Author's Note: Hello everyone, thanks for sticking around for this chapter.
I apologize from the bottom of my heart for the long update time, but, as already mentioned, writer's block. I just didn't find back into the story, so I rather waited until I could jump in again.
I'm really sorry that this jump took me that long. I hope you still stick with me for the next chapters that are to come (and hopefully faster than this one took me).
I hope you'll enjoy even though the wait-time was that long.
Read, review, and hopefully enjoy ;)
"Hello!" Kensi calls out as she and Deeks make their way into the NCIS building. They walk into Callen who just came down the stairs with a folder.
"Oh, hey! You are early," he blinks at them. "We didn't expect you here until after the single practice with Carson."
"Yeah, we thought it'd be good to stop by. Adrian said he'd be an hour late because of his other job," Deeks explains.
"Alright, then let's have a briefing now. The faster the better," Callen agrees. The three walk into the bullpen where Sam is busy filling out some file.
"Hey, you two," he greets them.
"Always a pleasure to see you, Big Guy," Deeks winks at him.
"Okay, did you find anything out?" Callen asks.
"Nothing much," Kensi shrugs.
"Right, the only thing I heard today was that Katy Gray is leaving the orchestra to go abroad," Deeks shrugs.
"Is that upsetting in any way?" Sam frowns.
"Not really. I mean, it's a great opportunity for her. I just found it somehow odd that she got it only days before the big concert," Deeks shrugs. "Though it might be that they planned on this in a longer time and now it just came about. But Katy was never on the suspect list, or was she?"
"Not really, unless you'd beg to differ," Callen shrugs.
"Don't think so. She hates Adrian, so I think she would rather kill him," Deeks shakes his head.
"How did practice go?" Sam asks.
"Again, I managed not to suck completely, yay," Deeks jokes, but then can't hide the look of surprise on his face when Callen motions closer, "Are you okay? I mean, physically?"
"Yeah, a bit shaky, still, but the doc said that this is not uncommon," Deeks replies with a soft smile.
The great thing about a team is that they care about you.
Just the way a real family would.
"Did you find out anything about Carson?" Sam asks.
"I talked to him, in the restrooms," Deeks nods.
"You are having conversation in really weird places," Sam shakes his head.
"He came to check on me because he thought I was sick – after I said that I had the food poisoning," Deeks tells them.
"Why did he think you were sick?" Kensi narrows her eyes.
"I had a shaky moment, so I excused myself to the bathrooms to splash some water in the face. It was nothing severe, I assure you," Deeks tells her, though he earns three glances of angry concern right away. Not that it comes as a surprise.
"Deeks, I told you that...," Kensi means to say, but the detective interrupts her, "I am really fine, Fern, okay?"
"Okay," she sighs. He didn't look sick either – and she paid attention to that like a hawk.
"Alright, that aside for a second, I have to ask again: He checked on you?" Callen grimaces.
"I know, if he is the one who did it, I honestly ask myself why he really checks on me and shows concern. I mean, we are taking it from a professional angle, so he might just as well want to see me suffer, but I couldn't find any so such thing in his gestures or tone or behavior. He was alone, so he didn't have to put up an act either," Deeks argues.
No, he honestly felt like Adrian was simply... concerned.
"I don't know what to make of that guy," Kensi sighs.
"Well, we may have to see him in a different light, Ms. Blye," Hetty's voice rings out from behind them. Deeks almost jumps since he didn't hear her coming, not that this is anything new either but it always serves the right purpose. Hetty likes to make it clear that she can be a threat – any time.
"What do you mean?" Callen frowns.
"I just received some troublesome information about Mr. Carson," Hetty explains.
"What about him?" Deeks asks, licking his lips.
That is not exactly what he hoped to hear in connection with Adrian.
He honestly hoped for something, well, good.
"Well, something we did not check yet was his health record," Hetty says as she holds out a folder. Callen takes it and flips it open, Deeks and Kensi glancing over his shoulder curiously.
"Okay, that's not too upsetting here. We have the usual records, shots, regular check-ups... done by his father," Callen grimaces. "Since he's a physician himself, it's not too uncommon."
"But look at that," Deeks grimaces, pointing at a set of pictures from x-rays.
"He was in a car accident two years ago," Kensi frowns. "But something's odd about those."
"He has rib fractures, but he had some before, none of which appear in the medical records before," Deeks grimaces, suddenly feeling cold spreading throughout him, running a hand over his sternum absently.
"Right," Callen agrees. Sam is now up behind them, too to take a look at the pictures, "Well, in that spot..."
"Best chances it was physical abuse," Deeks swallows. "And chances are not too bad that it was his father, or else we would have that in the reports somehow. I don't think a physician would have missed them."
"Could have been a bully at school, too, though," Callen argues.
"I don't think so," Sam argues. "Some of them are not just from hitting him, but also from pushing down on the chest. And the person who did this was an adult for sure. Plus, you can see that they were indeed treated or at least overlooked, or else we wouldn't have such nice healing here, there is no abnormal callus formation whatsoever, what would be more common with untreated injury."
"That means he was treated, but it wasn't noted down. That really makes the father the most probable culprit," Callen makes a face. He knows that this is a touchy topic especially with Deeks. Given that he seems to like Carson, this is not exactly helpful for the investigation.
"Exactly," Hetty nods solemnly.
"Well, ugh... I had some kind of suspicion that he was, you know, but...," Deeks licks his lips nervously, feeling his heart beating faster again.
"Why?" Kensi asks tentatively.
"Just his behavior. I mean, he's antisocial, mostly introverted, even if we don't know if he is the culprit, he shoved me in the hallway and according to the others he also went against Mike, physically, I mean. And if I'm not mistaken, he also cuts himself," Deeks explains.
"Why do you think that?" Kensi grimaces.
"I noticed that he always wears those leather bracelets. And that even though it is not necessarily his style. He is not into the whole emo or punk scene, at least I don't think he is. He just dresses black and wears those bracelets. Anyway, he also rubs his arms against each other. For me that's an indicator that it's still healing up and he itches," Deeks replies.
"Why didn't you mention that before?" Kensi makes a face.
"I thought I was just seeing things and that he was just nervous or whatever, but now with that as a background, it fits better, at least it does to me," Deeks shrugs.
"So okay, here we have a man who was physically abused by his father. That also explains why he broke off contact when he moved here," Sam makes a face. "But that would also deliver a good motive for Carson, again."
"Seriously?" Deeks makes a face. "I mean, I know that aggressive behavior is common with kids who were abused, but murdering the immediate competition in an orchestra is one step further, don't you think?"
"Deeks, I get it that this is...," Sam means to say, but Deeks cuts him off, "We will not go there, okay? I know that you guys think I'm too biased with Adrian anyways, and I get that, but... I just mean to object. Abused children don't always turn out murderers. All I'm saying."
He takes a deep breath, swallowing down his anger. He knows this wouldn't get him anywhere – and he knows that Sam doesn't mean it like that.
"You both are right," Hetty jumps in. "It may explain Mr. Carson's aggressive tendencies or general hostility towards Mr. Gallagher and Mr. Deeks, but we should not jump to conclusions. It is however something that we have to keep in mind in the course of the investigation."
"Okay, then we should keep it up," Callen grimaces. "I would suggest that Sam and I go talk to his father, see where that gets us."
"What about the security footage?" Kensi asks.
"Nell and Eric are still looking through it," Sam shrugs. "They said it'd take some time because it's not properly labeled."
"For a guy who's as pedantic about everything, I find it weird that he doesn't have everything neatly filed away," Kensi snorts. Deeks nods, "He's totally persnickety. I heard from Judy the other day that he actually had someone's spot canceled after he ran late for the second time. And it was because his grandmother was brought to hospital."
"Well, maybe he does it only once the big concert is over or so. And look at Deeks – has the cleanest apartment, but he's a mess," Sam winks at him.
"That is a fashion statement," Deeks scolds him playfully.
"Right," Sam huffs.
"Alright, I think we should head back," Kensi says after a quick look at her watch.
"Okay, then we will do that – you guys keep it up. Kensi, you keep a close eye on Mr. Smith. See what you can find out," Callen nods.
"Alright, c'mon, let's go," Kensi agrees. She and her partner make their way to the car, get inside, and drive back to the orchestra.
"... are we talking about this now?" Kensi asks after a while of silence.
"If you start all over with how I'm biased because I like Adrian, then this is a discussion I really don't want to have. We had it often enough," Deeks grunts, massaging the bridge of his nose.
"No, I'm talking about... well, the latest finding... and what's it to you," Kensi says, her voice trailing off.
"To me it's a possible clue to figuring out who Adrian really is," Deeks shrugs.
"So we are not taking it personal," Kensi grimaces.
"Oh, we keep it perfectly professional," Deeks huffs.
"You know that I'm talking to you as Kensi, right? Not as an agent," Kensi argues. "That means you can tell me."
"I know," Deeks nods. "And I get the concern, but... Fern, that's just something I don't like to talk about. At all."
"I'm just saying. Even though you never said what this makes it personal, this case is personal to you already for the fact that it is about playing the violin. Now we find out that...," Kensi sighs.
"We are two different people with two different pasts. What happened between my father and I is surely something else than what he went through," Deeks tells her.
Because surely his dad didn't bother about patching him up afterwards.
And he surely was no doctor to begin with.
Just some bloody bastard who drank too much.
"So we are adding that to the list of times we play the old game...," she sighs.
"There are just things that lie in my past that I don't see are a good thing to dig up. That is such a thing. I'm no longer there. I'm somewhere else, that's what matters. I took care of it," Deeks tells her, looking ahead.
With a gun.
They continue in silence. Kensi goes looking around while Deeks heads to single practice. He frowns as he hears Mars playing in perfection. The detective cautiously opens the door to see Adrian standing in the front, the back to him. Deeks can't help the smile.
A beautiful code.
War.
Fire.
Fight.
Pain.
Sorrow.
But still, Passion.
Willpower.
Strength, but still subtle.
Tension that leaps into harmony.
Silence between the fighting forces.
Peace in between the lines.
Love.
Devotion.
Deeks pulls his eyes away to glance at the object Adrian seems to focus on while he plays, since he has his violin case opened and in front of him. Deeks frowns. He knows as a matter of fact that Adrian never played in the streets, where this custom may be more common, but then he catches sight of... a picture... attached to the dark blue velvet on the inside. The detective slowly comes closer as the planets are at war, narrowing his eyes until... what? That can't be.
However, that is when Adrian plays the last tune, turning around in one motion, shocked to see Deeks standing there. With the heel he kicks against the violin case to close it shut.
"Dude! Sneaking up on me! I almost had a heart-attack, you ass!" he yelps.
"Sorry, I couldn't resist listening to that musical sugar right there," Deeks winks at him.
"Oh, whatever. Just make sure you never do that again. I don't like people sneaking up on me," Adrian warns him as he puts down the violin and the bow on his stool to grab the water for a much-needed drink.
"Right, you rather sneak up on people," Deeks huffs.
"Exactly," the other man winks at him. "That's my signature move."
"Then I'm deeply sorry," Deeks winks at him as he shrugs off his jacket. "But then you have to see, almost getting a heart-attack is more of my thing."
"You seriously joke about that?" Adrian huffs.
"Why not?" Deeks shrugs.
"Did you have that properly checked out?" Adrian questions.
"Sure... why? What's it to you?" Deeks furrows his eyebrows at him.
"Hey, if that shit's left untreated, it can get really dangerous, all I'm saying," Adrian holds up his hands.
"How do you know?" Deeks makes a face.
"The old man's a doc," Adrian replies meekly, but then coughs lightly to get his voice back. "So if you didn't have that checked out, you definitely should."
"I had it checked out. I have that since I'm a teenager," Deeks lies swiftly.
"And still you went abroad?" Adrian frowns.
"Hey, I got my pills and I actually have it pretty well under control most of the time," Deeks shrugs.
"Sure, which is why you almost drowned yourself in the sink today," Adrian huffs.
"That is perfectly exaggerated," Deeks huffs. "You should see me after a party-night around the clubs – that's when I drown myself in a sink, trust me."
"Yeah, no, that's nothing I wanna see," Adrian makes a face.
"Oh, I'm great fun," Deeks insists.
"Drowning in your own vomit? Yeah, no, that's the last thing I need in my life," Adrian huffs.
"So not hitting the clubs with me?" Deeks pouts. "Pity."
"Definitely not. Club music messes up music in all the wrong ways," Adrian shakes his head. "But let's return to the main point here – and it's surely not about your partying habits. You are seemingly fine. You did see a doctor at some point. That means I don't have responsibility if you keel over. And... the secretary is around to give you a kiss in case your heart decides to skip a beat?"
"She's around," Deeks nods.
"Okay, then let's do some practice so that I can get home and sleep," Adrian shrugs.
"Alright," Deeks nods, picking up the violin.
"Okay, because I'm actually not the worst of teachers, we will try something different for a change," Adrian tells him.
"What? You don't tell me to play till my fingers are bloody?! I loved that part!" Deeks cries out.
"That's not out yet. If you're being stupid again, I will do just that," Adrian grins crookedly.
"I bite, what's the new plan, Master?" Deeks smirks.
"Well, by now we know that you are music-dyslexic and that you like to speed up at some point, nervousness or whatever the reason, which is... pretty weak for violinist, but okay. Shit happens. So... I kindly came up with a perhaps solution for that problem," Adrian explains.
"... you really take pleasure in accusing me," Deeks huffs.
"You deserve it," Adrian huffs. "You're stealing my much more valuable time. So anyways, this here is supposed to teach you not to speed up."
"If you come me now with a metronome, I will scream," Deeks warns him.
"No, I give you background music you probably don't know, and I want you to keep in time right from the beginning," Adrian explains.
"... but if I don't know the song, then how do I play it?" Deeks furrows his eyebrows at him.
"I build on that you are not too bad when it comes to composition. You seem to be much more into the whole impromptu-part of music, so that's what will hopefully teach you how to keep in time," Adrian shrugs.
"... that's not a very common teaching method as far as I know," Deeks makes a face.
"And it's not. It's something that I came up with," Adrian tells him.
"... wait," Deeks cries out. "That means you had the same problem!"
"No, it doesn't," Adrian huffs.
"Oh, admit it already! No one makes the effort for someone who's immediate competition, still! I mean, passing down information, fine, but spending time developing it – no way! You had the same problem, made that up for yourself – and now you're so kind to share it with me! But you had the same problem! Ha!" Deeks grins broadly, pointing his finger at him.
"Dude, chill or else we'll have the secretary in here for the kiss sooner than I had estimated," Adrian snorts. "And anyway, even if that were so, what's it to you that I maybe had the same problem?"
"I'm just always glad to see people fail," Deeks smirks.
"That's pretty low, man," Adrian huffs.
"No, not coz I like to see people fail, I just like to see that they are imperfect, but find a way to deal with it," Deeks explains, now more honestly. "I mean, nobody is perfect. People who claim to be are just damn liars. What makes someone good is to have a problem, and find a way to deal with it. So yeah, seeing that you once had a problem that you were able to move around makes me really happy, actually."
"... you are weird," Adrian rolls his eyes, but then can't help the much more genuine smile creeping up his lips. "Okay, so now, get in position. Forget everything around yourself. Just hear the music. And don't mess this up or I will smack you."
"Tough love," Deeks sticks out his tongue as he lifts the violin to his chin, following the man's instructions. Adrian starts to play the CD over the stereo. Deeks takes a deep breath – and suddenly he hears this voice inside his head.
Count to one.
The world dims.
The spotlights go on.
Count to two.
You are alone in a room without walls.
There is just you and the music.
Count to three.
Breathe.
Breathe and let the music embrace you.
And then...just let go.
Let go and play.
Deeks forgets about the room, Adrian, about the hurtful memories leaping over the bow, about Sarabande, about his heartbeat, the sensation of his arm moving, of the pull against his fingertips.
Sound turns to vibration.
Vibration to resonance.
Resonance to colors.
Deeks has to blink thrice as the colors morph into grey and he finds himself back in the room, the music long since died out.
"... wow, this... I would clap myself on the shoulder for that," Adrian's voice reaches his ears.
"What?" Deeks frowns.
"Honestly? This was... the best you've played," Adrian grimaces. "... and it wasn't at all what I expected."
"... I'm kinda surprised myself. Your technique's really cool," Deeks puckers his lips.
"How's it possible that you can play that, but don't manage to do the same when we are practicing in the group?!" Adrian breaks out.
"... uhm, I'm sorry?!" Deeks shrugs. "How would I know?"
"You are about the weirdest violinist I've ever met. And I know someone who thought he played best while hanging upside-down," Adrian shakes his head.
"I'm special?" Deeks offers with a grimace.
"I don't know how your teacher ever made it through with you," Adrian shakes his head. "Or did you even have one?!"
"Yeah, I had one when I was a kid. Cool guy, really," Deeks smirks.
"How did he ever teach you... anything?" Adrian questions.
"We seriously make it personal?" Deeks grins.
"That is solely professional. I want to figure this out," Adrian replies.
"Well, I don't know. He was really cool and patient. Nothing ever wavered him. He was a retired music teacher," Deeks explains. He doesn't see a point in making it a big lie, so he goes with the truth, or at least most of it. "Well, at first I really wasn't too happy. I was more into sports than into music."
"Parents, yeah, know that song," Adrian huffs, unable to keep the bitterness out of his voice.
"Well, so at first I was really reluctant, but because my mother pushed it, I tried... and I was utterly disappointed because all I got to hear and play was 'Twinkle Twinkle Little Star' and 'Amazing Grace'. I was bored out of my mind, I tell you. Well, my tutor saw that, of course. So I came to the next session, totally bored, and suddenly he took out his violin and told me to listen to what he played. I don't know, I think he played for an hour, maybe. He stopped and then asked me what song I liked best. He said that he'd teach me how to play that one till I can play it just like him. I know that this is not how it's usually done, but it gave me direction and it challenged me, so it worked perfectly for me."
"What did you choose?" Adrian questions.
"Sarabande, the version by Carl Bohm," Deeks shrugs. "Now I know that he didn't show me the most difficult ones, but at least those that sounded like... music. And that's what I needed, I guess. I wanted to learn this piece and do it right, so that I get this feeling again."
"Creative way," Adrian nods.
"Well, he opened the gates for me, pretty much. He showed me that music comes from deep within," Deeks goes on. "He was the one who explained to me that music is a secret code."
"Secret code?" Adrian frowns.
"Well, everyone has a signature style. I was disappointed when I didn't play it just like my teacher, so he explained to me that we add something to the music. We can use it as a language, a way of expressing us, but it's a secret code, because only those who are open for it can hear it. I mean, when he said it to me, I was still very young, but it somehow... left a lasting impression. I really liked this metaphor. It explained music to me – and made me see that my goal shouldn't be to play it just like him but play it like... me," Deeks smiles softly.
Why not share this memory, right?
It's a nice one.
And no harm done it.
That came later.
"Well, that surely explains your music philosophy," Adrian snorts. "I play whatever I want."
"Exactly," Deeks grins. "But anyway, it didn't last too long after that. I lost interest again."
"How did you lose interest?" Adrian frowns.
"There was some personal shit going on – and I thought that playing the guitar was so much cooler," Deeks explains. "I mean, I kept playing music, but just... not the violin. My love just came back to life a few years later – after I saw someone playing in the streets. That got me... hooked again... well, and after that followed my oh so amazing career as a freestyle performer who traveled the world, who was discovered by a petite but very influential Lady who then took me under her wings."
"Well, I guess that explains it to some degree. You just always were this weird bird who screwed any convention," Adrian snorts. "There is no way you can be normal as it seems."
"So, what did your tutor do? Anything special about him? Or was it the typical one with glasses and mean face?" Deeks grins. "Or were you just born a genius?"
"Well, I found to the music because my mother used to play," Adrian explains.
"Oh, pushy parents, too, then," Deeks nods.
"Well, not her. The old man. My mother died after she gave birth to me," Adrian admits.
"Oh, I'm sorry about that," Deeks winces.
"Well, I never knew her, so I can't really say that I had a special connection to her. It's just the old man wanted that something survives, pretty much, so he told me to start playing," Adrian goes on. "And like you... I hated it."
"Really?" Deeks smirks. "You weren't head-over-heels?"
"Not at all. I didn't show up for practice. I didn't practice, and that even though I knew that we paid for the classes. Though I always was decent enough and managed to play the pieces, I never played them with passion. Eventually, my tutor decided to drag me to the orchestra. And that's when it clicked. I heard this guy play, an absolute pro from Italy. I expected to hear perfection, but there was just something in his music that... didn't add up. I knew that there was more to it. That you could do it better. And then I told myself that I can play it better. That's when it started. So I practiced like a maniac to play it better than him – until I thought that I did. In the end, I always searched for someone to compete against, do it in more perfection. So in a way, playing second violin kind of became my obligation – to kick the first in the nuts."
"Oh, that's mean," Deeks huffs.
"Well, people say you have to learn from the best to become the best. I say you have to surpass the best to be the best," Adrian shrugs. "And that's why I really don't care for what anyone else may think about me or my attitude. For as long as I achieve my goals, what do I care?"
"Well, you are really good, no point in arguing," Deeks nods.
"But?" Adrian furrows his eyebrows.
"But... well, you say that you always compete with someone to... set yourself, to move forward. And I agree, this is a good way to progress," Deeks tells him. "But if you always stand against someone, I don't know you'll ever be able to stand alone and shine."
Because that is the thing about Adrian – he is magnificent, but by competing against the rest of the world, he will never have a chance to move out of the shadows – because the moment he does, he is chasing the next one.
"... Might be. I don't know," Adrian shrugs.
"I don't mean to insult you – even as competing against the world, you're friggin' amazing," Deeks holds up his hands. "But I can just say from my own experience that being lonely is okay for a given time, but in the longrun... being with someone is much better."
"Now don't be ridiculous, man," Adrian huffs playfully. "I'm at war with the world. How else would Mars be my favorite?"
"That is of course true again. Some people are just that much into taking over the world," Deeks grins. "But I think you really could – but maybe if you made some peace treaties along the way."
"Well, I guess we are at ceasefire. That is the closest thing to peace that you're going to get with me," Adrian shrugs his shoulders.
"Yeah, you really seem that hostile," Deeks agrees.
"What can I say? Most people can't handle perfection," Adrian jokes as he gets up.
"Now what? You just take off?" Deeks snorts.
"You fulfilled today's schedule, so I don't see why we shouldn't just call it a day," Adrian tells him.
"Well, Master, I can only thank you for the amazing technique. I'll definitely remember that," Deeks smirks.
"Oh, you will because you will keep this up from now on. This will greatly improve your sharpness and your timing, both things we need to make you fit for the solo. As I said, they made me your teacher, and I won't live with it that you just royally screw it up," Adrian scolds him.
"You truly are a perfectionist," Deeks smirks. "And a diva."
"You are the one to talk," Adrian huffs. "Okay, I recorded what you played. If you want me to, I can give you a copy tomorrow so that you can go back to it. That helped me, too."
"That would be tremendous," Deeks smiles as he puts the violin back into the case. "And it'd be nice to have a memorabilia of the one time you made me an honest compliment without almost breaking out in tears for the pain it caused you to say nice things to me."
"You should definitely keep it then, because I don't see that happening again in the near future that I praise you for your performance," Adrian sticks out his tongue.
"Alright," Deeks says as he puts on the jacket and grabs the case in one swift motion. "I'd say we see each other morrow again."
"Unless you get yourself sick with a stomach bug again," Adrian shrugs.
"Right," Deeks winks at him. "Have a good night."
"You, too," Adrian nods as Deeks leaves the room. The detective makes his way down the corridors, suddenly feeling his heart beating faster again.
Maybe they are not that different after all.
Maybe they are more alike than Deeks would like to admit himself.
To keep the professional distance.
But what is bothering him even more is this one question:
Why did Adrian have a picture of Mike in his violin case?