Ren
My beautiful girl looked so afraid as I struggled to speak. "Honjo, Ren." Raspy and weak my voice sounded like mush, but it seemed to satisfy her that I tried. My name was Honjo, Ren, of course I knew that, but then did I know who Ren was? An orphan with no family to speak of and only one real friend he could count on. A lonesome guy who had given up on finding someone who could love him. My image of Ren, sounded more like a depressing story I had read and not actually who I was. Lonely and forgotten with only one true talent. No one needed him, not really, there were so many more musicians that he could have died and even Yasu would have moved on eventually. Did I want to be Ren?
"Okay," she sighed visibly calming. "Okay." She repeated petting the bandage on my head. "I'll get your doctor?" To my horror she rushed out of the room leaving me alone.
I closed my eyes to the silent room drifting in and out of the oblivion that threatened to claim me forever. It felt like I had spent an eternity waiting for her to come back with a man dressed in white. He came over to me scribbling something on the clipboard he carried, then shined a blinding light in my eyes. Flinching must have been the correct response because he smiled before clicking the light off and asking me if I could turn my head to look at her. With some difficulty and a lot of pain I managed to move my head to see her smiling at me.
"Ren," she squeaked, "you're alive."
I wanted to say something, to do anything but moving my head had exhausted me. I could no longer keep myself awake and I fell back into oblivion.
'No.' I could hear her sobbing but the doctor had pulled her away from me.
'It's alright people often don't wake up all at once. Opening his eyes and being able to carry out a simple command are good signs.'
Locked in my mind again I walked aimlessly on the concrete floor.
"Aren't you a wicked boy. Scaring me like that," back in her black leather outfit she stretched out on a bed. A slice of cake rested on the bed beside her, she had bitten the strawberry on it letting the juice run down her chin. "Tell me how I should punish you." She set aside her cake and pulled out a long whip and some rope. "No, I tied you up last time, didn't I?"
I tried to say something but when I opened my mouth I began to gag. She beckoned me to her arms where I laid my head down on her chest and struggled to breath.
"It isn't very pleasant, I know, but they want you to breath on your own now." Her gleaming nails drew a line down my throat, "No more tubes."
Flipping our positions she shoved me down against the pillows then placed herself in my arms. To ease my pain I wrapped myself around her in a vise like grip that I'm sure, had she been real, would have hurt her.
"You've been in and out of consciousness for three days now, but you probably don't remember that. I asked them to take the tubes out because they seemed to be hurting you. Was I wrong?" Burying my nose in her hair I shook my head no and grit my teeth. "Why don't you think about something else for a while?"
She took my hands and placed them on the inside of her thighs.
"Na..."
"Shush, I'm not real, just a temporary diversion from the pain. You'll be waking up soon so you'd better touch me while you can. I'll be too pissed off to let you touch me, in any case your hands won't work in the real world." Our clothes were gone and she was directing my hands inside of herself. I couldn't help but wonder where the other one of her was and the unvoiced thought earned me a slap. Her claw-like fingers dug into my cheek dragging my face down to kiss her. "No threesomes for you even if they are with two of me."
Sudden pain shot through me and I caught a glimpse of the hospital room. I'd wake up again soon but I had her here to ease the pain. She climbed over me leaving kisses all over my face. Holding me close she spoke softly into my ear but I heard nothing she said. I was too busy trying to block out the pain. I held her too tightly wishing I could stay with her like this for just a little bit longer.
"Ren. Ren?" She touched my shoulder lightly and I allowed my eyes to open. The room was white and beige, a TV was set up where I could see it and a couch held two sleeping boys. "Hi," she whispered smoothing my hair back.
Painfully I struggled to say it back to her but could only manage a guttural 'H' sound. She seemed unfazed by this and held a straw to my mouth for me. I took a few difficult sips of the cool water but could not manage to swallow all of it. She looked over her shoulder at the two boys to make sure they were still sleeping then she leaned in and licked the water dripping down my chin. I was sure this was still part of my dream but when she kissed my lips I couldn't move my hands to hold her like I wanted.
Pulling away she checked that the boys were still sleeping again. A wicked glint entered her eyes as she readjusted herself on my bed and leaned back in for a deeper kiss. Tugging on my bottom lip she climbed over me and slipped her tongue into my mouth. It hurt like hell but I didn't want her to stop. It felt good waking up to my girl.
"Mm, I should stop." She told herself more than me. Her lips lingered against mine giving me tiny pecks between her words. "Don't go back to sleep, please." Tears glistened in her eyes. "I've been going mad without you."
Wanting to give her some comfort I leaned up as much as I could and kissed her cheek. The dam broke then, releasing the tears she had tried to hold in.
"I missed you so much." Her forehead on mine she sobbed silently for a few moments.
A throat clearing startled us and she sat up straight. I tried to grit my teeth and bare the pain which came with her full weight pressing down on my stomach but I couldn't. I cried out scaring her and one of the boys, blond with a short build helped her get off of me.
"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, Ren." I closed my eyes willing myself to fall back asleep and escape the pain. I felt her hands tentatively touching my left one. "Ren?"
"I'm okay," I wanted to say but it came out a mess of grunts.
"I'll get his doctor." The other boy said leaving the room.
"Nobu, call Gin. Tell him to cancel my interview." The blond boy nodded but didn't go.
He took out his phone and dialed a number, "I'll tell him if you eat something today." She nodded her agreement pouting at him. "Great I'll be waiting for you in the hallway. When his doctor comes we can go to the cafeteria." He waved at me a cheery smile brightening his face then left placing the phone to his ear.
A weary sigh passed her lips making her look tired. It was in that moment staring at her pretty face when it hit me. I had no idea who she was. But I knew her, I was sure that I knew her. I knew how breathtaking she was when she slept curled up beside me and her deep voice echoed in my head from years ago when she'd whispered her love to me. Husky lust heavy cries mocked me in my mind and a sleepy voice whispering secrets to me in the dark brought the image of kiss swollen lips. I knew her. I knew everything about her, even the things she didn't, and the things she'd prefer nobody knew. I knew all of it, yet I didn't know any of it. I could feel her slipping away, dropping her hands from mine.
"Why are you looking at me like that?" It was unnecessary to groan out something that sounded close to, 'like what?' I knew she was seeing the confusion in my eyes. I was looking at her like she was a stranger. As if she could read my mind she asked, "Ren, do you know my name?" Her voice cracked and she looked at me pleading. "Stop playing, it's me, Nan..." Her voice caught in her throat and, for a brief second she looked as if she were about to cry again then agitated she shoved at me. "Ren!" Clutching her chest her breath came in short gasps. "Ren, please!"
'Don't look at me like that. Don't cry.' My heart ached watching the tears begin to make trails down her face again. I tried to catch the shadows that lurked on the edge of my mind. To grasp the memories but all I had was the image of her fighting with herself, a dominatrix and a broken girl stabbing each other.
"Ren!" She gasped his name, and ran out the door. It wasn't my name, I didn't want to be that abandoned boy. He was weak and compliant. His loneliness drove him to give his love away to any whore who'd have him. I didn't want to be Ren but there was no one else for me to be.
"Ren!" Yasu barged in seconds later, terror written all over him. His eyes fell on me and he crumbled for the briefest moment. "Nana, ran out crying. I thought that," like magic he suddenly rose up on his feet standing tall again. No hints of concern or grief showed on the bald man's face.
'Finally.' I thought 'the world will all make sense again once Yasu explains it.'
"Nana?" I repeated dumbly, but I doubt it actually sounded like I said her name. Yasu probably just guessed at what I had garbled out.
"Yeah she ran down the hall. Don't worry though Hachi went to find her, she'll bring her back." His voice turned stern, "what did you do? I won't be able to take care of you so you'd better apologize to your wife. No one is going to step in to save you if she decides to beat you to death."
"Wife!" Shrilly my voice cracked and I groaned in pain.
Honjo, Ren was not a marrying man, at least I felt like he wasn't. No woman was worth that hassle and I couldn't even remember her. If she wasn't important enough to remember why would I marry her. Besides marriage was just a pointless custom which I never understood. If you wanted to be with some one then you should just be with them and not have to prove to any one else that you loved them. What use were complicated marriage documents?
"Yes, your wife, Nana, the slightly insane woman who you've been obsessed with since you laid eyes on her. I still can't believe you ran backstage and called dibs like a child." He was smiling at first until I opened my mouth again.
My disbelief must have been written all over my face because Yasu removed his glasses and stepped closer to stare into my eyes. The boy from earlier came in then with a man in a white coat.
"Shin, go back out into the hallway. When Hachi finds Nana, Nobu and you are to stay by her side no matter what." The boy nodded looking at me with his brows scrunched up. "Go!" He scurried away, "and tell Takumi to come here while you're at it!" Yasu shouted after him in a state of anger I had never seen before in my usually composed friend.