A/N: Hope everyone is having a joyous holiday with family! If your curious, I've had a great time with them. Well, here it is; the final chapter. I can't thank you all enough for the favorites, follows, and lovely reviews I received. I ask that you leave one final review so I know overall how I did with this story and what you thought about it. This chapter is extra long, and I'd really appreciate final feedback!
Side note: Part of my next story is already written, I just have to work on it more and sort out ideas before I will post! :)
And, a final thank you!
Callen breathed in the salty air as he looked out across the expanse of ocean in front of him. The gray hues reflecting off the clouds made the churning waves look icy in the foggy, November morning sunlight. He took a long breath, resting his arms on his legs as he sat on a wide, rocky ledge overlooking the ocean. This specific spot was a short walk from the Pacific Coast Highway, and provided both a beautiful view of the shoreline and plenty of privacy; things Callen valued. It gave him a place alone, a place to think. A few times he had spent hours here, particularly after rough cases. He watched a few seagulls flying down off into the distance as he subconsciously rubbed an area along his hairline. Thankfully, he had cut his unruly hair soon after arriving back in Los Angeles, returning to his classic style. After three long months of healing, his wounds had turned into scars, his bruises now just memories. The toll taken on his body had been rough, and Callen still had aches and pains every now and then. He had been improving nevertheless, but something was still bothering him. Something that never truly went away even after Sam pulled him out of that farmhouse. He continued to stare out towards the gray sky, wondering if he could ever put it to rest. He was starting to believe he couldn't, that he'd collected too many skeletons in the closet throughout his life to ever heal. He sighed, glancing out towards the water once more. The crashing of the waves failed to cover up the slight rustling of footsteps behind him.
"I hope you weren't trying to sneak up on me, I heard you coming from the road." Callen ribbed, not even glancing behind him. He wasn't surprised his partner had come to find him.
"I wasn't." Sam countered, rounding his last obstacle. He was likewise unsurprised that his partner knew it was him. He kept moving toward Callen, traveling over the short distance of dirt beneath him before taking a seat on the rocky terrain beside the agent. Callen continued to look towards the ocean as Sam rested his arms on his knees, mirroring his friend. They each sat in silence for several moments watching the waves crash along the rocks.
"How's the shoulder?" Sam prompted soon enough.
Callen shrugged. "Not so bad now. Usually, it doesn't bother me."
Sam nodded. "And your leg?"
Callen looked further down. "Sometimes when I run, it'll cramp up, but for the most part, it's good."
Again, Sam nodded. "This isn't the first time I've found you here."
"I know." Callen cut off, not wanting to delve into that particular part of the past.
"So you want to tell me what's really going on?" Sam urged.
Callen fell quiet, avoiding his gaze. The change in behavior did not go unnoticed. Sam paused before asking his next question.
"You have one week left. Think you'll be ready?"
Callen remained silent, and it gave Sam the answer he needed. He inwardly cursed his transparency, but the truth was he really didn't know. Since arriving back, Callen had tried to put it behind him, to forget everything and move on with his life. Now, he was realizing he couldn't do any of those things, not until he coped with the aftermath.
He sighed, slightly shaking his head. "I'm not sure I can do it anymore." Sam angled his head towards his partner. "You all were in danger for months because of someone from my past. Ops could've been completely compromised. I can't have that happen again," he emphasized.
Sam heard the honesty in his friend's voice, but he also heard what he wasn't mentioning. Callen had suffered a blow to his confidence from his latest ordeal. He couldn't trust himself back in the field after failing to control his situation for so long. Sam contemplated before strategically redirecting the conversation.
"You've been leaving your house like this a lot lately." Sam noted.
"What, you checking up on me?" Callen playfully threw.
Sam didn't take the bait. "I know you. You do this when you are ready to go all lone wolf on us."
"I do not."
"You know you do."
Callen sighed. "Well, not this time," he tried, still staring out into the gray ocean.
"But you are shutting us out. You haven't even visited Ops. Hetty, Eric, and Nell haven't even seen you since you were taken."
"I… I just wasn't ready to face them." Callen divulged, sounding more contrite. "And, I don't know, I guess I've just been restless trying to adjust," he admitted.
"And, you haven't adjusted," Sam guessed. Callen paused before finally nodding his head in affirmation. Sam remained silent, turning his head back towards the vast sea.
"Do you know why?" Sam finally asked.
Callen shook his head, wondering if it was the thing that'd been holding him back since coming home. The feeling that wouldn't leave.
Sam caught his slight hesitation and knew the problem had to run a little deeper. "I've noticed you still haven't been yourself. You've been more… distant, somber." He felt he was getting somewhere when Callen silently agreed. "Could it be something carrying over from your captivity?" Sam offered, testing the waters to find out how to help his friend heal. Callen mulled over the question for several minutes while he patiently waited for him to try making a connection.
"I think…," Callen finally spoke, "I think I've just felt kind of hopeless and… lost. It's like I just don't know what to do anymore." Callen revealed, understanding what was holding him back from returning to himself. His partner acknowledged the information, and Callen continued to think over his situation and what was bothering him.
Soon enough, Sam spoke up again, intent on helping his friend understand what he knew. "G, you know we don't have to do this job, right?"
Callen furrowed his eyebrows. "Yeah."
"So why do we then?"
Callen was further confused by this line of conversation. "What are you getting at, Sam?"
"My point is, G, that we all know the risks that come with the job. Sometimes those risks can come from our own past and will affect the rest of the team, but just because Iverson was a threat to us doesn't make it your fault, so stop putting it on yourself. We all look out for each other, it's what makes us a team."
Callen didn't respond, but Sam could tell he had gotten his attention. "As for you," he slowly continued, "I have complete confidence in your ability to come back into the field."
Callen sighed. "I don't know if I can say the same."
"G," Sam said, meeting his eyes. "There is not one person I'd rather have watching my back than you. That hasn't changed." Sam spoke strongly, making sure his message got through. He needed to do this right, he needed to ensure his partner could truly move on.
When Callen's doubt was met with his friend's conviction, he turned his head away, uncomfortable with the sincere honesty. Despite his ability to open up to his partner when he needed to, he still found it difficult and it made him uneasy. Sam turned back toward the ocean as well.
"I know this job is important to you, and I think that you won't be able to make peace until you return to work, see the team." He paused, lowering his voice. "They miss you, Callen. It's never been the same for any of us with you gone. They want you to come back. Question is, do you want to?" Sam sat in silence for several minutes, allowing Callen to truly think over the answer to the question. When enough time had passed, Sam did the hardest thing he had to do since watching Callen climb into that van seven months ago. He silently stood up and put a hand on his friend's shoulder, showing a sign of support before turning away and slowly walking back to his car. It was a risky move to ask such a crucial question then leave without knowing the answer. But if Sam was right, answering for himself would let him recognize that coming back was what he needed. Callen had to come to a conclusion on his own; figure out if he should return and whether it was the right thing for him to do now. Hopefully, he can also accept the past in the process, Sam thought. The agent climbed inside his vehicle, started the engine, and pulled out onto the main road, hoping against hope that Callen would be joining him on his journey to work next Monday.
Callen thought long and hard about that question, even after Sam had wordlessly left and he later returned home that night. He knew he had gone through a rough experience, one that few could ever make it through. It didn't come without its consequences, consequences he was all too aware of now, but he also knew that he did push through it. He had proven his strength and had beaten the odds, and there must be a reason why. It may always be something that happened in his life, but he doesn't have to let it define him.
As he contemplated, his thoughts would drift to his team. They had come for him despite the risks, and now they still wanted him back. Part of him couldn't comprehend why they would do so much for him, and he knew he couldn't ask for better people to consider his family. Sam was the one who kept his faith in him from the very beginning, not giving up on him. Callen also knew he was rooting for him to come back, and missed being his partner. If Sam had that much confidence in his ability to move forward, why couldn't he?
For days afterwards, Callen had spent a lot of time thinking what to do, but what he finally realized was how much he had missed being a part of the team, working with them and being around the people that really were the only ones important to him. It surprised him how much the loneliness affected him considering he had been on his own almost his whole life, but it proved to him that he did need to return, that it was a way for him to now find peace.
Slowly, the despair was lifting off his shoulders as he got closer to his first day of work. He started to feel lighter, and he was feeling more comfortable about adjusting and returning to work. If that was any sign, then he knew that he could finally return to himself.
A long week without contact had passed, and come Sunday night, Sam received a call from Callen asking if he could pick him up in the morning on the way to work. Sam was relieved to say the least that what he had said and done had helped his friend, and that he wanted to return. It now was morning, and he was on the way to pick Callen up.
Sam pulled up to the curb and put his car in park, turning his head just in time to see him coming through the door. Callen quickly walked toward the street, and Sam could already recognize a change in him. At that moment, he knew that his partner truly was alright.
Callen opened the car door and climbed in with ease. He settled in and buckled as Sam started the engine. "You back?"
Callen looked over and slowly nodded. "I'm good," he said, a small smirk growing on his face. A silence passed before Callen broke it.
"Wanna stop for doughnuts?"
Now, Sam returned the smile.
Callen was finishing the last doughnut as they parked by the mission doors.
"I don't think I've ever seen you eat that fast. You might have broken Kensi's record." Sam remarked.
Callen chewed and swallowed the last bite as they climbed out of the car. "Don't be dramatic, Sam," he teased, "I'm sure she still has a stronghold on that spot."
"Well, good thing you're back then, you can work them off and build up all that lost muscle mass. You can start by doing my workouts. I need to make sure my partner can handle the physicality of the job, of course." Sam gave him a crafty smile. Callen inwardly groaned as he opened the mission doors.
The pair walked through the hall towards the bullpen, recognizing the sounds of another argument between their junior partners. Deeks stopped his remark when he saw the agents round the corner.
"Callen!" Deeks exclaimed.
Kensi noticed his reaction and turned to face their leader. She smiled as he went and set his bag on his desk. Kensi walked up to give him a hug as Deeks got up from his desk. "Welcome back," she whispered before releasing him.
Deeks came up and offered his hand, pulling Callen into a hug once he took it. "Glad to have you back, Callen."
Callen smiled. "Thanks guys," he said as he sat down at his desk. He was genuinely glad to see his teammates again, and being in the familiar old building had sparked a sense of normalcy and contentment in his spirit. At that moment, more weight had lifted from his shoulders.
He took a look around his desk. It was noticeably bare, and he assumed whoever had occupied it while he was gone must have been transferred. He started to wonder if the few items he'd had were ditched long ago.
"All of your things are in your locker, G." Sam offered, noticing the agent's hesitation in what to do at his empty desk.
Callen looked up at Sam, not missing that he still had his locker too. Callen got up from his desk as the other agents settled in and got ready for the day. After retrieving a few items, he returned to his desk, placing a few things on top and inside the drawers. He opened up the top drawer to find a twinkie shoved in the back, along with two wrappers. The sticky, yellow-white substance was still on the packaging.
"Um, Kensi…" Kensi glanced over, and immediately her face turned from interested to exasperated.
"I knew it!" she shouted. "It was Campbell who kept stealing my twinkies! That little-"
"And you accused me every time one of them went missing!" Deeks added, matching her tone. He turned to the rest of them. "You guys see what I have to deal with on a daily basis? You have no idea how difficult it is being her partner." He turned back to Kensi. "You know, it's a good thing those things have so many preservatives to survive nuclear war, it's most definitely still good to eat."
Kensi sent Deeks a death glare, who instantly stopped laughing. As Callen and Sam both chuckled, amused at their partners' antics, Deeks was starting to decide on the best escape route. Callen enjoyed the exchange, again feeling at ease in the familiar environment he'd been away from for so long.
At that moment, Hetty materialized from behind a pillar off to Deeks' right. "Miss Blye, I'd appreciate it if you left my liaison in one piece. He has overdue paperwork that must be turned into me today." She pointedly turned toward the detective, who'd jumped when Hetty had made her entrance. "Do I need to get my letter opener?" Deeks froze under her stare, then rustling his hair and ducking his head into the file in front of him. The other agents silently snickered, knowing better than to draw attention to themselves.
Hetty turned to the rest of them. "As the rest of you do." She paused momentarily before continuing. "Mr. Callen, however, I only will need your report from the latest case for you to be up to date." Callen smiled while Sam began to protest.
"Mr. Hanna," Hetty turned to look at Sam, "I'm sure you know that agents officially declared deceased don't receive paperwork." She had spoken with a laugh in her tone. "With that, he only needs to provide me the work to close this case, and of course, update his current status here at NCIS. Now, I'm sure you will have paperwork for me today?" Few if any could intimidate Sam, but his petite boss definitely had the upper hand with him. Sam obediently nodded, digging his nose into his laptop while Callen grinned at him. As the team leader, now Sam had the most work to do, and it was an amusing scene for Callen who was normally always behind.
Hetty turned back to her returned agent. "And Mr. Callen? Could I see you in my office?" She asked with a small grin on her face. Then, she disappeared just as quickly as she came. Callen sighed, pushing off from his desk and starting his journey. Sam quickly glanced at his partner before immersing himself back into his paperwork, not wanting another lecture from Hetty.
Callen climbed up the steps, sitting in the chair across from hers as her watched her preparing a pot of tea. He silently watched her meticulous ritual, patiently waiting until she finally set her tea set carefully on her desk, climbed up into her desk, and poured them both a cup.
Callen nodded as he graciously accepted the cup, sipping it slowly as she did the same. Both took a moment to savor the exotic flavor.
"First off, Mr. Callen, I want to officially welcome you back, and say that I am glad you are now here with us." She said with a glint in her eye.
Callen slowly smiled. "Thank you, Hetty."
She cleared her throat. "So, how have you been feeling? I know it's been a long, several months for you." She held back the touch of sadness that started to creep into her voice. Losing an agent had always been difficult for her, but for her to have believed it had been Callen had nearly broke her.
"Better." Callen offered. He knew Hetty somehow knew everything that had happened, and the risk of lying was too great with her. "It wasn't easy, and some days I had felt like giving up, but I got through it. I'm myself now, and I'm ready to come back."
Hetty slowly nodded, "Ah, and it is your professional opinion that you are both physically and mentally ready? I don't want you jumping into this without a parachute."
Callen let out a slow breath, then nodded. "Yes, Hetty," he honestly replied.
Hetty slowly nodded in concurrence. "Very well, then all that's left is to reinstate you as the lead agent of our team."
Callen paused. "I don't want to take it from Sam. He stepped up into my role while I was gone, he deserves it."
"Mr. Callen, I don't think you realize how much of an influence you have on the rest of the team. You are the person whom they need. As for Sam, he already volunteered his position back to you once he returned from bringing you back to Los Angeles. All that has to be done now," she delicately pulled out a form and a pen, "is for you to sign."
She held them out to her agent. Callen looked between her and the paper before reaching forward. He signed at the bottom and slid the paper back to her. She placed it in her drawer and pulled out his badge and gun, holding them out to him. A slight smirk formed as he grasped the familiar items in his hands.
"Welcome back, Mr. Callen." She nodded his dismissal, smiled up at him, and sipped her tea.
Callen smiled in return, finished his tea, and exited her office.
Two steps into the bullpen was when Eric and Nell came quickly down from Ops.
"Callen!" The pair exclaimed as they approached. They hadn't seen him at all, and only receiving confirmation that they found him was difficult for them to fully grasp. They rushed down to greet him, and Callen readily returned their enthusiasm. The wonder twins talked a little with the agent until they figured they should get back to work, but Callen had enjoyed seeing them and it had further helped his transitioning back to the job. Callen soon returned to his desk, placing his returned badge and gun on its surface.
Sam looked over, noticing the items Callen had been carrying. "Lead agent. About time, I'm tired of all this extra paperwork," he teased, sporting a grin on his face. Callen looked up at his partner, thankful for what he did. He silently conveyed his gratitude, and in a short, nonverbal conversation, Sam told him it was just like it should be, and that things would be just as they were before. Callen suspected he was talking about more than just their job titles.
The whole morning had passed with no case in sight. The four agents had continuously worked on their mounds of paperwork until Deeks couldn't take it anymore. He volunteered to grab lunch for them, which of course meant Kensi insisted on accompanying him. No way were they going to get stuck with another one of Deeks' "brilliant" meal choices like last time. While they were out, Sam suggested they spend some time working out in the gym. Callen was still not up to his normal physique, but he seemed to be in pretty good shape and could manage for the most part. He and Sam spent some time sparring before moving to the gun range. Silently, Sam was also ensuring his partner could handle himself in the field.
In the early afternoon, Eric had returned to summon all the agents from their desks. They had caught a case where a marine was caught stealing classified information and was now on the run throughout the city. The agents quickly began working on their new case and searched for any leads on the rogue marine, all while Callen was smoothly stepping back into his role, giving orders and making decisions as if he'd never left. A few more hours and they'd located the man, who'd hide out in an empty house for sale. After the marine discovered he'd been caught, he became desperate, and the agents engaged in a fire fight with him. In the end, the fight resulted in the marine's death. Further digging led them to where he last had the classified information, and the agents soon were able to secure the information and close the case.
The agents returned to the mission soon after, gathering in the bullpen to prepare to leave for the day. As the four of them packed up their bags, Eric and Nell swiftly came down the stairs from Ops with their bags over their shoulders.
"Ready guys?" Nell asked with a grin, stopping at the bottom of the stairs.
"Almost." Kensi smiled.
Callen sent a puzzled glace over to Sam, who answered the silent question. "Celebrating your return, G." Callen slightly smirked back as Deeks started to ramble.
"This is going to be awesome." Deeks emphasized, slinging his bag over his shoulder and walking away from his desk space to meet the gathering group. "My buddy owns this bar and he's gonna hook us up. First round is on the house and you have to try the hot wings, and I can't forget the karaoke. Sam I know how much you love the karaoke." Deeks pointed to his co-worker.
"Just don't let him sing My Funny Valentine, trust me." Callen ribbed, looking seriously at Deeks.
Deeks' eyes popped open while Sam shook his head in sheer annoyance. Before Deeks could begin to harass the agent for existing footage, Hetty joined their group. She had one of her unique scarfs around her neck, complimenting her lime-green pantsuit she wore today.
"Let's move, everyone. If you stand here all night you'll miss my performance of Lady Gaga's "Bad Romance"." Hetty enthusiastically spoke while she herded the six of them out of the mission, like a flock of sheep.
Soon enough, the whole team was settled in a corner booth at a nice bar in the heart of Los Angeles. They each ordered a drink and some appetizers, all while they talked and bantered with each other. The team members started to relax more and get into a more partying mood. Deeks and Kensi soon went to the dance floor with each other, while Eric, Nell, and Hetty left for their turn at karaoke shortly afterwards. Sam took the opportunity to refill everyone's drinks, while Callen tagged along to help him. They both returned to their table once the bartender had prepared them and sat at the table, soaking in the exciting atmosphere.
Sam raised his second glass and looked his partner in the eyes. "To you, and your safe return."
Callen looked at Sam before raising his glass to meet his friend's. They clinked glasses and drank, each pouring the cool liquid down their throats.
Callen had had a long time to process what had happened, and now he had finally found peace. He may have had a rough experience and been stretched to his very limits, physically and emotionally, but he still was the capable, talented agent he had always been, who had brought himself out of despair. In addition, he had people around him that were his family to him, and now he wouldn't trade anything for it. He sat comfortably the rest of the night as he visited and relaxed with his teammates, knowing that he had not been lost.
The End