Ren

I saw her on TV. It was like our whole relationship was made up by the media. I saw ten stories a day about my grieving spouse. Twenty more about my cheating wife. A bitch, a slut, rude and inappropriate, and she had a drinking problem. Why were most of the reports worded in ways that made it seem as if I had died?

'Ren would be ashamed.' 'If Ren could see her now.' 'Osaki Nana moving on.'

"Osaki Nana. Had she not taken my name?" Maybe initially I woke up in love with the sweet facade of a woman in love but as time passed without a single visit I grew to believe she wasn't really all that important. The whole marriage, I thought must have been a publicity stunt to make her seem more lovable than she actually was. No one would tell me the truth about her so I had to draw my own conclusions about the singer.

"Sorry I'm not much help. Nana and I never got to know each other and now I think she hates me even more." Reira apologized twisting her fingers together nervously. "Don't look like that!"

"Like what?" Trying to relax my face I wondered if she could tell I was thinking how much better it would've been if I had woken up married to her.

"Like you think she's the one with the problem." She huffed pointing an accusatory finger at herself. "I am the bad one not her. I know that now, I do and say selfish things never giving other people any thought. That's what Shin says, and it's true. But not Nana, all she does is think about you but the sight of you all disfigured must hurt her so much she can't stand it." Proud of herself for the assessment she beamed at me.

I doubted Nana really cared at all about me that was why she couldn't be bothered to visit.

With this thought in my mind I refused visitors the next day. If that door kept opening without her behind it I didn't know what I'd be driven to do. It didn't help though as the insane need to see that hateful woman only grew along with my loneliness. It didn't take me long to ban everyone especially Reira from coming. Her face only made me yearn for a wife like her, loving and attentive. Yasu, I knew, stood in the hallway every day. The only person I had ever had, but even he was sick of me.

"You have to get out of this bed Ren. Don't just give up." The only reply I had for him was a blank look before I turned my head back to the drama I'd been watching. "Ren," he reached out and his hand almost touched my burned arm before he pulled back and left. No one but the doctor and nurses touched my scars.

It wasn't until weeks later when I next saw her. A rotten sight with no facial expression of any kind as she was shoved into the room and forced to sit beside my bed. I knew she had come on her own and sat in the hall for a few days but they couldn't talk her into entering my room, nor me into getting up and trying to use my healing leg. Yasu and Nobu stood guard at the door so she couldn't run but they couldn't force her to speak. She just sat there her eyes fixated on my healing left hand, useless and limp. I couldn't get it to perform any of the simple tasks my physical therapist had instructed me to do. For a musician hands that do not work mean I can no longer work. Part of me wondered if that was part of her problem with me, because I would no longer be a rock star. The man she had agreed to marry was gone, replaced by an invalid. Neither of us said anything to the other and when a nurse showed up to clean and dress my burns Nana asked if she could be excused. Nobu took her somewhere then and Yasu staid to speak with the doctor and check that I was being well cared for. Like I was a child and he was the dutiful parent, but in reality I just felt like he was looking down on me. Because he had always had so much and I never had anything.

I had been trapped in the room too long, I was growing agitated and in need of relief. There were times my body felt so drained that I shook violently. I had to be sedated more than a few times to ease the pain. She was always there in my dreams to comfort me, or mock me depending on her mood. More often then not her mood depended on mine. She could start off smiling with a cigarette in one hand, beckoning me closer with the other. If I was in a mood to fight all I had to do was ignore her, then she'd pounce on me demanding my attention. I liked her like that, needing my eyes on her. If I went to her though, I could have her body in any way I wanted. I liked her like that too, purring and mewling begging me for more. In my dreams she was a lot less difficult to handle then she was in reality where we sat awkwardly in silence.

A few times I attempted to speak to her. I said hello once, her mouth twitched a little before she settled herself on the chair and turned to the pages she had brought with her to read. As time passed she came less reluctantly and with only Nobu but still she would stroll in turn the chair to the TV and we sat in silence not actually watching the drama that played out on it. Since I wasn't really paying attention to it I failed to notice until it was ending that she had been in it.

"Are you doing two dramas?" Tired eyes flinched over to me but quickly returned to the screen. I continued to stare at her emotionless face and grew troubled by what I saw. Her cheek bones were less prominent when I first saw her and even though she looked pale then I was sure she had not been so pasty white and sickly looking. Again the nurse came cheerful and pleasant to tend to my wounds. It must have taken some effort on her part to smile walking into the tense quiet room. Nana nodded to her but left without as much as a glance in my direction.

"Why does she even bother coming?" I asked no one when the nurse was gone, but even as I was thinking she was the most terrible woman to be married to, I was hoping she would come back.

The next day there was a knock on my door around noon, after my burns had already been checked. My hopes that this meant she'd stay longer were squashed when Reira popped her head in smiling from ear to ear.

"You're looking well today, Ren." I heard that pleasant voice singing my name and wondered that I felt nothing. "I hope it's alright for me to visit. Takumi mentioned that Nana has been visiting." There was a time when I wanted her and believed myself in love with her, or at least I felt I could love her if given the chance. But looking at her I felt nothing remotely romantic. There was love and I was glad to see her but her face wasn't the one I had been waiting for.

Every time she visited me I couldn't help smiling. The ease of being with her almost made me feel normal, as if I were not disfigured and useless. She talked at length about her day to me and never failed to tell me she missed me every few minutes. So why were my eyes constantly drifting to the door in search of those dull plain brown ones that held no love for me.

"I wish you had been there. It was just Takumi, Naoki and I against all those reporters. Of course Takumi is really good at that sort of thing but for him to announce that with no emotions as if you were gone for good," her face scrunched up in distaste. Takumi had decided to announce that they were searching for my replacement and she hadn't liked the idea. She had even threatened to quit the band for good until I called her to talk her out of it. Even if I could not remember being part of it I didn't want to be the reason our band had to completely break up.

"I hate that I have to sing without you playing. Won't your hands get better over time? We could wait." She pouted and I wished I could hold her. I wanted to tell her to wait for me, but as it was I couldn't make my left hand do much of anything and the right was more trapped than I was in its scribbled on cast.

"Gripping and holding things is something the doctor said will come with time, hard work, and patience, but by the time I heal Trapnest will be forgotten by more than just me." Her face fell ready to cry, "I'm sorry, I should have protected my hands better." I wished I had let myself die. Death would've been better than living a life without my guitar.

"Well next time remember that. We're the same, you and I. All I have is my voice and all you have are your hands. Work hard to regain your true self, Ren. I will make sure Takumi lets you come back to Trapnest." She meant to be sweet and supportive but it only made me feel miserable. Her words confirmed my fears that there was nothing good left about me for that stranger wife of mine to love.

Rapidly switching her mood she reached in to a bag she had brought with, "I brought in your favorites see."

She pulled a boxed lunch out and began feeding me various foods cut into animal shapes. I had been stuck on hospital food and would have accepted anything from the outside but as childish as it may have been I was disappointed by the lack of miso soup. It was the thought that counted though so I ate every piece she held up to me. My meal was cut short by the door opening suddenly and I swore that I saw an expression on Nana's face. The door shut on her before she could enter and I missed my chance to decipher the emotion behind her withering smile.

"I'll wait in the van." Her words were muffled by the heavy door. Reira was frozen by the sound and she seemed to be fighting with herself on the inside.

"But you were so happy a moment ago. I was shocked you took the day off and everything." Yasu opened the door and I stared at the fixed blank expression. Not a smile nor a frown, her mouth was a grim line of deep red. "Ren, has been released into his wife's care. Isn't that great, Reira?"

His implied warning was clear to everyone even me though I was not sure what Reira had done to upset him. 'Isn't she allowed to spend time with me?'

"I'll wait in the van with Nobu." My wife mumbles ready to bolt as far from me as she can.

"No, Nana I should leave." Reira insisted hurriedly packing up my lunch.

"Weren't you satisfied ruining one marriage?" Finally an emotion, vivid seething rage. I didn't understand her sudden flare of anger and it pissed me off that it was directed at Reira. Though, I could not deny that the deathly glare in her eyes turned me on. "Here I thought we could finally understand each other but I just don't get your need for married men."

"Nana, I," she was gone before Reira could finish whatever she was about to say.

Yasu steps in, "don't worry about her misplaced emotions. She hasn't had a cigarette in a few days and today is her first day off. She's dealing with this the best she can, it's not easy for her." It was impossible to tell what he was thinking with those dark glasses covering his eyes but his voice sounded strained.

"I know." Defeated Reira responded taking a few steps towards him and the door.

"If you know then make it easier for her by not visiting married men so much!" His sudden outburst caused her to jump in fear. "Make things easier for yourself too and stop this thing with Takumi before Search gets solid proof." She nodded scurrying away as quickly as possible. Turning to me he seemed to try to hold his tongue but couldn't. "Try harder to remember that you love that girl more than anything. Try really fucking hard Ren because I have tried to fix her, Hachi and Nobu and everyone else has tried to make her eat and take care of herself but all she does is work and drink. She's killing herself because she is hurt and has no idea how to deal with the pain." Calmer than before he wheeled my chair over to me. "The doctor thinks you need a change of scenery so you'll be going home today. You've been released into her custody, hopefully it'll do you both some good. She needs you Ren. You may not remember but you are the only one who can save Nana."

Nana

He looked so happy speaking with her and I couldn't help the jealous rage that threatened to boil over in a childish tantrum. He might have been in the car accident but it was my world that was crashing to a halt. Knowing that he had remembered her but had forgotten me was enough to make me hate her, even more than I ever had before. It was just more proof that he didn't want me in his life. Then there they were eating lunch together like some stupid love sick couple, I could barely breathe and had to bite my tongue to keep myself from screaming at him.

Breaking apart inside I didn't know who I could turn to or if I even had anyone left who would put up with me. In the end singing was all I had but then that was also given to me by Ren. Why did everything I had have to be connected to him in some way? Even Nobu and Hachi had somehow become closer to him than me. Alone I wandered aimlessly out the front door without thinking. The mosquitoes swarmed not caring that I was crying, involuntary tears streaming down my face in an ugly mess.

'Maybe I'm a terrible wife.' The thought had crossed my mind more than once, even before his accident. I thought I was too mean and not good enough for him. It was with that thought that I threw myself into work because I didn't feel like thinking about him or dwelling on the pain. There was also the matter of his addiction which Hachi had finally filled me in on. I couldn't allow myself to speak to him so that in a fit of anger or a moment of despair I wouldn't drive him back to old habits. It was easier for me to think of it as a mental illness just like my attacks. We were both sensitive people with bad habits.

Determined to set a good example I recommitted myself to improving my life by throwing out some bad habits. I quit smoking again to improve my voice but that only lead to me drinking more . The problem was I was irritable and starving but my stomach cramped so bad I could hardly eat, all my body wanted was a cigarette or a large bottle of something strong. It didn't help that the damned mosquitoes were everywhere watching me, making me want to claw their eyes out. Making matters worse Reira seemed to be a better wife to Ren then I had ever tried to be. She had barged in to the studio and demanded that I go see him because he was miserable. So for two days I sat there too afraid to go in his room. Finally Nobu gripped my arm and shoved me in but I couldn't open my mouth for fear of blurting out something stupid. Ren had no memory of his addiction and he had been in a coma for the physical withdrawal but his dependency ran deeper than physical need. So I sat next to him not wanting to tell him about it but needing to scream at him and all I could think was that I should just let Reira have him.

Reira however had also been caught up in a scandal when a paparazzi had snapped a picture of her and Takumi in a compromising position. Rumors of them having an affair had been rapidly replacing the ones about me.

"Nana, where's Ren?" Nobu questioned when I got close enough to the van for her to whisper to me. Shin yelled at the paparazzi to back off but of course their cameras continued to flash annoyingly at us.

"Right behind me bonding with Yasu." She peaked behind to see the ever stoic bald man but no Ren. "Maybe he likes the food here."

"He says he won't go home with a stranger."

'Stranger!' Pissed I shoved passed the paparazzi with their stupid cameras and stomped my way back to his room. He was just sitting there watching some pointless anime when I barged in. That was as far as I got before I realized I had no idea what to do or say. It wasn't just him who didn't know me, I had no idea who this Ren was either. He was right, we were strangers.

It occurred to me that he must be lonely not knowing who he was. I walked over depressed with myself for being unable to muster a smile.

"I'm Nana," simple enough words but they felt so heavy. He turned from the TV and made eye contact with me. "I'm your…" He nodded with a smile and waited for me to say more. But I had nothing to say, I didn't know if I should sit down and tell him my favorite color or that we had spent most of the year trying to fight the urge to kill each other. I could not think of any conversation that didn't lead to us fighting. I trained my eyes to the burns on his chest. They looked painful but they were healing nicely, Yasu had said that soon he wouldn't need to bandage them but his arm would be in a cast for another week or so. His leg was better, than his hand and the bruises had gone away too, but he'd always have the burn scars on his left side. They covered his torso and crept up his neck to his handsome face, I wanted to kiss every inch of those scars and magically take away the pain.

"That's it?" He made me jump and our eyes met. "What's your problem? At least look at your husband when speaking to him and smile, don't look so miserable just because you have to visit me. I didn't ask for you to come!" Before I could gain control of myself I was crying."Wait, Nana! I didn't mean that you shouldn't have come here." He paused probably still waiting for me to say more. "I wanted to see you. Is that strange? I can't stop thinking about you and the longer you stayed away the more agitated I became. I don't know you, you're a stranger to me and you're cold and neglectful. Yet I've been here wanting to see you, and touch you, and eat food you sneak in for me, and just hear you talk about nothing. Nana, say something."

Even after listening intently to him confess his feelings I couldn't think of anything good to say. 'What would Ren do if our roles were reversed?' Thinking like him I advanced closer irritated by the word stranger, again. 'Is that how he felt then? So he had to kiss me to prove we were closer than I had wanted to admit.' Our first kiss was a simple press of his lips to mine after I made some comment about not wanting to die for something I hadn't done with a stranger.

"Nana," my lips interrupted whatever he was about to say.

"We're not strangers." I said firmly when I pulled away. His eyes were wide open and he was flushed a cute shade of pink. It was something I took pleasure in as he had done so many times after causing the same reaction in me.

Swinging his legs over the edge of the bed he smiled. "Okay." I pushed the high tech wheel chair to him, the best Yasu's money could buy but he shook his head. "I'd rather walk."

"You can walk?" Genuinely surprised I stared at him dumbfounded when he stood on shaky legs.

"I'm supposed to try to walk but usually in therapy I only make it as far as the bathroom." He began to take small slow steps and my heart pounded anticipating that he'd fall and break himself some more. Tired by the time he made it to the door he swore and leaned on it. "Damn that hurts. That's what I get for trying to impress the pretty girl."

Giving up he sat in the chair grumbling about how Yasu was so generous it hurt. To ease his pain I leaned down and laid a kiss on his lips.

"Your prize for impressing the pretty girl." I answered his questioning look.

"Really?" Flirty he held my gaze. "I have hand exercises I have to do, they might impress you even more. What'll I get then?"

"Nothing you perv." Despite myself I smiled

End

I hope you liked it.