Author's note: I couldn't go to bed without writing this chapter, and maybe answer some of the questions that I saw many of you asked me. This time I will post the p.d notes, and maybe address some things from the previous chapter. A small warning, this chapter rating could probably go to a mild M. Hope you enjoy and keep your interest in the story :)
Jane was staring through the window. To say that she was shocked was an understatement. She was terrified. For the first time in her life, Jane Rizzoli was experiencing something that she had promised herself not to feel. It frightened her, incapacitated her to think and act clearly, and more important, made her lose confidence in herself. She knew that she wasn't alone: She had seen the expressions of Korsak and Frost, the insecurity in Maura's face and the sudden silence that fell over all of them when they realized that this case had become a battle that they couldn't afford to lose. Everyone decided to head home and try to sleep, try to make some sense of what was happening and gain some peace. But Jane knew too well that she was not going to find peace at her home, or the place she believed was her home. And she knew that Maura realized this too because after being left alone on the morgue, the two of them looked at each other and exhaled, neither too comfortable about going to their respective houses.
"You can stay..."
"Do you mind..." they interrupted each other.
Jane smiled softly. "You go first."
"You can stay with me Jane." Maura simply stated.
Jane understood what Maura meant by that sentence; that there was no judgment from her and that she didn't have to face her demons today.
"I wish I could." Jane whispered. "But if I don't find out it will consume me. I think not knowing is far worse than knowing."
Maura nodded and took Jane's hand. "If you want me there, I'll be there."
Jane looked up and saw the determination in Maura's gaze. She kissed her softly, trying to gain some bravery for what she knew she was about to do.
"I think I have to do this alone." Jane said quietly. "And not because I don't trust you, because I do. I trust you with all my heart." Jane said fiercely. "But I need to do this for me and face what I may find out."
"You do Jane, and I understand. But keep in mind that you don't have to face this alone. Not anymore." Maura answered while kissing Jane again.
"I love you Maura Isles." Jane said after ending the kiss.
"And I love you too."
She focused on what she had to do, or at least on what she was trying to do. Suddenly her legs were weak, and her heart almost beating out of her chest. Grabbing the steering wheel tighter, she closed her eyes and tried to breath, find a pattern that would calm her fears. She was Detective Jane Rizzoli for God's sake, not some rookie cop that was walking to its first crime scene. Jane had seen the many faces of evil, had been faced by them and walked victoriously to live and tell the story. So then why was she now so scared of getting out of her car and knock on her mother's door? Was it fear of being told that her life had been a lie? Or was it fear of suspecting during all this time that she never really been a fit in the Rizzoli family? She saw her phone turn on, the sign that she had gotten a text message. With her trembling hands she opened it.
'Did you want to see me broken? Bowed head and lowered eyes? Shoulders falling down like teardrops, Weakened by my soulful cries? You may shoot me with your words, You may cut me with your eyes, You may kill me with your hatefulness. But still, like air, I'll rise. Because Jane Rizzoli, just like air, rises all the time. Because Jane Rizzoli, just like air, rises when she falls. Because Jane Rizzoli, just like air, rises when everyone else is down. I love you Jane, and although I know you won't fall, I'll be behind you just in case.'
Jane closed her phone, feeling the tears in her eyes fall unceremoniously. She took her seat belt off, and quietly opened the door of her car. She got her stuff out, and with a quick lock, she walked to the front of the house, her breath being suddenly calm. She looked at herself through the glass, and with a quick motion she became Jane Rizzoli again. She was not going to fall, not to this. She rang the bell, and after a couple of minutes her mother was opening the door, clearly surprised by her visit.
"Janie, what are you doing here?" her mother asked worriedly. "Are you hurt?"
"No Ma, I'm ok. And I came because I want to talk to you." Jane said while going inside the house and making her way to the living room.
Angela followed her and sat on the couch. Jane took a deep breath, trying to figure out where to start. "Remember that promotion I got a few weeks ago?"
Angela nodded. "I do, because I barely see you now because of it."
"Well, it was to a special unit of the Boston PD, one that specializes in particular cases. Cases that may lead away from the science and enter more into the supernatural kind of thing."
"Like the X-Files?" her mother asked surprised.
Jane smiled slightly at the reference, realizing that Maura was Scully and she was Muller. "Well, we are in this very bad case, one that we still haven't solved." Jane took a deep breath again. "And today, while interviewing a witness, she told me many things about me."
"About you? I hope nothing bad."
"Her name was Carlota Florenci." Jane snapped.
She saw Angela flinch, recognition on her expression, one that she tried to mask but failed.
"I want the truth Ma. Am I your daughter?" she whispered the question.
"You are my daughter Jane." she whispered.
"Let me rephrase it. Am I your biological daughter?
Angela looked at her through tears in her eyes, and this was all it took for Jane to confirm her suspicions. She stood up and started to make her way out of the house, but her mother's grip stopped her.
"Janie." she started to say.
"Don't you dare use that nickname, not now Ma." she caught herself saying. "God." she said sadly. "I don't even know how to call you anymore."
Angela tried to speak again. "I have always seen you as mine Jane."
"Explain to me why. And how?" Jane whispered, barely containing her self-control.
Angela moved around the room, her nerves obvious. "After we got married, your father and I were unable to conceive for many years."
"Well, that's ironic." Jane said sarcastically.
"It was almost as if we were waiting for you to come into our lives, and you specifically Jane." her mother said while grabbing her hand. "One day we just found you on our front porch, and just like that it seemed that our prayers had been answered."
Jane looked at her mother, trying to find any traces of deception in what she said. She found none. "Why did you keep it from me?" she asked sadly.
"Because I never saw you as adopted Jane. To me, you were always mine, a gift that had been sent to just me. You were, and are still, such a gift my sweet darling."
Jane felt her tears fall, and without her wanting she started to cry loudly, too overwhelmed. "Did you know who I was?"
Angela looked sadly at her daughter, imagining her pain. "Only a letter that said that you were special and that you needed a good family to raise you and take care you."
Jane nodded, finding the similarities of Maura's story with her own. Both left to be taken care of but in two completely different families. One an influential member of the Boston socialite and the other a blue collar Boston-Italian family. It seemed as if almost on purpose, and this made Jane wonder if in some way this was planned. She rose up from the couch, too exhausted to stay there and discuss this with her mother. She had come with one purpose: to learn the truth.
"Jane, where are you going?" Angela asked. "Don't you want to stay?"
"Right now I can't, there's just too much going on. I'm sorry." she said, noticing immediately that she had stopped using Ma. She smiled sadly at the fact and just left Angela standing on the door.
This was a sad night for all of them, she thought while taking a glass and pouring herself some wine. It had been too difficult to look at the faces of the detectives after their findings, the desolation and fear reflected on them. But it had been more difficult to look at Jane, look at her sorrow and allow her to go face her own demons alone. She had tried to engage and be there for Jane, but knowingly she was met with a sad refusal from her detective. Did she feel scared for her? Yes, she did. She still remembered how hard it had been for her when her parents finally told her the truth about her adoption, and how disappointed and lied to she felt. She imagined Jane feeling all of those things and it made her heart cringe. The way she was being forced to find out was terrible, and it pained her to see the woman she loved suffer. She had always been fond of Maya Angelou, and in a moment of meditation she found herself thinking about Jane and how most of Angelou's poems related to her. Quickly taking her phone out she texted Jane her favorite one, maybe in a selfish attempt to be in some way there with her. It didn't calm her nerves completely, but it made her feel a little bit calmer to know that she had made her support visible and tangible to Jane. She still had some difficulty with coping with her emotions and how she showed them to the rest of people, specifically Jane. Of course, she felt love, passion and lust like any other human being, but many years of self-restrain had made her become quite adept at controlling her urges and deepest desires. She knew it was indelicate, and maybe a little morbid to be thinking about it, but it had been weeks since Jane and her had been together. It made her upset to think about the issue, and even feel guilty at her lack of tolerance for the situation they were facing. Yet, her brain rationalized that it was completely natural, under a situation of high stress and fear, to crave for physical contact. The release of Immunoglobulin A relieved stress and warded off colds, which in her opinion were very good reason for engaging in this activity with Jane. She was interrupted from her meditation by a pounding that seem to come from her front door. She grabbed her gun, and after quickly walking to the door, she saw Jane waiting. Lowering the weapon, she opened it and Jane got inside, too distracted to even notice that Maura was holding it.
"Carlota was right." Jane said sadly. "I am adopted."
Maura left her gun on the cabinet and quickly went to where Jane was. "I'm so sorry."
"I think I always suspected it." Jane said more to herself than to Maura. "I had always been so different to my mom, always more manly and wanting to do things my way and not the way she told me."
"Being independent and strong willed is not something to be ashamed off." Maura said. "And it clearly is something to be proud of."
Jane looked at Maura. "She didn't even try to deny it Maura. My whole life, a big lie." she whispered, the tears already falling. "I felt so lost, my home, my memories all shattered."
Maura went to face Jane and hugged her tightly. "I understand so much what you are feeling Jane. And right now, nothing I can tell you will make you feel better. So tell me, what do you want me to do?"
Jane stopped crying, which scared Maura a little and made her stop the embrace. Expecting to find sorrow in Jane's eyes, what she saw was determination, and arousal? She gulped, feeling immediately guilty for even thinking about that during Jane's sad moment. She needed her to be there as a companion and supporter, not as a lusty teenager woman.
The silence extended between the two of them, and just when Maura felt the necessity to break it, Jane fiercely kissed her. The moan that came from out of her throat was the most animalistic sound that she had ever made, and deeply ashamed she started to pull away from Jane, who refused to let her out of her sight and kissed her even tighter.
"Jane." Maura whispered. "I think we should stop."
"Do you want to stop?" Jane said while pushing Maura to the wall and pressing herself to Maura's body, which made her shiver. "Because I will stop as soon as you tell me to."
Maura whimpered. "I want to be there for you, Jane. God forbid me, the only thing I have been thinking about since we left the station was this. But I know you are in pain darling."
Jane stopped for a while, kissing Maura's neck. "I was in pain until you opened the door and looked at me." Jane said honestly. "I think the only thing that is holding my sanity right now is to know that you are here for me."
Maura kissed Jane's temple. "And I will be here always."
Jane kissed Maura again. "Good, because the only thing I want to do know is take you right here and now." she whispered while again attacking Maura's lips.
Maura's last self-control faded when she heard Jane purr, and without any delicacy she kissed Jane back, her tongue grazing Jane's lips and asking for entrance, which was immediately granted. Both women were panting heavily, the desire and passion deep within them. They both wanted more from the other, and without any sweet caress, Maura tore Jane's shirt and went for her breasts, biting and leaving marks everywhere. Was it rude? Yes, but she didn't care. It had been too long, and leaving her trail on Jane's body aroused her even more. Jane on the other hand was enjoying the mixture of pain and pleasure that Maura was using towards her. She had never seen Maura be so primal, so animalistic, and it turned her on. It made her want to return the ferocity and probably make things escalate faster. She decided she was going to make it happen, and with a strength she forgot she had, she grabbed Maura by her tights and placed her on the top of the kitchen counter, tearing the skirt Maura had been wearing and leaving it on the floor. She opened Maura's legs to the point where she could fit her body and started to hump against it. She felt Maura moan, and in the same way, meet her halfway and crash with her core. It was making her become crazy, and that was when she noticed that Maura was still wearing her shirt. She tore the fabric apart and moved the bra down, without unclasping it because who had time for that, and attacked both breasts, trying to capture them with her mouth and at the same time keep moving her body. Maura on the other hand was on the verge of pure pleasure, the sudden violence of Jane making her almost reach oblivion. She contained it, and wanting to feel Jane, she separated from her breasts and used her hands to unbuckle her belt and lower the pants and panties in one hard motion. Her hands started to explore, and her lips were still trailing kisses on Jane's upper body. What she found was Jane extremely aroused, and this made her inpatient control her judgment. Without warning Jane she slid herself inside, a huge scream coming from Jane who had not expected the intrusion at all, but still welcomed it. They were near the end, and Jane realizing this moved Maura's panties away and also pushed herself inside. Both of them kept on moving their bodies downward, attempting to create more friction. Their kisses were becoming more sloppy, and their eyes heavier because of the wave of desire that was dominating them. Maura was the first one, and after letting Jane know that she was ready, she moved her hand faster so that Jane could cum with her. Both women opened their eyes at the exact same time, wanting nothing more than to see the other. That made the trick, and a high scream came from both of them, a scream that led to the most sweet and powerful aftershocks they had ever had. Maura tried to move, but Jane was holding her steady in place. They looked at each other, just staring back without saying anything at all. They knew they had been rough, but maybe all the things that they had lived through the day made them realize that they both needed this: They needed to fuck. But now, now it was different: Maura saw tenderness in Jane's eyes and Jane saw love in Maura's. This look was the only thing that they needed to know what they wanted from the other now. Jane helped Maura from down the counter, and silently they walked to Maura's room where they both laid down and made love to each other the whole night.
p.d: So I hope I did a good job with the sex scene between our two favorite characters! I was a little nervous again about writing such a scene. Nevertheless, here are some things that may become questions.
1. What Angela told Jane is not the whole story, and this will be explored in further chapters. I thought it would be a little strange for Jane to remain cool headed and hear everything from Angela. That's why after learning the basics I made her leave and go to find comfort with Maura. I haven't forgotten about the fact that Angela knew who Carlota Florenci was, and Jane, in the spur of the moment forgot to ask. But don't worry, all of these questions will be answered :)
2. Jane and Maura are not sisters, although they may share the same background of how they came to be with their adoptive families. This will also be addressed in further chapters, but nevertheless I felt I could clear this.
3. I thought about making Maura and Jane have sex before this chapter, but it never seemed to be the right moment. They were either too stressed by work or with too much tragedy to do something. In this chapter, and after being told by Korsak that the fate of the world depended on them, I think that they felt the need to feel human and loved, to try to eliminate this fear. Although, I don't make it be a mere pre-apocalyptic urge to crave, but merely the desire and passion that both women have for each other finally taking the reins. I do make Maura feel a little guilty about wanting to fill her physical desires during such a tough moment for Jane, but then again I make it clear that Jane wanted and needed to find release from what she had been told. Will they talk about it? Yes, because that is what couples should do. And as you have seen from the previous chapters, Jane and Maura are very serious with their relationship, at points becoming a companionship.
4. After this chapter I will have the two women involve deeper in the case, which means that you can expect things to become a little darker. The rating may change to an M because of violence and dark elements, which I think is primordial to keep the story from becoming fluff. My whole intent with this story is to create a mystery and have Jane and Maura solve it :), or try to create one that can leave you questioning who the killer is or what are the reasons for the killer to act the way it has been acting. So, prepare for more creatures and more drama on that side.
5. The Erkling comes from German Folklore, and as Maura said it is a creature that appears to people that are going to die. You probably noticed that the creatures that I choose come from different legends and places, which I try to match with some hidden meaning.
The Banshee comes from Irish folklore. Mephisto and the Erkling from Germany. Fugu comes from Asia, and it's not a creature but a fish. The Chupacabra comes from South America, the Specter comes from African-American folklore and Carlota Floreci, although I didn't mention it, is a Bean Nighe from Scotland.
6. The poem that Maura sends Jane is an extract from a poem by Maya Angelou called I'll Rise. If you haven't read it, I recommend you do it. It's extremely beautiful.