References - chapter five

'Neither situations nor people can be altered by the interference of an outsider. If they are to be altered, that alteration must come from within.' Unknown

A week later Fin sat at his desk finishing the paperwork for the last case. Amanda was going through the photos on the big screen. They were the only ones left for the night. He glanced through the darkened window to his right. Olivia had gone home a little over an hour ago at his insistence. Something was wrong. She hadn't been her normal self for the last week and he was worried about her.

If Fin had to pin point the exact moment it had started he would have to say it was the day after Munch came to see her. Olivia had kept to herself, and to most people she was outwardly herself, focused and determined when dealing with the cases and the victims. But only those who knew Olivia could see her starting to fray around the edges.

Fin was about to lower his head to return his focus on the paperwork when he heard footsteps approaching the squad room. He swivelled his head to see Elliot entering the room, and everything fell into place in his head. When Munch told him what he had spoken to Elliot, part of Fin expected to see the man at some point. To Fin the timing of Elliot's reappearance coupled with Olivia's strange mood wasn't a coincidence.

As Elliot stepped fully into the room his eyes met Fin's and to where he sat. He kept walking but Fin caught the momentary fault in his stride. He knew it must be hard for Elliot to walk back in here after such a long time. Fin rose to meet him, extending his hand.

"Hey man, how's it going?" Fin asked as Elliot accepted his hand and they shook. Fin didn't miss the present wrapped in blue paper in Elliot's other hand.

Elliot glanced around the room, pausing when he saw Amanda perched on a stool at the big screen. Fin saw her head move slightly but she kept her focus on the screen. Elliot continued to sweep his eyes across the room, stopping briefly on the spot where Jenna fell. His eyes blinked quickly and he averted his focus back to Fin, looking forlorn. He was obviously expecting to see someone else.

"It's good," Elliot said. He nodded his head at his old desks. "You moved desks?"

"Yeah, Cragen's idea a few years ago." Fin watched as Elliot instinctually glanced at the older man's former office at the mention of him. "Liv's in there now," he couldn't help adding pointedly.

Elliot's brow rose. "She deserves it," he whispered longingly, so softly that Fin nearly didn't hear it. Fin couldn't tell if it was being said to him or if Elliot was just thinking out loud.

"Are you here to see her? Because she went home nearly an hour ago," Fin replied quietly so not to draw Amanda's attention to them more than it was. He was aware of her scrutiny despite that she was looking at the screen.

Elliot turned to him lifting up the gift, looking at it briefly before holding it out to Fin. "I just wanted to give her this, it's for Noah."

Fin eyed the present for a moment before accepting it. "This better not end up with the messenger being shot," Fin paused as Elliot tensed. "You talk to her?"

Elliot slowly nodded, but Fin could see his reluctance as he cast a cursory glance in Amanda's direction. Fin followed the movement to saw the flick of blonde hair as she turned back to the screen. Fin gestured towards the interview room beside Olivia's office and Elliot took the direction.

Once inside Elliot flicked on the light and Fin shut the door behind them. Elliot stood in front of the window, his back to Fin as he looked out at the parking lot below. His shoulders sagged and he seemed completely drained, a shell of the man he was when he was in the job. Fin felt for him, but obviously the talk with Olivia hadn't gone well and while Fin didn't want to get involved, he had her back.

"I asked her to meet me, but she shot me down," Elliot said sorrowfully.

"Do you blame her?"

Elliot huffed. "No," he replied regretfully. There was silence for a moment.

"Why now?" Fin asked.

Elliot turned around slowly and leant against the window sill, crossing his arms across his chest and his legs at the ankle. "Because if I don't do this now, I won't ever do this."

"You had to wait three years to talk to her?"

Elliot cleared his throat uncomfortably and hung his head.

"Tell me you were the one to call her," Fin said, letting his frustration sound in his voice. He already knew the answer, and his frustration was quickly turning to anger.

Elliot shrugged. "She phoned me, we talked for a few minutes about Noah and then I asked her to meet with me. She said no."

"And you thought that coming here would change her mind?" Fin said rhetorically. "You forget who you're dealing with?"

Elliot smiled ruefully, shaking his head. "No, I didn't forget. You push Liv, and she pushes back."

Fin stared at him, his simmering anger slowly dissipating. Elliot's dejected posture eerily similar to the way Olivia had been acting all week. He felt sorry for Elliot. He seemed resigned to the fact his relationship with Olivia couldn't be fixed despite how much they still meant to each other. Neither of them would be feeling this way if they didn't still care.

"I get that it would have been difficult to come here after Jenna, but you didn't have to come here to speak to her. And you didn't need to leave it up to Cragen to tell her that you weren't coming back." Elliot stared back at him, but didn't reply. It was obvious that answer was Olivia, not him. "What do you expect from her Elliot?"

"Look, I don't expect her to let me back into life. I just, I want her to know that I'm sorry."

Fin sighed. He knew Elliot wanted him to help, but was reluctant to ask outright. Neither of them were ones to talk about their personal problems but for Elliot to admit Olivia's rejection of his invitation told Fin how desperate he was. When he first joined the unit, Fin quickly picked up on the vibes between Elliot and Olivia, and the cues of when to keep his head down. He knew when to keep out of it; it was usually the best way of dealing with it. All of instincts were telling him to do so now but all he could think about was the way Olivia had been feeling all week. One conversation with the man in front of him and she was in a spin. Even if it was the last conversation Elliot and Olivia had, they still needed closure.

"I have no idea if it'll do any good, but I'll try to talk to her," Fin offered.

"I appreciate it," Elliot told him sincerely.

"I'm not doing this just for you," Fin replied tersely. "You gotta understand that Liv's had a tough year." Fin paused when Elliot frowned. "And if she says no again, then you gotta walk away because that's her decision and you need to accept it."

Elliot stiffened as he held Fin's stare, the old Elliot resurfacing for a split second. And Fin thought Elliot might refuse the condition he'd set. But Elliot relaxed and nodded his agreement.

"Thank you," Elliot said.

"Don't thank me yet, she hasn't agreed to talk to you yet," Fin replied stoically.

A soft knock on the door startled both of them and they turned as Amanda poked her head around the door.

"Sorry to interrupt, but I just wanted to let you know that I'm going to head home," Amanda said to Fin.

"I'll see you tomorrow Amanda," Fin replied. But Amanda didn't back away from the door. She stood up a little straighter edging further into the room. Fin took the hint. "Amanda this is Elliot, Elliot my partner Amanda."

They exchanged nods and then the room descended in to awkward silence. Elliot stood and crossed the room to them.

"I need to go," he told them. "It was nice to meet you Amanda. Fin, I'll speak to you soon."

"I'll give you a call, you got the same number?" Fin asked and tried not to let his anger show when Elliot nodded.

And with that Elliot was out of the door and closing it behind him, leaving Fin and Amanda alone.

"Old friend?" Amanda asked waving her hand at Elliot's retreating form.

"Yeah, he used to work here," Fin was all he said as he led Amanda out of the room and towards their desks where he started to shut down for the night. "I'll walk you out," he said as he slipped on his jacket. He double checked the squad room quickly to make sure everything was shut down for the night before he joined Amanda at the door.

Thirty minutes later Fin was making his way up the stairs of Olivia's building. After dropping Amanda at her place he sent Olivia a message to ask if it was okay to come and see her. Initially she was worried about the unexpected call being a new case but Fin reassured her it wasn't. He didn't mention that Elliot had visited the precinct or that they had talked. Just that he wanted to talk. He knew she was worried and he hated hearing the edge to her voice as she reluctantly agreed to him coming to her apartment.

Fin approached the door and was about to knock when Olivia pulled it open. He smiled at her gently as she carried a sleepy, but teary eyed Noah as he clung to his shoulder as he sucked on his soother.

"He's just calmed down and I didn't want him to be startled by the knocking," Olivia explained, looking harassed with her hair pulled back in a sloppy ponytail, tendrils falling out of the band. "His tooth is cutting."

"That's okay. Not feeling good, huh little man?" Fin smiled sympathetically at Noah, but the baby wasn't appreciative of the gesture and turned his head to burrow further into the crook of Olivia's neck. Fin laughed gently and followed Olivia as she backed up to go into the living area.

She sat in one corner of the sofa, Noah cradled in her lap sucking loudly on his soother, as Fin sat in the opposite one. He placed Elliot's present to Noah on the coffee table, watching Olivia's reaction to it. Her eyebrow cocked but she didn't say anything.

"What's with the visit?" She asked instead.

"I just wanted to see how you are," Fin said. He knew he'd said the wrong thing when she frowned at him.

"I'm fine Fin," Olivia replied, stressing the 'fine'.

Fin cast a glance at Noah before continuing. He didn't want to do this in front of the baby but he didn't want to keep lying to her about why he was there. "Elliot stopped by the precinct."

Olivia stiffened, but tried to cover it by shifting Noah to a more comfortable position. "What did he want?"

"He came to see you but you'd left for the night," Fin explained as he reached for the present. "He asked me to pass this along for Noah. I didn't think you would want me to give it to you in front of Amanda or Nick."

Olivia fixed her gaze on the gift, her posture relaxing. Noah had moved at the sound of his name and was now looking at the present Fin was holding out to them. Olivia sighed as she looked down at her son, her expression softening as he reached out for the gift.

"Thank you," Olivia said as she adjusted Noah again, holding his back with one hand while reaching out with the other to hesitantly grasp the present. Noah's eyes brightened his attention on the gift as Olivia brought it closer to him. Fin watched mother and son as Noah patted the paper, learning the present inside was squishy. He giggled at the sound of the paper scrunching when he squeezed it. Olivia laughed at him and Noah looked up in confusion. She pressed a kiss to his forehead.

"Like this Noah," she told him and tore the paper beside the tape. Noah giggled again, the sound muffled by his pacifier.

He copied what Olivia had just done and the present was quickly revealed to them. It wasn't something Fin expected Elliot to give; a soft grey bunny rabbit with a bright orange carrot. But Olivia let out an almost silent gasp and Fin felt like he was intruding on the moment.

"It's a bunny Noah," Olivia told him and Noah said something in return but it was barely recognisable around his soother.

He looked at her face, but she was concentrating on Noah and his new toy. She blinked quickly and for a moment he thought she might cry.

"I know that he hurt you, and I'm not taking his side or saying what he did was right. But those thirteen years meant a lot to both of you," Fin said quietly so not to startle her. "He wants to talk Liv, wants you to hear him out."

Her head rose, and Fin could see the water pooling in her eyes. Her hand rubbed Noah's back as he cuddled the bunny. Olivia looked torn. Just like Elliot had done.

"I'm not saying you should do it for Elliot, but I think you owe it to yourself to listen to what he has to say," Fin added gently.

Olivia looked like she was about to respond when Noah patted her cheek. "Ma," he said around the pacifier. "Kiss," he ordered holding the rabbit for Olivia to comply with his request.

She smiled at her son and kissed the bunny, then Noah on his forehead. Noah babbled happily and brought the stuffed toy down to his level, pressing its nose to the end of his pacifier and blowing a raspberry. Fin laughed at the sight, it died on his lips when Olivia caught his eye again.

"I can't do it at the precinct," Olivia said sadly. "And I don't want to do it around Noah."

"I can watch the little man, if you want," he offered.

"You would watch Noah?" She questioned sceptically.

Fin held his hands in mock surrender. "Hey I do have a son," he argued back at the implication. "Besides we can hang out, watch a game," he gestured to the television in the corner. "And I can teach Noah about football, and tell him not to support the same team as Uncle Nick."

Olivia laughed. "What about diapers?"

Fin shook his head, grateful she was laughing. "Now, I'm not a fan of that duty but I have changed diapers in the past."

Olivia pursed her lips, contemplating. She looked down at Noah and the bunny; his soother had dropped from his mouth and was resting between them. She smiled tenderly. "What do you say Noah? Would you like to hang out with Uncle Fin?"

Noah looked up at Fin in surprise. "Unca 'In?"

"Yeah, that's me," Fin told him. "What do you say to me reading you a bedtime story?"

Noah gave him a smile and continued to play with the bunny.

"I guess that's settled," Olivia said. "I'll call Elliot and set it up."

Author Note – I just wanted to thank everyone who commented, as well as adding the story to their favourite and follow lists. Hopefully you enjoyed this chapter, please let me know any thoughts.