Author's note: New chapter up people, and one that I'm actually a little nervous about. I really hope you like it, and as usual, all your reviews and favorites are truly appreciated. I want to thank the user Paundy for making me realize that I made a mistake in the previous chapter. I did indeed refer to Adam, but got confused with Garret. Apologies for that mistake, and as usual, see the p.d for explanations about the chapter (since you all seem to like them I will keep them coming) :)
Beginning of chapter
What Jane was expecting was a center with technology out of the edge, or maybe even an abandoned building full of practice zones and seasoned members of the unit. I mean, that is what someone would expect when they hear the word 'training'. Instead, Jane saw that they were going to one of the nice neighborhoods of Boston, Maura rambling about something that she read on the monthly edition of the Scientific Journal.
"So where are going exactly Maura? The Unit has a nice secret training house in Jamaica Plain?" Jane said while looking through the window. "You know, like Dr. Charles Xavier?"
When Maura just looked at her with surprise, Jane just opened her mouth.
"Seriously." Jane said while grabbing Maura's hand. "We have a lot of work to do with you and your general knowledge of superheroes."
"So you think that we are superheroes?" Maura asked her amused.
Jane smiled embarrassed. "Maybe?"
Maura laughed. "That's very sweet Jane." she added while grabbing her hand. "But no, the Unit does not have some secret training center in Jamaica Plain."
"Then why are we even here?"
"Because we are going to start your training." Maura said while stopping the car in front of one of the biggest houses that Jane had ever seen. "And I think that the best place where you can start your training is in my place."
"This is your place?" Jane asked in awe while looking at the scenery.
Maura nodded, making her way to the front of the house and taking out her key. Jane followed her, wanting to see everything there was to see about the woman who she was now considering as an important part of her life.
"I got this house for an amazing deal, and as you can see it has many rooms, top security and walls that stop noise from reaching exteriors." Maura said proudly.
"Why did you ever need all of these things?" Jane asked curiously. "Afraid your neighbors would make noise complains?" Jane smirked.
Maura just looked up embarrassed. "You are actually the first person that has seen my place."
Jane saw that immediately after Maura said she quickly went to the kitchen, trying to get space to think of the next step. Jane had noticed that Maura always did this when she felt scared or worried about someone judging her, which she suspected had happened a lot to Maura during her growing up years. She quickly went behind her, and instead of just talking she stayed there, waiting. When Maura noticed that Jane was there, expecting an explanation or confirmation to speak, she gave her a weak smile.
"It's not that I haven't been with anyone during all my years in Boston." Maura said quietly. "Because I have engaged myself in relationships that have led to both emotional and physical intercourse."
Jane just nodded, not sure of what else to do.
"I think I always expected to feel a love like the one I read during my childhood. The one that lifted you up and made you feel butterflies in your stomach." Maura said while smiling sadly. "And as I started to get older, I realized that all my relationships never fulfilled me, never made me feel all the things that I had spent reading during my youth. Soon enough I just gave up on it and decided to never try again, to just fill my needs and move on. For a while it was ok, and when I got used to it I never expected things to change." Maura said while going forward and grabbing Jane's hands. "Until I met you."
Jane smiled, kissing Maura's cheek.
"I won't lie to you." Maura said quietly. "When I first saw you I just wanted to have you and then move on like I had always been used to. But then we talked, and without me even realizing I was trying to see you more than what I had to, trying to make you understand my world, and by doing that, me. I wanted you to see me as just Maura, not the Queen of the Dead."
"Oh Maur." Jane said while getting her forehead touch Maura's. "You have let me see your world, your soul, and all the wonderful things that are in it. Sure, in the world there must be darkness for there to be light, and all of us have in ourselves this darkness. Yours Maura is not one to be ashamed or scared off. Yours is one that you should be proud of." Jane said while grabbing her hands. "Because during your whole life you had a tough time, experienced things that could have made you become someone else completely. But you didn't, and instead became this perfect woman that has, since I met her, been nothing more but caring and understanding."
When Jane finished she saw that Maura had tears in her eyes, and quietly she started to kiss them away, gesture that made more tears fall. She had meant every single word, and knew that they were the sole truth of how Maura was. When she felt Maura separate from her she opened her eyes, trying to find her.
"Jane, can you come here?" she heard Maura from afar.
Jane immediately went, walking around many rooms full of very well furnished decorations and strange masks. She frowned, and after what felt like some good 15 minutes she saw one that on the contrary seemed to be almost empty, except for a big bamboo carpet and Maura sitting expectantly in it. Jane followed along and sat down, waiting for further directions.
"I have been thinking." Maura started to say.
"Nothing weird in that." Jane said while smiling.
Maura laughed. "I guess it's not. Still, I was thinking about the way your ability seems to work, and based on my observations it does seem as if you can replicate and improve the ability of the person you are in close contact. Sometimes it's voluntary, especially if you have already experienced the ability of that person, like me. But, when you become in contact with the ability for the first time, your body tends to automatically react to it and replicate it without you even noticing it."
Jane nodded.
"From my experience, I have realized that the only way to control an ability is by practicing using it in many different scenarios, which is what I'm going to try to do with you today." Maura said while placing her hands on Jane's. "I want you to touch my hands, but instead of only trying to get inside my head, I want you to specifically focus on creating a map."
"Ok, you just lost me." Jane said while looking at Maura.
"What I meant is that in order to control what memories you can see Jane, you need to map them, categorize them. The way in which you do so will only affect you and the way you approach them, but if done correctly, the possibilities are infinite. You could choose an specific memory, maybe something that a suspect is refusing or is incapable of telling you." Maura said excitedly.
Jane realized what Maura meant by infinite possibilities: She could see everything that a person had been through, no secrets and lies kept from her. She gulped, the idea of so much power scared her.
"Maur, I don't feel so sure about this. It doesn't seem right, to be able to see that much about another human being." Jane whispered while looking at her hands. "Even if it is for a good cause, no one should be subjected to that kind of invasion. At least not consciously." Jane added when she saw Maura glance at her own hands and realize that the words Jane was saying could include what she did to the dead.
"What you want to do with your ability is of your own choosing Jane." Maura said quietly. "But you have to agree that in order to have a say you need to learn to control it."
Jane nodded. "That I do understand Maura. And please don't be upset at me." she added while grabbing Maura's hands. "I hate it when you hate me."
Maura's gaze softened. "I could never hate you Jane."
Jane smiled softly. "Good, because then who will teach me all of this?" she said trying to lighten the mood.
Maura laughed. "Now Jane, don't distract me and focus on what I told you to do. I want you to think clearly about my memories as being stored in a big white room. In that room you will have doors than can lead you to different parts of my memories. Once you do that, close your eyes and let go.
Jane tried to protest. "But Maur, I will invade your privacy and I don't feel it's right to do that."
Maura smiled. "No you won't because I'm inviting you Jane. I want you to understand me, to know me deeply, all that I was before I met you and what I did. Please, do not keep bringing up excuses where there is not a problem."
Jane nodded, encouraged by Maura's confidence in her abilities. She started to think about Maura and everything that they had discussed. After she felt confident she closed her eyes and grabbed Maura's hand, immediately feeling the pull. When she opened her eyes again she saw that she was in a white room with a number of doors closed. Looking up, Jane saw Maura standing behind her, awe in her expression. They both looked at each other, not knowing what to do or how to react. Jane started to walk towards one of the doors, and hesitating for a while she held the doorknob, softly moving it so the door could open. When she did, she found herself in a big room filled with paintings. Jane was speechless, this room had to be part of a famous museum, because the work was exquisite. Jane, who was not an art fanatic, was able to realize this. She started to move around the room, trying to grasp everything that was around her. It felt very real, like she was standing in the room and living things.
"This is my parents house in Paris." she heard Maura say.
When she turned to see her she immediately regretted choosing this door. She had been curious about Maura's family and how she had been during her childhood. When Maura told her to categorize her memories she guiltily did it based on what Maura had told her about her time in Europe with her parents. Jane was going to say something to Maura when she felt a person open the door. Right in front of her was a way younger version of Maura, her hazel eyes staring right at her. Jane fell awe at watching how beautiful Maura was, and how innocent and happy her eyes looked.
"I was 18." she heard older Maura say while coming to stand right next to her. "And I had just come back from boarding school. I remember being really excited because it had been two years since I had last seen my parents."
"Two years without seeing your parents?! How is that even possible?" Jane exclaimed, scandalized by the thought of a person's parents leaving them alone for two whole years.
Older Maura shrugged. "For me it was completely normal. Yes, the parents of other kids were a little more present than mine, but still, most of the year they were all absent. I didn't expect things to be different, for parents to actually be on the lives of their children." Maura whispered.
When a woman, fully dressed from top to bottom with what Jane considered to be the most expensive suit she had ever seen in her life, she knew immediately that the woman had to be Maura's mother, whom she had recently learned was Dr. Constance Isles. The words chic and sophisticated fell short to the woman, and just as they turned they saw an excited young Maura look up from her book and smile brightly.
"Mere!" young Maura said while quickly running to her mother, eyes open in expectation of a hug.
Constance raised her hand, making Maura stop. "Ma fille, souviens de ce que je vous ai parle des mainieres?"
Young Maura nodded. "Oui mere. Je rappeler."
Jane started to grow impatient. "I can't understand anything."
Older Maura looked apologetically. "Sorry Jane, but I speak mostly French with my mother. She said that a woman that knew French could call herself a true mademoiselle."
"I bet she did." Jane said sarcastically. "But since it's basically me watching your memories, I wonder if..." she concentrated on what Maura knew of French, and when she opened her eyes again she found herself still in the room, older Maura standing next to her and young Maura and Constance still talking.
"We were not expecting you until next week." Constance said.
Older Maura looked at Jane. "How did you even do that?" she asked in awe.
"I figured that since you know French, and I'm technically inside your brain, then that I can also have access to that kind of knowledge."
"I wanted to surprise you both." younger Maura said happily. "And I was so excited about seeing you both. I missed you." she whispered embarrassed.
Jane saw Constance read her phone, and this immediately made her be angry. "You have to be kidding me. After not seeing her daughter for two years she is looking through her messages?"
Older Maura shrugged. "My mother has always been a complicated person, and although it took me a long time to realize, I finally understood that we would never be able to have a mother/daughter relationship." she finished quietly. "I think the sole reason they adopted me was because they thought that they had to do their part in this world and try to make it be a better place."
Jane looked sadly to the scene again, watching how younger Maura was trying very hard to not cry.
"I'm sorry darling, but your surprise is unexpected, and your father and I already established some meetings and events that cannot wait." she said while moving to grab some papers and give them to Maura. "We took the liberty to select some of the best universities in Boston so you can apply. Although I do not think it is necessary since it's an Isles the person that will attend." Constance said while laughing briefly.
Young Maura just nodded. "May I be excused then?"
Constance nodded, and when younger Maura left Jane was ready to take them both back, but Maura grabbed her hand and made her go behind her younger self, corridor by corridor being just a blur. When they finally made it upstairs, they saw younger Maura enter a room and start to cry silently. Jane immediately went to sit right next to the young girl, who had started to hyperventilate.
"I know." Jane started to say while looking at younger Maura. "That at this moment what you less feel is love." she whispered quietly. "And that you are not special or important. But if you could only see what I see." she said while looking up to see an older Maura stare at her with tears. "You would see a brave, strong woman that has captured my heart and soul. Don't lose hope Maura." she whispered to the young woman while putting her hand on her shoulder. "Because there is a light at the end of the tunnel, and selfish of me, I like to think that just as you were the light of my tunnel, I was the light of yours." she said while smiling. "And we will find each other." she finally said while standing up and grabbing older Maura's hand, who was looking at her with complete devotion. "We will always find each other." she whispered while kissing Maura and closing her eyes, immediately feeling herself being pulled, a bright light shinning above them and blinding them.
When Jane opened her eyes again she felt Maura's hands still on top of hers, carefully lazing their fingers together.
"I felt everything." Maura whispered while moving up to see Jane. "I felt your touch on my shoulder, your voice a soothing whisper. When I remember that moment, instead of feeling total sadness I feel hope, I feel cared. I can't explain it Jane, at least not scientifically, but I felt you there right next to me." Maura said fervently. "How is that even possible?"
Jane just smiled softly. "I don't know Maur, and I don't think it's something that it's meant to be explained by science. What came over me there was just pure love Maura. I wanted you to feel comfort in knowing that someday you would have someone love you just like I do now." Jane finally said while lowering her gaze.
She said the words, the binding words that meant that there was no going back. She was sure she meant them, and had been willing to say them before, but scared of pushing Maura away she avoided the conversation. Now, now she did the opposite and spilled them into the moment. She had thrown the ball and now it was on Maura's side of the court. Jane held her breath, waiting, hoping.
"I love you too, Jane Rizzoli. I have since I let you grab my hand during our first autopsy." Maura whispered while kissing Jane's lips reverently. "I love you, I love you Jane." she kept on saying while planting kisses on every part of Jane's flesh. "So so much."
Jane nodded and kissed her back, also desperate to find skin. Maura separated from Jane and looked her deeply.
"I want you to take me upstairs and make love to me Jane Rizzoli." she whispered. "I want to be yours."
Instead of answering Jane kissed Maura violently, passion overtaking her and desire filling her veins. Without any struggle she lifted Maura from the floor and made her way to the master bedroom, carefully planting Maura on the bed while laying on top of her. She gently took out her clothes, and when she was done the only thing that she could do was stare at awe. She kissed every part of Maura's body.
"You are so beautiful." she whispered when reaching Maura's chest. "So so beautiful."
Maura cried softly, the feelings too overwhelming to be held up. She had never felt so loved by someone before, and this filled her up with passion and desire, but at the same time deep love. She murmured and took Jane's head, pushing it downward to where she needed it the most. In a matter of seconds Maura was panting, sweat dripping through her skin and soft moans coming from both women, who were busy in pleasuring each other. Jane stopped when she felt Maura's body contract and quietly fall back to the sheets, almost limp because of the wave of desire that it had just experienced. It was a couple of minutes until Maura felt her extremities, and without warning Jane, she quickly went on top of her, kissing her mouth fiercely. Jane moaned, needing to feel Maura on every part of her being. She couldn't wait any longer.
"Maura, pleaseee." she asked desperately.
When Maura complied, Jane's head fell back and her started to move uncontrollably, her body wanting its release. It wasn't long until Jane felt it come, the peak of her passion reaching its collapsing point, and without decorum she left herself simply fall on the sheets, quickly feeling Maura do the same both still on top of her. Both were tired, but satiated. They had never felt such a connection before, and what they had just shared was more than just their passion, but their souls. They knew what this meant: It meant that the search was over, that they had found their light at the end of the tunnel.
End of chapter
P.d:
1. For some strange reason, the program is not letting me use lines to divide the text, reason why I have started to use "beginning and end of chapter" to show where the text ends.
2. Jane's ability now goes beyond what we previously knew. Not only can she see the memories of alive humans, but she can also decide which ones, and the difference here between Mephisto and Jane is that she is scared of her power, unwilling to use it even for good causes. I wanted Jane to be like this on purpose, because power, although at first used for good reasons, can lead to bad results and greedy owners.
3. It was complicated to write Maura's mom as this uncaring person in her daughter's life, and this is not going to be the last we see of her, so look forward to her make more appearances.
4. I wasn't sure if having two deep conversations between Maura and Jane in this chapter would be too much, and for a while actually thought about eliminating the one before they go inside Maura's memories. Nevertheless, I realized that it was primordial to know that Maura had been attracted to Jane in a carnal way, and that because of her way of living, she had expected to just satisfy her needs and be done with it. But, by showing her grow and share things with Jane, I wanted to make you readers realize the impact that love can have on a person, and how it can transform everything (yes, I'm an old romantic hehe).
5. I was really, really nervous about that sex scene. I had debated about bringing it later in the story, or sooner (during the Cannoli chapter), but I realized that these women had been through so much, and had shared so much, that in order for them to finally go all the way, they had to admit that they were in love with each other (as you may have noticed, I avoided to use the sentence "I love you" before this chapter).
6. I keep giving references to a light at the end of the tunnel, and that analogy, although I wish it were, is not mine. If you are interested about reading how lust can be seen as love and become destructive, then I recommend you to read "The Tunnel" by Ernesto Sabato, an incredible argentinian writer.