An hour and a half later, Naruto was seriously debating walking back out to the memorial stone and bodily dragging his sensei into the warm ramen shop. He could probably manage it if he utilized a whole bunch of shadow clones and some chakra-enhanced handcuffs. Then again, Kakashi-sensei wasn't an elite jounin for no reason…
Thankfully, Naruto was saved from making this potentially disastrous decision by the entrance of the copy nin himself. As the mess of unkempt white hair ducked under the doorway, Kakashi muffled several coughs with his elbow. Taking a seat next to the blond genin, he settled into his characteristic slouch.
"You're late!" Naruto folded his arms angrily.
"Yeah, I… was helping a lost kid find his way home."
"It took you an hour."
"He was quite far from home." He looked up at the man behind the counter. "One ramen, please. And this kid's paying."
"Yeah, 'cause he's a cheap idiot," the blond replied, jerking a thumb at Kakashi.
"No, I just don't spend more than I have t-" He coughed into his sleeve again, then cleared his throat. "More than I have to. Is that such a bad thing?"
"Are you sick?"
"No. I'm fine. And we were talking about finances, not my personal wellbeing."
"But you were coughing!"
"That doesn't mean I'm sick. Is the ramen ready yet?"
"No, you just ordered it. Are you sick because you stayed out in the cold too long?"
No, that's not how it works, Naruto." Despite his best efforts to stifle them, the copy ninja gave several more harsh coughs, trying to ignore his student's glare. "How long does it take them to make ramen, anyway?"
"Exactly four minutes and forty-six seconds if you just ordered the plain stuff. But you are sick! Don't try to lie to me, 'cause I can always tell!"
Kakashi decided not to remind him of several occasions in the past, including but not limited to an incident with a girl, a chicken, two ANBU, and Icha Icha, when he had pulled one over on his boisterous student, seeing as Naruto still hadn't found out about most of them. "I'm not-"
"Were you coughing before you went out there?"
Yes. "No."
"Then you must be sick because you stayed out in the cold too long."
"Like I said, that just doesn't happen."
"But there's no other explanation!" he exclaimed over the sound of Kakashi hacking.
"How about," he croaked, then cleared his throat, "the explanation that I'm not. Sick."
"No, that's not it."
"Urrgh," he groaned, resting his head on his hands and closing his eye.
And, of course, someone chose that exact moment to burst into Ichiruka's Ramen. "My eternal and glorious rival!"
His eyes flew back open. Oh dear.
"But what are you," the green-clad man emphasized this word by whacking his rival forcefully on the back, "doing up and about? I thought I told you to rest, because we can't continue our youthful and manly contests when you, oh rival, are under the weather!"
"Gai, I was just-"
"Are you healed? Of course you are! Why else would you risk going into the outside world? You are well again! That is wonderful news!" Gai struck a heroic pose, manly tears streaming down his face. "My rival has made a hip and glorious recovery! In honor of this astounding-"
"He's not 'healed!'" Naruto interrupted.
The manly tears stopped abruptly. "What?"
"He's been coughing a bunch and insists that he's not sick. And he lied to me, 'cause he said he wasn't coughing before he-"
"Did nothing!" Kakashi interrupted quickly. "Before I did nothing but stay in warm buildings like this one!" He silently begged Naruto to help him out. Instead, Naruto started grinning evilly.
"Before he stood out by the memorial stone for four and a half hours, Gai."
"He… he…" Gai looked aghast at Naruto. "But I told him to…"
"So he was coughing last night?" The genin crossed his arms.
"Yes! But he needs to rest his beautiful body so he can return to his healthy and youthful self!"
"See, I told you I could tell when you were lying, Kaka-sensei!" Naruto turned his head to gloat, but found an empty chair where Kakashi should've been.
"He's gone! His dedication and ingenuity are overwhelming, but so is his foolishness when it comes to his health!" Gai closed his eyes with great emotion, holding his right fist to his chest. "We must seek him out and nurse him back to health, oh Naruto! Perhaps we can enlist the help of Rock Lee for this incredibly important task!" Hearing no response, he opened his eyes. Naruto, too, had vanished.
The ramen, however, had not vanished.
He figured it would be wise to eat this untouched ramen, in order to rejuvenate his youthful energy in the search for his rival.
It would be a waste not to.