spirited \ˈspir-ə-təd\ n.: An attitude marked by enthusiasm, energy, or passion
Fenris had never particularly appreciated the holidays.
As he strode through the crowded department store aisles, he could barely suppress the urge to stomp on the next fake wreath he saw. Perhaps his disdain for the season stemmed from his lack of cheer in general. Perhaps it was that he had never had a proper family to spend it with. Or perhaps he was simply an innate Grinch. All the same, the repetitive music grated on his nerves, and if one more sales representative asked him if he needed any assistance-
But this year, he had someone worth braving all of it for.
He couldn't help the slight twist of his lips when he thought of Hawke.
She was far more excited by the prospect of winter than he, and although he knew it to be inappropriate, considering the nature of their relationship, he wanted to get her something.
For someone who gave so much, she received painfully little.
Setting his shoulders, he wove through the crowd again with new-found determination.
A few days later, Fenris was once again alone with Hawke for their weekly Friday tutoring sessions.
The day was cold and grey, and as the hour grew later Fenris began to fidget, trying vainly to think of the best way to give her the gift he'd acquired.
"Perhaps we can end early today," he offered, already closing the textbook before him.
"Oh good! Too much somber Latin for such a jovial time of year," she exclaimed, only half sarcastically.
Hawke absolutely adored the holidays. The bitter cold, the cheerful lights, eggnog and warm fires- even the repetitive carols and jaunty Christmas commercials made her feel warm from the inside out. Things seemed a little brighter when bathed in the glow of firelight, or covered in a layer of bright white snow.
Her family was much less enthusiastic, of course. Carver, the unsurprising Scrooge of the Hawke family, made it evident from an early age that he detested the frivolity behind Christmas celebrations, often refusing to partake. Gamlen used the festivities as an excuse to over indulge in various holiday drinks. Leandra... well, she hadn't been in a state of mind to celebrate much of anything since the blight.
Christmas really did never feel the same without Malcolm and Bethany. Her father and sister were the biggest Yule-tide advocates of the lot; between the two of them they would organize tree decorating and ham roasting and who got to open presents first. They were like Santa's elves in that way.
Hawke was determined to keep that spirit alive in their memory, even though the longer she was without them, the harder it became to remain optimistic- even in light of her favorite time of the year.
She turned to Fenris then, whose voice had cut through her thoughts. He was staring at her, eyes intense as always, just a ghost of happiness on his face. Hawke wondered what his Christmases had been like, growing up. Had he ever had a family for the holidays? Had he ever had anyone?
Well, she thought resolutely, he has me, whether he likes it or not.
Hawke's spirit was rather catching, and Fenris found himself smiling back a bit.
"I could counter the satirical undertones of that with a short lecture on the history of Christmas," Fenris said, amusement ringing through each word "and its invariably Latin roots, but I will be merciful."
He leaned back and regarded Hawke. This was the last session of their tutoring for the semester since the next week was finals, and then after that she had half a month off for the winter recess. Fenris was suddenly forced to come face to face with the fact that these could very well be the last few moments he got alone with her for a long while. The smile fell from his face.
If ever there was a time to be brave, it is now.
"I...was at the mall in Lowtown a while ago," he started tentatively.
The way he bashfully fiddled with the rolled sleeves of his shirt made Hawke's heart catch in her throat. The branches of his tattoos flexed with the swallowing of his throat: a nervous habit he had when he was mulling something over.
It just wasn't fair- he was so damned attractive, and he didn't even realize the effect he had on her. All the time. He took away her words and intellect, leaving a gooey puddle of hormones and girly sighs in their place.
I just want to cuddle with you next to a fire with some eggnog- is that so much to ask?
She decided she would play it as cool as possible; Hawke could be witty, she was good at that, damnit! Even still, she didn't want to scare him away, not when his eyes betrayed perhaps unintentional vulnerability. "Oh? Bitten by the black-Friday bug and such?"
Fenris had not even been sure what he was going to give to Hawke till he quite literally stumbled upon it.
At the store weeks earlier he had been pushed sideways just as he had given up, and all but crashed into the mannequin wearing the coat.
Fenris had caught the thing as it started to fall, and only once he had it in his hands did he realize the perfect irony of his find.
Hawke's jacket (which was truly more of a cardigan and not waterproof in the slightest) which she wore to school was threadbare, held together with creative stitching and sheer force of will.
And this was perfect. So perfectly Hawke- black but red on the inside, the cloth fine and soft, and warm more importantly, with a good, deep hood.
It had been expensive, but Hawke's health and comfort was a much better use for his paycheck than funding his blatant alcoholism.
Standing abruptly, he pulled out the white bag frosted with red tissue and set it on the desk between them.
"Since- since I likely won't see you. Before Christmas, that is." He gestured to the bag, eyes flicking away from Hawke as he suddenly doubted his decision. "Please, open it."
Hawke stared down at the white bag, stunned. She had saw it hiding under his desk during class. It had been there for the duration of Fenris' lecture, piquing her curiosity despite her noble intentions of not prying into his life (for once). The bag was a medium size and in fairly pristine condition, shiny red paper glinting in the fluorescents. It was as if Fenris had been guarding it under his desk, like a dragon guarding his lair.
The slightly jealous, impulsive Hawke had wanted to ask him about it earlier, ask him who the giver was. But she refrained; it wasn't her place really, it wasn't any of her business.
But she wanted it to be.
Her heart began to pound hard; Hawke touched the feathered edges of the paper. It looked expensive, and she looked up at Fenris. "I... Fenris, you didn't have to get me a gift."
"I wanted to," he answered simply.
And it was true- Hawke's smile was worth all the money he had ever laid his hands on and more.
"I know how much the holidays mean to you, and I thought..." Fenris struggled for words, before finally choosing to just push the bag closer towards her. "It is yours."
As am I.
Hawke felt her heart constrict painfully before swelling with happiness. Fenris continued to surprise her with his consideration and warmth, even in the face of all the adversity that constantly poured upon him.
It was a bittersweet moment, and Hawke couldn't help the smile on her face and tears in her eyes.
You're enough, she thought, beginning to unwrap the gift before her. I don't want anyone else.
With shaking hands she revealed her gift. It was a jacket, silky, soft and...
It had a hood. Fenris had gotten her a coat with a hood. Because he saw her make the mad dash back and forth from her car to the school in the pouring Kirkwall rain. Because he saw her sniffle with a cold during their tutoring sessions.
Because he noticed- because he cared.
Hawke had no words. She sat there, lavish coat in her trembling hands, and slowly her eyes met his.
"Fenris, I…."
Her eyes were suddenly glistening and Fenris felt his heart immediately drop. As he opened his mouth to begin apologizing Hawke cut him off.
"It's beautiful. I love it."
And with that, coat forgotten, she closed the distance between them and wrapped her arms around him.
"Thank you."
Fenris returned her embrace, gingerly at first, before pulling her closer.
He couldn't tell Hawke how her presence in his life had been a greater gift than any he could ever receive, how she made his days brighter and his nights far less lonely with just the thought of her.
In that moment- in all his moments to come- she was all that he needed.
The first thing he noticed when he saw her was that she wore the coat he had given her. Fenris' heart swelled with something he could not quite name at the knowledge that he had found the right gift for her, that he had helped her in some small way.
He was not surprised Hawke had gotten roped into decorating; when he'd looked out to the green and saw her Fenris had finished grading as fast as he could so he could go to her.
The second thing he noticed was that she was positively doused in red and green glitter, as was half of the ice rink she was stringing garland around. The ASB board had voted to put an actual ice-skating rink on the school's green for the Winter Bash, and although Fenris still found it a disgusting waste of school funds, he had to admit that it was beautiful. Or maybe it was simply that Hawke was there.
"Were you attacked by the essence of Christmas spirit?" Fenris smirked, gesturing to the glitter as he walked to the wall.
"Excuse you I am Christmas spirit." Hawke put her hands on her hips and promptly lost her balance, lurching forward to grab at the side of the rink. He caught her arm to steady her and she laughed as she stood back up.
"Yes, as graceful as Santa's elves."
At that Hawke threw a handful of her glitter at him, which he dodged easily.
Hawke huffed. "Like you could do any better!"
"Are there more skates?"
"Over by the bench."
Fenris nodded before trotting off to find a pair. He laced them easily and within moments was on the ice with Hawke.
He skated smoothly over and she rolled her eyes.
"Of course you're a master figure skater. Why am I not surprised?"
"Allow me," he offered, taking the garland from her and stringing it around the rail. Hawke followed behind, sprinkling glitter atop the green needles and on Fenris' white hair when he wasn't looking. "Where are the others?"
"Merrill and Isabela and them? They all had to go get ready for the dance. As soon as I'm done with this I'm out of here."
"You're not going to stay?"
"I was thinking of going to Bodhan's instead. You're more than welcome to come if you're done with all your administrative-y stuff."
"Final grades are in. Congratulations on your A-."
"A true Christmas miracle!" Hawke laughed. They were making quick work of decking the hall (or rail, more like) between Fenris pulling her along the ice and the incentive to leave the school as quickly as possible. Being at school on the first Saturday night of break was not her first choice, but spending time with Fenris certainly was.
As they reached the end of the rink and the end of the garland Fenris turned to Hawke. The night was cold and clear and his breath misted in front of her. She still clutched the rail like it was a life line.
"Did you ever learn how to ice skate?"
Hawke shifted and looked down at her turned-in ankles. "Not really. When I was younger my dad would tow me around since the twins never wanted to go, but I really can't by myself."
Fenris held his hand out, an invitation and a promise all in one. The festive glitter in his hair sparkled and without a second more of hesitation she took his hand.
He moved to stand next to her and placed his other hand on her waist.
"Move with me," he breathed, and Hawke's heart beat like a drum in her chest as she stepped forward with him, gliding suddenly with his hands around her and the warmth of him mere inches away. As they came around the first turn Hawke stumbled slightly but Fenris was right there to steady her, guiding her body to match the curve of the rink.
As they continued Hawke grew more and more confident and moved her legs in time with Fenris as they picked up speed. She didn't even notice that he'd let go of her till she turned to look at him and he was smiling at her, his eyes alight with happiness.
All that connected them was their hands, still entwined.
She pulled him to a stop at the entrance of the rink. They were very close still, almost touching as they both looked at each other.
"Look up," Hawke said, and Fenris' gaze turned to the archway above them. It was adorned with glitter, garlands and lights just like the rest of the rink but something that hung from it caught his eye.
"Mistletoe."
Hawke nodded and tilted her head slightly, skating ever so slightly towards him. "Courtesy of your personal embodiment of Christmas."
Fenris' hand rested on the small of her back and Hawke's lips parted, the moment made all the more precious with the fragility of it. They both moved to close the distance, slowly, so slowly-
"Hawke!" A shrill feminine voice rang out.
Fenris skated backwards on instinct, his reflexes working to steady him.
Hawke, however, was not so balanced. Her legs went out behind her and her torso came surging towards him. Fenris' arms went out to catch her just as Merrill and Zevran came upon the green.
"Are we, ah, interrupting?" Zev purred as Fenris helped Hawke to her feet and off the ice.
Fenris felt his face go white and his ears go red. Hawke, however, was quicker to recover.
"Oh I just tripped. You know how I am, grace personified," she joked. "Help me get these skates off before I break something."
Zev chuckled and helped Hawke over to a bench where they both tackled the ridiculous knot she'd tied to secure her boots.
Merrill's head tilted inquisitively at Fenris. "Are you quite alright? You look as if you've seen a ghost! And you're so glittery," she cooed.
Fenris could only nod and step gingerly off of the ice, cursing his luck and his folly and Merrill's consistently terrible timing.
When Hawke strode back over with Zev in her regular shoes she stood next to him, and yet she felt so much farther away than she'd been just moments ago.
"I should really go," Hawke started as the silence began to drag on. "Have fun at the dance."
She looked at Fenris and her mouth quirked up a bit as she brushed by him, too closely to be an accident.
"See you soon, Fenris."
And there wasn't enough glitter in the world to match her smile.