Summary:

Stiles revenge plot goes horribly- and hilariously- awry, resulting in the sacreligious assault of action figures a truly evil piece of lego and some non-consensual bondage.
Yeah in hindsight his revenge could've gone better.

Notes:

This is a slapstick chapter - arent they all- that is light on the Peter and heavy on the hilarity. For those who are fans of our favourite sexy uncle never fear the next two chapters are all about the god of psychotic v-neck goodness. My apoligies sociopathic.
As always I had so much fun writing this so I dont care if you dont like it...lies. Send some love . It makes me happy. Especially since I should be doing homework.

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

He's not even in his room to witness the beauty of his revenge on uncle sexy/creepy: he's dancing around in the shower frenetically shaking his thang to art vs science in all their electronic glory. "Higher and higher and hi-Yah!" He crows, violently splattering suds everywhere with his exuberant karate chop. He stops comically when hears the tell-tale yelping bark of surprise and violent cursing. Stiles practically falls over himself in his attempt to escape the shower and bear witness to the aftermath and hilarity. He slips on the tiles and skids through the room grabbing a towel as an afterthought and runs out onto the landing. He's at the top of the stairs dripping wet an expression of victorious glee on his face when he sees his father at the door talking to a very, insanely- eye brow unified - glowering Derek. They've both looked up and are staring at him as he thunders onto the scene. Sheriff Stilinski looks between the two of them completely unable to comprehend the situation , raising his hands in defeat he leaves the door open and walks to the kitchen.

Stiles is too concerned with his future longevity to care when his father shouts from the kitchen. "I'm going to eat this bacon and there's not a damn thing you're going to do about it!" There's also some vague mutterings of "fucking supernatural werewolf business, better off not knowing.. I'm so done", but Stiles is busy trying to co-ordinate running for his life and holding his towel up. He makes into his room before Derek and leans against the locked door, the towel long forgotten. He hears Derek growling on the other side but takes comfort in the knowledge that Derek's trying to maintain a good relationship with the law, and whilst attempted murder of an annoying teenager is apparently ok, intentional destruction of property is not.
"So is there any scenario where this doesn't end in maiming?" Stiles asks none to hopefully. He gets a short snarl in response and a thump as Derek kicks the door.
"I'm going to take that as a no. Is there at least a scenario where this happens when I'm wearing pants?"He can practically hear Derek roll his eyes. He scuttles from the door hurriedly throwing pants on, managing to trip over him-self only twice. He hears another yelp and almost immediately his door-bell rings.

Sheriff Stilinksi sighs as he gets up to open the door ,he has a mouthful of double bacon burger when he's met with a very mournful looking Scott. He gives an imperious gesture of enter and walks back to the lounge where he's watching a game before work.
Scott curiously trots up the stairs, hearing a loud thumping and various pleas of " Come on now Derek be reasonable! Ow shit! Be the Human DEREK! BE THE HUMAN! Fuck! No Not Batman! SWEET BABY JESUS! Sacrilege Derek! I take it back you're an animal! NO RESPECT! …." It's curiously quiet for a minute and he hears Stiles whimper. " I take it back ! I TAKE IT BACK! UNCLE ! UNCLE!"
Not entirely sure he wants to know Scott cautiously peeks around stiles doorway, sans door, which is propped neatly against the wall unscrewed from the hinges. In the middle of the carnage of thrown action figures, scratched DVDs and burst feather pillows Derek smirks at him, a predatory victorious grin from atop his perch of Stiles prone form.
Stiles see's Scott and his eyes widen in a silent begging plea, trying out puppy-dog eyes which only really work when Scott or Isaac do it. Scott laughs and crosses his arms leaning against the wall. He shakes his head as he says "No way dude, that freakin hurt. How hard is it to warn a brother? Seriously it'd take like two seconds: ' by the way bro I've electrified my window sill, just FYI.' You're on your own." He watches passively, amused as Derek grins and triumphantly continues to hog tie the struggling teens ankles to his wrists ;sitting down hard on him when he struggles too much. Stiles lets out an oomph of air and goes prone as he gives up. Derek pats his butt in reconciliatory manner.
" Atta boy Stiles take it like a man." Stiles just groans and Scott snickers loudly, satisfied with his work Derek nods and joins Scott.
The pair stand in front of stiles in identical poses of consideration : heads tilted slightly , hands against their chins. Stiles glares at them from his defenceless position trying to wriggle on his stomach his limbs tied in a complicated serious of knots behind him.
"I hope you're happy." Stiles bites out as he accidentally bumps his forehead against a particularly heinous obviously possessed piece of Lego.
Derek quirks an eyebrow and shrugs, looking to Scott. " Yeah I'm pretty happy, Scott?"
Scott grins cheekily and nods "yeah, I think we're done here"
Stiles turns his head and squishes half his face against the ground to better give the two wolves before him what he considers to be his death glare of death. Scott laughs again and the two assholes have the nerve, THE AUDACITY to high five one another and walk away. Ass holes!. Ok so in hindsight maybe he should've warned them but still it's not polite to call upon someone unexpectedly and…Wait were they really leaving . Wait! He struggles more violently against his bonds sputtering after them.
"Wait you're not just going to leave me here?! Guys? Guys?! GUYS?!" He yells an unintelligible curse as he attempts to hulk out of the restraints and is puffing and wheezing when Scott's head pops into his doorway.
"Don't worry dude, I'm sure someone will come rescue you." He winks and picks up a sheaf of research papers from Stiles desk giving him a pat on his way back past. Stiles listens as he and Derek say goodbye to his father. Oh god they were really gone. How the hell did he manages to get into these situations and who the hell was supposed to rescue him. Stupid adorable Scott winks he grumbles angrily.
Not five minutes after the wolves have left there's another chime of the doorbell. Stiles father on his way out fastens his gun belt and frowns in exasperation as he opens the door. He folds his arms a look of unamused expectation on his face. He considers the man on his threshold taking in the musculature and deep v that his son's wolves seem to have a penchant for and arches an eyebrow. The man smiles politely and extends his hand in greeting .
"Good evening sir do you have a moment to talk about our lord and saviour Jesus Christ?"
Stilinski rolls his eyes and snorts jerking his thumb into the house "He's upstairs" before ignoring the mans hand in favour of stepping past him to get to his cruiser and out of this madhouse. Peter waves at him from the threshold still smiling before entering the house.

Notes:

Thanks for reading!
Art vs Science is my favourite band and their song Higher is the sort of random eccentric electro nonsense that I can totally picture Stiles boogying to, naked. :P The next two chapters are all about uncle sexy so prepare for the goodness and banter and Derek smashing lamps.
thanks lovelies.
Crash x.