AN: To all who have served this country, both living and gone, I thank-you for all you've done. Happy Memorial Day.

I own nothing but this plot.

SPOV

That whole weekend that Carlos was away sucked. I knew he was a big boy and that he could take care of himself, but he was just so far away. I couldn't believe that we'd only met up again just a few weeks ago. The level of comfort I felt with him was a little mystifying. He had the most trustworthy qualities and such a good, kind heart. All of that was inside one of the best looking men I'd ever seen. Adding it all up I was baffled that I hadn't jumped all over him when he asked if he could kiss me.

Anthony's mom came over to babysit on Saturday and I ran to see Dr. Rosolli. We talked again about my apparent bitch of a subconscious. She assured me that I was well on my way to being ready, but warned me against pushing it. We talked about Carlos and how he was willing to wait it out. She refrained from commenting on anything that would violate confidentiality, but when our session was over and we chatted like the girlfriends we were becoming, she said how much she liked him too.

I stopped at the grocery store on the way home and picked up some things, all the while debating whether I should say something to Angie. I was actually surprised that Joe hadn't said something to her about it. But then again, he was probably embarrassed that I'd absolutely said no to him. I was still mulling it over when I pulled up in my driveway. Angie had Alex on the front lawn playing with his trucks. He was bundled up, but seemed to be enjoying the 50 degree temperatures and the weak mid-winter sun. He jumped up and toddled over to me when I stepped out.

"Hi, baby boy! Are you having fun with Nana?" I said hauling him up to my hip.

He nodded vigorously. "We playing trucks!"

"I see that. Have you been good?"

"Alex good boy, Mama!" He gave me his, now, toothy smile and squirmed to get down.

"Yes you are." I gave his soft, chubby cheek a big smacking kiss and set him free. I grabbed the bags out of the back of the car and sat down next to Angie on the top porch step.

Angela Morelli had been like a second mother to me since high school. Only rarely overstepping boundaries as far as unwanted advice went, but always loving. She made the best lasagna ever to grace the planet and had given me her secret meatball recipe. My internal debate over telling her about Carlos, all of a sudden, seemed stupid when I sat down next to her. How could I keep something like this from her?

"So, how did it go?" She asked. She had been as skeptical as me when I started therapy, but she was seeing the changes in me as surely as my other mom.

"It was good. She really is a good doctor. You could go to her too, if you want to." I said gently.

She waved her hand dismissively. "It's just not for me."

I took a deep breath and gathered my courage. So worried that I would upset this wonderful woman. "I, uh, sent someone else to her and they're doing really well." I watched Alex play as I talked, too uncomfortable to keep eye contact.

"Who?"

"Do you remember the day of Alex's birthday party, that lieutenant stopped over? The one that was in Ant's squad?"

"The one you yelled at?"

"Yep. I went to the grave on the anniversary and he was there. He was…very upset. He gave me a ride home when my car broke down and we ended up having a long, horrible talk about that day." She looked at me wide-eyed and incredulous. "He didn't reveal anything new, more like he gave me a better perspective. Everything we were told was true and hearing it from one of the people Anthony saved was…kind of therapeutic." I trailed off, worried about the far-away look on her face. I watched her for a minute, wanting to continue, but hesitant. Her eyes were on Alex, but she seemed like she was in another place. Slowly a sad smile spread over her face and she turned to me.

"It must've been good to hear that."

"It was. The lieutenant had a very hard time relaying it though. That's why I referred him to my doctor. He's got a lot of guilt. A lot. He's been having a hard time since everything happened. He's been coming over, for dinner and stuff. We've become…friends. We talk a lot, Alex thinks he's the greatest." She looked at me sharply. "He's a very good man." I finished quietly.

"Are you lonely Steph?" The emphasis she put on the word lonely made heat flare in my face.

I found myself at a loss for words. I had been with her son since forever and admitting this to her felt an awful lot like cheating. I owed her the truth though.

"Yes." I whispered, eyes on Alex again. "I really, really am. Does that make you angry with me?"

"Not angry, no. A little shocked maybe…" I opened my mouth to defend myself but she steamrolled right over me. "When Joe and Anthony's dad died, I was just so…I'm sorry to say this, relieved. He was a bad man. You remember him?" I nodded, he was an absolute bastard. "I was so busy with the boys being in high school that I never even thought about dating, until I met Ben."

Ben was her boyfriend of the last ten years, he was an amazing man and treated her like a queen. He made her incredibly happy.

"Anyway," she sighed, "I know it's been two years now, but I miss him like he was here yesterday. It's unfair of me to expect you to not move on. It never occurred to me that you would, which is ridiculous really. Why wouldn't you want to find someone? You have such a big heart Stephanie, it would be a sin not to share it with another person. Does this young man care about you?"

"I think so." I couldn't help but smile.

"Is he good looking?" I didn't answer, but my widening grin probably tipped her off. "Do I get to meet him?"

"We're not dating or anything." I hurried to clarify. "He's just been coming over for dinner and a lot of talking."

"But you'd like it to be more?" She asked shrewdly.

"It just feels like betrayal." I admitted.

"That's something you have to work through. Anthony would have never wanted you to be lonely like this." She stood up slowly. "I'm going to head home, I promised your brother-in-law dinner." I stood up and she pulled me into one of her hugs. Kissing my cheek she cupped my face and said, "You'll figure it out." She went inside and returned with her bag and scooped up Alex to say goodbye. She handed him over and climbed into her car. Alex and I waved as she backed down the driveway and we went inside.

The weekend trudged by slowly, we went out for walks and put puzzles together, played and cooked, the same activities we always did, but I was antsy. By the time I put Alex to bed on Sunday night I was an anxious mess. Not hearing from Carlos yet had only added to that. I was worried about him and I was reluctant to admit even to myself that I missed him as well. When he finally did call I insisted he come over, no matter the time. I needed to see him. When he finally did walk in my door, the butterflies that were zooming around in my stomach reached a fever pitch, before finally settling when he hugged me. The sense of rightness I felt when we settled on the couch and he pulled me into his side should have been scary, but it just felt…right. The stories he told of his fellow veterans were chilling. I'd seen the aftermath of many, many injuries, but the idea of seeing them actually occur was horrifying.

And, oh, rubbing his back was just…unf. I knew he was in good shape just by looking at him, but getting to dig my fingers into the solid muscles of his back was incredibly satisfying. And hearing his appreciative moaning was doing a number on my lady-bits. He fell asleep as soon as I lessened the pressure I was exerting, so I covered him up and took my frustrated ass to bed and, for the first time in forever, gave serious thought to getting myself off. It felt wrong though, being he was sleeping right downstairs. That wasn't right, right?

I was jostled awake a bit later by the creaking of my door and I called out to him. While I never want him to be upset, the only happy consequence of his nightmare was that I talked him out of his sweat-soaked tee-shirt and he was in my bed. Regardless of the room we were afforded by my big bed, I woke up completely draped over him. I knew he had to go home to get ready for work, but I couldn't resist watching him sleep so peacefully. He was ridiculously handsome, laying there. His arm still holding me close. My eyes greedily took in his face and body. I gazed at the dog tags resting on his chest, rising and falling with every breath he took, signifying that he was far more resilient than he thought. The smooth, perfect skin of his chest and stomach and the sparse dark hair leading the eye down to the elastic and cotton that was the only impediment to him being completely naked. The hot flash that followed that thought coupled with subsequent heart-swelling emotion had me slowly backing away. So ready, but not.

The sudden lack of my body heat must have woken him, he stirred and slowly opened his eyes. The smile that spread across his face was like the sun breaking through the clouds after a storm, warm and glorious.

"Good morning." He rasped in a sleepy voice.

"Hi." I whispered, trying my hardest not to sound breathless.

"What time is it?"

I squinted at my alarm clock. "6:30. I have to get ready for work and wake up the monkey." He sat up and stretched, the flex and play of his muscles nothing short of hypnotizing.

"Do you want me to help you get him ready for the day?" His question muffled as he tugged his shirt over his head.

"Nah, I've got a routine. I'm just going to hop in the shower, when do you have to go?"

"I have a few minutes. You want some coffee?" I couldn't answer because he had bent over to grab his pants and the view that I was presented with when he turned sideways was a tongue-tying experience. He turned and looked at me, concerned at first then turning smug when he got a good look at me. There was probably a puddle of drool on my chin.

I cleared my throat and finally got some words out, "Yeah, that would be really nice. I'll just…" I stuttered pointing to the bathroom. "I'll be out in a few minutes." I turned and hurried into the bathroom, cursing how flustered he could make me. I wish my brain could catch up with the rest of my body, because I'm fairly certain that he wouldn't have pushed me away if I'd jumped him in his sleep. Especially given the erection he was sporting and had tried and failed to cover up with his pants.

I only had ten minutes to get through washing and leg-shaving so I pushed all the involuntary images that were flickering behind my eyes, aside and washed and buffed away. Climbing out of the tub, I realized that I hadn't brought my scrubs and undies into the bathroom. I wrapped a towel around me and tip-toed past Alex's room just as Carlos was coming up the stairs with a steaming mug in his hand.

"Mmmmm." I hummed just barely refraining from snatching it from him. "I could kiss you right now." Realizing what I'd said I snapped my eyes to his face. I don't think he had really heard me though. He was staring at the spot between my boobs where my towel was twisted and tucked like he was silently willing it to come undone all by itself. He looked at me with a cheeky twinkle in his eye and grinned. "Sorry." He didn't sound sorry, not even a little as he disappeared into the bathroom behind me.

All this smiling was making my cheeks hurt, but it just wasn't possible to wipe the damn thing off my face. So much so that I was inundated with questions by my mom when I dropped Alex off for the day and by my coworkers and even Dr. Shepherd, our pediatrician. I didn't really know what to tell them so I opted to stay quiet until, or if, we became something more easily definable.

The smile persisted through all of January. We didn't have any more sleepovers, but we had countless dinners and a few excursions on the weekend. Alex and I even went with Carlos to Maryland to interview to be a puppy raiser. They had already looked into his background before we got there and he was immediately approved. He was paired with a two week old puppy named Brady, after Army Colonel James Brady who had killed in action in Afghanistan last year. Carlos wouldn't be bringing the pup home for another six weeks or so, but jeez, was he cute. Every pup in the litter had ambled over to the edge of the whelping box when we got there. Their mom taking a break across the room, but they were still very clearly in view to her. Alex was wide eyed and awestruck at seeing the eight tiny yellow Labradors, climbing over each other and squeaking at the newcomers peering into their box. Corrine, the lady who was primarily in charge, allowed Carlos a few minutes with what would undoubtedly become his new shadow. Right away I could tell that Corrine was very good at pairing up pups and vets. The two of them seemed to bond immediately, seeing such a big, strong guy holding a puppy no larger than his hand would melt even the coldest person. Brady's proud mom had ambled as soon as Carlos had sat down and even she seemed to approve, giving him a wet doggy kiss on the cheek.

We stopped on the long way home and got every single item on the lengthy list of puppy must-haves that Corrine had given him and I promised to help research the best veterinarian in our area. He was fussing so much, it was like he was expecting his first child, which in a way, I guess he was. We spent the next day puppy-proofing his house, which was basically the same as Alex-proofing so it didn't take all that long.

We had settled into a routine. The three of us ate dinner together almost every day. We'd play with Alex and get him ready for bed and would invariably end up on the couch, talking and talking for hours and hours sometimes. It was during one of those conversations that it hit me with the velocity of freight train. I was falling in love with him. There he sat showing me the pictures of Brady that Corrine had texted him and I felt like I'd been walloped upside the head.

"So, she said he's already fifteen pounds and he can come home with me on Sunday. She's looked into his doctor and she thinks he'll be good and…Are you okay babe?"

"Umm…" I cleared my throat and tried to calm down. "Yeah, I'm fine." I held out my hand for his phone so I could see the pictures. Trying to pretend that the feelings that had been steadily intensifying over the last two months hadn't just clonked me over the head. "Oh! He's so damn cute, seriously. He's going to go everywhere with you, right? You're going to bring him over here, right? Alex is going to love him. You know what? I'm going to make some coffee. Do you want some coffee? I'll be right back." I jumped up and ran for the kitchen, seriously freaking out. I'd only ever felt like this once before, but I knew what this was. What I didn't feel was guilt though. Which in and of itself was kind of guilt inducing. I still loved my late husband, but it was no longer the 'I need to touch him and be with him all the time' kind of love. He had been my best friend, my only lover, one of my greatest supporters and had given me an entire family of wonderful people and the absolute love of my life in our son. But the man sitting on my couch was the one to make my heart pound, and my stomach flutter, he made me smile and giggle and seeing him interact so naturally with Alex could cause spontaneous ovulation. The face and ridiculous body were a bonus. I'd feel this way about him if he looked like Quasimodo.

I jumped when I felt his hand on my shoulder, I had been so deep in thought that I hadn't heard him come up behind me. "Steph? You okay?"

Turning to face him, I tried to get my shit together. "mmmmhmmmm." I nodded and grabbed a mug for each of us. "Fine!" I said probably a little too brightly. He gazed at me skeptically for a second before going to the fridge and grabbing the milk and adding some to each cup. He shoved it back in the fridge and stood right in front of me, looking like he was dying to say something, but wasn't sure if he should. His hand came up and his fingers traced down my cheek, my breath caught and my eyes closed at the bloom of warmth that erupted inside me at his gentle touch. We'd been even more affectionate lately, touching all the time, but only in innocent places. There had been so many nights when we were curled up together on the couch and I'd get the almost irrepressible urge to crawl over him and attack his sexy mouth, every time that urge was followed by a mental image of Ant's face. My subconscious really was a bitch. But right now, after my realization, with him looking at me the way he was right now, I needed to kiss him like I needed air to breathe. I'm sure all of this played out on my face and I saw him have his own epiphany. His eyes darkened and the air crackled and he was so damn close to me. His hands snaked around my waist and I was having a hard time breathing.

"Steph? Yes?" He rasped.

"Yes." I whispered. He groaned and flattened me against him, but made no other move. It took me a second to figure out that he was waiting for me to kiss him. I raised up on my toes and wrapped my arms around his neck, tunneling my fingers in his hair. His breath caught and his eyes slid shut. I could feel his heart pounding from our chests pressed together and I closed the last inch of space between us and pressed my lips to his. A tiny moan sneaked out of me at finally connecting with him and a flare of heat flashed through me. He kept it soft and sweet, his hands cradling my face. But I hadn't been kissed in more than two years, and with what I'd been feeling for him, soft and sweet wasn't going to cut it. I traced the seam of his closed lips with my tongue and the result was thrilling. His fingers moved to the back of my head, holding me more firmly to him. He parted his lips and just the tip of his tongue slid into my mouth and touched mine and that was my last cognizant thought for the next few minutes. By the time we came up for air, I was sandwiched between Carlos' body and the fridge, struggling to pull air in, both of us grinning like idiots.

"Wow." I breathed.

"Yeah." He agreed, moving back in and giving me another toe curler. My god, this man could kiss. It felt like my hair was on fire! "I should probably go home now, babe." He mumbled with his forehead against mine. "I don't want to, but it's late…I really don't want to go." He backed away slowly, tugging me towards the door.

"Don't leave yet? Please?" I just wanted to lay on the couch and make out with him. "It's only 9:00." I turned us around and gently pushed him back to the couch. He sat and pulled me down next to him.

"Are you okay?" He asked quietly.

"I really am. I'm sorry it took me so long." If I thought the perma-smile I'd been walking around with lately was bad, it was nothing to now.

"Don't apologize, I told you I'd wait. It was worth it."

"Yeah?"

"Oh yeah!" He laughed, hugging me tight. I let my hand slowly drift up from his belly and over his solid chest, and the levity of the moment faded and the crackling electricity returned. His hands drifted up to the back of my head again and the need shining from his eyes made me lick my lips in anticipation. He didn't go the soft or sweet route this time, just pulled me close and attacked my mouth, thrusting his tongue in. I moaned and climbed into his lap, straddling him and giving him back everything he was giving to me. He banded his arm around my waist and pulled me as close as possible. My breasts crushed against him, my hips settled against his and holy shit, was he hard as a rock. It took every single ounce of willpower I had to not rub against him and he made no move to guide my hips, but as soon as we made contact, we both groaned and he deepened our kiss even more. He broke away, breath bellowing and arched his head back on the cushion behind him.

"Babe, we need to stop, now." The strain in his voice evident. I nodded and made to move off of him, very reluctantly. He held me against him for a beat longer, before he finally released me. I moved off his lap and curled into my favorite spot at his side, we sat quietly for a few minutes, catching our breath.

He finally stood and held out his hand for me, tugging me towards the door once again. "I'm really going to go this time. I could do this all night with you, but I think maybe we should go slowly, don't you?"

"I don't know, we've been going slowly already, right?"

"Babe, you're killing me here. We're going to the zoo tomorrow, right?" I nodded. He kissed me softly before pulling the door open. "See you in the morning?"

"Yep, we'll pick you up." After one last kiss he let go of me and reluctantly backed out of the door.

"Goodnight, Steph."

"Night." Seriously, my cheeks were killing me. I probably looked like the joker!

I watched him drive away and sighed, incredibly happy, but ridiculously frustrated. He'd definitely had my libido fully awake.

AN: Fluffy, I know, but they needed some angst free happy. More fluff ahead for these two. I think they've faced enough adversity, don't you?