Author Note – I can't apologise enough for how long this update has taken me, but it's been fighting me for most of the week. I would like to thank all of you who commented on the last chapter and to everyone who is still following the story even with the irregular updates. I would love to know what you guys think, so if you have the time a review, or PM if you're uncomfortable leaving a public comment, would be greatly appreciated.

References – chapter sixteen

'However precise the results offered by paternity testers, the truth was recognized by societies that flourished long before they appeared: that fatherhood means more than genes alone.'
― Steve Jones, Y: The Descent of Men

He watched Olivia lift Noah above her head, as Noah giggled around the fingers he was chewing. He couldn't wrap his mind around the wide smile which split Olivia's face just before she blew a raspberry on Noah's cheek making him laugh harder and kick his legs excitedly. Noah withdrew his sloppy hand from his mouth, placing it on Olivia's neck as he leant in a tried to copy her by blowing a raspberry on her cheek instead he ended up smearing drool on her face.

Olivia laughed as she settled Noah on her lap and grabbed a few baby wipes from the coffee table, cleaning Noah's face and hand then her own cheek and neck.

"Thanks Noah," she told him, tickling his belly lightly to make him squirm and laugh again.

"Ta," he replied automatically as he locked eyes with the man watching them.

Don smiled back as the small boy studied him cautiously. He'd only gotten back to the country a few days ago. He'd kept in contact with Olivia via email and the occasional postcard. Don wasn't intentionally keeping tabs on her but he was happy when he found out about Noah coming to live with her. Don smiled proudly as he watched her interact with the toddler, her open smile as she played with him. It was obvious that Noah adored and loved her, following her everywhere.

Noah wriggled down off of Olivia's lap, dropping onto his knees before using the sofa to pull himself up, grabbing his bunny from the seat before turning to the old man. Don tilted his head to the side as Noah started walking towards him. They may not have been related biologically but Noah had picked up on Olivia's personality traits. He was thoughtful, a little guarded but he was also confidently curious about everything.

Noah approached him, his brow drawn together in a frown. Don leant down slowly as the boy got closer, wondering what Noah wanted. Don reached out to steady Noah as he wobbled when he stopped in front of him. When Noah didn't react to him, Don lifted him on to his lap. Noah made no move to get down just raised his hands to show Don his toy.

"Buh'nee," Noah explained seriously.

Don smiled at Noah. "You like your bunny?"

Noah nodded as he relaxed against Don, his concentration on the toy in his arms. Surprised by the assertive move, aware Noah wasn't planning on moving anytime soon, Don secured his arms around the content boy on his lap and looked to his mother who was watching the scene and her son with a mixture of longing and panic. Don cleared his throat softly to bring Olivia's attention to him.

Knowing she had been caught Olivia warily drew her gaze up to Don's, a faint flush on her skin as she looked embarrassed. She sighed clasping her hands in her lap. Noah glanced up at her smiling brightly before turning his attention back to his bunny.

"Elliot gave it to him," Olivia explained softly as she gestured to the toy with a wave of her hand.

Noah's head shot up towards his mother at the name, his eyes wide with excitement. "'Lot?" He asked hopefully.

"No Elliot Noah," she told him quietly, shaking her head.

"Oh," the little boy replied sadly as he tightened his grip on the bunny.

Don stared back at her, masking his surprise. Munch had shared the information of Elliot's return to Olivia's life. He couldn't help but consider how both of them were dealing with their reunion. With her expression he assumed it had gotten complicated between them again. His heart ached for them. Don had witnessed their first meeting and the demise of their partnership, both times.

Elliot had been a shell of the man he knew when they met to discuss the IAB ruling. He'd taken pity on Elliot when the younger man told him he was leaving, the pained, gut-wrenching look in his eyes when Don asked him about telling Olivia. Elliot hadn't said anything, but his eyes glazed over as his breathing became ragged. The words slipped out before he could register them, offering to tell Olivia for Elliot. Elliot looked like he was going to protest the betrayal he was about to agree too. Don had watched Elliot closely, the thoughts fluttering across his face before he reluctantly accepted the offer, whispering a barely audible thanks.

Don knew he would be breaking both of their hearts, but they never would have said goodbye. Elliot needed out, needed help, and Don knew he wouldn't get it if he stayed with the unit because he couldn't let go of Olivia.

He'd watched them grow closer throughout the years, witnessed the playful bantering, the angry yelling when they argued over a case, the thoughtful lingering gazes and hushed words of comfort when the other needed it. They weren't the only ones who got personally involved; they were the nearest he had to children. Throughout their partnership Don had been faced with notion of splitting them, but he couldn't bring himself to do it even when others were urging him to, not till they asked him to. He had all but ordered Olivia to let him tell Elliot about her transfer after Guitano, knowing it would have made things worse between the partners.

The guilt he felt was immeasurable after the last time he separated them. He watched Olivia holding it together so she wouldn't crumble in front of him, the little catch in her voice when she refused his offer of going home, his offer to talk, the quiver of her lip as she nodded, the watering of her eyes when she left his office in a daze. He wanted to tell her it was his idea that he informed her of Elliot's retirement, but he couldn't bring himself to do it.

"How are things with Elliot?" Don asked quietly. He was breaking his own rule about getting involved in their lives but he wasn't their commanding officer anymore.

Olivia met his sympathetic stare. Her eyes were guarded and cautious and Don was once again reminded of the similarities between Olivia and Noah. She looks unsure. Don doesn't expect her to say much, if anything at all.

"We haven't seen each other for a while," Olivia cleared her throat uncomfortably. "Not sure if we will again."

Don glanced down at the boy in his arms, noted how heavy his eyes looked and the tiny yawn as Noah snuggled further into him. He'd been so excited at the mention of Elliot. "Noah seems to like him."

Noah lifted his head at his name being mentioned but when neither adult addressed him he resumed babbling at the stuffed rabbit in his hands, yawning once again as he cuddled it close. Olivia smiled at her son and gave a quick nod.

"Noah loved spending time with Eli, he was only just started getting used to Elliot," Olivia explained with a bittersweet expression. She looked away when she caught Don watching her closely. "He misses them."

"And you?" Don asked.

Olivia bobs her head again quickly, swallowing the lump in her throat. "Yeah," she sighed.

Don studied her, knowing this was difficult for her. "Do you want to talk about it?"

Olivia shook her head, pushing out a tiny scoff. "No."

Her eyes were sheening over and Don thought about pressing her, but his years of overlooking the complications between them held him back. Pressing her wouldn't make her open up; Olivia would shut him out to deal with it on her own.

Olivia blinked rapidly. "How are you settling back into the city?" She asked with a forced smile changing the subject away from herself.

"It feels like home," Don said with a shrug. "How are you dealing with running the unit and Noah?"

Olivia glanced down to the boy in question. "It's hard. Noah's case worker doesn't like me that much because I work long hours and Noah is with Lucy for most of the day. I think she would prefer it if I had an extended family rather than a sitter."

Don nodded sympathetically. "The judge wouldn't have placed Noah with you if she wasn't confident that you could handle it. I know you can," he added proudly.

Olivia accepted the praise with a quick self-conscious lip quirk, but then it was gone. "I wish I was that confident. I've always wanted a family and I didn't kid myself that it would be easy. Guess I always thought…" she trailed off, blinking again.

"There would be more," Don finished for her.

Her eyes snapped to him again, understanding his implication. They held his gaze for a long moment. She looked hesitant, their past roles in each other's lives holding her back as much as it was him. Don knew Olivia trusted him but was reluctant to admit anything out loud. Olivia breathed out shakily, and Don was reminded of Elliot the last time he saw him. It gave him the courage to break the restrictions of his relationship with them.

"What happened with Elliot Liv?"

To his surprise, she started to talk. "It was fine. Noah and Eli got along great, and it felt nice to spend time together."

"But?" Don asked gently so not to spook her train of thought.

"It got complicated again and we argued." Olivia adjusted herself on the sofa. Her eye lids fluttered as she looked away, folding her arms over her chest protectively. "I'm trying to figure out everything else in my life and I wasn't ready for him to be more than a friend."

"Do you want him to be?" Don asked even though he knew the answer. Olivia looked ashamed and guilty. She didn't answer him, didn't even nod. Nothing had changed; they were still fighting their feelings. He had hoped their four year separation would have given them reason to sort out all misconceptions between them, but real life was rarely that simple. "What does Elliot want?"

Her eyes flashed. "He doesn't know," Olivia said confidently.

"Have you asked him?"

"We've talked about it, but we always end up more confused."

Don's flicked his eyes towards Noah, who had relaxed against him. In the midst of the adults conversation he had fallen asleep. Don felt his heart swell at the sight, happy that Noah felt comfortable enough around him to do that.

"And you can't sort out what happened?"

"How do you know if you haven't talked to Elliot?"

Olivia looked down at the carpet. "He doesn't want this Don," she started. "I don't want him to make a decision he'll later regret, I would rather be just his friend than risk losing him over something he forced himself into."

"What exactly would he be forcing himself into?" Don questioned.

"Another family," Olivia replies thickly as she stares at her fingernails, picking at the corner of one. "He's always talked about having children the 'old fashioned' way, I just…I don't know. He has five, I don't think he wants a sixth."

Silence meets her response as Don ponders what she's saying, knows the subject has caused tension between the partners in the past and wonders if it was Elliot's words were part of the reason Olivia decided to put this off for so long. He wondered if Olivia was projecting her own concerns on to Elliot. He knew the pain of putting a family life second, and he didn't want them to repeat his mistakes. They weren't his children but Don loved them like they were, and understood the kind of bond, the kind which Olivia fears Elliot would never be able to form with Noah; one that comes from compassion and respect and grows into love. He needs to word his response carefully.

"I think no matter how you chose to have children Elliot would have supported you because he knew that's what you wanted. He would have been happy for you, like I imagine he is now. Elliot would have been involved in your child's life and he would have slipped into whatever role you needed him to. I don't think either of you would have stopped that from happening, probably would have happened without either of you realising it." He adjusted his arm which Noah was leaning to a more comfortable position. "His feelings about your child stems from his connection to you. It's not just about Noah, it's about you too Liv."

He waited a beat, allowing his words to sink in. "Don't let your doubt get in the way of sorting things out with Elliot. Don't doubt your connection with him."