Once Upon a December
Chapter 8
"You want an answer just like that?" she was in chock. She could hardly believe they were having this conversation, yet the fact that he was here, in front of her, practically on his knees, proposing to resurrect their former love affair, left her feeling as warm inside as it made her scared. "I know my old feelings. You do too", "well, I can't make a decision now!" her voice had started shaking slightly, showing signs of the nerves tightening in her core. "I won't change" he sat back, and looked at her with his usual steadfast manner. "Don't proclaim your intransigence as if it were a virtue" he sent her a knowing smile and shook his head at her. This whole situation had left Violet quite flabbergasted. All she could do was smile at him. This man was indeed mad! "Very well. Don't answer now" suddenly he stood, and brushed his jacket as if he was about to leave. Violet sprang to her feet without thinking, not wanting him to leave her alone now, with this to think about. She started reaching out to him, but stopped herself. "I.. I shall have to think about it" she said hesitatingly. "Of course" he said moving in closer. She kept her eyes on the floor, afraid of meeting his wanting gaze. "I remember a time where I didn't have to persuade you to do anything. A time where all I had to do was to kiss you, and you would follow my lead" He bent his head slightly to hers. He was only inches from her face, which had now turned a burning shade of red. When she finally lifted her head and met his eyes, it was as if her insides melted, and the walls she so carefully had built up came crackling down. "think of the scandal" she breathed helplessly "the last time we let that worry control us, we lost each other. I wont let that happen again" then he kissed her. It was tender and slow and Violet felt herself relax suddenly. She knew what he was suggesting was going to be far from easy, probably quite impossible, but he had this knack - perhaps it was that deep and smooth voice of his, but he managed to reassure her. He made every scare and every worry fly away like smoke.
Here she was, in her own drawing room, kissing a man that was not her husband, a refugee for that matter! The realisation that either Spratt or Denker could walk in at any moment sprung to her mind and she pulled away. "I can't see how this could ever work" she said her eyes tearing up "What have we to loose Violet?", for the first time since Sibyl's death she let herself cry. A single tear rolled silently down her cheek and he reached out to wipe it gently away with his thumb. "My dearest, leave it to me. As I said, I don't seek scandal. But tell me first, do you want this? Do you still love me?" Violet smiled through her glistening eyes, how could she lie to this man. He didn't need an answer, because he knew just as well as she had always done, that he had always been the love of her life. She had spent most of her life trying to forget, trying to tell herself that it hadn't meant anything, but she hadn't been able to convince herself. Her answer was weak and almost non verbal, but he heard it clear enough "Of course I do" he took her hand in his and kissed the tips of her slender fingers "Very well my Darling. You will ask me to dinner tonight, during which I will fall ill, you will have to let me borrow your guest bedroom for the night, and then you let me take care of the rest" She couldn't help but laugh at the idea. It sounded so familiar in her ears, and she felt 22 again. "That's all very well.." she laughed and then suddenly stopped and looked at him sadly "but you can't very well fall ill here every night" the tears returned to her eyes now, and he pulled her close to him and put his arms around her "I will think of something, my love. I'll think of something" and then his lips were on her's again. This time more demanding. As they parted and Igor straightened himself up a bit, before getting ready to leave, she sought out his hand one last time "I need your word, this won't slip out" he smiled at her in return "Trust me" he said, and she did.
…
"Spratt! Give Prince Kuragin some more wine!" she was beginning to loose her temper with him. He made a vague 'hmf'-sound by the sound of the word 'Prince', filled up his glass but never looked at him. "Thank you Spratt, I think that'll do for now.." she was interrupted by the sound of a loud thump, and Igor's deep cry in pain. He turned in his chair, clutched his knee and spat out what sounded like a stream of Russian profanities. "Oh dear, what ever is the matter?" Violet stood and rushed around the table. Igor was indeed a very convincing actor, she thought. "I'm sorry Lady Grantham. I have an old injury, do you think I could lie down? It will probably be gone in a few hours" Violet looked at Spratt, who's eyes had widened to twice their size. "Of course! Spratt! Will you help The Prince to the guest room. We can't have him sitting here on this hard furniture!" Spratt looked as if somebody had poured ice water over him and his jaw was hanging by his knees. "I'm not sure.." he started protesting but Violet raised her voice now "Take him upstairs, Spratt!" he nodded without saying another word and went to help Igor off the chair. Igor played along brilliantly, moaning and squinting in pain as he walked next to Spratt, and Violet found it hard to keep a straight face. "Oh and Spratt! I think I'll turn in now as well. I didn't realise how late it was. Will you tell Denker?", "Very good My Lady" he said as he walked up the stairs with her Prince under his arm. Violet had to let out a small laugh when they were finally out of sight. This was so typical Igor, he would have acted the exact same way 50 years ago, and she loved how he just made up his mind about something and then carried it through. Something she herself always had been too self conscious to do.
Denker had of course asked her about the overnight guest staying in the next room, but Violet had quite firmly told her that there was no need to ask inappropriate questions. She couldn't very well send her old friend, a now impoverished refugee back to a cold and damp room in the slums of York, when he was this weak. Denker had merely nodded and smiled cheekily at her in the mirror, she probably hadn't bought it, but as long as she kept her thoughts to herself, Violet almost didn't care anymore. She was finally alone. The house was completely quiet, and Violet stood by her window, wondering if it was possible to die of nerves and anticipation. She fumbled with her fingers, trying to calm her nerves, when she suddenly noticed her ring. Her wedding ring was glistening back to her from her hand, as she was about to do something she had never done before - take it off. Oddly enough it didn't feel like the betrayal she had expected. The memories and emotions that were connected to this piece of jewellery had nothing to do with the feelings she had for Igor. They weren't made less nor more valuable from the fact that she took it off. She held it for a moment in her palm and then she placed it in her jewellery box on the dressing table. She had hardly turned around before she heard the door click open, and without making a single sound, he slid into her room and locked the door behind him.