The one thing Buffy Summers always hated was when people used analogies to describe something. She hated it because unless the other person wasn't already clued in on the topic that was being used to compare one thing with the other then the whole purpose of it was lost. For herself she always favoured her explanations to either clothes or shopping. But how often do people ever use these? Most often then not analogies were used by guys, and because they were …well, 'guys', when they did they typically had to use something pretty lame and stupid to make as a comparison, such as sports. And well, she just wasn't a Sports type of Gal.

At any rate, if she was forced to explain herself to Giles (not that she was planning too any time soon), and had to make him understand what it was she was doing at that far distant point in the future. She suspected she would have used the old tried and true metaphor of 'fishing' (was fishing even a sport?). She had baited the hook, cast the line into the water and now she was waiting for a big ole bite so that she could reel in her 'catch-of-the-day'. But thus far all she was getting were an assortment of nibbles on her line.

Sure, it was true, Giles, had made some startling revelations. Ones that she found informative and enlightening. And most likely, she was probably the first Slayer in close to three-hundred years to have heard the things that she had been thus far told. But as interesting as it all was, it was still nothing she could stuff and then mount over her fireplace.

Fishing was generally all about patience and timing. Two things she knew she was not famous for possessing. Which meant only one thing to her, Giles, was playing the same game she was. He was feeling her out, and not in a creepy-pervy way either. He was trying to see what info would make her leap into reeling-action. He was nibbling at her bait, not chomping down on it. Either that, or his overall plan was to bog her down with so much information that when it was time for the 'big reveal' she would have been so overwhelmed with data that she wouldn't know which end was up and she might just miss the significance of what was being exposed to her. In truth, she wouldn't have put either possibility beyond him at this stage. This had just become all about who would blink first and show their hand.

Unfortunately, Buffy felt that she would undoubtedly become the loser in this game. But not through lack of trying that was for sure. She just didn't have an inkling how much longer she could remain composed and pretend to be a clueless blonde stereotype. Especially when very muscle and impulse in her body was screaming out for her to grab him by his tweed vest and shake her answers from him.

Her former Watcher's experience at the 'Waiting Game' easily surpassed hers, so she had to be flexible to every revelation and offer the appropriate reaction. So far it had been established that he knew of the 'True Love' clause in the Slayer Curse, and he had even given her a bit of a back-story towards the volatility and danger of a Lover (if that love happened to be lost through extraordinary means). He had also shared the tragic beauty of the legend of Brunhilde and her White Knight, a true affair of the heart. A love formed in both restraint and respect of the other.

But now there was the bombshell that her ex-Watcher was not only aware of the Lover's existence, but had also written thesis three-decades ago on how the Council might use that very same love to their advantage! Was she part of some bizarre personal experiment by him to prove his dusty old theories right? Did this mean her happiness was sabotaged just so Giles could extend the middle finger to the Council and shout out that he was right and they were wrong? She silently prayed that this was not the case, because if it was then that middle finger would be the first thing she snapped off his body, with his male reproductive organ running a close second.

But despite all these additional questions buzzing through her brain, she knew she had to remain focused and not permit her mind to be sidetracked. Her original question had now long fallen to a lengthy explanation, and she knew she had to wear all of this out until Giles slipped up somehow. All she really had wanted was for him to confirm the truth. That, and possibly reveal the identity of her 'Lover of Athena'. That it was Xander and that she hadn't been deluding herself over the past couple of days with some paranoid wish.

One name was all she was asking for. Why was that so hard?

6FD

In Rupert Giles experience there is nothing more unnerving then a silent Slayer. Buffy Summer's especially. He would happily take the ranting and the indignations. But silence? That always, ALWAYS boded poorly for anyone when Buffy held her tongue. He raised his head and met the Slayer's eyes, only to have his concerns and the trepidation met with a calming visage. He had expected her famed '1000-yard glare' about his recent disclosure. But her present look only offered him the impression that she had been long expecting what he had just shared. And this, in truth, troubled him more then her silence and glare ever could.

With her Watcher's attention firmly back on her, Buffy forced herself out of her inner musings and strolled passed her former mentor and retook her chair. Gaining some satisfaction that she had somehow through so bizarre twist of circumstance somehow had once more gained the upper hand in their exchange.

Internally, she was furious. Of that there was little point denying, to others or even herself. But if she had learned anything from her recent exposure to Lara Croft, it was that sometimes a drop of honey was needed to catch the fly. Or in this case, to claim information. If she was to do the predictable 'tell-me-what-you-know' and blow her stack. Then Giles would most likely sanitise his data, changing it, forcing and warping the truth. Twisting it into as favourable a light as possible to avoid any expected retaliation by her.

So in order to counter this expected counter-tactic she had to take a 'forest' out of the Tomb Raider's Book. She needed Giles to believe that she could handle what ever he could share with her in a calm and rational manner, no matter how bad it might be.

There would be time enough later for her to set his wardrobe on fire.

She coolly and with SLOW purpose crossed her legs; offering to the room's other occupant an overly relaxed posture. An attitude she tried hard to maintain as she waited for her former Watcher to join her on his side of the desk. When Giles sat down, Buffy's lips parted, choosing herself to be the one to take the initiative and keep the proverbial bouncing ball moving along. "If I remember correctly these Thesis's are supposed to be a pretty big deal, right? Part of earning a Doctorate, or something."

"That's correct, Buffy. Every Watcher who has earned the title for the past hundred years has a Doctorate. Either in Ancient History, Languages, Anthropology or Archaeology. Mine was a Double Doctorate of Ancient History and Dead Languages."

"How come this is news to me? I mean, you've never introduced yourself as Doc Giles before, not once. Why the big secret? If I was a Doctor of anything I'd be crowing about it to everyone."

"We tend to keep these titles on the quiet, Buffy, as generally the follow-up question for most Watcher's is always 'What are you a Doctor of?' And this often leads to more questions then many feel comfortable in addressing. But you are correct, I have never introduced myself as a Doctor because my Thesis was adamantly rejected as being nothing but trollop. Unsubstantiated and unproven garbage. One of my Professors's even claimed that it was not even worth being converted into Confetti."

"Really? That sound's pretty harsh. Can they even really do that? Oppose a Thesis, I mean?" Buffy raised her eyebrows in genuine surprise.

"If there is a united opinion that the findings within are all baseless, incideouary, without merit, or lacking in any reasonable link between theory and conclusion. Then yes, Buffy, a person's Thesis can indeed be rejected by any overseeing body."

"Ouch." This was definitely news to her. She always considered Giles as one of the smartest men she knew. To hear that he had been black-balled because of the whole 'Lovers' subject was quite and genuinely startling to her. "So what exactly was it about your Paper that would piss the Council off so much that they then fast-tracked a promising young-Watcher-in-training like yourself into a dead-end job at a Museum? Doing nothing with his time and the extensive training he received but to arrange dusty displays for the next 20 or so years."

The Englishman studied the deep coloured surface of his desk for a time before answering her curiosity. His voice trying to offer a tinge of fatherly amusement in its tone. As though he was speaking of a long ago dalliance and indiscretion of his youth that had been till now long forgotten.

"I proposed a revolutionary notion; one that I knew at the time would bend its fair share of noses out of place, and to be frank with you Buffy, that was really the whole point and purpose of the exercise. To ruffle feathers and get people to consider new idea's instead of remaining bogged down to the old status quo. Unfortunately, it didn't work out as well as I had liked. I wanted to shake the foundations of the Council, but at the end of the day the only one being shaken was me. I guess my choice of language was a tad harsh and the wrong kind of feathers, belonging to the wrong kind of bids, got ruffled. That being said, I felt my conclusions were still sound ones, and I wasn't prepared to walk down the 'safe path' just because some of the 'Higher Ups' became insulted by the content of my works. Even when they offered me the opportunity to re-submit on a more pleasing subject, I declined. I felt an overwhelming obligation to share my theories with my peers, no matter how unpleasant those theories were to be received."

Buffy's expression did not change; it remained fixed and expectant upon her target, but inwardly she had to respect the stubborn stance Giles had taken and she knew that for him to have done so knowing that there would have been repercussions would not have been easy.

After a few additional moments' of silence, Giles, nodded, more to himself then to his blonde haired visitor. Aware that he had now, more or less, opened Pandora's Box willingly and that they had both passed the point of no return in regards to his disclosure. The best he could hope to do now in conveying his past opinions to his former Charge would be to illustrate to her his genuine concern to the welfare of the Slayers' in general had always his chief priority. And that his motives were not ones that were originally designed to betray anyone specifically, especially her.

Giles surveyed the room for a moment, gathering his thoughts before he spoke anew. "For centuries, Buffy, efforts had been made by my Predecessor's to keep Slayer's and Lover's separate, for all the obvious reasons that you are only now partly aware of."

Buffy's brow crunched in confusion at the key word of that last sentence. 'Partly'. How much more info was there for her to learn?

"As keeping both parties apart from one another ensured that our various Slayer-Charges lived out their days wholly committed towards their assorted destinies, fore however long that might be. My Thesis, however, challenged the reasoning behind this prevalent approach and proposed the idea that the personal and social isolation that most Slayer's had been subjected to by previous Watcher's and Council's were all ill conceived ideas. That this arcane method of supervision and organization was both cruel and harmful towards these various Slayers' independent development and that they desperately needed to be superseded by more modern thoughts and approaches. That a Slayer's combative abilities and sustainability were essentially also tied in with their self-confidence and their connection to society in general."

The Blonde Slayer nodded. So far she liked what she was hearing. But she remained uncommitted to praising his decades old position as she did not, as yet, understand what exactly the full argument of his Report was. "So what you're saying in a nutshell is that you pretty much challenged everything that had been done with Kendra. Right? About her living alone on that Compound in Jamaica with only her Watcher as company?"

Giles nodded his head. "Exactly. Kendra wasn't the first to bare such training and conditioning in the preparation of her destiny as a Slayer. She was, unfortunately, just one of the most recent. Mr Anthony Zabuta, her Watcher, was very Old-School where it came to such things." Giles shoulder slouched in sadness as he considered what Kendra's life must have been like for that final year of her existence. The loneliness, the endless Watcher Dogma as well as the countless hours of training.

"As such, I doubt someone like yourself who has maintained a healthy circle of friends and were not hidden away from the World could ever really appreciate what a truly lonely life it would have been for her. Still, it did create in her a very dedicated and focused Warrior to the Cause. You could even say that she represented the 'Ideal' of what The Council eagerly sought from their various Charges. And all she had to do to achieve this proud status was to cut off all ties with the outside world. Her family, friends and any hopes for a future-life. The only future that was allowed to exist for her was the one dictated to her by Zabuta. Thereby making him, her Watcher, her only source of wisdom, guidance and singular-reliance in this large and very scary World."

Buffy refused to turn her head away despite her internal disgust at hearing what she had just heard. Still she felt the need to stare Giles down even though this dated-doctrine was obviously not his own. She had to let him know that she held the Council accountable to the loneliness that had, until recently in the general scheme of things, always been inflicted upon her 'sisters' and not just Kendra.

As far as she was concerned, Kendra, had not only died a hero, but she had died a good friend. She wasn't 'alone' in this World despite what she had obviously been led to believe and she wasn't some example to an esoteric training style. Kendra had died defending and protecting the people Buffy had loved. True, Kendra may have been a tad intense and rigid, but she had a heart, a soul and a sense of humour that was unique, dark and quirky. Even to this day she still referred to her stake as 'Mr Pointy', a tribute to the Jamaican-beauty's memory as this was also what she had named her own Stake. Hearing how Kendra had been forcibly subjected to a training of solitude, solitude that the Council and its minions judged as 'normal', well, hearing this only made her blood boil even hotter then it was a few moments before.

But still Buffy maintained a calm and composed face as she replied her former Watcher's earlier words about the treatment of her Jamaican friend. "Maybe it's just me, Giles, but isn't that tactic exactly how most Cult's operate? Are you implying that this is what the Watcher Council is? A Cult?"

The Englishman squirmed at her claim and question. "Err, yes. Isolation and then establishing an endearing dependence to an authority figure is usually seen as the norm in such things. And coincidently it was something I myself made reference too in my Thesis. On the first page actually. A reference that was not, as I stated earlier, looked favourably upon by the High Council. The tragedy at Jonestown, Buffy, had happened only a few months earlier and was, I'm sorry to say, a Worldwide Media sensation. So I chose to take full advantage of that misfortune by emphasising the comparisons between it and our own operations. That we were doing nothing more then creating blind and docile followers. People who did what was instructed of them and never being permitted the right to question the purpose of doing things a different way or taking the initiative. I even formalised this issue by documenting in the opening paragraph that all Watcher's and member's of the Council should all stop 'Drinking the Kool Aide' of the Past. A phrase that was starting to become quite popular with people my age at the time, and for us: 'The Future-Watchers' to all start thinking outside of the inflexible confines of the recommended Training Practices. Not only for the longstanding fate of The Order, but also for the wellbeing of our future Slayer's."

Buffy had to admit, if what Giles had said was true, then what he did took a lot of guts. But gut's or not, she still wasn't prepared to give him any quarter. "Drinking the … You actually *said* that?"

"Wrote it in fact. Probably not one of my brightest ideas at the time. But as you know, Buffy, when I was younger I had a thing about conformity as well as authority figures. Maybe if I hadn't started off with such negative phrasing then they probably would have been more lenient and even-handed with their judgement."

"Ya think?"

Giles shrugged his shoulders in reply; there was little point in arguing over what had happened literally thirty years ago. "I guess now I'll never really know. But I argued that by installing such rigidity in the Slayer's training and by encouraging their dependence to an assigned Watcher that we, as an Order, were not permitting our Slayer's any opportunities to think for themselves. Or to grow as an independent Operative."

"Yeah, we wouldn't want to have a Slayer capable of making her own judgement calls out in the field, would we?"

Giles offered her a playful smirk towards this reply. "Buffy, you are well acquainted with Mr Quentin Traver's."

Buffy snorted out her answer with as much contempt as she could muster. "Unfortunately."

"Would it surprise you to learn that he is … or rather *was*, by far one of the most liberal minded Official's in Council History? And a true and genuine advocate for us before the High Council?"

"Shut the front door! Really?" Yes, hearing something like that really did surprise her.

Rupert gently nodded. "Yes, he was. And even though we, as a group, occasionally found ourselves in opposition with him as well as his expectations of us. He was never actually our 'enemy'. In reality, he was a true campaigner for us against the High Council. Often standing up in meetings and defending us, our works and our unique way of completing our assorted Mission's. If you like I can easily present you with the Minutes of those gathering's."

The Slayer shock her head in disbelief. "I don't believe it!"

"It's true. When he 'fired' me, during your Senior Year, he was actually trying to protect me from the Council's retribution. They had been displeased with my management of you for a very long time, feeling that I had offered you far too much freedom and leniency. You sleeping with Angel, a Vampire, was all the ammunition they needed. That and the fact that it took you close to six-months to address the threat that he posed as Angelus and that he had killed over two-hundred innocent people as you appeared to sit around and do nothing, was to them just icing on the cake."

"Two hundred? Are you sure? I thought it would have been a lot lower."

"For most Vampire's, yes. They kill and drain victims only when their hunger is approaching. In a majority, that's typically one kill every 4-7 days. Angelus, however, loved killing. And he never really needed a reason to do so."

"But still …."

"Just because you and I were not keeping track, Buffy, it doesn't mean that others were not. Angelus possessed a certain flare that was all his own and it would have stood out amongst the Town's Coroner's Report like a sore and infected thumb. And though Angel was 'dead', he still possessed fingerprints and a disregard for the Law. Evidence of his darker-self's crimes was quite abundant. If the Council hadn't used its resources to hack into these Forensic Report's and make pain's to remove trace evidence. Angel would never have been able to acquire his Private Investigator's Licence. Don't look so surprised, Buffy. It would not have served the Council if actual physical evidence could identify and reveal the existence of Vampire's to the World. Their motive's in 'saving' Angel was purely self-serving. Just more evidence of a 'Clean-up' that they had to perform in our place.

"If I refused to 'retire' when Traver's offered it to me, then the Council would have had to force the issue. Probably by introducing a couple of drops of Hemlock in my afternoon tea. By publicly 'firing' me from my duties, Traver's most likely saved my life. It was either that or demotion, he could have just as easily re-assigned me to Timbuktu. Either that or Ordered my return back to Council HQ, thereby keeping me under the High Council's thumb for another twenty years."

"Kinda like what the Council did with you and the Museum?"

"Quite. In letting me go, yet still permitting me to work at the School that you attended. I became a 'free-agent'. He had purposefully unbinded my hands so that I might work with you as an independent and not someone under the strict operations of the Order. He was even able to delay Wesley's deployment to us for a month so that you and I might be able to readjust to our new dynamic."

"So you're saying that all this time that I though he was a first rate a-hole. That Traver's was actually looking out for me … 'us'?"

The Englishman nodded, and if there was any doubt in this gesture, he then offered his voice. "Yes."

"But he was always … well he was always UN-nice to me, Giles?"

The Englishman shook his head in the negative. "True, But most of that was for the benefit of the entourage that travelled with him. He couldn't have them reporting back that he dealt with you and I in a favourable manner could he? Outwardly he remained as impartial as he dared. But still, that didn't mean he agreed with everything that we did. There were aspects of our operation that he could not condone. The chief among them was the company and allegiances you and I chose to keep."

Buffy's brow crunched in confusion, allowing Giles to explain further.

"His primary concerns, Buffy, did not stem from the inclusion of 'amateurs' like Willow, Cordelia, Xander and Oz in your nightly activities. As they had proven their independent worth time-and-time again. But rather that we, you and I, had possibly tainted their lives with unnecessary danger and had prevented them from ever living a normal and oblivious lifestyle.

"True, we could argue that we never forced any of them and that they became involved with us willingly. But with, Traver's, all he saw was wasted youth caught up in the so-called-glamour and the danger of a fight that was well and truly beyond their comprehension. And who can really blame him? Can we say with certainty that Willow's life wouldn't have been safer and better if she hadn't remained with us and she hadn't become caught up with her fascination of Witchcraft? How about Cordelia? Would she still be alive now? Tara? Anya? Joyce or Jenny? How about Xander? Would he have remained fit and healthy? Would any of their lives have benefited from us distancing ourselves from them instead of embracing them tightly to our cause?

"We probably couldn't see what he saw because we were both too close and too emotionally invested in their friendships. But from Quentin's perspective all he saw was a group of young people who were not Slayer's or had been properly trained since birth, running head-on to an expected early death. He was never against us, Buffy; he just wished we chose our colleagues with more discrimination."

"I don't … don't believe it, Giles."

"You undoubtedly remember his critique of our Team prior to our battle with Glorificus?"

"I remember that he and his underlings tried to kick-off the team everyone I depended upon the most to watch my back."

"Do you recall who he was most anxious to have removed from our ranks?"

The Slayer didn't even need to think. "Xander."

"Yes, Xander. Everyone else in our group had been touched by magic and the Supernatural. All except him. He was the only 'normal' amongst us. The only one who could have a life beyond the hunt. Traver's wasn't trying to steal a resource from you, Buffy. He was trying to *protect* him for you. But alas, you did not want Xander to be protected, but rather you wished him to be neck-deep in the fray with the rest of us."

Buffy had to admit that hearing all this now put Quentin in a different frame of light in her mind and that she now regretted all the nasty and snidely remarks she had ever made at his expense. Especially after how Giles had said that the Senior Englishman had tried to keep Xander safe. But she, at the time, had become so distrustful of the Council that if they had said that the night was dark, she would immediately oppose that theory just for spite sake that it was light.

"Quentin Travers, Buffy, despite everything always dealt with you and me both directly and with complete fairness. Never once sending a subordinate to do his dirty work, which was his preview. He always looked us straight in the eye and he was always willing to have an open mind in our dealings. And when he was proven wrong, he accepted full responsibility for being such."

Again, as much as Buffy hated to admit it, she had to once more agree with Giles on these points. Traver's may have been thought by her as a nuisance and a thorn in her side on more then several occasions. But he was always a pure class act as he was being such. He wasn't either vindictive or judgemental. The decisions he made towards her and her friends were always ones that were based upon the information he had available to himself at the time. And though he represented the Will of the Council, when he made a decision (even when that resolution opposed what the Council was wanting) that decision was as good as being chiselled a foot deep in Granite.

"So in understanding this, Buffy, you can probably appreciate just how scandalously my Paper was looked upon by others in the Order for them to have taken the measures that they did. That they would effortlessly excommunicate me to the National Museum, to languish for twenty long years performing Walking Tour's for school children on excursion's, before ever showing me a tuppence worth of forgiveness.

"The principle argument, one of several dozen, of the Council towards my Thesis was that Slayer's are far too impulsive and temperamental to ever be allowed to have their own 'head'. And after overseeing your development for several years, Buffy, I can clearly see what they were alluding too. You, as with Faith, rely too much upon your initial impression's to guide your actions. You're … 'gut' and intuitions, and not cool and unbiased logic. These are flaws in character that has bought about the pre-mature death of many of your Calling. At the time, and with the arrogance of youth, I thought these were failings that could be addressed with the proper encouragement and guidance. But the Council remained firm; they deemed that Slayer's needed structure and a reliable chain-of-command in order for them to operate effectively. As providing such clear their minds and helped remove doubt and confusion during critical moments.

"It is the same philosophy that was embraced by the Japanese Samurai of old. The full focus on one single task at a time, and whatever that task may be to perform it to the best of their ability. The Samurai did not allow themselves to be sidetracked by alternative thought during the commission of their duties. Whether it was constructing a Haiku or performing a simple Tea Ceremony, they did so with full complete focus and care. If they are in a battle, then they live solely in each second and the moment of that battle. Constrained to the singular task and duty that must be done and not be distracted over what will, or could, come after. This as a strategy, Buffy, has worked and been proven successful in training Slayer's for hundred's of years."

"But that wasn't the case with Faith or Robin's Mom, Nikki?" Buffy sounded out. "They weren't locked away or brainwashed into being 'good little soldier-girls' like Kendra was."

"No, they weren't. But then again Faith and Nikki Woods were both Slayer's who had been 'Called' in a high density urban development. Boston and New York City. 'Locking them away' and blinding them to what was going on in the world would have been impractical and near impossible."

Buffy drew closer her cup and saucer that had remained resting on the desk for the past five minutes. No! She had to remain focused. She was here for answer's and as interesting as what Giles was saying was she needed to learn more about these Lover's of Athena. She needed more then just 'nibbles' "Impractical and Impossible. But your just dodging my original question Giles, which is where do you and these Lover's come in? What do you know?"

The sudden directness of the question caused Giles to pause in his place. After several seconds that seemed to Buffy to last hours, the Englishman answered her as he gestured towards the Painting that hung over the fireplace. The one he had drawn Buffy's attention too earlier. "Brunhilde and her Knight, Buffy. That is your answer. As I told you earlier, she is recognised as being the greatest Slayer, not only of her own time, but of *ALL* time. She was also my personal hero, and I wished too see if it was theoretically possible to make a repeat of her historic acclaim.

"In my research I discovered that the only thing truly differing her from other Slayer's was not a myriad of circumstances, as each Slayer's challenges are always quite different then those of predecessor's and followers. But rather one key difference. One that was significant and set her apart from all the others. She was the only Slayer, that I was aware of, who after being exposed to the Love of her Life, and had chosen to love him in the emotional sense and forlorn the physical one."

Buffy jerked her head around to look at the Painting once more. The remembered respect she had felt for her predecessor had now evolved into pity and sadness with her sudden 'emotional-flashback' several minutes before. She was unwilling to claim that this was all her imagination; the torrent of passion she had felt was far too acute and strong for it to have been make believe. From some recess within her, she knew, just *knew*, that she had somehow tapped into the eternal regret of the now long-dead Slayer. And inwardly, she now wondered if Xander was indeed her 'Lover' and if she never took action as Brunhilde had forced herself not too, would her own depths of despair reflect or dwarf that of the Greatest-Slayer in History?

With a near empty voice she posed the question Giles earlier statement had been left opened too. "So … err … is she the only Slayer who never dared to Love her Lover?"

Giles winced at the very common-comment made towards someone he revered so highly and lightly fidgeted some more in his seat. Something that Buffy did not take any particular pleasure in witnessing given the 'to-close-to-home' nature of her questions. Especially if her theory about Xander was correct. If Xander was indeed her Lover and Giles knew of this then what she and Xander had been doing all those years through their friendship was exactly like Brunhilde and her White Knight. Only without the admission of Love … on her part that was. Xander had confessed his affections for her pretty much from the very beginning.

"No, Buffy. There have undoubtedly been hundred's, possibly thousands of Slayer's who have had the good fortune to come in contact with their Lover's. But to rehash my earlier claim, the Slayer must be able to find it in themselves to fall in love with their Lover in order for the Blessing/Curse to be lifted. And far too often, because of the influences of their Watcher's, these liaison's were to brief for any positive emotions to flare between both parties and any consummation to take place.

"True, there are accounts, as with Caroline, when such a rapid coordination of the emotional and physical has happened within days, possibly even hours of a one-on-one meeting with their Destined. But for others who are not as … 'impulsive to act', it could take weeks or even months before such passion could be addressed. And many misfortunes can happen in that timeframe.

"A Slayer could quite easily be killed prior to them participating in such pleasures. They may have just been passing through a territory and were unable to stay, thereby not earning the opportunity to truly know the other or make the connection of love. There were even several documented cases when a suspected-Lover had already been wed to another when he finally met his Chosen One. Really, Buffy, there could be a million reasonable explanations. But at the end of the day it is always the Slayer who above all things must be open to accepting, initiating and reciprocating that love. Genuine love, Buffy. A love which is not filtered by notions of exaggerated romance.

"Brunhilde was 'in-love' with her knight. True-Love. It was not a dramatic-love as seen on the Movie Screen. It was a gentle-love. A soft-love. It was the type of love that poet's preached about in their verses. It was an honest, pure and caressing love. It was a love that made her feel truly safe and adored. And as the weeks and months flowed between them, Brunhilde grew to being as devoted to him as he was to her. But not once in all their years together did they ever dare consummate this affair of the Heart. And I considered that the key to her wondrous accomplishments."

"So … Hang on! Are you saying that the Slayer needs to be in emotional-heaven in order to release some 'greatness' in them? But if you add the physical component to the equation, what happens next is 'Slayer-Be-Gone'?"

"Lust and Love are completely different, Buffy. You can enact on one without it affecting the outcome of the other…"

Buffy could hear Lara Croft's own words repeat in time with Giles when Dawn had asked a simular question to the Tomb Raider just nights ago.

"… But where passion and affection for the recipient are joined, shared, and in perfect union? That is when the Slayer-Spirit within finds its release. The physical act, that … Love, between both the Chosen One and her Lover, neutralises and then destroys the bond which pre-existed between the Spirit and its Host."

Buffy's expression then took on a glassy influence as she considered deeper the words offered to her by her former Mentor.

"You see, Buffy, it's not just the sex between yourself and the Lover that is the final surrender. The Host, in this case you, must submit completely to your passions for the other. It cannot be fabricated or 'faked'. It must be real and true. It cannot be an imitated emotion. During the intercourse, the … submission, you are invoking and choosing your Lover over that of the Spirit to be your guide for all time. That is why I had said earlier, that being with a Lover is not a 'fling', it is a life-long commitment. And it is one you happily choose."

"So it's kinda like me saying to Slayer-Casper, 'The Party is over now Ghosty, it's time for you to grab your coat and purse and leave'?"

Giles raised his eyebrows and after a second of consideration and contemplation he nodded his head slightly in agreement. "Simply put. But, yes. That's about right. The Slayer Essence, you see Buffy may reside within your mind and share your soul, but it is only there at your invitation. It has no claim over your Heart. It can, as you say, be shown the door once your heart has made its decision."

The blonde regretfully shook her head in disagreement to that assertion, as much as she would have loved to believe these encouraging words, she knew from experience how empty they were. "I got news for you Giles; it isn't as simple as you say it is. I have lost count over the number of times I've ended up crying myself asleep wishing with all my entire being that the Slayer-ness would just leave me alone. To get out of my life so that I could be a normal girl again."

The Englishman leaned forward in his chair, resting his hands upon the desk before him instead of where they had previously laid, in his lap. "I never said it was simple, Buffy. Trusting yourself wholly to another person is never an easy thing. We always subconsciously hold back something in the exchange as a means of self protection if the romance sours. To allow yourself to love and to be loved is more then an exchange of pleasantries and flowery thoughts. Your heart must devour his as his devours yours … emotionally speaking of course. Your earlier pleas and tears of freedom would have no effect, Buffy. And you are but one piece to a puzzle that requires two. You entered into a symbiotic relationship with the Spirit and as long as you draw on what it has as a resource you will never be free of its influence."

Buffy's brow crinkled, she did not like what she was hearing or what Giles was implying. "What does that mean? You're making it sound as though I agreed to all of this."

"In actuality, Buffy, you most likely did. Prior to your transformation into being a Slayer, a manifestation of you entered into a pact with it. And regardless of your motivations *"

Buffy's temper suddenly flared at the insinuation. "*HEY! I entered into nothing! I woke up one morning and I was … well, I was *this*. I didn't agree to anything!" Buffy then stood up and leaned threateningly over her side of the imposing desk. "Do you honestly think I would have wanted this for my life? I've died twice, Giles. I have no job except for the ones I've been given over the years by way of either charity or nepotism. Christ, I couldn't even finish College because of what I am. I have no friendships outside of this … this nightmare. And as for romantic relationships? If any of them had been healthy and happy for me I wouldn't be here right now, would I? Do you honestly believe I'd have agreed to any of this?"

The middle-aged man sitting across the desk sighed in defeat, ignoring the miniature tantrum. He really wished she would just accept what he was saying and not fight her on every detail. Sombrely he replied to her claims with a steady and fatherly tone. "At the start of this meeting, Buffy, I told you that you would hear things about yourself that you could not UN-hear. That ignorance was indeed Bliss. Now just because you find what I am presently saying impossible to believe, it still does not mean that it is untrue."

"But what your suggesting is*"

Giles cut her off. "How is what I am suggesting now any less unbelievable then what you have faced in your tenure as a Slayer? Come now Buffy, let's be serious. You have averted just shy a dozen different types of apocalypses. You have walked into and out of Hell more or less unscathed from the experience. You have fought the First Evil, not once, but twice and lived to speak of it. You have even faced down a Hell-God with a Kardashian-Complex as well as a pure blood demon. And there are literally a hundred other outlandish situations you have faced above those that would be beyond the imaginings of the most demented of Horror writers. And the one thing you find difficult to believe and conceptualise is this? Quick question, Buffy: Do you remember *all* your dreams?"

"Of coarse not." She snapped back defensively. "The Slayer-Dreams I can't help but remember. And believe you me, a majority of the time I wish I could forget them. But the normal dreams? The normal nightmares? No. No, I don't." She really did not like what Giles was implying, and what was worse, just like with the Plate and Croft's story a couple of night's earlier. Buffy felt in her soul that what Giles was saying had an air of truth to it. But just as her soul was saying one thing, her heart was screaming another. And the last thing her heart wanted was to accept was the truth of his words.

Giles nodded gently and with intentional slowness for her benefit, hoping that this action would assist in calming her down slightly. After a few seconds he leaned cautiously forward in his high-back leather chair as his former Slayer once more took her seat. "Buffy, whenever you have faced the 'First Slayer', it has always been whilst you were dreaming. Correct?"

The Slayer's eyes averted to everywhere in the room except upon Giles, after an internal war lasting several seconds she conceded this annoying fact to him. "Yeah. So?"

A small and forgiving smile crossed Giles concerned features. "That is the only way The Slayer-Spirit has been able to communicate with you. In your dreams. An ethereal reality, in which any agreement once struck, regardless of the reason, would be binding. You would not have to necessarily be consciously aware of your consent in order for this Contract to be valid. Whether you were awake or asleep, if a small part of your subconscious agreed to the deal then it would have been interpreted by the Universe as official. Just because you woke up the following morning with no recollection to this 'Agreement' it does not make it any less concrete."

The blonde once more shock her head in ferment self-denial at the uneasy logic being made. She could not accept this. Because in accepting this as truth meant that the only person responsible for her sad lot, her misery, had always been her and her alone. "No … no. Why, should I believe you? That's ridiculous. You're making all this up. You have to be! You said when I first met you that it was my destiny to be the Slayer."

"Yes, Buffy. A destiny of your own choosing."

Fighting back her inner response to become tearful, Buffy, studied her former mentor carefully using the small educations the Immortal had imparted with her over 'reading body language'. Giles was either the world's greatest liar, which she wasn't prepared to discount at this point, or he was not only telling her the truth, but that he firmly believed it to be true beyond any shadow of doubt.

Buffy's felt herself shrink slightly in her chair. "How can such a thing be real? It goes beyond everything I have ever believed about myself. I would never have agreed to such a thing. Ever!"

Rupert Giles offered her a soothing reply, understanding well how such acceptance would be difficult for her to process. "Now, yes. Such a proposition would be foreign to you now, but what about the Buffy Anne Summer's a decade ago? Would such a thing be beyond her?"

Buffy mind froze as she considered such a question. And sadly, she knew that she didn't have an answer. What she had instead was a whirlwind of reasons. Reason's that now seem so childish and petty, but back then? Back then these same reason's and justifications defined her sad little and spoilt life. Words then cascaded out of her mouth, and with each syllable that was uttered she found herself betraying her own hopes. As each discrimination seemed to illustrate her ill-considered intent from ten years earlier.

"So I went to sleep one night. Probably pissed off at my Parent's fighting, my cheating pseudo-boyfriend, my Hemley High Frien-imies, oh, and the fact I was failing Home-Economics'. Then the Slayer Spirit swoops into my head, most likely after just leaving its last Host on the ground somewhere dying and bleeding out the remaining second's of her life. It then offer's me a bit of physical power and mad-ass fighting skills. And I say 'sure, sounds good'. We shake hands on the deal and that's it? My life is ruined? Do you honestly expect me to buy that bull-hockey, Giles?"

"No, I don't. It is, as you said, too ridiculous to even believe. And this is why you must accept what I am imparting upon you as the truth. If I was going to lie to you on something so significant wouldn't I have come up with something a tad bit more believable? The reality is, Buffy, you never had so much as a clue as to how you became a Slayer. And you never even so much as asked yourself that question."

Through gritted teeth, the blonde replied. Desperate and angered. Finding it impossible that Giles had even said what he had just said. "I asked myself and *you* that question plenty of times, Giles."

The Englishman however remained unfazed and composed towards this aggression. "No, Buffy. You asked me the 'Why', not the 'How'. The why, was of your own choosing. The How …*"

"What's the damn difference? Their both the same!"

"No, they are not. The two, Buffy, are World's apart. And just because you find it next to impossible to believe what I am saying, it does not mean that what I have said didn't actually happen."

Her anger now gave way to the tears she had been holding back only through willpower alone, her voice began to tremble as she made her emotional plea. "It's my head, Giles! My mind! I would have known if I had made some sort of deal!"

Giles composed expression broke, but he had to proceed. He knew that this would be painful for her to accept but he could not stall. There comes a time in every child's life when the truth of the Easter Bunny and Santa Claus must be told. "Really, Buffy? That's your argument? That you should have known? Might I point out to you, that for close to your first five-years you had the trace of the First Slayer roaming freely about in your psyche with you none the wiser to it even being in residence. If it wasn't for Willow's 'Enjoining Spell' at the end of your first year of College you probably would never have even been consciously aware that it was even in there."

"That … that's not true."

"It is true, Buffy. For five years, since the moment you received your Power's, it has been residing within you. Patient and quiet. And as you went about your life and duty, it did not so much as raise a fuss. You were totally blind, deaf and oblivious to its presence, which is exactly what it wanted. But when Willow joined her, Xander and my consciousness with your own so that you could do battle with A.D.A.M. this action inadvertently drew it's attention to us, and therefore to you as well.

"We three became unwanted intruders into its territory. Your mind. And as such it chose to do what it had done all its life: Hunt. We three were intruders, so it saw us as a threat to itself and to you, it's Host. So whilst we slept, and by way of the rapidly dwindling connection that still existed between us four it hunted once more. Accessing our dreams."

Buffy's closed her eyes and wiped her cheeks dry; when she opened them again they supported defeat at the unnerving logic of Giles words, but she still could not admit it. At least not aloud. "My mind is not its territory, Giles. Its *my* mind! It belongs to me! And now your saying that I agreed to sublet it to this … this Being that can't even appreciate the importance of showering?"

Giles nodded. "It's one of the reasons why your psyche-landscape, whenever I have dreamed-walked into your consciousness, is so barren and sparse. These are not your memories, Buffy, it is hers. Your mind was accommodating the wants and needs of the First Slayer. You are offering it, what any good Host offers its guest. An environment that it would be familiar with and be able to find comfort and safety in. The fact that your dreamscape perfectly resembles the Plains of Africa, a place you have never ever been to, is testament to the influence it has as well as the subconscious concessions you have made towards keeping the Spirit within you content."

"But why me? I couldn't have been the only messed up 16 year old girl in the World!"

Giles expression softened. "Buffy, there was nothing wrong with you. What you were experiencing at the time of your Calling was undoubtedly profound and painful. But that alone did not make you a lone target. If you start looking upon the whole experience as a blessing and not a curse as you have been. You would see that the Spirit, despite the plans of the Council, has made you a more confident person. Can you fairly say that if the Spirit had not influenced your life, you would be the person that you are now?"

Buffy wished she could have rejected the question, but the truth was she couldn't. She was the sum of her experiences. "Of coarse I can't."

The Head Watcher nodded in acquiescence. "From the many conversations I had with you mother, Buffy, I am well aware of the child you once were prior to being called. And without insulting you in anyway, she feared greatly for the vapid person you were developing into. She saw you as superficial. A girl more focused upon the latest 'tends' and socialising then focusing upon her schoolwork or future. Does the name Harmony, mean anything to you? Because the way your mother kept describing you, prior to being called, that's exactly who you seemed to behave like."

Giles could read Buffy's startled expression and could see she was about to object vehemently to the description, so he hastily headed her off. "I know, I know. You always said you ran Hemley like Cordelia did Sunnydale. But sometimes a person's own recollections of themselves can be very deceptive. Your mother, who was responsible for paying off your Credit Card, once said to me that more often then not you were a 'follower' and not a 'leader' back at your old High School. That you used to whine to her endlessly about a jacket or a pair of shoes so-and-so had bought and that you just had to have those exact same items in order for you to be accepted and liked by your peers. That, in truth, doesn't sound to me like a Shepard, Buffy. That sounds more like a member of a flock. And it wasn't until you were ostracised by the Hemley community, post the Gymnasium Fire, that you started to develop a mind of your own and stopped thinking as a member of a Valley-Girl Collective."

Buffy chewed her inner cheek in contemplation. Recalling that when she came to Sunnydale how quickly she and Cordelia had hit it off and gravitated towards one another. And then she remembered how she then consciously sought out to hang with Willow instead, even though to do so meant social suicide. It was almost as though in selecting to befriend Willow, in the guise of using her as a 'free-tutor', she was showing her contempt towards the tried and true food-chain of High School. Something she never would have done when she was at Hemley. That was something she would never have done prior to being 'Called'.

She had always thought that she had steered herself to become friends with Willow and Xander because she had matured since the Gym Fire and the months she spent locked-up in that Psychiatric Unit. That she was no longer obsessed with 'superficial' friendships anymore. But maybe Giles and Lara were right, not only on the emotional level, but the social one. Maybe the Slayer Spirit was guiding her towards companions that could stand the test of time. After all, throughout all the freakiness, Willow and Xander had always been at her side when all others would have bailed at her very first Vampire staking. Maybe the Slayer Spirit did force her to mature beyond her previous guise as a superficial airhead.

"From everything I have heard of late, Giles, I'm starting to wonder if there is anything of the original 'me' left. Or is it all just Slayer, now? My mind? My personality? My Heart? Everything seems to have its sticky fingerprints all over it. Is there even a 'Buffy Summers' anymore? And if there is, is she someone I can even recognise?"

Giles scoffed at the question. "Of coarse there is a Buffy Summer's, you foolish girl. And she can be a delight to know and is a genuine treasure to everyone who loves her. Just because you have allowed yourself to be swayed internally from time-to-time doesn't mean the choices that you have made have not been your own."

"But the way you make it sound, Giles, is that I voluntarily gave up making these choices. For Christ Sakes, Giles, I let this thing enter my body and take up residence in my mind. How screwed up must I have been to have let that happen. Contract or no Contract?"

Giles studied the top of his desk as he considered his next words with care. "There probably is a splinter of truth to what Lady Croft's ancestor wrote, Buffy, about pre-Slayer's being emotionally vulnerable. And even though statistically speaking all of the young ladies who became Slayer's came from environments where they may have felt genuinely unloved or unwanted. That doesn't mean or make you a 'screw-up'. It just means that you were probably far more sensitive to events and that of your own feelings during a very precarious time.

"And who knows, maybe that is one of the common threads that join you and all the other Slayer's together? Maybe it is because you all share some hyper-emotional intuition. Maybe it is this that separated you from all the other 16 year old Girl's in California who were, as you pointed out, just as 'messed-up' as you. Maybe your sensitivity and empathy made you like a blinding beacon to the Spirit."

Buffy offered a snide chuckle at the honey-drenched words. "Do you honestly expect me to believe that Faith also falls into the category of being an uber-sensitive type?"

Giles, left eyebrow arched slightly in a quizzical fashion. "I wouldn't be so judgemental of her, Buffy. And yes, if you must know, I *do* believe that. For years I suspected her street-wise exterior was just a front. Fore if she was as 'hardened' as she had always tried to make herself seem, I greatly doubt she would have so quickly descended into such a dark place of despair when she had accidentally killed the Deputy Mayor eight-years ago. Emphasis, Buffy, on the word *accidentally*."

This comment was impossible for her to reconcile with the Faith that she knew. But then again … She had known Kendra and had gotten to know two-dozen other Potential's during the Battle of Sunnydale. Not a single one of them wasn't 'nice'. No, there had to be more to Faith being so different to everyone else then some psycho-babble. "Yeah, but what your saying is that this was all an act *"

"*We know that Faith's childhood was hardly ideal, Buffy. Her father left when she was still very young and from that age she was then raised solely by her mother. Who, as you recall from the rare bouts when she confided with us, had herself a serious drinking problem. A vice that on occasions allowed poor judgement as a parent as she would regularly invite 'strangers' back to their home. I will not try and imagine what kind of home life that would have been like to a developing young girl. Let alone the dangerous predatory potential that existed as a result. So is it any wonder that when she too was 'Called' that she saw this as an empowering experience and choose to revel in her destiny?"

In a split second, Buffy saw an opportunity to throw Giles a curve ball and she took full advantage of it. "If she had such a soft gooey centre, Giles, then why did she try and kill one of the best men you and I have ever known? Why would she try and strangle, Xander, when by her own admission he was trying to help her and be her friend?" She knew well the explanation, Dawn, had given her earlier about Faith being Xander's 'True Love', or visa versa. But she felt now was a time to shake things up and she wished to see if these questions could crack Giles composed English veneer.

And it did. Only it did so in a fashion that she herself had not truly anticipated. The concern that had been holding strong in Giles eyes for the past five minutes was quickly replaced with panic. Not blind 'oh-my-god-we're-all-going-to-die' panic. But there was definitely panic there.

"Err… why don't we stay on point, Buffy. There will be time enough to talk about that later after we have established the foundations of your original question."

The blonde's head perked up, 'Foundation' (?). How much more was there to know?

6FD

So sorry for the long wait. I had a motorbike accident four-months ago and it took an arm of mine out of commish ... :-(. Anyway, I am sure alot of you are now left with more questions then answers about the whole Slayer-Line and just how much Gile's has been keeping from his favorite Slayer. Trust me, more and more will be revealed shortly. But the next chapter will be an 'intermission' of sort's. Many of you have been writing to me and saying where the Hell is our favorite one-eyed adventurer? Well, your patience has been rewarded. Let's just say that Xander has been hanging out with a certain 'fruit-loop' in a Purple Unitard who is also lacking in a sense of humor. And if you can't guess who this is then I will leave you with this clue: Bangalla and '...Old Jungle Saying.'

As always, do not be afraid to leave reviews. No, really. Leave them. Lot's and Lot's of them. But no Flames please, I'm a sensitive soul.

:-)