Chapter 4
He never made it down to the beach where he was supposed to meet Ricky, he actually never made it out of the house. The furthest he got was the living room couch where he collapsed and just lay for hours with this numb feeling eating him up inside. Ever since he had heard Charlie's voice at the hospital he had felt as if he was living in a dream, from which he never wanted to wake up but that dream had recently turned into a nightmare that he wanted nothing more than to wake up from. Things were nothing but confusing at the moment with Charlie being back from the dead and recovering from his father figure nearly succeeding to kill him and kidnaping your and your brother's girlfriends. But that letter somehow managed to make things even more complicated and confusing, bugging the hell out of him. He didn't know how to react to it or if he should even believe what it said since he didn't have any indication that it could be.
His musings were interrupted when the for once closed door opened and Casey walked in, the sound ringing in the otherwise empty and quiet house. He walked through the room with the biggest smile Brax had ever seen on his face and he looked like he didn't have a care in the world, he did not even notice Brax lying on the couch.
"What has you smiling like a goof?" Brax's voice brought him out of his happyland and made him jump almost three feet of the ground but he never once dropped the smile from his face, it was like it was glued stuck.
"Nothing!" Casey exclaimed a little too happily before he actually swaggered into the kitchen to rummage through the fridge for something to stuff his face in.
"Oh really?" He said as he fumbled off the couch to follow Casey into the kitchen. "So it has nothing to do with a certain blonde who works down at the baitshop and has yet to give you your balls back?"
Brax couldn't keep the smile of his face now either, it was nice to see his brother happy again. They never really had the chance at a normal life even when they were kids, either their parents were fighting or the cops rocked up at their door and now there was always something interfering as soon as either of them found a little normal and a little happy. But for the first time in a really long time Casey actually had a chance. After everything with the whole gang-war and going the juvie, all the crap he had to take from him after Charlie died, everything Adam put them through and having to go to prison for something he didn't do. Casey if anyone deserved to have some normal with a girl that could keep him on his feet and Denny was good for him, really good. She was down to earth and didn't push or make too big a deal of things when not necessary and most important of all, she made him walk around with a smile on his face all the time even if it was highly nauseating and irritating for the rest of them to see.
"She's pretty amazing isn't she?"
"She has to be ay, to put up with your ugly mug all the time." He winched as Casey punched him in the arm. It wasn't hard but even though he wanted to admit it or nor his body was still weak and recovering from a near death experience. "But I'm happy for you mate!"
"Speaking of happy…" Casey's voice suddenly grew serious and the change of tone made his attention snap back to him. "I saw Charlie earlier and she didn't look to good… Is she alright?"
At that he couldn't help but admire the boy even more, if it had been anyone else who brought it up he would have had their heads off even though they didn't know it was off limit or not. Then again his other brothers wouldn't dare to ask him about his personal life unless lives depended on it. But with Casey he couldn't find it in himself to do so, he never has even when they were kids, it had always been the two of them against the world somehow. The anger he couldn't escape though as the subject was brought up, it was still too raw.
"I wouldn't know Case."
"Wh-what do you mean, you wouldn't know?" The poor kid's forehead creased while his eyebrows almost reached his hairline, a clear indication that he was beyond confused and his eyes went back and forth like he was trying to put together a puzzle and the pieces wouldn't quite fit together. Then it was like a light had gone off in his head and the look in his eyes was slightly berating as if he was positive it had been him that had screwed it all up. "What happened? While you were at the hospital you didn't talk about anything but Charlie."
"Leave it Case!"
"We thought she was dead and now you´re just going to let it be?"
"I said leave it!"
"Brax, come on-"
"Damn it Case!" His fist banged hard against the surface of the coffee-table and the sound of the impact effectively shut his brother up. Without another word he got up from the couch and stormed out of the house and slammed the door behind him. He normally had a short fuse but after the last happenings it was even shorter than usual and he saw it fit he made himself scares before he snapped, jumping into his car he took off at full speed.
Somehow after driving around for a while he ended up at the beach. Which didn't quite surprise him since he always found himself on the beach whenever he could, whether it was to clear his head and take out his frustrations or just relax and enjoy. He turned the engine off as he turned into the parking lot and leaned back in the seat and starred aimlessly out the window, he watched the inhabitants of Summerbay walk by as they went on with their day and that's when he spotted the bench. The very same bench he had sat with the last time he had been this confused and Charlie had been the one to bring clarity to his life instead of confusion. Then he had been sure of what he wanted, he had it all figured out. He wanted Charlie and she opened up and gave him the chance, but now he didn't know what he wanted or more importantly what she wanted.
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After sticking her head into her room a million times tonight Charlie was sure that Leah had gone to bed and she could finally breathe out again. She adored Leah and she loved that she cared but right now she just wanted to be alone, be able to cry her heart out and scream without consolation. She just wanted to be able let it all out and she couldn't do that if there was people around. Getting out of bed she grabbed her shoes on her way out the room so the she could soundlessly walk through the house. Well outside she walked the short distance to the beach where she once again took of her shoes so that she could walk barefoot through the sand in the darkness while looking out over the ocean. Eventually she ended up at her original destination, Stuart's point. She sat down on the stone wall that looked out over the ocean as she has done several times before and when she took in a deep breath everything came crumbling down, all the memories came out and hit her full speed. All day she had been suppressing the images that had been pushing at the front of her brain just as they did this day every year.
His hands was holding hers and their fingers were entwined as they always were and his lips were on her neck leaving a trail off kisses behind, all in perfect order. Except it wasn't. His hands weren't gentle and warm like they normal were, they were holding so tight it hurt and pinning her down to the sort of soft surface beneath her. His lips weren't as soft as they used to be and they weren't giving her that warm, fluttering feeling in her stomach. Instead they were rough and abusive while leaving a trail of marks that she knew would take days to disappear. She was trashing around as much as she could with his several inches taller body then hers laying above her, holding her down with its full weight. Something that sounded very much like a whimper escaped her lips when she felt his hips straddling hers, leaving her legs free to kick wildly in the air.
Panic started to rise with in her as she started to realize where this was going. She had heard so many stories from her dad, read so many articles in the newspaper about girls getting hurt by people they trusted but never once did she think it would happen to her. Never would she have thought that he of all people was capable of doing something like this to her. He had always seen her amongst everyone else, always been so kind and sweet when they were alone and then he would walk her home in the evening so that she wouldn't get hurt. And now he was the one hurting her instead. "No, this couldn't be happening!"
The hands that had been pinning her down started to roam all over and before she knew what had happened she was shirtless and his hands were traveling further south. She fought for everything she was worth but nothing worked, he had a huge advantage by his tall body build against her tiny, skinny figure. Tears were starting to build up in her eyes and cloud her vision but the smirk on his face she was not able to miss. It was evil and cold, the look in his eyes told her that he knew exactly what he was doing and it sent shiver down her spines. He was deliberately hurting her in the worst way possible and he was enjoying it. She gave up, closed her eyes to block out the image and hope that this nightmare would be over soon and when it was she spotted him next to her fast asleep. Without another word she pushed herself up and quickly got dressed before she walked out the door quietly.
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A pair of hands was pinning her down on the sand and it was the very same pair of hands that had done it to her before, only this time they were stronger and rougher. But this time he wasn't quiet and malicious as before, this time he was angry so he screamed and ranted to her why he was angry and what he was going to do to her. It was almost worse than not knowing because she already had pictures from before in her mind so know she knew what to expect and what was to come. Even this time he had a body advantage, it didn't matter that she had grown stronger too. She was still tiny compared to him with his broad shoulders and strong legs from several hours of training.
She could feel the panic rising up her throat once more as she heard the words coming out of his mouth even though she did her best to block it out. He had his lips hovering just above her ear as he spoke, his warm breath hitting her face every time, to make sure that she heard every word. She started to think about all the people back home and how things had become last time and she knew that it could not happen again, she would not let it happen again. This time she was stronger mentally as well and she would not give up again, she would not let him win and break her again. Using her arms and legs as best as she could to break free was her only option of getting out of here since he was covering her mouth with his hand to stop her from screaming for help.
He didn't even bother with the shirt this time and went straight for her pants instead and now she closed her eyes, she was starting to lose hope again when the possibility of getting out of there got smaller. Once he got of those pants there would be nothing stopping him and she would be back right where she started.
But then she felt some weird movement above her and then the weight that was pinning her down disappeared, making her open her eyes. And there in the sand next to her he was laying once more with his eyes closed as if he was asleep, only this time he had fallen asleep in time.
Charlie was crying so hard she was sure that all of Summerbay heard her, the sobs rocked her through her body and she had to hold her arms around herself to keep her together. It hurt and she could still feel every touch of his hands on her body and no other man's hand had ever been able to erase it from her mind. The words he had whispered in her ear was still leaving wounds all over her body that no other words spoken to her had been able to heal. He was still haunting and hurting her even after all these years and there was nothing she could do to stop him. And that's when she felt a pair of arms move around her waist that drew her into a warm embrace. She froze and was ready to bolt since she had not even notice another person present. Who could have known she was up here? But before she could even move her body a fraction a familiar, soothing voice speak softly in her ear.
"Hey, hey, it's me! Sch it's okay." Her body sagged back against his chest and just let him hold her, enjoying the feel of his hands moving up and down her arm that took her mind of the touch that was imprinted in her mind. She continued crying and let him comfort her by rubbing her arm and placing kisses on her hair but once she calmed down she realized what she was doing and immediately tried to pull back but he wouldn't let her.
"Don't!"
She sighed in frustration and let him pull her back to his chest. "What are you doing here, Brax?"
"I saw you from the beach, but that doesn't matter. Now why are you sitting up here?" While her voice had been flat and voided from any emotion, his was filled with warmth and concern that floored her after their last conversation. In fact this whole thing played with her head. How could he be so gentle and caring towards her after their last proper conversation at the hospital? Because let's face it the words they exchanged at his house could hardly be called a conversation. Yet here he was comforting her when she needed him the most even though she would never admit it and that was not good, she could not let him get to her again.
"I came here to be alone, but it kind of backfired." She said in a futile attempt to put her walls back up and she could feel his chest rumble in a silent laugh.
"What, and you couldn't be that at Leah's in the middle of the night when you're in bed? Or supposed to be anyway."
"Not if I don't want to answer all the million questions she has when she sticks her head in every five minutes to see if I'm okay."
"She does that every night?"
"No just once a year-" She bit her tongue while berating herself for being so stupid and relax in his presence. She knew very well that she always opened up to him one way or another if she wasn't careful, he sent her emotions in overdrive until they exploded and she just blurted everything out. And this was a can of worms she had yet to open for him, until now.
"What do you mean once a year? She did this before you were shot?"
"Nothing." Brax turned her head towards him to make sure she saw the look he was giving her that clearly questioned if she was really thinking she would get away with that with him. He knew her inside out and could clearly tell if it was generally nothing to worry about or if she was trying to pull one over him. She might think she was could at hiding and shutting herself off from the world but everything had an exception and Brax was hers.
"It's obviously something if people are checking up on you and you're sitting out here crying in the middle of the night!" She could see him reaching for something in his pocket and then pulled out a folded paper. "And I have a feeling it has something to do with this." He gave her the piece of paper that she could now see was a note but she quickly realized that it wasn't just any note.
Charlie, when your read this a year has passed since my husband was taken from me, our children and his brother because of you and your family. It still messes with my head that you could actually make something like this up and not realize what consequences it would have. I get that you do stupid things when you're only fourteen and afraid of what your parents would say, but to keep doing it when you're thirty? You should be ashamed of yourself.
I will never forget how you and your father tore our family apart, neither will Mark, and we will make sure that our children knows exactly what happened to their father! I hope you're real proud of yourself!
Zoe Bledcoe
"Wh-Where did you get this?" She looked towards him in desperation for him to say something. How had he got a hold of this? And why? She felt sick because this was not the way she wanted him to find out, she wasn't even sure if she wanted him to know about it all. There were few people still in this town who knew about it and it felt good because then she didn't have to face people's pity at every corner.
"What do you mean, where did I get it from?! You gave it to me in that flaming box when you threw me out!" His anger was clear in his voice, showing that he had yet to get over the fact that she had been the first one stand her ground. She didn't dare hope that it was because he didn't want it, that he still wanted to be in her life. "I can see now that you didn't… But where you ever going to tell me about it?"
"It doesn't matter anyway." She said with a small shake of her head and she could feel his body tensing behind her.
"Do-Doesn't matter?! Of course it matters, Charlie! You're out here, crying your eyes out, in the middle of the night that is not nothing." With an exasperated sigh she tried to pull away and untangle her from his arms. She almost managed since he was so distracted but he managed to grab her in the last minute but this time she didn't give. "Charlie…"
"No! If I'm going to tell you I can't have you touching me and I'm pretty sure that when I'm done you wouldn't want to touch me anyway. Just promise me one thing, don't freak out until I'm done."
Her eyes were pleading with him, trying to tell him how scared she was, how messed up and broken she was because of this and that she didn't want him to judge her. She wanted him to understand how hard it was for her to open up to him, to anybody really, about this and that she was showing a huge amount of trust by doing so. She could see him nod slightly but his jaw was clenched and he sat rigidly straight so she could tell that it had been reluctantly.
"Why do I get the feeling that I'm not going to like what I'm going to hear?"
"Because you probably won't." She said apologetically before turning her focus out over the ocean just as before, only this time he sat in front of her instead and could see every emotion flashing over her face. A deep breath later and her eyes never leaving the waves she was ready.
"When I was fourteen I had this boyfriend, Grant. My parents liked him, especially my dad. He was charming and easily became the popular kid in school, everyone fell for him including me. We had been going out for a couple of weeks when he one night invited me over to his place when his parents wasn't home to watch a move. We were on the couch in the lounge room when we started making out, it was nothing special or weird since we'd done it before but then he-" Her voice broke and she started to fipple with her hands in her lap, it was hard to form coherent sentences when the images kept flashing in front of her face, she had to relive the whole thing and she couldn't stop it. "But then he ehm started to feel me up more than usual and when I tried to break away he got rougher and pinned me down beneath him… I kept saying no and I tried to fight him but he just kept going. At first I didn't think he heard me but then he looked down at me with this smirk… It was so cold and so unlike the warm smirk he usually gave me, it was like-like he was enjoying himself and the pain he caused me."
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Tears were literally streaming down her face and for the first time since she started to speak she actually looked at him, straight in the eye and she didn't waver away. Her eyes were screaming out how scared she had been and still was, there were no longer any walls keeping him out from her mind. He could see every single emotion that ran through and what he saw made him feel like a broken man. The thought of someone hurting her, the woman that let's face it he still loved made him feel sick and angry because there was nothing he could do to get rid of the pain for her. All the anger he had previously held towards was thrown out of the window without a second thought. The only thing that mattered now was comforting Charlie and to find out where this Grant-guy was so that he could hurt him, badly. But he had promised to let her finish the story and he had a feeling that it was a long way from over and that he was going to be thrown for yet another loop.
"Afterwards when he had fallen asleep I got dressed and sneaked out the front door as fast as I could and when I got home I locked myself into my room and cried myself to sleep. The next day I got up and acted like nothing happened, I ignored my friends and my parents when they asked me what was wrong and eventually I started to believe that everything was fine. But then four months afterwards I started to feel sick and that's when I found out that I was uhm… that I was pregnant…" Then it dawned on him. Ruby. He had overheard Casey ask Ruby about her father several times and she had always given him the same answer, that her father was gone and that it was better that way. He guessed that was one thing they had bonded over and been able to relate to each other.
"The baby, it was Ruby right?"
"Yeah." Her voice was soft and a small smile spread across her face thinking of her daughter. "When I found out I got so scared I broke down and told my father everything when he got home that day and he, being a cop, got furious with me for not telling him earlier because now it would be harder to press charges. He was right and Grant of course denied the whole thing and claimed that the only reason I'm saying he raped now was because I was pregnant and didn't want my parents to be angry with me. But what he didn't know was that I would have taken them being angry at me every day instead of what they were. My father was already a-ashamed of me and thought I was weak for letting a guy do that to me. The charges were dropped, I had Ruby and I couldn't do it anymore." She looked at him with desperation and he wanted nothing more than to take her in his arms to hold her together but every time he would try to reach for her she shrugged away. He could tell that whatever that was coming next was something she regretted badly.
"After Ruby was born I just couldn't bond, I went into some kind of depression and I wouldn't let myself bond with her and I wasn't strong enough to fight my demons to do so. It didn't help things that my father couldn't even look at me and that my mother was hovering me all the time, so eventually I ran away… and I left Ruby with my parents. I spent a year at my aunt's place in the city and she helped me get through everything and made me realize that I could do this and that my father would not put me down. So I went home, ready to be the best mom there could be, only to find out that my daughter had bonded with my parents instead. My parents sat me down and my dad explained that he thought it would better if they adopted Ruby and that she was brought up as my sister instead, to avoid gossip among other things. My father made me ashamed of my own daughter and made us live like sisters for sixteen years." He could see the pain in her eyes, he couldn't even begin to imagine what she must have felt like coming home to that. To see the little girl you loved and wanted to love being taken care of by someone else and having to live with that for the rest of your life. "But then my dad got Alzheimer and I had a car accident that brought up questions about a scar on my belly that the doctor claimed was a suzerain. My dad and Ruby denied it saying I never had a baby, although my father knew differently. You know, he came to me later that night when everybody else had left. He wanted to tell everyone the truth but I couldn't, I couldn't do that to Ruby. Not when she already thought she was going to lose her father, I couldn't turn her world more upside down than it already was."
She looked towards him for him to confirm that she had done the right thing, not wanting to mess with her daughter's head and protect her from more pain for once. And he could understand why he did it, he had done it once or twice with Casey over the years. Some things didn't have to be brought to everyone's attention immediately.
"It didn't stop there did it?"
"No my daughter is a very stubborn girl, she just couldn't let what the doctor said go and neither could Morag. They asked me question after question and eventually I just had enough and told them I had a baby boy when I was a teenager, whom they automatically was given up for adoption and who Ruby wanted to find. So I said that he had died. I denied her existence right in front of her but she wouldn't let it go, she's stubborn, oh so stubborn."
"Just like her mom." He smiled and he got one in return before she turned her attention back to the ocean where she watched the waves roll to shore. But the smile never left his face, he knew Ruby could be stubborn as hell when she wanted to be and she did not let things go until she came to the bottom of things. He remembered the time she had become obsessed with Charlie's love life in hope that it would get Charlie of her back about Casey. She had put up a profile on an internet dating-site and planning a date, which he ended up spending with Charlie instead of that bloke. He got to watch her an entire evening before some well-earned alone time on the beach making out.
"Yeah, she is and she would not stop talking about the baby. Asking questions like where he was buried and how I felt about, eventually I just couldn't keep it up anymore, I couldn't lie to the beautiful and innocent girl in front of me anymore so I told her the truth. I told her how I had literally denied her existence for two weeks and she did not take it well, she stormed out before I could tell the whole story. But when she calmed down I told her everything, I wasn't going to risk losing her in the future because she finds out I have been keeping something from her again, but little did I know she had gone and found Grant."
"She found him? Even after you told her what he had done to you?"
"Yes, she wanted to see what kind of man he was, hoping he had changed or grown up. She always wanted to see the good in people, especially them with bad reputations. So she went to confront him and he told her a bunch of lies about his side of the story and that he didn't know I had gotten pregnant. He rocked up in the bay a few days later claiming that the surprise visit of his unknown daughter saying he had raped her mother had caused a lot of troubles with his wife and he wanted to tell me of for spreading lies. When I saw him it was like everything after the-the uhm rape, happened all over again. All the arguments where he tried to make me look paranoid and unstable, him popping up everywhere. It played with my head and I refused to let Ruby out of my sight, but we weren't on the best of terms considering everything and she wanted to believe that her father wasn't a bad man. Then one night I was out walking to clear my head and he jumped me, he-he pinned me down just as last time only this time he wasn't quiet but he was talking to me. Whispering in my ear what he was going to do and I-" Her arms wrapped around her midsection and he could see Goosebumps on her arms, whether it was from the cold or not he could not tell but he guessed it was because of the images in her head. "My dad came by and saw the whole thing and because of his illness, his temper was not good. He flipped out over the whole thing and knocked a rock in Grant's head. He, he uhm died later that night at the hospital."
"And the letters?"
"It all happened on the anniversary of my rape, which is a little bit ironic. His wife never believed he did it, which you obviously can tell by that letter, and the irony of his death made her even more refusing to believe it. Even though he confessed to Ruby and I wasn't the only one he had done it too either, but she and his brother still refused to believe. To them we were all a bunch of liars who had been burnt by their handsome husband and brother. That's why I get those notes, as a reminder and I guess they'll start once they figure I'm still alive."
When she was done Brax couldn't do anything else but just watch her. She had been through so much in her life even as a little girl when you shouldn't have those worries and she still sat there with so much grace and dignity. How she did it and wasn't a complete total mess who couldn't find a way out was beyond him, he hadn't given her enough credit. She was stronger than he though she was. He couldn't help but feel guilty for all the extra grief he had caused her when they were together, but if there was one thing he knew about Charlie was that she never did something she didn't want to do. It had been a way to emotional night, emotional week and he couldn't hinder the tear that fell from his eye as well. His hands were clutched tightly into fists by his side to stop him from hitting something so hard he would break his knuckles or whole hand.
"Why have you not told me this before? What about this could possibly make me think any different of you?"
"Because I abandoned my daughter to live my own life and worry about me, just as your parents did to you and I know how much you hate them for that."
To say he was shocked would be the least, was she really serious? How could she ever, ever compare herself to those people who didn't even deserve to be called parents. At least not Danny. She was so far out of their league it was not even funny. She went away to deal with her own problems so that she would be able to be there for her daughter, she wanted to get better for her. While his parents went away to "deal" with their own problems because they didn't care about anyone but themselves.
Not saying anything he moved forward and pulled her into his chest and held her there tightly, not caring for a minute about the fight she put up. He was going to hold her and that was that, he needed to hold her because he was afraid of what would happen if he let her go. He leaned his head in the crock of her neck and tangled one of his hands in her hair so that he could breathe in the familiar perfume of hers that he would recognize anywhere. As he let out a sigh of contentment and relief he could feel her relax in his arms and snuggle closer to his chest, seeking his warmth. "Don't you ever compare yourself to them ever again! You're nothing like them and no matter what I could not really hate you!" Because I still love you.