"Sakura?" Naruto wrenched open his door to see his pink-haired friend standing on his steps. "What are you doing here?"
She pushed past him, striding into his messy living room. "We need to find Kakashi."
"I know; I've been trying to narrow down the places he would go, but none of them seem to be right."
As she looked at the floor, Sakura saw that Naruto wasn't lying. There was a map spread out on the wood, with dozens of red x's that had been drawn with marker on different places in town.
"Well, he's not at the hokage's place," Naruto went on, "and he didn't go back to Ichiraku. He's not staying with Captain Asuma or Kurenai, or even at Ino's flower shop, and he's not at the porn store or-"
"You went in there?"
"N-no, I… looked through the window. Anyway, he's not there or the memorial stone. I even checked the hospital for good measure, but baka-sensei wasn't smart enough to check himself in."
Well, her teammate had done a pretty thorough job, then. "What's left?"
"That's the thing, though," he lifted his hands in the air, "I just don't know!"
"Maybe we should just walk around and see what we can find?" Sakura suggested, rather disappointed that there wasn't an obvious option. Of course their sensei had to be a genius. He'd never be somewhere obvious, especially since he was running from Maito Gai.
"Might as well. Man, why does our genius sensei have to be such an idiot?"
Kakashi awoke with a sneeze. His head hurt. And his throat hurt. And his stomach hurt.
He cracked open an eye to see a well-lit kitchen start swimming around him. After drawing in a shaky breath, it came into slightly better focus, but he was still pretty sure that the walls weren't supposed to be moving in waves.
Where was h-
Ramen. He smelled ramen.
In an attempt to find the source of this heavenly smell, he lifted up his head. Then set it right back down as he started hacking. After several gasping breaths, he managed to stop the fit and get his mind slightly more in order. He realized that he was freezing.
This was odd, as there was a crackling fire not three feet away from his prone figure.
Where was he again? Something about Sasuke, he thought…
Why was it so hard for him to think? Probably the fact that he was distracted by the smell of ramen that he couldn't get to. It was infuriating. He tried to lift up his head for a second time, and, for a second time, gave up as the room started moving in ways that no room should and his brain felt like it was being twisted and squished inside his shrinking skull.
He idly wondered why ramen retrieval wasn't labeled as an S-class mission.
"Nnnghhh!" He groaned angrily, trying to stop his persistent shivering. He would get that ramen, one way or another. Maybe he could throw a kunai at it? No, that would just make it spill, and he doubted that he could throw straight with the room moving so much. Could he use a jutsu to grab it? OH! He could summon Pakkun to get it for him! The room would still be moving, but at least Pakkun would have the advantage of not having a splitting headache.
Fumbling around in his front pockets, Kakashi miraculously managed to find the right scroll, prick his thumb, and smack his hand on the wooden floor. He heard a poof!
"What are you doing on the floor, brat?"
"Nnnghh."
"Are you okay?" The pug padded towards his charge, nosing him in the side. "You smell sick, pup. What'd you do this time?"
Kakashi made an indistinct noise.
"Sorry, what?"
"I need you," his voice was slightly muffled, seeing as his masked face was pressed into the floor, "to get me… the ramen."
"The… ramen?"
"Mm. On the stove."
"How about I get you to a hospital first?"
Kakashi tried to shake his head, then gave up on that idea when it made his headache worse. "No," he managed, "I want ramen."
"You do realize I don't have hands, right?"
"Be careful," the ninja murmured, "the floor moves if you're not careful."
"The floor m- just how sick are you?" Worriedly, the pug walked over to Kakashi's head, trying to lay a paw on his forehead. "Geez, kid, you're burning! Where are your students, anyway?"
"Saving me from… him."
"From who?" Pakkun was immediately on the alert. "Is someone trying to hurt you? Did someone do this to you?"
"Gai. He's… he keeps trying… to chase me and… do all sorts of awful things."
"You mean he's trying to help you get better."
"Have you gotten me the ramen yet?"
The dog rolled his eyes. "No hands, remember?"
"Oh." The ninja sounded extremely disappointed. "What about… maybe… can you just grab it with your mouth?"
Sighing, he replied, "Fine, I'll try for you." And, true to his word, he clambered up onto the counter and grabbed the cup of noodles, bringing it dutifully back to his sick master, with only minimal spillage, he might add. "What are you doing in the Uchiha estate, anyway, brat?"
"I'm in… where am I?"
"Oh, nevermind. Turn your head so you can eat some of this." He set the ramen on the floor, and Kakashi brought it to his mouth with a shaking hand, slurping up a mouthful.
"Thanks," he mmumbled, chewing happily.
"Don't mention it. Are you going to let me get you to a hospital now?"
"No."
"Why on earth? Are you completely stupid, brat?"
"You don't… have hands."
Sure, now he remembers. "I suppose you're right. It'd be a bit hard for me to carry you, huh? And I guess it's pretty cold out there, too. At least you've found yourself a nice warm place here, even if it's a bit creepy."
"Warm? I'm f-freezing. And I don't need a hospital. 'M fine."
"Sure you are, Kashi."
"I want a blanket." He pushed himself up with an elbow, the room spinning around him and setting him coughing.
"Kashi, don't'-"
"Fine!" he croaked between coughs. "I'm fine!" And he was fine. The room simply wasn't. Oh, and the lights were going out again. Lovely. Maybe it would be warmer next time he woke up.