Disclaimer: God created Stan Lee, and Stan Lee created the X-Men. God saw that this was good. There's no way I'm going up against that.

Author's Note: I'm so blessed to still have readers after all this time. Thank you for your kind words. I will attempt to complete this story before the end of January!

-X-

Chapter #8: Beyond Redemption
"As he thinketh in his heart, so is he."
- Proverbs, 23:7

Rogue burst into her room, the door slamming shut behind her. She put a hand to her chest as she paced the room, attempting to steady her burning heart. She had trouble breathing, the air capturing in her throat as she tried to steady her nerves.

She could not understand what was happening to her. Her mind raced back to only a few moments ago, when Remy had almost kissed her. She stopped pacing and lifted her cold fingers to her warm lips. She had almost let him.

A groan escaped her lips. Was she supposed to let this happen? Did she want it to happen?

She unclasped her cloak and let it fall to the floor. She pulled the headdress from her head, letting her hair fall freely down her back. She went to the washbasin to splash water on her face, but her trembling hands made this impossible. She gazed at her reflection in the small mirror. Her face was flushed, her chin was trembling, and her moist eyes glowed back at her. 'What do ya want?' she asked herself, her voice hoarse. She suddenly wished that the Reverend Mother were here to help her, but she wasn't. No one could help her. This was her turmoil.

She jumped at the sudden knock. She turned from the mirror and stared at the door. She knew who it was, and still her body moved towards the door as if in a trance. She pulled on the handle and there stood Remy, the abandoned bag of holly clutched in one hand.

'Chere…' he breathed, his eyes taking in her bare head, her long auburn curls, her wet, glistening eyes. This was no nun before him.

'Remy…' she began, but with the flicker of a candle he had crossed the room in two long strides and encased her within his arms. The bag had fallen and the holly spilled onto the floor. 'Remy…'

His lips were at the corner of her mouth. 'I forgot to do somet'ing earlier,' he whispered, and then suddenly his lips were on hers. Her eyes widened at this startling invasion. She struggled against him, but as his lips moved over hers – slowly and deliberately – she couldn't help but succumb to him. She had never been touched like this before and she realized in this moment how exhilarating these new sensations were. She closed her eyes as she allowed Remy to tilt her head sideways in order to allow him the access he yearned for.

Remy moaned into her when she stopped struggling against him, his hope that she wanted him as much as he wanted her solidifying into a truth. Her hands moved up from his chest, to his neck, and then into his hair just as his own hands moved down her body, aching to touch as much of her as he could.

Her lips were untried, erupting in Remy a need to convince her that this was right. He knew that what he was doing was sinful, that touching her was to throw himself beyond redemption. But she was the sweetest sin. He couldn't stop. He kissed her tenderly, fighting the urge to devour her completely. Her body quivered in his arms as he slipped his tongue into her mouth, tasting her deliciousness as his body reacted strongly to hers. Her soft chest heaved against his as he fumbled through her robes, his hands urgently searching for a way in.

'Show me where…' he whispered against her, his lips lingering over hers.

Her hand was shaking when she placed it on top of his, but she led him into a fold at her side where he felt his fingertips graze on metal. He pulled, and the zipper slid down the curve of her waist. He slipped his hand inside, caressing the smooth, warm skin beneath. She shuddered, and he realized that his fingers were icy cold.

He pulled away slightly and gave her an apologetic smile. When she returned his smile, her lips slightly swollen and her cheeks flushed, Remy moaned in desire for her. He began to tug at her robes in an attempt to release her body as he tried to kiss as much of her as he could.

He kissed her now with a man's hunger, his hands groping, pressing her harder against him. She was panting, trembling as her delicate body experienced sensations foreign and beautiful. She whispered his name, and he softened his touch, caressing her tenderly. Lovingly.

And then suddenly, the string of beads at her waist broke and beads spilled onto the wood floor in a scattering, down pouring of sound. Remy and Rogue both pulled apart as they stared, as if in slow motion, as the beads spread throughout the room. The wooden cross slipped through the folds of Rogue's robes and fell at her feet.

'Oh… no…' Rogue bent down and picked it up. She held it in her hands, and then looked up at Remy. He could see the fear in her eyes. 'It broke…'

Remy said nothing. Shame was bursting onto him like a wave of cold water. His eyes focused on the robe haphazardly falling off her body, on the floor covered with forgotten holly and wooden beads, on her hands clutching at the cross, on the look of mortification on her face, and on the fear so strongly evident in her large, emerald eyes. 'Oh God, what have I done to her…' he thought, as he looked down at his own hands.

'We have ta stop this.' It was barely a whisper, but Remy could hear her words ringing clearly in his ears. 'Ah can't do this…'

Remy looked up at her, and the shame he felt was suddenly replaced by his fear of losing her. Regardless of what she was, or to whom she belonged, he was in love with her. This was so clear to him now that all shame evaporated in his need to be with her.

'I can't,' he whispered, his tone distraught with emotion. 'I've tried but I can't.' He took a step towards her but stopped when she retreated from him. 'Rogue, I've tried to fight it. I know w'at you are. I'm tormented ev'ry night by dese feelings I shouldn't have for you. But I have dem. And I want dem. I want you. Forever. I want you.'

'Remy…' Rogue held up the cross. 'This is a sign… Ah've done terrible wrong…' She was choking on her own words.

Remy groaned, his heart aching for her. 'It is a sign, Rogue. The beads broke. It's a sign dat you be free.'

Rogue shook her head, hard. 'It can't mean both those things, Remy…'

'It's de one you want it to mean, chere.' He lifted his hand towards her, imploring with his eyes for her to take it in hers. 'Tell me it's okay, chere. What I feel. Tell me it be de right t'ing.'

Rogue shook her head, tears running down her cheeks. 'Ah… Ah can't…' He looked devastated. 'Please, Remy… please understand.'

Remy's body became rigged as he shook his head. He realized that he had to leave before he did something he would regret. As painful as it was to turn away, he could not risk staying. Not in his current state. He turned towards the door, and before leaving, looked back over his shoulder. 'I do understand, chere,' he said, his tone hard. 'You be playing it safe.'

The door slammed shut behind him, Remy's words stinging Rogue to the core.

-X-

Christmas was drawing closer, but the nights were getting colder. It had been days since that night in Rogue's room and Rogue had made herself scarce. Remy found her absence alarming and spent all of his free time searching for her. He had seen her but once – during the Church service – but she was never in any of her usual haunts and although he hovered longer than others, he never saw her in the kitchen either. He was sure Sister Betsy was feeding her, but the Sister would not answer any of his questions. None of the Sisters, it seemed, had any inclination of Rogue's whereabouts.

Except one.

'I just need to see her for a second,' he begged, trailing after the Reverend Mother in one of the corridors. 'Just for a short second.'

Sister Munroe shook her head. 'I have promised her my loyalty in this matter,' she said, rather curtly. 'Please do not press me on this.'

'But I need to explain t'ings to her,' he said. He swerved ahead and stopped just in front of her, barricading her way further. 'She can't keep avoiding me!'

Sister Munroe gazed patiently into his eyes. 'Yes, she can.'

Remy pushed a hand through his unkempt hair. 'So you won't help me in dis.'

Sister Munroe sighed. 'You had the opportunity to explain things, but it seems you decided on a more physical declaration of your love.'

Remy blushed under Sister Munroe's scolding, and was not at all surprised by her intimate knowledge of his situation. 'I don't regret it…'

'You should!' Sister Munroe glared at him, exasperated. 'Between these walls, under this roof! This is holy ground, Remy!'

Remy shrugged up one shoulder, his eyes downcast. 'Dis be de House of Charity, petite. De House of Love.'

'For goodness sake, Remy! I know you did not force your passion onto her. But you must understand her predicament.'

'How can I understand it if she be avoiding me?'

'Remy, listen to me.' Her tone was firm. 'Regardless of your feelings, Sister Rose is still a novice nun. Your actions are unpardonable. Her actions are unpardonable. She has come so far that I truly believe she is reassessing her situation. However, you must deter your feelings. If you pressure her into a decision now, she may regret it later. And then where will that leave the two of you?' Remy nodded in acknowledgement, but there was so much frustration and distress in his eyes that Sister Munroe sighed. As much as she wanted to support the Rogue Sister through this trying time, she couldn't help but feel slightly responsible for what had transpired. She had urged Rogue to explore her feelings and the result was a tormented soul and an obstinate Cajun. If there was to be any resolution to this predicament, it was her responsibility to provide an opportunity. 'She's in the garden,' she said, defeated.

Remy stared at her in disbelief. Then, because he couldn't help it, he threw his arms around the Sister in a bear hug.

Sister Munroe, startled, patted him awkwardly on the back. 'Right. There now. Do you know which one?'

Remy pulled back and nodded.

Sister Munroe shook her head as she watched him turn and tear down the hallway. 'Of course you do.'

-X-

Remy stared at the old, wooden door with its old rusted lock. Icicles drooped from the jutting nails and it creaked against the gentle wind. As he stared at the door – the one barrier keeping her from him – he realized that his time at the House of Charity had come to an end. The Covent had been his refuge these past four months. The thick, stone walls had protected him from his past life. He learned how to pray here, how to seek forgiveness, and how to give to those in need. He learned how to make friends selflessly, and how to devote himself to the simple things in life. He learned how to love here. But he could stay here no longer. What reason did he have to stay?

He would leave, but not before telling Rogue how he felt. He could not leave before trying one last time.

He grabbed hold of the top of the gate and heaved himself over. His feet made impact with the hard ground as he bent forward to steady himself. Straightening, he gazed over the garden in search of her.

He had ventured into this space only once before, when he had first stumbled onto the nun with the emerald green eyes of his savior. It was in this garden that he had fallen in love.

His boots crunched over the snow as he moved towards the fountain. It sat frozen in the middle of the garden, a center of stillness in a still winter wonderland. The snow on the ground was fresh and untainted except for a small set of footprints. His heartbeat quickened as he followed them, realizing that he had found her.

He came upon her slowly. She was standing beneath the tree he had once climbed, the very tree he had fallen out of and into her presence.

'Rogue…' He took a few steps forward but stopped when she turned to acknowledge him.

She seemed startled at first, but then gave him a weary smile. 'O'course you would find me here,' she said.

'I've been looking for you.'

Rogue nodded. She knew.

'I love you.' He said it suddenly. He was afraid that if she opened her mouth, he would loose his confidence and leave without telling her what he desperately needed to tell her. He pressed on before she could interrupt him. 'I came here to tell you dat I love you. I have not'ing. No family, no house, no money. My future be insecure and I have not'ing to offer you dat is of any wort'. Just a promise dat I will take care of you – dat I will be wit' you always. Dat I will love you. Forever.' He looked at her imploringly, his heart constricting within him. 'Please tell me dat you feel somet'ing, too.'

Rogue gazed at him, her large eyes growing wet with tears. 'Ah… Ah do…' she said, placing a hand on her chest. 'But Ah can't abandon my place here.'

'Chere, de God, he will forgive you!'

Rogue smiled sadly. 'Oh, Remy. I know He will. Ah'm resolved with that. God brought you here so that Ah could find you… through you He taught me what it means ta love someone…' Remy took another step forward but Rogue shook her head. 'It's not God, Remy. Ah have a family here. Ah have a brother. How can Ah abandon them?'

'Rogue…'

'Remy, if Ah leave here, Ah can nevah return, especially not after the manner in which Ah would be renouncing mah duty as a nun…'

Remy physically sagged, knowing and understanding the enormity of what she was saying. He knew she was right.

'If Ah stay here, I will lose you. But if Ah go with you, Ah will lose everythin'.' This time Rogue moved towards him, closing the space between them. She lifted her hand and placed it against his cheek. He inhaled slowly, his eyes focused so intently on hers. 'Ah know what my heart wants, but…'

'But you need time.'

'If only to find my courage.'

For a moment they were still, neither wanting the other to move, neither wanting to pull away. For just this moment they spoke only with their eyes, red to green, pouring out their hearts in the only way they could.

And then Remy pulled away. He could not tell her that he had to leave – that staying with her any longer without belonging to her would be too painful. She wanted time, but he could not give it to her. He didn't have the strength.

He took a step back. And then another. And then another. Rogue stood rooted to the ground, her moist eyes glistening in the moonlight. Her lips parted as every inch of her body screamed for him to stay. But she said nothing.

With her heart sore, she watched Remy's receding form until he disappeared over the gate. Then she collapsed.

And had her cry.

-X-

Author's Note: Two more chapters to go!