it out. I dragged it into the living room and saw that he was setting up some wood in the grate.

"Do you have some newspaper or something to get it started?" He called over.

"Umm, yeah, I'll be right back." I rummaged through the recycling pile by the back door and came up with last Sunday's paper and found the long tipped lighter in the junk drawer. I handed them over to him and got back to work on the crib. My job made significantly easier when the fire caught and I had more than the flashlight's beam illuminating the room. I locked the last side of the crib and joined him in front of the fire. He was standing very rigidly by the hearth, staring down the flames.

Oh god! What if this is a trigger for him?

"Hey," I wrapped my hand around the back of his arm. "You okay?"

His eyes snapped to mine and he smiled softly.

"Yeah, I thought it might…you know…the fire." I nodded. "But I'm okay with it." I moved my hand to scratch his still taught back and I felt some of his tension slip away.

"Come and sit down." I tugged his hand and he sat next to me on the couch. Right next to me, his thigh touching mine.

I really don't need that fire to stay warm.

My hand automatically returned to his back, scratching circles, making him hum. I worked my way up his neck, over his scar and up into his hair, lightly scratching his scalp. It wasn't until he shifted slightly that I realized that I was leaning into him. The whole left side of my body plastered against him, his arm grazing against my breast. I shivered and moved away.

"Better now?"

"Yes." He replied, his voice a bit deeper than usual.

"I'm going to go get the baby and try really hard not to wake him up. It's so hard to get him to sleep when he wakes up in the middle of the night anymore." I babbled. I didn't wait for a response and headed upstairs to my little guy. And of course, he woke as we were coming down the stairs, looking all smiley and happy.

"No, no, no little man. It's not wake-up time. We just need to keep you warm." He giggled and squirmed to get down.

"Uh-oh, doesn't look like he wants to listen." Carlos came over and rubbed Alex's cheek. "Would it help if we all laid down and were quiet?" He asked softly.

"Probably, he's still tired, we just have to convince him of that. This doesn't happen a lot, but it might take a while."

"That's okay, it's not like we have anywhere to go tomorrow. Unless you want to kick me out at first light?"

"You can stay as long as you want." I thought about that for a second, I really did mean it. I trusted him, implicitly.

Huh…

"C'mon baby boy, into your bed here. We're going to camp in the living room tonight." I kissed his delicious chubby cheeks and laid him down, arranging his blanket around him. I backed away and by the time I was about to put my butt in the chair he had pulled up and was staring at me over the top of the porta-crib.

"Go to sleep buddy." He just shook his head.

"No, no." He held his little hands up high. "Alex up, Mama."

"No Alex, go to sleep."

"No Mama. Up pease?" We went back and forth for a few minutes, before I gave in.

"Okay, I know I shouldn't, but you win this one. Come on." I hauled him up and started pacing with him in my arms. Feeling heavier with each lap around the living room. The warmth of the fire making my eyes droop. Sure, now I was tired, being he was wide awake. I couldn't have stopped the massive yawn that erupted if I tried.

"Here let me for a while." Carlos said already taking Alex out of my arms.

"It's alright. I've got it down pat." I said with my hands extended. Carlos held him out of my reach.

"Go lie down on the other end of the couch. We can all fit if we need to."

"It might take some time." I warned him, yawning and stretching.

"We'll manage. Go on, you look exhausted."

"Ugh, I am." I kissed Alex's cheeks again and curled up on the couch. Watching them for a while. This was unchartered territory for me. My parents helped out when Alex was just born, one of them staying in the spare room for the first few weeks, but most of the late night duties fell to me as I was exclusively breastfeeding. It was surreal to see someone else taking care of what had been my responsibility from the very beginning. Alex looked so small in his arms and I had a flash of insight into how it was for non-single moms. I never minded doing all the work, but it would have been nice to have someone to take over when it was the middle of the night like this. It would be so easy to become melancholy at times like this, but I'd moved past the would've, should've stage of grief. It was such a waste of energy to think about all the things that Anthony was missing. He was gone and never coming back. I'd always love and miss him, but Alex and I still had lives to lead. Dr. Rossoli and I had spoken ad nauseam about this over the last few months and I was just starting to realize that she was right. It was up to me to allow myself to let him go.

I was jostled from my musings by Carlos easing himself down at the other end of the couch. Alex draped over him.

"Here let me take him." I whispered.

"He's fine. I don't want to wake him back up. Relax, go to sleep. I've got him."

"Well at least take your jacket back, you're shoulders are going to get cold." I stood and unzipped his hoodie and draped it around his shoulders. "Put your feet up." I told him. I tucked a blanket around the two of them and went to sit in my chair.

"What are you doing? Get back over here." He whispered.

"There's no room." My couch was oversized, but his long legs were taking up the length of it.

He scooched onto his side a little and held his unoccupied arm out for me. "Right here." He gestured to the sliver of space he'd vacated. "I promise I'll behave, besides we'll all be warmer this way."

Can I behave though?

I took a deep breath and looked at his beckoning hand. My horniness had ebbed with my serious thoughts and descending tiredness, but I'm sure being in this kind of proximity to him would change that quickly.

"Okay." I perched on the edge of the sofa and gingerly lay with my back to him.

"It'd be better if you face me Steph, more comfortable." He murmured in my ear, making my skin prickle. I sighed and steeled my resolve. I rolled over and wiggled under the blanket. The arm underneath my head going around me and settling on my hip, keeping the three of us tightly together. I looked at my little boys face, level with mine on Carlos' other shoulder. Eyes shut, little mouth slightly open, every once in a while making that vague sucking motion that babies make when deeply asleep and I got that heart expanding feeling I get a lot when I look at him. I looked up at Carlos, who was watching me closely and felt another, different bloom of a more indefinable emotion. I pushed down the urge to flee at intensity of it and craned my head up and softly kissed his stubble roughened cheek. I felt his chest expand under my palm and rested my head on his shoulder.

"Goodnight." I whispered to him.

"Goodnight." He answered, pressing his lips to my forehead.

I finally drifted off feeling warm and safe with my arms around them both.

AN: So I stared at the blinking cursor after the first quarter of RR's next chapter for an hour before I gave up and wrote this instead. I don't want to force it, so I figured I should write what I'm hearing in my head. I'll probably be able to get back to that today now that this update is done.

Oh, and I know that you all are ready for them to get closer. They're not quite there yet, but they will get there eventually, I promise. I'm actually enjoying the UST.

I've been getting some lovely guest reviews that I can't reply to, so I'd like to thank-you for reading. So sweet!

Let me know what you thought.

Love,

EA xoxo