Once Upon a December
Chapter 5
"I'll see you friday then Granny" Mary said and kissed Violet's cheek, before she walked out the door. Violet watched as Spratt followed her granddaughter into the hall, and then she sat and waited while the maid cleared the table for every sign of the tea they had just had. For a moment she just sat and stared at the sofa. How many times had she and Isobel been sitting here discussing things over? She didn't know, only that it had been many times and something she had gotten so used to. She had confessed to Mary how she felt about loosing Isobel to Lord Merton. She had been very truthful of course, but she hadn't confessed the whole truth. The truth was, that though she'd be very sad not to have Isobel by her side as much as she had gotten used to, Isobel wasn't the only one she was afraid of loosing now. She had gotten used to having a companion, she had told Mary, but what she hadn't said, was that she had found she actually needed a companion now. She felt a need, and the need frightened her, since she had convinced herself since her husband's death, that she would be able to manage just fine on her own. The death of Patrick had been devastating of course, and she had been at his bedside in all the weeks he had been ill. She had held his hand as he slipped away from life, and even though he was too weak to speak, he had told her how much he loved her, by squeezing her hand weakly before he was gone. Violet had not cried then. She had looked at the doctor, who had taken his pulse and confirmed his demise with a solemn nod. Then the family was there. Robert had wiped away a single tear, Rosamund had sobbed silently, her being the closest to her father, but Violet had been the mere image of strength. Until she was finally alone in her bedroom that night. Patrick was gone, and the bed was almost icy to get in to. She had extended her hand to touch his pillow, and as she caught a glimpse of the photo on his bed stand, the picture of them together at Robert and Cora's wedding, she finally let the tears flow. She wasn't hysterical, no she wasn't exactly sobbing, but never the less, tears were falling silent and steadily down her cheeks, and she felt her chest tighten with feelings of loss, sorrow and regret. She knew Patrick loved her, and that he had forgiven her many years ago, but the discovery of the love that she had shared with another man had cast a shadow over their marriage, which never went away, even though he kept telling her, that it was all behind them. She knew better, and that first night she was alone, she felt so bitter regret. She regretted she let her guards down, she regretted she let herself love another so deeply, she regretted the pain it had caused Patrick, but most of all she regretted, that even this night when her dear husband had just passed away, she still couldn't forget the love she left behind in Russia, and how even after all these years, he still claimed her heart much more, than her husband of 30 years.
A knock came to the door and Violet was awakened from her daydream. "Come in" she said and Spratt entered with a silver plate containing a letter. "This came for you just now, Milady", "Thank you Spratt" she picked up the letter and when Spratt had left, she tore it open with Patrick's paperknife. Her heart skipped a beat as soon as she saw the handwriting, which was of course a quite familiar feeling.
My Dearest Violet,
I'm sorry if I shocked you at our last meeting. I hope I haven't created a distance between us, but I found I couldn't help myself. It seems so strange to be alone with you and to be so formal. Heaven knows, the last time we were alone, there were no formalities between us. Please believe me, I didn't want to bring up the past between us, if I didn't suspect you too were thinking about it. What went on between us in the past is impossible for me to leave behind Violet, and it has been ever since you left me that morning in St. Petersburg. You took my heart with you, and it seems you still have it. You told me last time, that I knew you, and you are right. I dare say I know you better than anyone, and I certainly knew you better than your husband. I can't say how you've been the past 50 years, but what I can see now, is someone who is not content, and my dearest Violet, I want you to be. That's all I've ever wanted. There once was a time where only I was allowed to hear your laughter, touch your cheek and kiss your lips, and that time was the happiest of my life. It's true what I told you, I have often thought of how it would have been, if you hadn't backed out. How deliriously happy we could have been. But I won't go on, I know how you hate regretting the past, and you are quite right, there is no use. We both went on with our lives, and at least it seems you've not been unhappy in your life here. You have a beautiful family who loves and respects you. That is more than I can say. What I'm trying to say is, that I don't blame you for the decision you made, all I wish is for you to look forward, not in regret but in hope. Remember, you and I are strong people Violet. We always have been and will continue to be so. If you will allow me, I will call on you friday next, I feel a letter is far from enough to explain my notion. I only ask you not to regret, and to be well until we meet again.
Igor
Violet folded the paper in her hand and brought it to her chest. Of course he was right, she knew that, but she felt herself get slightly angry. Here he came, waltzing back into her life, giving her no time to prepare at all. She found it harder and harder to hold op her guards, and what was even worse was, that she wasn't sure she wanted to anymore. Not for him anyway. She found herself with the same strange and unsettling sensation he had brought her the very first time he had confessed his love for her. The confusion and yet a burning realisation, that she could not resist him. She fanned the letter at her flushed face a few times, and then suddenly Denker entered the room. Violet almost jumped at the maid's entrance "Oh! What now Denker?" she sighed slightly annoyed. Denker stopped and noticed the letter her employer folded and hid away in her hands a bit too quickly. "I'm sorry to disturb you milady, but I wish you'd talk to Spratt. He's creating quite the commotion downstairs, and he refuses to cooperate when…" Violet held up her hand to stop her from speaking "Denker. Nothing I could say would change Spratt's disposition. If that was the case, he would have changed his tune long ago." Denker simply rolled her eyes and left without another word, and Violet shook her head. This was perhaps going to be even more exhausting than she had first expected.