Author note – thank you all for the wonderful comments on the last chapter (mucus on the brain made me doubt it). I'm sorry this chapter took a bit longer than usual to get done; I have had a busy week in real life. I would love to what you all think of this instalment.
References – chapter thirteen
"I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go, things go wrong so that you appreciate them when they're right, you believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together."
― Marilyn Monroe
Elliot tried not to listen as Olivia talked into her phone. He took a drink of his water while she paced the kitchen. It was just after midnight and the film they had been watching was still on pause. He was well aware that their evening was coming to an abrupt end.
"I'll see you soon Fin, I just have to phone Lucy and drop Noah off. I'll be there as soon as I can," Olivia sighed into the phone. Elliot gave up feigning disinterest and turned sideways on the sofa to watch as she listened to Fin's parting words before hanging up the phone. She looked tiredly at the phone for a moment before she started scrolling through her contacts.
"You don't need to phone Lucy," Elliot told her.
Her hand paused and she looked at him. "I need to go Elliot," she replied sadly.
"I can stay with Noah till you get back or till Lucy comes in the morning," Elliot offered. He nodded at the phone. "How bad?"
She blinked, licking her lips. "Woman, signs of sexual assault, strangled. Fin thinks it's linked with a case from last week."
Elliot nodded, knowing what was going through her mind at the moment. She looked torn between her obligations to Noah and to the job. His eyes travelled over her. Her hair was clipped back, loose strands falling about her face. She was wearing her favourite sweater and faded jeans, she was comfortable and he'd never seen her more beautiful. It was the first time they had been relaxed in each other's presence since they had started meeting outside of the playdates in an effort to get to know one another again.
Elliot took it as a good sign that Olivia was suggesting things to do rather than him asking her. They were talking more, not much, usually about what they were doing or the film they were watching. But it was progress.
"I can't ask you to stay Elliot," Olivia insisted.
"You're not asking, I'm offering," he countered, rising from the sofa to walk to the kitchen. "It means you don't have to disrupt Lucy or Noah."
Her head tilted to the side, contemplating his offer. She drew her lower lip between her teeth, gnawing it lightly. She glanced in the direction of Noah's room. He'd been asleep by the time Elliot arrived and hadn't woken up. He knew Olivia was weighing up the possibility of Noah waking up without her or Lucy to comfort him.
"Lucy doesn't know you Elliot," she replied cautiously.
"If you're not back before she gets here, call her and let her know," Elliot said calmly. Olivia glanced towards the bedroom again. "We'll be fine Liv."
She contemplated him for a long moment before her face softened. "Are you sure?"
"Yeah," Elliot drawled out with a nod. "We'll be fine Liv," he repeated.
"Okay," she finally relented. "Um, he's been sleeping through till six but I think he's got another tooth coming through. There's teething gel in his bag and the bathroom cupboard and there's a soother in the fridge." Her arm gestured towards where everything was. Once she was done she pinned Elliot with a long look, wondering if there was anything she'd forgotten. Her eyes shifted and looked at the sofa behind him.
"The sofa will be fine Liv," Elliot assured her as he turned to the piece of furniture.
"Take my bed, I won't be using it tonight," Olivia insisted with a shake of her head.
"Go get ready Liv, I'll figure it out," Elliot told her. He wouldn't be using her bed, he thought to himself. He'd remembered how the scent of her perfume lingered in his room after she'd slept there with Noah a few weeks ago, how distracting it was when he tried to sleep no matter how much he washed his sheets. He could only imagine how bad the insomnia would be like in her room. The sofa was quite comfortable, and he'd slept on worse.
That seemed to snap her out of the sudden panic she had been in. Her curved up but did not form a proper smile. "Thank you," Olivia told him but before he could reply she disappeared into her bedroom to get changed.
As he listened to Olivia move around her bedroom, Elliot started to clear the living room. By the time she re-emerged, he was starting the washing up. The sweater and jeans replaced by a professional shirt and pants. She stopped short at the end of the kitchen, and Elliot kept his focus on the sink. He knew what she was thinking, the slight spike of panic which wasn't only due to the late night, probably all night, call out but mostly caused by the all too domesticated scene in front of her. He had to admit it only just occurred to him how it looked. He chanced a glance at her. Olivia blinked a few times in disbelief but he didn't comment, wanting her to take her own time to get used to it.
"You didn't have to…" she trailed off, gesturing to his arms which were descended into the sink of bubbles.
"It's fine," Elliot reassured her as he placed another plate on the draining board. Olivia still looked guilty, but Elliot knew there was little he could do to alleviate that. "Fin needs you Liv."
She nodded tiredly, exhaling softly. "Thanks, I'll um ring you when I know what's going on."
"Try not to worry Liv," Elliot said quietly. "Noah and I will be okay."
Her expression softened. "I know that," she smiled sadly. "I don't doubt you Elliot; it's more that I have to go."
"I remember that feeling," Elliot empathised, sobering gently.
Her eyes widened knowingly. "It doesn't change the fact that I have to go though."
"No but we can talk later," he offered. "If you want," he added with trepidation, waiting for her to rebuke his offer.
Even though Olivia straightened and shouldered her bag she still surprised Elliot by giving him a tiny bob of her head. "Okay," she agreed. "I need to go." With that she brushed past Elliot, and he breathed in discreetly. "Goodnight Elliot."
"Night Liv," he replied just before he heard the door open and close.
….
Fifteen minutes later Olivia was ducking under the crime scene tape which was held up for her by the uniformed officer. She scanned the crowd of crime scene techs and other officers to locate Fin. She saw Amanda at the edge of the scene with another uniformed officer and a young man who looked distressed and was gesturing at the other side of the cordoned off area. Her gaze followed the man's arm and found Fin standing over the body as the medical examiner crouched over the body.
She strode confidently over to them. Fin looked up when he heard someone approach, his pen pausing on the page of his notebook. His brow rose in surprise.
"That was fast," he said.
Olivia could hear the question in his voice, the slight concern. She winced inwardly, not wanting to admit why she was early, but a small part of her wanted to acknowledge it. "Elliot is staying with Noah," she explained quickly and pushed past Fin to focus on the body, ignoring his shock.
She instantly regretted it. The examiner was holding the white sheet up at an angle, and Liv could see the body. The sight of the blonde young woman, who couldn't have been more than twenty, laying with one leg bent awkwardly as if she died trying to push herself off the ground made Olivia shudder. Her clothing was torn and her skirt was scrunched around her waist. There was no sign of underwear. Olivia closed her eyes briefly to calm the sudden panic which was affecting her more deeply recently than it ever had before.
The victim had died fighting. And lost.
She felt the bile rising to the back of her throat and could almost taste it. She swallowed it back as she rose to her full height. She discreetly drew in a deep breath and blew it back out slowly as she regained control of her reaction. She cast a sideways glance at Fin, but he was the picture of professionalism and focused back on the case.
"The victim was found by the guy who was taking a short cut through the park," he gestured to the man who Amanda was wrapping up with. "He was late to meet his girlfriend who works in a bar opposite the south exit. Amanda's just finishing with him."
"Get a uniform officer to take him and make sure he's got a girlfriend to meet," Olivia replied looking over to the blonde detective.
The witness had taken out a phone and was scrolling through his contacts before he pressed it to his ear. As he started to speak he turned away from Amanda. She was rereading through her notes. She tapped the arm of the uniformed officer then pointed with her pen at the witness. The officer nodded as she retreated to Olivia and Fin.
"Officer Turner's going to get him home, they're going to swing by and make a stop for the girlfriend too. He's pretty distressed," Amanda commented as she folded over her notebook and tucked her pen through the spiral.
"Good," Olivia approved. She turned her attention to examiner who rose to start packing away. "What have you got?"
"There's contusions on her neck which suggests she was strangled. Signs of sexual assault, we found her torn underwear about a meter from the body. It looks like she fought back; defensive wounds and a few of her nails are bloody so I'm hoping she got a chunk of whoever did this."
"I hope we get a hit in CODIS if she did," Olivia nodded.
"I won't know much else till we get her back to the morgue," the examiner told her. "I'll let you know when I've got more." He lifted his arm as two of the techs rolled the stretcher to the opposite side of the body. "We're ready to move the body, if you are."
Olivia looked to Fin to make he sure he had the other details and his chin rose to confirm her silent question. She gave the examiner a nod. "Let me know as soon as you've got something."
"Of course," he replied and then worked with the techs to start manoeuvring the body bag onto the stretcher.
She stepped away from them, beckoning for Amanda and Fin to do the same, to give them space to do their job. "There are definite similarities to the case last week. Amanda can you pull the file and run the background of both victims and see if there is any overlap between them, double check if they're random attacks. Also run a check on the witness. Fin, can you run it through VICAP? This is a fairly open space and it seems more confident than last week's attack, maybe he's had more practice than we thought." They both nodded.
Olivia briefly met Fin's eyes, and swiftly looked away. Despite his neutral expression she knew he was wondering about her opening statement to him and caught her reaction to the body. She knew he would be concerned, he would be supportive but he would let her deal with it in her own way. She saw his face turn serious and they silently agreed to make their way towards the cars.
"Let's get back to the house, it's gonna be a long night," Fin said as unlocked the car.
…
Nearly an hour and a half after Olivia left the apartment Elliot was jolted awake by the sound of whimpers from the baby monitor which was set up on the coffee table. He relaxed a little and waited a moment to see if Noah would resettle himself but the whimpers turned into full blown sobs.
Pushing the blanket to the side, Elliot rose from the sofa ignoring the twinges in his back as he did so. Dressed only in his tee and boxers Elliot padded softly into the toddlers bedroom. He found the little boy standing in the corner of his crib which was closest to the door. He was rubbing his eyes sleepily and hiccupping lightly from crying, the tears rolling down his face.
"Hi Noah," Elliot said gently.
The crying paused as Noah looked up at him in surprise, but it was momentary as Noah realised it wasn't the adult he wanted to be there. The boy sniffled loudly before the crying resumed. Elliot approached, his eyes scanning the cot for his pacifier. His hands rested on either side of Noah as he located it and he bent slightly to retrieve it. Elliot touched it to Noah's lip and was relieved when he opened his mouth to accept it even though he still continued to cry around the soother.
"Come on little man," Elliot said as he slipped his hands under Noah's arms and lifted him from the crib. Noah raised his arms to help Elliot, but his cries continued. He was quickly settled on Elliot's hip and gripped onto Elliot's neck with his tiny hands. "Are your teeth hurting, huh?"
Noah mumbled something into his neck and Elliot shifted his head to look at him. "What was that Noah?" He asked as he curled his finger around the hoop of the soother. He realised it enough so Noah could repeat what he said.
"Ma," Noah cried before snuggling sleepily into Elliot shoulder, wanting any form of comfort.
"Sorry buddy, she had to go to work," he shook his head to let Noah know Olivia wasn't coming. Noah moaned a little and his tears began to pool on Elliot's shirt. He felt Noah's heavy diaper and looked around the bedroom. Moving over to the changing table, he laid the baby down and grabbed a new diaper and the wipes. Elliot placed a hand over Noah's stomach as he started to wriggle around on the table, his arms reaching out to Elliot as he tried to sit up. "Let me change your diaper and then we can sort out that new tooth of yours, huh," Elliot told Noah.
Elliot managed to change the diaper quickly despite the fidgeting child and soon Noah was perched on his hip once again as he walked into the dimly lit living room to locate Noah's bag, all the while murmuring reassurances to the whimpering child. Finding the bags on the kitchen counter he hunted through it to find the teething gel. He rinsed his hands before smearing some on his finger. He pulled Noah's dummy out of his mouth and spread the gel around the teat before replacing it his mouth.
"Um." Noah murmured appreciatively as he sat up a little straighter in Elliot's arms, sucking loudly on the pacifier as he realised there was a new taste to it.
"That's going to make you feel better," Elliot assured him, wiping away a stray tear. The crying had finally died down and Elliot wandered back into Noah's room. He stood at the crib and started to lower Noah down but the toddler tightened his grip, both of his arms wrapping tightly around Elliot's neck as he struggled against being laid down. Elliot straightened and looked at Noah expectantly. "It's bed time buddy."
Noah just shook his head and pointed into the cot. "Bun," he mumbled around his soother.
Elliot looked down and saw the toy he had given Noah when he first found out about him. Elliot reached down and grabbed the bunny to give it to Noah.
"Ta," Noah said as he took the bunny with one hand and tucked it under his arm before laying his head on Elliot's shoulder.
Elliot leant his head against Noah's reassuringly, glad the little boy was starting to get used to him. After a long moment, Elliot went to start lowering him into the cot again. But Noah shook his head again and tightened his hold again, his fingers digging into Elliot as he held on. Elliot sighed and lifted Noah up again.
"Okay little man, just for a little while because you gotta get some sleep," Elliot replied softly into Noah's forehead. He placed a gentle kiss on the baby's crown. Elliot held him closer, hoping he would drift off again quickly. Noah relaxed into him, he was still sniffling occasionally but he seemed quite content now that the gel was taking effect. Pressing his cheek to the infants, Elliot noted that he seemed a little warm but that was just the teething.
After a few minutes of being held Noah's eyes started to grow drowsy again and he started to lull against Elliot's shoulder. Elliot waited till his eyes had been shut for a long moment before he began to lower Noah back into the cot. But Noah was jolted awake by the movement and let out a sharp cry as his eyes sprung open in alarm.
His arms flailed and he clung onto Elliot, shaking his head resolutely. Elliot sighed and brought him close once again. "It's bedtime now Noah," he told him calmly.
"Ma," Noah replied emphatically.
Elliot returned Noah's look. "I'll do you a deal," he said knowing Noah had no idea what blackmail was. "I take you in there to wait for your Ma, but you have to go to sleep."
Noah frowned back at him and Elliot almost laughed as the boy reminded him of Olivia, determination had set in and he wasn't going to back down no matter how tired he was. "Ma," he repeated.
Elliot had learnt not to argue with that look. "Let's go wait for your Ma."
He walked back into the living room, grabbed the blanket from the sofa before settling into the armchair with Noah. He laid the blanket so it was covering the boy. Noah looked around the room sadly and when he couldn't see Olivia he emitted a soft "Oh."
Noah cuddled the bunny closer and leant against Elliot for comfort. Elliot ran his hand gently up and down his back reassuringly, hoping the movement would lull him to sleep. Elliot leant his head to the side to look at Noah's face but he was focused on the bunny. Elliot watched Noah's hand as he stroked the fur gently like Elliot was doing to his back.
"You and I are going to have to come to some sort of agreement, Noah," Elliot breathed out. "Because your mother was right, I'm not sure if I want to do this again. But that doesn't mean that I don't want to be in your life, I do. I want to see you grow up, I want to go your baseball games because with that aim of yours, you're going be one hell of a pitcher." He paused as Noah shifted and his head settled completely on Elliot's chest. "Most of all, I want to watch your mother raise you. You don't this yet, and you won't realise this for a long time but you are the luckiest little boy."
Noah yawned and his pacifier almost fell out. He quickly closed his mouth and started sucking again. He blinked a few times and his lids drooped.
"She has so much love to give Noah, and nobody has ever let her show it. She loves you so much and will always do her best for you. And there going to be times when she has to go to work but I promise this is where she wants to be. I want you to promise me that when she walks through that door you'll always smile and give her a big hug, because that's what she'll need. She sees lots of bad things at work and she needs to remember there's a reason she's doing it. She's trying to make the world a little bit safer by the time you grow up."
Noah's hand touched his chin. Elliot smiled warmly when he saw Noah craning his neck to look at him. Noah blinked again, his eyes grew heavier. Elliot dropped his chin and pressed a kiss Noah's fingers. "Good night little man."
Noah let out a contented sigh and snuggled into Elliot's chest. Elliot kept watching as Noah finally surrendered to sleep once again. Not wanting to disturb the child again Elliot held him close, smiling when he heard the soft snores emanating from him.
"I'm not sure if I can do this Noah, but I'm going to try," he promised the sleeping child.
….
It was nearly three in the morning when Olivia opened the bathroom stall. She saw Amanda at the sinks, washing her hands and their eyes connected in the mirror. The blonde's lips twitched in acknowledgement as Olivia moved the sink one over from her right.
Out of the corner of her eye Olivia saw Amanda scrub her hands clean. Olivia quirked a brow at the amount of time Amanda was taking, obviously waiting for Olivia. She could almost hear the unspoken questions from the younger woman.
She originally ducked into the bathroom to send a message to Elliot to make sure everything was okay at home. She wondered if Noah had woken up, and if he had how he was reacting to Elliot being there instead of her. Fin had held his tongue about it and she was grateful. She didn't think Amanda would be so considerate.
"So did you have a date tonight?" Amanda asked as she rung her hands above the sink to shake the excess water.
"Excuse me?" Olivia tried to play off then sudden panic she felt.
"You were wearing a little bit more make up than usual," Amanda explained with a kind smile. "I was just wondering if you-"
"It wasn't a date," Olivia cut in. It had taken her a long time to get ready and decide what to wear though. Elliot had seen her in all sorts of outfits, which led to her to decide on her most comfortable one but she had taken her time over reapplying her make up. "A friend came over to watch a film."
Amanda nodded her head knowingly. "Is it the guy who dropped off Noah's bunny?"
"Yeah," Olivia admitted reluctantly. "Why?"
"No reason. He seems nice."
She could hear the prodding in Amanda's voice and Olivia fought not to roll her eyes; there were very few people she confided her private life in. She felt quite protective of the fact Elliot was taking care of Noah, maybe it was protecting the fantasy she once held dear to her. But she wanted to dispel the assumption the younger woman was making in her mind.
Because Olivia didn't want to assume tonight meant more than it did.
They had been comfortable sitting on her sofa. She hadn't been focused on the film really, wouldn't have been able to tell anyone the plot if they asked her about it. Her head had been lulling on the back of the sofa and she had fought the urge to drift off to sleep as she rolled to the side to find Elliot watching her. His hand had lifted and started moving towards her face.
But the shrill ring of her phone broke through the moment and his hand dropped back to his lap.
Elliot hadn't been the only one disappointed. She had been anticipating the feel of his hand on her cheek, cupping it, possibly moving closer.
Olivia shook her head.
"He's just a friend," she spoke out loud not really answering Amanda, more reiterating it to herself. Meeting Amanda's gaze in the mirror Olivia saw her own doubt being reflected back at her. But whereas her doubt bothered Olivia, Amanda was hopeful about her insistent denial.
"Okay," Amanda nodded with the beginnings of a playful knowing smile.
Olivia kept her face neutral but didn't reply. Amanda took the hint and backed away to dry her hands.
Elliot was just a friend.
….
When they had made no progress on the case nearly two hours later Olivia sent everyone home for a few hours' sleep. She slid the key in the lock of her apartment. She held her breath as the hinge creaked when she pushed it open. Olivia was surprised when she saw the dim light in the coming from the living room. She couldn't hear any crying as she quickly slipped off her coat to hang it on the hook.
She crept round the corner and stopped when she saw Elliot in the arm chair with Noah cradled against his chest, both of them fast asleep and snoring lightly. She couldn't help but smile at the scene even though she wondered what had happened. Olivia walked to them and brushed a kiss on Noah's forehead as she crouched down to get a better look at Noah. She reached out and caressed his cheek with the back of her index finger. His head moved slightly into her touch and she moved her hand away.
Olivia looked up to find Elliot looking back at her with the same fascination that he had earlier. In that moment all the doubt she felt earlier disappeared and Olivia was unable to fight the urge to reach out to his face and cup his jaw as she straightened her legs. Leaning over Noah, Olivia placed the other hand on the back of the sofa to brace herself as she ducked her head to press her lips against Elliot's. Her nose brushed against his and she went to pull back but his hand sprang to her neck to hold her in place. She gasped at the action, opening her mouth to his. He took the opportunity and deepened the kiss. She allowed it for a moment before pulling back. Olivia wanted to yield to him but was mindful of the slumbering child between them.
His thumb moved languidly on her cheek as he looked at her warmly. "Good morning," he said huskily.