"But you're the Doctor." Clara said as she stood up, eyeing the two men that accompanied him One was a tall, lanky man with wild brown hair and a trench coat, and the other was an older, white haired man.
"I am the Doctor." He smiled. "These are two of my past selves. This is my tenth self." He pointed to the brown haired man. "And this is my… war… self." He pointed to the older man.
"But shouldn't that be impossible?"
The Doctor shrugged. "Well, apparently not."
"Who is that young lady?" The older man rasped.
"This is one of your future companions." He gestured to Clara proudly. "Meet Clara Oswald, the girl who was meant to save us."
"You have interesting taste."
The Tenth stepped forward, taking Clara's hand in his and raising it to his lips. "Well, it's very nice to meet you, Miss Oswald. I look forward to-"
The Doctor stepped forward, stretching his hand forward. "Ah, I wouldn't…"
The Master jumped up, grabbing Clara by the shoulders and pulling her away from the offending Time Lord. "Back off! She's mine!"
The Tenth stared at him in astonishment. "Master? You're dead! And what happened to your hair? It looks like someone threw a bucket of bleach on it…"
The Doctor rubbed the back of his head. "He comes back, eventually."
The War Doctor stepped forward. "That's the Master?"
He smirked. "Yes, old man."
"You got younger."
"And what do you mean 'she's yours'?" Ten looked from Clara to the Master.
"Well…" The Doctor gestured emphatically. "They're engaged…"
"Engaged?" He exclaimed, incredulous, looking at his older self. "Well how did that happen? You know as well as I do that the last wife—"
"Well, it's different. You'll understand sooner or later."
"Doctor, what's going on?" Clara demanded, looking from one Doctor to the other. "How are there three of you?"
"Well, it all started right after you left…"
"Doctor!" River yelled after him into the white vortex. She started forward, getting ready to pursue him, but the Master placed a hand on her arm, pulling her back.
"Don't." He said. "Wait and see what happens."
After a moment, his voice rang through the portal. "I'm okay!"
"Where are you?" The Woman called.
"Um… I'm in the past!"
The Doctor was standing in the middle of the woods with his past self, the tenth incarnation, who had donned the fez in a moment of shock. Behind them stood two women who functioned exactly the same in appearance and personality.
"Who are you talking to?" He asked.
"The future." He shut his eyes, clapping his hands. "Ah, what next?" Then he stood up straight. "That's it!" He snatched the fez off of his younger self's head, calling to his friends. "I'm going to send the fez back through! Incoming!" He threw the fez back into the swirling light.
On the other side, River waited to catch the item, but it never came. "It's not here!"
The War Doctor picked up the strange item, dusting it off. "What on earth?"
"Okay, we'll reverse the polarity!"
"Who's we?"
"You're reversing the polarity and I'm reversing the polarity, so we're confusing it!" A new voice rang through.
The two Doctors and the two women stared at the man that had just appeared in front of them. He was older, and possessed white hair and a beard, and had weathered features.
"Did someone loose a fez?" He held the red hat forward.
"You." The Tenth said quietly. "How are you here?"
"Oh, hello." He said politely, placing his hands behind his back. "I'm looking for… the Doctor."
"Well, you found him."
His face slowly changed to one of realization. "Oh…"
"Doctor!" River's annoyed yell echoed. "What is going on?"
Before he could answer her question, horsemen came streaming out of the woods, surrounding them, threatening them with their weapons.
"Which one of you is the Doctor?" One asked. "The queen is bewitched! I will have your head!"
"Well, this is your lucky day." The War Doctor smiled.
River looked back at the other Time Lords. "I think there's three of them now."
The Master groaned. "Great. One was bad enough."
The soldier looked up at the swirling vortex. "What is that?"
"It's where the wicked witch of the well lives." He glanced at the portal. "Isn't that right, wicked witch?"
"What's he talking about?" River asked.
"He means you." The Master said.
She sighed. "I'll get him for that later." Then she raised her voice. "Uh… yes! Off you go… mortals! Or I'll turn you all into frogs!"
The soldiers screamed and retreated back into the woods, vanishing completely.
"Okay," The Doctor stepped forward. "Before we commence the introductions, I need to give instructions." He stood directly under the portal, yelling at it. "River, I need you to go to the Undergallery! Things will be explained there. Mom, I need you to jump through the portal. Master, you stay there and wait for Clara. We'll be back around four."
Ten frowned. "Mom?"
The Woman stepped forward. "You had better be waiting to catch me on the other side!" She stretched forth her hand and vanished.
River grabbed her jacket. "Bye!" And she was out the door.
The next thing the Doctor knew, he was catching his mother, who had come tumbling from the portal. "I've got you!"
"I say, who's that?" The War Doctor asked. "Is that one of your companions?"
"Companions?" The Doctor said in outrage as he steadied the Woman. "This is your… I mean our mother!"
"But that's impossible!" Ten said. "She's trapped on Gallifrey!"
"Not in the future."
The War Doctor stepped forward. "What…?" He stopped in his tracks as the other two Doctors pointed their screwdrivers at him.
"What's with the pointing? They're scientific instruments, not water pistols! You two look like you've seen a ghost."
"Uh…" The Doctor lowered his screwdriver. "Sort of…" He turned to Ten. "So, this is me in the past! Never seen it from the outside before. I was so skinny!"
"Skinny?" The younger Doctor placed his hands on his hips, squaring up to his older self. "I'll have you know that I am perfectly well off!"
"Did this incarnation ever eat anything?" The Woman fussed.
"Hah, take that, matchstick man!" He pushed past Ten towards the two women, who were still standing there, taking an awkward bow. "Hello, ladies!"
"Oh, don't start!"
"I see you've been busy. What are you doing?"
"I'm hunting them. One of them is a Zygon." He whispered.
His older self grimaced. "Eh… I won't judge you."
Behind them, the portal closed.
"Okay." The Doctor turned back to face the women. "Your Majesties, now would be a good time to run."
"But what about the creature?" They said in unison.
"Okay, Elizabeth, whichever one is the real one, turn and run in the opposite direction of the other." Ten commanded.
"Of course, my love." They said.
One stepped forward, grabbing him by the shoulders. "Stay alive, my love! I am not done with you yet!" Then, she kissed him with a passion, while his older self looked on in confusion. She broke away and ran off to the left.
"Thanks. Lovely." He said after her.
The other stepped forward. "I understand, my love! We shall meet again!" She kissed him with the same passion, and then ran off to the right.
The War Doctor leaned close to the original. "Does this happen a lot in the future?"
"Yes, it does begin to happen."
"Oi!" The Woman smacked his arm lightly. "How many times has this happened?"
"One, two, three, four…"
"That's all I needed to know."
"…five, six, seven…"
"Stop it!"
He stepped forward. "Okay, so that was a Zygon."
Ten nodded. "Yup."
"Big red thing covered in suckers."
"Yup."
"It was in the TARDIS?"
"Yeah, I'm getting the point." He changed the subject. "So, what happens next?"
He paused. "I don't remember."
Ten scowled at him. "Really? You don't remember this?"
"I forgot."
While they were arguing, the War Doctor and the Woman were having a conversation, ignoring them.
"So you're my mother from the future?" He asked.
"I am."
"You look so much older than when I saw you last."
"It has been several hundred years since you were around."
"I thought that you would be trapped in the Time War with the rest of Gallifrey when I used the Moment. How are you here?"
She smiled. "I'm sorry, but I can't tell you."
They were interrupted as the original Doctor called to them. "We're going to go this way!" He pointed off in a random direction.
"Okay then."
Before they could go anyway, soldiers rushed from the trees, surrounding them again. The soldiers kneeled as the Queen walked forward.
"You're not kneeling." She smiled. "How brave of you."
"Oi, which one are you?" Ten asked. "What happened to the other one?"
"Indisposed. Long live the Queen."
"Long live the Queen!" The soldiers echoed.
"That's not the queen! That is an alien duplicate!" Ten shouted, pointing accusing finger at her.
"Yeah, believe me, you can take it from him." The Doctor said.
"Shut up!"
"Can you speak without flapping your arms about?" The War Doctor asked.
"Yes." He waved his hands. "No."
"Arrest them." Elizabeth said. "Take them to the tower."
"Ah, the tower! Brilliant!"
She glared at him. "Silence! The tower is not to be taken lightly!"
"Well, I demand to be incarcerated into the tower with my co-conspirators, Sandshoes, Grandpa, and Grandma!" He gestured to the Time Lords that accompanied him.
"Sandshoes?" Ten said in outrage.
"Grandma?"
"Guards, take them away!"
"In theory, I can trigger an isolated shift among the molecules." The War Doctor said as he finished sonicing the wooden door of the cell they had been thrown in. "I could disintegrate the door!"
"A sonic could take years." Ten said.
"A sonic would take centuries." He said, taking a seat on a stone outcrop. "Well, we should find something to past the timey-wimey."
The original Doctor paused briefly in his work of carving something into stone, but resumed quickly.
"What is it that makes you act like children?" He asked. "Why are you so afraid of acting like a grown-up?"
"It must be recent for him." Ten said.
"What is?"
"It's in the past for them." The Woman said. "The day you destroyed them all."
"The Time War." The original Doctor said. "The Last Day."
"The way you two look at me… I'm trying to think of a better word than dread."
Ask them. The Moment whispered
"Did you count them?"
The Doctor stopped carving. "Count what?"
"The children on Gallifrey that day."
"I have absolutely no idea."
"How old are you now?"
"I don't know. I've lost track. Nine-hundred and something. I might be lying. See, I'm at the point where I don't know if I'm lying about my age or not."
"Four-hundred years and you never once thought about it?"
The sharp edge of the rock sliced through the stone. "Tell me, what would be the point?"
"Two-point-four-seven billion." Ten said.
"You did count!" The War Doctor exclaimed.
"Four-hundred years? Is that all it takes?" Ten glared at his future self. "You've forgotten?"
"I've moved on."
"Where? Where can you possibly be that you would forget that day?"
"It doesn't matter."
"Tell me! For once, I would like to know where I'm going!"
He turned to face him. "No, you really wouldn't."
"Stop it." The Woman said. "Arguing is getting us nowhere."
"I haven't the faintest idea of who you two are." The War Doctor said, looking from one to the other.
They are what you become if you destroy Gallifrey. The man who regrets, and the man who forgets.
"No," He said.
The Doctor looked at him. "No what?"
"Just no."
"Doctor." The Woman stood up.
"Yes?" All three looked at her.
"No, you." She pointed at the original Doctor. "It's the same screwdriver, right?"
He took it out. "Yeah, I guess. Same thing, different casing."
"So that means, if that," She pointed at the War Doctor. "Is you from the past, the calculation is still going on."
Ten took his sonic out, holding it up to his ear. "Calculation ongoing!"
"Four-hundred years!" The War Doctor smiled.
"Calculation complete!" the Doctor hugged the Woman. "Brilliant! Now, we can—"
He was interrupted as the door flew open.
"Hello, sweetie."