Chapter 3
Two weeks went by just like that and it quickly became the best two weeks of Charlie's life. She met up with everyone she had been forced to leave behind and they all got her to tell the same story about witness-protection over and over again, despite news traveling like wildfire in the small town of Summerbay thanks to Colleen Smart. After only a couple of days Charlie started to feel like she had never left, she went on runs down the beach and around town, she went for coffees at the diner and she moved into her old room back at Leah's place. At first when Leah had asked her she had been a little apprehensive towards it, she had after all not been back there since Jake had showed up at her door step and pointed a gun at her. But after thinking it over she realized it might be just what she need, to face her demons but still get that familiarity of her old life she loved while doing it. So after only being in town for four days she accepted and later that afternoon she was back where she belonged, at least for now until she knew what she was going to do.
Charlie easily fell into her old pattern from before which consisted of a run around town and down the beach where she would check out all the surfers before running home to grab a shower. Because she was still getting used to the house and didn't want to be alone there and the fact that she still couldn't cook to save her life, she headed down to the diner for breakfast and for some company and gossip. After that she would just hang around town, disturbing Leah and the ladies at the diner or take eternal long walks along the beach from point to point. But at some point every day she would head over to the hospital to see Brax.
The first few days she had showed up they were so wrapped up in their own happy little bubble that they did not notice how easily they fell into old patterns, they didn't spare a second thought too all the bad things that had went down between them. All that mattered to them was they were together once more, that their longing for each other was over. Neither of them wanted to be the one to ask all the hard questions they had, in case it would ruin the happy place they were in. It wasn't until Brax started to get better and Sid started to talk about him getting discharged and going home that it hit Charlie like a ton of bricks. Brax was going back to his old life, a life she was no longer a part of. He had moved on and had a new life with his brothers and with Ricky. No matter how great of a time they were having or how much it felt like old times, she could not let herself be fooled to believe that it was anything more than it was. She tried to tell herself over and over again that it was just the fright of him coming close to dying, that the both of them only needed comfort and a familiarity that they found in each other. So she started to cut her visits shorter and shorter every day, a way for her to get used to not having him in her life again that she had gotten used to at such short time.
When she walked into the hospital that morning she knew what she was going to do, what she needed to do, but as she reached the light blue door to Brax's room she wasn't as sure if this was what she wanted to do. But after thinking it over in her head two more times, making it a trillion and one times, she decided that it was the best thing to do so she took a deep breath before opening the door and walked into the room. She managed to walk in just as Sid told Brax he had to stay for two more days before he could go home and she couldn't hold in her laughter when she saw the frustrated, yet adorable, face he pulled. A laugh that Sid soon joined her in and after giving Brax a few more instructions he walked out and left them alone in the room.
"So, how's the patient today?" She asked as she approached the bed to put down the bag from the diner on the bedside table.
"A whole lot better now for seeing you." He grinned that dangerous boyish grin that showed of his dimples and that could bring any uptight woman to her knees. By the glim in his eyes she could tell that he knew exactly what he was doing to her and suddenly the room became all the more stuffier. He swung his legs over the side of the bed so that he could sit on the edge before his hands found her hips and pulled her in between his legs so that they came eye to eye. "Hi."
"Hi." His grin became slightly more mischievous if that was even possible as he leaned in closer until their lips were nearly touching and Charlie knew exactly where this was going. The only problem was that she didn't know if she could handle it. But before she could dwell on it for too long his lips were on hers, caressing them in a gentle kiss. A kiss that soon turned passionate and intense, but before it could become too intense she broke away in desperate need of air. Even after all this time he could still get to her with only a kiss, it was like no time passed and their bodies fell in the an old, familiar pattern.
"Now that's a greeting I could get used to!" The smile on his face made it impossible to not smile back and mumble her agreement but when she saw him leaning in again she pulled away, knowing that if she let him she wouldn't be able to go through with what she came her to do.
"So are you ready to get out of here?"
"Are you kidding? I'm so sick of this place and having to see Heath's ugly mug all the time."
"So it's safe to say that hanging out with him is not the first thing you will do when you get out of here?" She laughed, knowing that it would probably be the first thing he did anyway.
"No, I would say surf but I'm pretty sure I won't be allowed to do that." They both smiled at each other, both of them knowing how much he longed to be in the water, he wasn't him if he didn't get to surf or be close to the beach.
After that an awkward silence fell over them, something that had not happened to them once since she got back. Sure they would be quite at times but it was a comforting silence when no one felt forced to make conversation like now. It was like both of them knew that everything was about to change but no one wanted to bring it up, wanting to hold off the inevitable for a little longer. They both knew what they wanted but the unanswered questions were holding them back, no one dared to voice their desires in case they would get burned.
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Brax couldn't help but feel a little hurt and frustrated as Charlie pulled away from him yet again, something about her had changed but he couldn't figure out what. For the last couple of days he had noticed how she would pull away whenever he tried to kiss or touch her and how she then would pretend like she hadn't noticed what he was trying to do, or she would end the kiss before it even begun. It made him think that of the possibility that she left without him simply because she didn't care anymore, a thought that had been playing in his head since they found out she was alive. That the reason she didn't come to see him earlier was because she couldn't be bothered. But then the picture of Charlie showing up the first time by his doorstep with tears in her eyes came to mind and washed all the doubt away for this time. Though that didn't stop them from returning every time she pulled away or he had a moment to himself to think about everything.
"So I better get going…" She said somewhat awkwardly as she stood up from her chair.
"Already? But you just got here."
"I know." She smiled but it didn't quite reach her eyes and he could see the sadness in them, they didn't shine as brightly as they normally did. "But I only came her to say goodbye."
"You're actually leaving? For good?" Brax stood up now too, trying not to winch in pain as the hasty motion pulled at his stiches. He had just gotten her back and now she was leaving, again, when they actually had the chance to be able to spend some time together. In an attempt to stop her from leaving he tried to grab her hands and pull her close again but she refused and remained where she was. Her face was stoic, not letting him in on anything, but she ran her hand through her hair and looked anywhere but him which was a clear sign that she was flustered and wished to be anywhere but here.
"There's nothing left for me here now with Ruby gone." Nothing here? It was like a punch to the gut, she was practically saying that he didn't matter to her and wasn't a good enough reason for her to stay. But before he could interrupt she continued like she knew what he was going to say. "Brax, you're better now and going back to your old life, a life that I'm not a part of and we're kidding ourselves if we think things can go back to how they used to be! Too much has happened for that to be possible.
"So that's it? You're just going to up and leave again, just give up on us?"
"Us, doesn't even exist!" She burst out, her frustration clearly showing. "You're with Ricky now and that's all that matters."
"You just have to say the word Charlie, I would leave her in a second if that meant I could have you back." He put emphasis on every word while trying to keep his voice calm and even to prove to her how serious he was, but he cracked and the emotions he had tried to keep at bay every time he thought about her dying came through. "I thought you were dead, Charlie. And it took me a long time to accept the fact that I had to move on, and now that I have, we find out that you were never dead… that you just left. All the pain we went through was for nothing. I get that you had to go into hiding and that I was a huge reason why. B-but you couldn't possibly been so angry that you rather let your family think you died than to take me with you."
Brax could feel tears in his eyes now that was on the verge of spilling over, no other woman had ever brought him close to tears. In fact no one or nothing had ever brought him close to tears since he was a little kid and yet she still succeeded. All the emotions, all the anger he had contained caused by all the unanswered questions and all the unconnected dots between them. Brax expected to see some kind of regret or hint of remorse on her face but he came out blank, she just looked empty but at his final words it was like something snapped for her.
"Don't!" She spat out with so much emotion it even startled him. "Don't try and cover up your mistakes in a way that's convenient for you and then dare blame it on me. Jake showing up at my doorstep and shooting me was not why I went to hiding, it was how I got into hiding. Jake was my doing, I shot his brother in an attempt to save your life after I was dragged into you and your brother's stupid gang-war. I did it because I loved you and I would do it all over again and I'm not blaming you because it was my choice to get involved with you. But I had to wake up alone in a room, not knowing where I was and without you or my family by my side. And when I said that I needed to tell the man I loved with all my heart, do you know what they told me? They said that it was okay because he already knew and that he was the one that agreed to this."
Charlie's voice had only gotten thicker and thicker with emotions and grown weaker and softer by the minute, like she didn't have the energy to both feel and attack him at the same time. She finally looked up to meet his eyes and he could see the hurt clearly showing in his eyes and realized it had been there all along, it was the reason why her eyes had not had the same gleam as it used to.
"At first I couldn't believe it. Darryl Braxton giving up without a fight, that didn't sound like you at all. But then the pictures came, of you with all the girls and Ruby moving on, and that's when it hit me. The reason you didn't fight was because I wasn't as important as I thought I was. Do you know what that feels like? To realize that the person you loved more than anything didn't really care and that you just had been a way to get out of trouble and at the same time get an out from something that was getting to complicated? It hurts and you cry. You wonder what you did wrong and why you weren't enough before you start to hate yourself because you can't stop loving them even though they took you away from your family."
He did his very best to keep his temper in check and keep it from spilling over, his jaw was clenched so tight he was afraid it might break and his nails dug into his skin so hard it almost drew blood. The sad and apologetic man was gone and replaced by a fierce and angry man who was beyond hurt but too proud to show it.
"Do you really think that low of me? That I would be able to do that to you? Because if I remember correctly you weren't the only one to make sacrifice for someone you love in this relationship. I walked away from my family when I decided to move away to the city, I chose you over them! I loved you so much that I didn't give a rat's ass about how anyone else felt, all I could think about was our future and not losing you again." He let a bitter chuckle escape, he couldn't just ignore the irony of it all. "But I guess I did that anyway ay. But hey if you do believe that I'm capable of doing all that then maybe you're right. Maybe you should go and I should stay here with Ricky and be happy, because it would obviously not be with you."
Charlie didn't say anything else, she just wiped her cheek in a way she thought was subtle and nodded before she turned around and walked out the door. As soon as it closed behind her he let his anger really out. He swiped down his water-glass from his bedside table with such force it cracked in two when it first hit the wall and later on the floor. What the hell had just happened? He couldn't understand what all the rambling about him agreeing to her going into witness protection was. But what angered him the most was the low opinion she seemed to have on him and that she believed that he would be able to just send her away like that and move on without a second notice.
Letting out a frustrated sigh he sat back down on the bed with his head in his hands while just looking straight ahead. This was not how he had planned for things to go. He didn't know for sure if Charlie was hanging around or not and he didn't know if Ricky was still here and if he even wanted to start or continue something, it was something he had said in the heat of the moment in an attempt to get a rise out of her. Today had not made him any wiser and he knew just as little as before and he was as, if not more confused about it all then he was before.
Two days went by pretty fast even though there was no more daily visits from Charlie and Brax was finally out of the hospital and back home. With nothing else to do since he was on strict orders from Sid to rest, not being able to go to work or surf, he found himself relaxing on the couch with Ricky's head in his lap.
After all the heat had died down since his fight with Charlie he actually thought about what she had said about him having a new life. He thought about it and realized that he had actually came to love Ricky, even though it wasn't the same as with Charlie but that might not always be a bad thing, so he decided to take a risk and give it another go. What he hadn't expected was the resistance he had been met by. They argued for two days straight after he got out of the hospital, going back and forth. She was worried about his brothers reaction to her staying around, she had after all not only messed with his life, and a little wary about Charlie being back. But eventually he had finally convinced her to stick around much to Casey's dislike and Heath's for that matter, a dislike he had showed by saying "Now that Buckton is alive shouldn't you be shacking with her and not that scheme?" To say that the tension in the house was unbearable was an understatement and he knew that if a confrontation was to come Ricky would be out the door in two seconds, and that was the last thing he wanted right know. He just wanted to relax and forget everything that happened over the last couple of days.
That wasn't easy though when his mind would always drift off to the fights with Ricky and her insecurities that would lead him to the confrontation at the hospital with Charlie and as soon as he thought of her he was gone. The days he had spent with her before kept replaying in his mind, and the fact that he hadn't heard from her since she walked out of the hospital and didn't know if she was still around made him anxious. Had she truly left? He hadn't really thought she would actually do it. A part of him still really wanted her to stay because he rather had her around than not having her in his life at all, but another part of him was still really angry and stubborn and didn't give two shits if she stayed or not.
He was pulled out of his musings by a hand touching his face in an attempt to catch his attention and he looked down on a confused and slightly amused Ricky.
"Huh, did you say something?" She chuckled lightly before sitting up next to him on the couch, careful of his stiches.
"I said what are you thinking about? You were a million miles away." She looked at him with an imploring gaze like she had her suspicions and she knew what she was looking for, now the only thing was if she could find what she was looking for or not. He tried to act like it was not of any importance by shaking his head and mumbling out a nothing before turning his attention back to the TV that he wasn't really watching in the first place.
"You were thinking about her again, weren't you? Charlie?" He tensed at only the mention of her name and he clenched his jaw to stop the yell of anger that rose inside of him.
"Damn it Ricky, don't start that again! I've already told you she's out of my life for good. I'm with you now, not with her!"
"Oh really?" She scoffed, it was obvious she was not buying it. "Does she know that too?"
"Of course she knows! She's the one making damn sure of it!"
As soon as the words were out of his mouth he wished he could take it back. He usually didn't put his foot in it, it was more of Heath's thing, but that was not the right thing to say when he was trying to deflate the argument. His words just gave her reason to strengthen her doubt about his dedication to their relationship. He practically just threw in her face how upset he was that Charlie was not still around.
"So what you're saying? That if it was up to you, you would be back together with her right now instead of me?" There was no crack in her voice, she was riled up and he knew she was though and not one to bow down from a confrontation or avoid problems. She faced them head on, not showing any fear and it was one of the things he admired about her. "If that's the case then just tell me Brax! I'm a big girl and I can take care of myself, I don't need you to stay with me out of pity. I knew what I was getting myself into when I got involved with you Brax. That a part of you would always be out of reach to me so don't condescend me by trying to protect my feelings, I don't want to be here if I'm not wanted." In the heat of the moment they both had gotten out of their seats and was now standing on opposite sides of the room, wild eyes with anger that showed just how awfully tiered they were of the situation and having to have the same conversation over and over again.
A faint knock sounded brought them out of their state only to find Charlie of all people standing in the always open doorway. Out of all times, he mused, she had to show up now to confess her feelings for him and how sorry she was. But by the shocked look on her face upon seeing him Brax realized that that was not the case and that it was not him she had come to see, and that sort of pissed him off as well.
"What are you doing here?" He snapped, it came out angrier than he had intended and he could she her slightly flinch at the tone.
"I uh- I didn't know you would be here, I only came to drop this off." He lifted the box in her arms slightly to indicate that it was what she was talking about, making him notice it for the first time.
"What is it?" He said in a soft voice, hoping to make up for before and he could see that it slightly threw her off.
"It's uhm, some of your things that you left at Leah's. I found them when I was going through the stuff from my room and I thought you might like it back."
It was just one blow after another with her wasn't it? First it was her low opinion of him and now she was trying to get rid of him from her life for good. Not only was she going to up and leave but she was making damn sure that he wasn't coming with her, god forbid her remembering that he might actually be a decent human being. But he wasn't going to let it affect him and especially not in front of Ricky so he plastered a cruel smirk on his face to show her that he was after all a cold hearted bastard that didn't care about her.
"Well if I survived two years without them I'm sure I'll be just fine now that you're back."
"Fine. Throw it away, keep it, I really don't care."
She let out a disappointed sigh and placed the box on the floor by the couch and then she was gone, leaving a defiant silence behind. Brax looked at the box she had dropped off for several minutes before he walked over and picked it up and placed it on the kitchen table, where he once again just stared at it. He was curious of what it contained but at the same time he wasn't so sure that he wanted to know or if he was ready. It had been hard to go through her things she had left at his place and face the memories so he could only imagine how hard it would be to go through this.
"I'll leave you to it, call me when you're ready."
He could hear Ricky leave and the door close behind her and he couldn't help but feel grateful right now for how well she knew him, how she just knew that he needed to be alone whether he was going to look in the box or not. Now he would be able to let any kind of emotions out without having to worry how it would affect Ricky or anyone else, he could let out the anger and the hurt from her throwing him out and he didn't have to hold back that he still cared. Taking a deep breath he reached inside the box and pulled out the first items which was a checked button-up shirt that he had left behind when he had stayed the night. There were a few more shirts and t-shirts but it was the next item that made his breath catch in his throat, he pulled out a wooden frame that held a photo of the two of them down at the beach. He was sitting behind Charlie on the sand with her between his legs and his arms wrapped around her waist while she had her head leaning on his shoulder. They both had goofy looking smiles on their faces, a result from finally being able to be out in the open. But that hadn't been what had made him catch his breath. Dangling from the corner of the frame was a silver necklace, the same silver necklace he had given her for her birthday, the only gift and jewelry he had ever gotten her and she had not taken it of since. He remembered asking her about it and she had just smiled and said that it was a part of her that reminded her of him, a way to always keep him with her. That's why it hurt and felt like a slap in the face, it was yet another reminder that she didn't want him anymore and that they were history.
Wiping of a few stray tears from his check he showed the picture-frame back into the box before closing it and storming of to put it in the closet in his room.
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When Charlie had stormed out of the hospital after her fight with Brax she had been determined that she was going to leave and go back to the place that was currently so called home. She was just as, if not even more determined to go home after dropping of the box at his house and seeing him with Ricky. But later that day when she was sitting on the couch drinking wine with Leah, laughing and talking like they used she realized just how much she had missed it all and she started to doubt if she was doing the right thing. When she the next morning was packing together the few things she had brought slowly to drag it out and her old boss had called her it had been like a sign from above. Joyce had offered her a job back at the station as the commanding officer and she had accepted it without further ado, claiming that the job offer was the only reason she was staying and not the fact that she was not ready to let go. Maybe it was some compulsory urge to torture herself that made her want to stay around and see Brax be happy after everything, because she was not ready to let go.
But she had had a week to get use to the idea and she was now on her way to the diner for her morning coffee before going to the station for her first day back and without a uniform. Since she didn't have much to do in witness-protection she had finally gotten around to actually study for her detectives exams, which she had passed with ease since she didn't have any distractions and she was now Detective Charlie Buckton. It had felt weird this morning when she couldn't just throw on her uniform but instead had to search through her wardrobe for something appropriate to wear, and by the looks of it she needed to go shopping. Leah and the ladies at the diner had been surprised when she told them she was going back to work. The last thing they had heard before she left was that she was resigning from the police force and that she was ready to do something else. But since seeing that the man she was prepared and willing to give up her career for didn't really care for her she didn't really see any reasons why she shouldn't go back. She went into the force for two reasons. One was so that she could do something about men like Grant but the other reason was to follow in her father's footsteps and now she finally had after finishing her exams. She felt somewhat proud of herself for actually going through with it and staying around in Summerbay like her father wanted, a place that he had come to see as home as had she.
When she walked through the door to the diner she was met by a cheerful Colleen that was bobbing around by the tables. As soon as she had laid eyes on Charlie by the counter she had rushed over there to take her order and not wanting to miss a chance to yet again nag her ear off. "Hi Colleen, can I get a flat white to go please?"
She didn't answer for several seconds, she just stood there smiling at her until it almost became a little creepy. "Of course, Detective Buckton!" she squealed and Charlie couldn't help but laugh at the old lady. Apparently she wasn't the only one happy about her continuing the police force. "I'm sure your father is smiling down at you from up there! He would be so happy that you are still protecting us common people despite your own problems and the terrors you've gone through lately because of that Jake person."
Charlie couldn't help but flinch at the memory that was brought up by Colleen's words. She could still remember every second of her lying on her living room floor in her uniform until the unconsciousness took her. The burning pain her abdomen, the difficulty to breath and the inability to call for help. It was burned into her brain and she had gone over it so many times, both awake and asleep, that she sometime was afraid she was going to go crazy. But eventually she had decided to face her fears and not let it hold her back and keep her from doing things that she loved, and going back to the force was just one step towards progress.
She was snapped out of her thoughts by Colleen handing her a cup of coffee and after paying for it she made her way to the door. It was first then that she saw him sitting at one of the tables and by the look on his face she could tell that he had overheard her conversation with Colleen, maybe even possibly the look on her face as she was reminiscing. She could clearly see all the questions on his face and the not so pleased look in his eyes but she didn't bother to response to either of them and just averted her eyes and walked out the door. But as she walked away from there she quite couldn't let go of the displeasure she had seen in his eyes. Had it been over the fact that she was still here and was sticking around or could it be that he actually generally still cared for her?
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Detective. Protecting. Jake. She was actually staying on the force? As soon as Brax heard it he just wanted to go over there and give her a good shake to try and make her see sense. Did she not know how dangerous that would be? Jake might be inside but that didn't mean he was cut off from the world, he still had contacts and people to do the dirty work. Sure she might not be safe anyway but she was putting herself out there like a shooting duck by going back to the force. Deep down he knew that she could take care of herself, she always had. She was an excellent police officer and if she survived two gun shots she could probably survive about anything but it didn't keep him from worrying about actually end up losing her for good.
Deciding not to go after her, because he really didn't have any right or reason too, he pulled out his phone instead and hit call once he had found the right number.
"Brax?" Ricky sounded surprised the he was actually calling, she probably didn't expect to hear from him after the other day.
"Hi, I'm sorry I haven't called but a lot happened and I didn't want to take it out on you."
Truth was he hadn't actually had a thought of calling her at all, she had barley entered his mind, he had been too busy dealing with his confusing emotions for Charlie. But he bit his lip in hope that she would buy it instead of making a fuss. Yet somehow he knew she would figure it out, she wasn't stupid after all, and if she did she would pretend like nothing and let him smooth it over if talking about it wasn't something he wanted to do.
"It's okay, I get it."
"Good, so do you want to meet up or something?"
"I was actually heading down for a surf. Do you want to come?"
"Definitely."
He hung up with a smile on his face, he hadn't been surfing since he had been shot but his wound had healed nicely and was now just a bit stiff and sore, but since has that ever stopped him from doing what he wanted. A surf was just what he needed and hanging around Ricky that was one of the few that actually made him smile and who wasn't to clingy or needy was just the perfect mix. Maybe it could take his mind of things for at least a couple of hours. So it was in good spirit that he left the diner in a hurry to get home and grab his board so that he could meet Ricky at the beach. The first thing he did when he got home was walking over to the closet to grab some boardies and that's when he stumbled on the box that Charlie had brought around. He had not looked in it since the day she had brought it over and he had found the necklace but it had been bugging him and as much as he knew he didn't have time and shouldn't, he couldn't help but bring it out.
Turning it upside down over the bed he let the content spill out over the mattress. Skipping the frame and the shirts that he had already seen he moved on the other items. There was a few more shirts and some other insignificant things of his that he had easily replaced but there was also a letter. Had she really written him a letter? Picking it up from the pile of things he sat down on the bed and debated if he should open it or not. What if he didn't like what she had to say? But really, how much worse could it be than what she had already said? But when he turned it over and found her name written on the front instead of his curiosity took the better of him. If she gave it to him then obviously she would want him to know what it said. After opening it and starting reading it he almost regretted having done so. Once done reading it he dropped the paper to the ground and just stared at the wall ahead. He was overcome with emotions, anger, sadness, guilt and even a bit of betrayal. How could he have not known?