(Disclaimer: It wasn't my fault we landed off target! Let's blame it on a passing salesman!)
"And where to now?" Rose asked the two time travellers.
"Hm..." Calvin tapped the edge of the console with a finger. "Let's see... we are off to Ancient Egypt! Pharaohs... pyramids..."
"Oooh! Can I be a princess?" Rose enthused, excited. Calvin examined her quickly.
"No. You're a slimy girl. You can be a slave."
"I hate you."
"Well, off we go, then!" Hobbes chirped. Three minutes of travelling, and they had arrived. Whether or not it was the right place remains to be seen. After a quick bounce out of the cardboard box, with Rose executing a perfect backflip, they stared around.
"...this doesn't look like Egypt," Hobbes admitted.
"No...it doesn't." Calvin grabbed a newspaper from a passing salesboy, and scanned it quickly. "Cardiff, 1869."
"A bit off target."
"Only slightly. Why don't we explore a bit?"
Hobbes nodded, and so did Rose. "We can meet back here in an hour?" she offered.
"Good idea," agreed Hobbes. "See you around."
Rose strolled along the street, looking around. Her strange clothing attracted some odd looks, but she didn't let it bother her. She was, right now, a part of history! She passed a group of salesmen that were giving her some covert looks in the corner, but she glared at them, and that was that.
"Hey," she realised, speaking softly to herself. "Isn't Charles Dickens alive right now?" She ran through the facts in her head from primary school. "Wow... I think he is. I wonder if I can see him."
She was so absorbed in her thoughts that she didn't notice the funeral taking place nearby. It was apparently for someone called Mrs Peace. Her coffin stood just in front of everyone gathered. To the side was a wealthy-looking man and a young girl who appeared to be his servant.
Rose continued down the street, and out of sight from the funeral, but something was happening. Something that, if she'd thought to investigate, would save her a lot of trouble, and possibly ruin the plot of this story. But she didn't, so this episode shall continue as planned.
The coffin of Mrs Peace was shaking slightly, but nobody really noticed it. The vicar read out a couple of lines from the Bible. The coffin shook again, and this time everyone noticed. The lid burst off, and the late Mrs Peace burst out of it, glowing bright blue.
So much for 'Peace', huh?
Everyone screamed, and began to run away madly like sensible people would if confronted by a glowing blue corpse. However, the man and his servant girl stayed where they were. They don't actually seem that sensible to me, now that I think about it.
Mrs Peace then proceeded to kill her grandson brutally. I won't go into detail here; I want to keep this fanfic rated K. She then lurched, zombie-like, out of the parlor. The man grabbed the girl by her arms and shook her roughly.
"Quick, girl, where is she going?" he yelled at her. The girl closed her eyes.
"The great man," she whimpered. "All the way from London. The great, great, man."
The man stood, grabbed her by the hand and dragged her out of the park where the service had taken place.
Rose, meanwhile, had decided to go to the place where Mr Dickens was currently performing.
Gee, this is building up the plot, isn't it?
When she reached the building, she distracted the one security-person with a rock diversion (namely, throwing a rock to make a noise in a different place) and slipped in. To her surprise, Hobbes was there too, apparently listening to whatever the famous author was doing.
"Didn't think you were a fan," she commented, sliding into the seat next to him. Hobbes shrugged.
"I find storytelling interesting," he replied. They listened in silence for a bit.
"Where's the stubborn boy?" she finally asked.
"Oh, you mean Calvin? He said there was something he needed to investigate."
"That probably means that we'll be running for our lives soon, right?"
"Right."
That was when the glowing blue corpse of Mrs Peace burst into the room, spilling blue vapour all over the stage. Zombies do have great senses of timing, don't they? Hobbes and Rose jumped up, and moved to the stage, where the not-so-glowing corpse of Mrs Peace had collapsed. Rose poked the slumped body with a shoe.
"Dead," she reported. Hobbes nodded, and pointed off stage to a man and young girl who were running towards them.
"What's betting those people were the ones Calvin had to investigate?"
"Quite a lot, actually. You go get Calvin, I'll find out what's happening."
"Check that."
Hobbes dashed off in the opposite direction. The screaming audience had dissipated. Nobody was left in the room, except Rose, the corpse, and two people who were at that moment attempting to pick up the corpse.
Uh oh.
"What are you doing?" she asked them.
"Taking this corpse," replied the man. The girl gave her a terrified look.
"Sorry, miss," she whispered. Rose frowned.
"What are you sorry for?"
"This," said the man, and gestured to the girl. A cloth was clamped over Rose's mouth and nose, and the last thing she thought before she passed out was, oh, that is just so typical.
"You ruined the performance!" Charles Dickens stormed at Calvin, who attempted to give the famous author his 'oh, I'm a sweet little six-year-old face'. It didn't appear to be working, considering the evil look he was giving him. Hobbes crashed in through the door.
"Calvin, there's a glowing blue corpse-thing, and Rose is busy with some people, and-"
"Shut up, Hobbes," Calvin demanded. "I'm trying to stop Charles Dickens from murdering me."
"Charles Dickens?" Hobbes brightened visibly. "I can get you out of this one. Just repeat everything I say."
Calvin gave him a puzzled look, but nodded.
"Your stories are brilliant," Hobbes began. "Completely one hundred percent brilliant. I've read them all. Great Expectations, Oliver Twist and what's the other one, the one with the ghost?"
Calvin repeated this.
"A Christmas Carol?" Charles offered. Hobbes shook his head, and Calvin mirrored him.
"The one with the trains. The Signal Man!"
Calvin copied this, and glanced outside, before doing a double take. Rose was being loaded into a hearse by a man and a young girl. He blinked. "Oh, that is just so typical."
"What?" Hobbes and Charles asked at the same time.
"Rose. Our...uh, friend. She's being kidnapped."
"Damn," Hobbes growled. "Let's get her, then. Get on my back."
Calvin compiled, and Dickens stared at the odd scene. To him, it looked as if Calvin was floating just above a stuffed tiger. Calvin produced a hammer, and hit him on the head. And now, to Charles, it looked exactly as it was- Calvin was riding a large, bipedal tiger.
"Forwards!" Calvin yelled, and they crashed out the window, Charles Dickens staring at them. He quickly regained his composure and hailed a cab. Getting into it, he yelled at the driver, "Follow that boy!"
Rose awoke in a creepy place. To expand on that thought, she woke up in a dark dungeon with barely any light.
"Hello?" she spoke into the darkness. There was no reply. Like she expected any. The single gas lamp flickered.
Outside, the man and his servant, who we can now reveal to be called Mr Sneed and Gwyneth, were conversing in hushed voices.
"She's still alive!" said Gwyneth. "What should we do?"
"I don't know! I didn't plan for this. It's not my fault that the dead won't stay as they are."
"Then who's fault is it? Why is this happening to us?"
There was a knock at the door.
"We're not here!" growled Mr Sneed, and then realised how stupid that sounded. "I mean, we're closed."
"No, you're not," came Calvin's calm voice. "What if someone dies at midnight? You guys have to always be open. It's part of your job."
There was a pause.
"Plus, there's a sign on the door that says 'Open'," he added.
"That would be a clue," admitted Gwyneth. "What do you want?"
"We want...to see your master," Calvin said. Gwyneth boggled at Hobbes. "What?"
"You...have...a...tiger..." she stammered. Hobbes clasped his hands together.
"Oooh, very good!" he cheered, and they pushed past her. The gas lights flickered, and he glanced up. "Having problems with your electricity?" he asked.
"They don't have electricity," Calvin reminded him. "They have gas."
Down in Rose's cozy little catacomb area, someone blue and glowing was stirring. This oughta be good.
"Hello?" she called again. There were two coffins leaning against the wall. One's lid shifted, and clattered to the floor. "Anyone there?"
Something moved. And glowed.
"I think I know what's coming here," she said to herself. "Glowing blue zombies."
As it turned out, she was absolutely right. Two glowing blue reanimated bodies sat up from their coffins, and began to move towards her. "Oh, isn't that just typical."
She moved to the door, and banged on it frantically. "Calvin? Hobbes? Now would be a good time?"
From upstairs, the banging carried up.
"She's down there," Hobbes realised.
"Please, LET ME OUT!" she screamed. The zombies were drawing closer. There was a ZAP, and the door turned into a miniature cow. Calvin stood there, clutching the Transmogrifier.
"BACK, BACK, YOU SLIMY...uh...ZOMBIE THINGS!" he yelled. He paused. "Oh. It's you. Can't we get through one episode without you being in mortal danger, and us having to save you?"
Rose punched him lightly in the arm. "What do you mean, episode?"
"Uh...doesn't matter."
They turned back to the problem at hand, namely, the glowing blue corpses.
"Hello," Hobbes spoke mildly. "Anything you want?"
Just then, Charles Dickens happened to burst through the door. His eyes widened.
"This must be some sort of trick," he muttered.
"No, sorry. The dead are walking. Hello again," Hobbes waved.
"I'm hallucinating," the famous author decided. Calvin cleared his throat. "Oh, sorry. Please continue."
"Right. Anything you guys want?" Calvin directed at the reanimated...body-things.
"Failing. Open the rift. We're dying. Trapped in this form. Cannot sustain. Help us."
They screamed, and then collapsed. A short silence ensued.
"Riiight," Rose said, staring at the no-longer-glowing-blue bodies. "And that wasn't completely cryptic at all. Uh huh."
"Tea, anyone?" offered Sneed.
Everyone glared.
Gwyneth poured tea into cups for everyone in the parlour. Calvin accepted his carefully, but Hobbes declined and instead opted for a glass of cold milk. Originally the older man hadn't been able to see the tiger, but a knock on the head from a hammer had fixed that.
"You drugged me," Rose listed angrily. "You kidnapped me, you stuck me in a room full of zombies, you left me to die, and, as if that weren't enough, you messed up my hair!"
"Hair products," Calvin sighed. "That's all that girls think about. Honestly."
"Shut up, you," Rose retorted, and turned back to the funeral man. "You had better tell us what's going on, sunshine."
Calvin swirled his tea around with a spoon, and sipped lightly. He pulled a face. "Too bitter. But yes, I do agree with the slimy girl over there. What's going on?" He spooned some sugar into his drink. Sneed shrugged.
"The funeral parlour's always been associated with creepy things. There's always a reputation for these sorts of businesses. But it was only about a month ago that it actually started living up to the reputation. You know, the dead moving around."
"Codswallop," Charles Dickens offered his opinion.
"You saw it yourself," Hobbes pointed out.
"Trickery, obviously."
Hobbes and Calvin shared a look that clearly said 'yeah, right'. Calvin coughed slightly, and added more sugar to his tea. "So let's go have a look around. Maybe we can find something."
"Uh-uh." Rose crossed her arms. "I'm staying right here where I won't nearly get killed by zombies. I've had enough near-death experiences for today, thank you very much."
Calvin added two more heaped teaspoons of sugar to his tea. The cup now resembled a scoop of watery brown sludge with added sand. He sipped, and sighed contentedly. "Suit yourself."
He stood up, put his cup down, and exited the room, closely followed by Hobbes, Sneed and Charles. Gwyneth and Rose opted to stay sitting and sipping tea.
"Huh," mused Calvin, searching around the room. "Whaddya know. Nothing here."
Dickens was looking at the corpses, apparently for wires or the like. Hobbes shook his head. "You won't find anything there."
"There must be some kind of mechanism in this fraud," he insisted, still examining.
Hobbes sighed. "Sorry, Charlie boy. Nothing in there, now. The creatures are made of gas. The human body is full of gas when it decomposes. What do you think happened?"
The author lay back against the wall. "So, the world's nothing like I thought then. I had it wrong the whole time."
"Wrong?" Calvin laughed. "God, no! You just didn't know everything!"
"That's basically the same thing," he pointed out, then sighed. "I've always railed against the fantasists. Oh, I loved an illusion as much as the next man, revelled in them, but that's exactly what they were, illusions. The real world is something else. I dedicated myself to that. Injustices, the great social causes. I hoped that I was a force for good. Now you tell me that the real world is a realm of spectres and jack-o'-lanterns. In which case, have I wasted my brief span here? Has it all been for nothing?"
For once, Calvin had nothing to say.
Upstairs, Rose and Gwyneth had finished up their tea. Gwyneth took the dirty cups to the sink, and Rose began to help wash them. Gwyneth waved her away, but Rose insistently continued.
"You really shouldn't do that, miss," the servant girl told her. Rose shook her head.
"I really should. Sneed works you to death. I need to help out a little at least! How much does he pay you?"
"Eight pounds," replied the girl, sounding oddly pleased.
"Eight pounds a week, or...?"
"Don't be silly! Eight pounds a year!"
There was an awkward lull in the conversation, and Rose struggled to fill it. "So... do you go to school or something?"
"I used to. Every weekend, once a week. But I don't anymore."
"Once a week!"
There was another awkward silence. Gwenyth coughed.
"So... what do you do around here for kicks?" Rose ventured. The younger girl stayed mute. "Oh, come on! There must be something you do, or someone you...someone you like!"
"Well... there is a nice boy who works at the blacksmith's. He has a lovely smile."
Rose nodded knowingly. It was almost as if the two had bonded.
...of course, at that point, Calvin predictably ruined the moment by banging open the door and banging in. Rose started, and turned around to see who it was.
"Oh," she smiled. "You're back. So what's the plan?"
There was a pause.
"You do have a plan, right?"
"Of course I do, Rose Taylor," Calvin snapped.
("The name's Tyler," Rose grumbled.)
"We," he said dramatically. "Are going to hold...a seance..."
(A/N:
Cue dramatic music. I am working very hard on this one. As you may be able to tell.
I'm working on some theme music for the characters, and I may post them somewhere near Episode 6, if I get that far.
Thank you for all the lovely follows and favorites, but you know what I actually crave?
REVIEWS.
Please review!
~Kitty)