Entry 42

Sacha was very enthusiastic about our new mission and was ready for a crash course on behaving like a Royal. To assist her in this deception I-Five downloaded an etiquette study guide written for a highly respected finishing school on Corellia.

The Rangers also purchased clothing that would normally be worn by royalty. Currently I was wearing a simple black tuxedo while Sacha had on a floor length gown made out of dark green shimmersilk. It was strapless which made me wonder how she managed to keep that dress up while keeping her shapely bosom inside. I have to admit, she looked beautiful and regal. It wasn't until she put on the high heeled shoes that I realized we had a problem. To say she was shaky on her feet is an understatement. I think I could strap on meter tall stilts and move about more gracefully.

We were using our building's dayroom as our practice area. Den and Norro sat in a small seating area while Magash and I leaned against a wall watching Sacha's progress. I-Five, in his HRD body, paced the room while observing Sacha's struggle to stay upright. Eventually he held out his hand in a halting gesture. "Sacha I have analyzed your gait, center of gravity and hip movement and I believe I discovered your problem. You are walking like you would in boots. You are putting your heel down first and then the toes. You need to glide your foot across the floor." I-Five then demonstrated this movement by doing the most hilariously feminine walk I have ever seen performed by a droid. He had one hand on his hip while he easily moved across the room. He stopped and turned on the balls of his feet and then gestured for Sacha to try. She made about two or three steps before she stumbled and had to be caught and set upright by Magash. "No," I-Five said with a shake of his head. "You continue to perform the movement incorrectly."

A scowl crossed her face as she reached down and pulled off the shoes. "It's easy to demonstrate while you are wearing boots." She tossed the shoes at the droid. "Try it in heels."

"I really doubt those heels will fit I-Five," Den commented.

I-Five retrieved the shoes and analyzed them. "I believe these will fit. Sacha has surprisingly big feet for a female of her species."

Sacha's scowl deepened as her jaw tightened. "Shut up and put them on."

I-Five stared at her with a mirthful expression before he shrugged his shoulders. "Affirmative." He sat down in one of the dayroom chairs and removed his shoes and socks and slipped into the heels. He then stood without any hesitation. "As you can see I am pointing the toe out before stepping down. According to the etiquette guide a woman does not swing her arms like a lumbering Wookiee while walking. All movements should be smooth and refined." He then sauntered across the room like a holostar on her way to an awards ceremony. I-Five's Human Replicant Droid body is a fairly masculine model, so seeing him strutting around in high heels was comical.

Sacha was grinning ear-to-ear. "I don't think I quite got it. Can you show me again?"

I-Five complied either not realizing she was most likely requesting a second demonstration just for the laughs, or he didn't care. I suppose droids don't have to worry about people questioning their sexuality. When she asked for a third demo he gave her a smug grin as he removed the shoes and handed them back to her. "I'm not going to Alderaan disguised as Jax's mate, you are."

My jaw dropped at that comment. "Mate?" I mumbled under my breath. When Aren told me we would go as a Duchess and Duke—I was thinking siblings. It never occurred to me that we would were going undercover as a young, married couple.

I-Five's precision hearing picked up my comment. He turned to me and smiled. "Yes, mates. Congratulations, you are now husband and wife." He put his boots back on and watched Sacha as she slipped into her heels. "You both need instruction in formal dancing. Luckily for you, I have downloaded the dance steps to the most common Alderaanian ceremonial dances and I am ready to instruct." He walked up to me and put his hands out in the way that suggested he expected me to dance with him.

"I'm not dancing with you," I protested…especially when Den started laughing so hard his dewflaps turned a dark crimson.

I-Five dropped his hands and frowned. "Do you know the Alderaan Waltz?"

I shook my head.

"I didn't think so." He returned his hands into a dancing position. When I didn't take his hand he simply smirked. "If you are hoping for a female instructor, might I point out, this is a paramilitary base full of fighter pilots and spies. It is doubtful anybody else is capable of teaching you the required moves."

I could feel my face redden. "This is just so…awkward."

I-Five rolled his eyes in an excellent human expression of exasperation. "Jax, I am going to teach you to dance, not fondle you on the dance floor. I do not understand your reluctance. Everybody here knows I am a droid. Nobody is going to give this a second look."

"A man dancing with a HRD droid…yeah nothing unusual about that. Nothing to see here." I groaned a protest, but I eventually took his hand in mine while placing my other hand on his waist while maintaining a respectable distance from my dance partner. I glared at I-Five for making me do this and I swear I could see amusement in his artificial eyes. I know that is not possible, but I'm positive he is enjoying this.

"I will lead at first and then I will give you the lead."

That was the longest hour of my life. I-Five tried to convince me we only danced for twelve minutes and thirty-six seconds, but it felt a lot longer. It didn't help that my so-called friends were making suggestive comments and laughing during the entire instruction. I also suspect they were taking images of me using their datapad imager application.

I have never been so embarrassed in my life, but I guess there is an upside. I was told they would continue to tease me about the domination mask until something more embarrassing came along. I think this is it.

I will write more about this fiasco later.