FULL SUMMARY: There is really nothing wrong between BFFs Natsu and Lucy, except that many things have influenced how they show their affection for each other. A personal notebook, romantic comedy movies, fandoms, fan people standards, everlasting BFF codes, family and friends. The challenge, done like some sassy God, has made them insane. They must face their fears, denials, and insecurities, because it will very well affects their lives. The problem: this whole thing is too messed up to be "Cliché, huh?"

DISCLAIMER: I do not own Fairy Tail or it's characters. This guy does: Hiro Mashima

'Cited from Lucy's notebook'

"Past conversations"

Natsu

Despite his love for anything burning, he admired the rain. He enjoyed the thought of an infinity shower down on him. It felt cool, refreshing, and Natsu felt free. Unlike in the four-cornered bathroom, the limited scope of the shower, and its lukewarm-ness, Natsu felt caged. He has been standing naked, facing the tiled wall for minutes, not moving. He felt dumb. He felt punished.

Why was he so paralyzed, standing there like a stupid ice statue, like he has no flight to catch?

At that train of thought, Natsu would have growled. The sound of the angry growl was so loud; he thought that he was making a disturbance downstairs. In reality, he was still standing like some demented person.

The notebook.

Yeah, the cause of his stupidity was not because of that thing, it was the owner. He saw—read—everything! Damn. With so many emotions circling him; he couldn't even comprehend when it all hit him like...every time his dad contacted him.

Igneel Dragneel.

He was the reason why Natsu loves fire. He was the very reason why he was obsessed with dragons and even believed his family was a descendant. Natsu was barely four-years-old when the man went away to search for a rumored dragons' lair. (It could be a dinosaurs' lair, but it was better than no archeology facts discovered.) And many years past, he has not returned home, but has made seven letters and three phone calls (which Natsu had documented). His coordinates kept on changing due to the fact that there are many prospect places of the lairs. The rare occurrence of communicating, hoping he would return, ended up as good as it came and immediately went down crushing the hill.

The love for a dad and for adventure had driven Natsu to prepare himself for departure, a wish to reunite with his dad. Two years ago Igneel was in Tibetteru. That large patch of thick forest was rumored to be a habitat of unnamed species and ground for mining jewels. Natsu was overjoyed that the details of Igneel's quest wasn't farfetched. He has graduated a few days ago, so he can catch up to his sort of search.

"Letter from Fiore University said that you have been accepted! Step 1 to Igneel: check!" Mental Lucy appeared with an envelop on her hands. A memory about a plan after college. Step 2 was obtain high grades. Step 3: graduate on the indicated time. Step 4: apply and search. It was done at the several months ago. To him, it seemed distant and a broken memory, because last night, their secretly last night together, Natsu finally told Lucy about his search for Igneel. He had planned this for years and she knew how much it was important for him to see and find his father. The only difference was that his leaving was scheduled much earlier than expected.

They had planned for college to see each other as much as possible. They were excited and engrossed—at least mostly Lucy was. Despite that, Natsu carefully planned his departure. Yes, he thought of sympathetic consideration of missing someone, but he was ignorant about the attachment he has and the bridges that might burn. He had thought that Lucy would understand, she was his best friend.

His plans were set; he was totally ready until…

"Your—?"

"…"

"Lucy, why are you giving this to me?"

"…!"

"Ow. That hurt. Oi! Lucy, stop!"

Natsu's mind had a burned afterimage of Lucy walking away from him, her back to him, waving an I-am-'okay' sign. He knew how much of a lie that was. Why would people lie of how okay they are when in fact it is so obvious they aren't?

The water became strangely cold. Natsu most of the time hated that feeling. The way it contracts his muscles or the way it would cause him to hug himself, it was something that contracted Natsu's main behavior: aggressiveness.

'After mama died and papa left me, I thought it was impossible to experience a family. Yet here is Natsu. He is all I have. He is my family and he introduced me to his friends and family. They, too, have become my family.'

Natsu blinked firmly as the water hits his eyes. All his life was dedicated to finding his father, but these past few years? He wanted to protect Lucy. Natsu wanted to keep her safe and happy. All he wanted ever since of being her best friend was just to hear how important he is to Lucy and always want to hear it everyday. He could have gone to her now and they would play billiards or go swimming at the pool. He could have forgotten this simple or complicated mess, but those words had haunted him, caused him emotional instability leading to aloofness which is totally strange for a pyro-life-changing-maniac.

Where's the aggressiveness now? His subconscious spoke.

He knew about her notebook. It was like a work of personal art. All her experiences, she wrote it like a novel. Natsu never had a peek at it. Lucy forbade him, because it was all personal. He knew that Lucy considered him an important person, and the feeling is mutual. They were like inseparable twins, that they understood each other. What he didn't know that there's something ideally deeper than twins. No wonder she kept it like that.

'Suddenly, I just want to hug him and cry to him all my fears away.'

Days after meeting the noisy blonde Lucy Heartfilia, the day when Natsu found out that she lived on her own. She almost panicked but swore him to secrecy and told him about her back story.

Trained to be the perfect wife, Lucy dreamed enrolling high school and college. Her father refused, because sixteen is a good age for an arranged marriage. Finding eligible men and with their fancy suits, unbreakable pride, and full-packed wallets was easy for a young lady. Lucy fit the standards or was overqualified. Her father believed that school is just a waste of time. She should've married the son of her father's colleague and not stay as a loner, schooling at the university she had wished her life for. However, with her love of art and studying, Lucy rebelled her right. As a pitied parting gift for her disobedience, Jude Heartfilia gave her a portion of his money (barely enough for her to survive high school and probably college).

To Natsu, Lucy was so scared of her future; she broke down while telling the story. "It was the biggest dare of my life," she had said. Her chest pained so much that Natsu was almost scared to his wits. "I wanted to hate him, Natsu. Just once, I wanted to follow what makes me happy. And he thinks that marrying this rich, elegant, powerful young man will, but he is wrong! He isn't always right, refused to accept me, and dishonored me. Now, I am left with myself and his money…" He wished that Lucy's father had known of his situation. To any child, this is disgustingly unfair and Natsu wanted to break people's necks, but he let his anger pass for it was, at that time, comforting Lucy was his priority. After he managed to calm her down with his embarrassing stories, he bought them a gallon of ice cream, and enjoyed watching a film of Mulan, Princess and the Frog and Tangled.

Natsu had a great number of friends. In times after school, before going home, he loved hanging with his best friend Gray at a nearby bar, along with their other friends. It was like his second home. Natsu wondered: Lucy would need friends and extra money. In the middle of Tangled, the bar in the movie reminded him of something easily nostalgic, he told her, "Fairy Tail. You can work at Fairy Tail."

'Mama, I wish you have met Natsu personally. He is the best.'

He desperately wiped his eyes, his face and his hair. That same pounding thing his heart is making (when he had hold her hand) is annoying him. He does not know why he attempted; the shower just went on just like the sentences she wrote, continuing to reveal itself in his mind.

'Why whenever he looks at me, I feel funny inside?'

Funny? Inside? Ridiculously just like him.

'I had to scold myself: "stop looking at him like a fangirl."'

Did she? Because Natsu might have looked at her—

"She is your best friend! Not some princess you are to help, met or rescue and have a happily ever after!" He shouted, oblivious to the fact it was not in his head this time. This time, he muttered, that his voice was easily concealed by the multiple droplets hitting the floor. "Stupid Disney films."

'Another day with Natsu…Thank goodness we weren't arrested.'

"Fuck," he cursed, face-palming his self. It was like pulling a rubber band: the more he tries to suppress the words he read last night, the more painful it shoots right back at him. The sentences were more vivid, memories more alive, and it made him delirious.

There was one girl that Natsu liked five years ago. It was Lisanna Strauss. Although he was not as crazy for her like Natsu unconsciously did for Lucy, he loved Lisanna. She was like a sister and he was a protective older brother—however, to everyone, even Lucy thought they could be dating.

One day, she died. Car accident. Just before Christmas holidays started in their sophomore year.

'Looking at him in his broken mind made me want to kiss his temple and hug him like a child. Although I just stood there in front of him, crying because I am just his best friend, I cannot cure a broken heart.'

He remembered that night. With Lucy all alone for Christmas again, Natsu had to accompany her this year. He would not allow her to have a solo celebration. That would just be greedy, having all the treats for herself. They we're almost at Natsu's home when someone called. It was from Lisanna's older sister, Mirajane. Their youngest sibling died and Natsu cried before he hung up the phone.

He didn't move from that spot. He held unto the railing, supporting his suddenly weak knees. Natsu wouldn't move. He didn't want to see Lisanna or listen to Lucy who had cried, begging. It was all too tormenting.

'There was nothing I can do. Natsu ignored me and I can't apply violence to knack some sense in him. So I just waited and waited.'

It must have been hell for her. The snow started to fall that evening. He remembered well. Lucy was wearing a jacket and leggings. And wished he hadn't.

'Waited and waited for him.'

Finally, he made an action of putting shampoo and soaping himself. It was not good to dwell on the past. Busying himself made it easier to forget that lonely day. But that didn't not stop the flashing sentences he read last night.

'Natsu took care of me last night. Why having this unfathomable feeling of wanting to cry?'

Lucy had a fever on Christmas Eve. Of course, the destructive Natsu Dragneel had to be a nurse. When she was sleeping, he slept in her bed—with her. It was no big deal, they were just friends. And that was where Natsu has been wrong though. Lucy whimpered his name, to him, she was asleep. Of course, Natsu had to face her, held her hand, and he said, "I'm here." As a reply, Lucy made a humming sound which Natsu couldn't decide what it meant. All he understood was that he'll be expecting more nights like that. Before sleeping again, he prayed to Lisanna, remembering their childhood memories, he would consistently take care of Lucy. That's what the young white-haired teen admired from her old time friend.

'Natsu has this habit of sleeping on my bed. Most of the time, it annoys me. Even in times that I would scream at him to leave, he won't. I loathe his stubbornness and inconsideration. No matter how I threaten him, he seemed attached to my bed. In the end, he would sleep right beside me. At one point, I was awoken by his soft cries at the middle of the night. When I embraced him, he stopped. Natsu didn't wake to my action; he just calmed down, snoring as I wrap my arms around him, shielding him from any invisible violent force. Then in the morning, I regret the thought of making him leave. The next time he wants to be in my bed, well, he is my best friend.'

Besides, preferring Lucy's bed to his hammock, Natsu, too, has his own monsters to battle. The normal aggressive and brave facade he shows hides his thoughts of the danger he would face. Sleeping with Lucy felt calming. He felt rooted to security when he was sure that she is there. Explanation to why was still unknown. But certainly, he needed more than comfort.

Natsu was right.

At school days, Natsu would normally sleep there three days a week. In those three days, he'd bring Happy along. In holidays, he would most likely sleep in the temporary place Lucy Heartfilia lives or vice versa. Like her, he'd wake up—although secretly woke up earlier—to appreciate something—someone—beautiful. And as quickly as the lightning strikes with the fear that she would be awkward with their nearness, he'd back away to any possibilities that presented.

'Natsu's eyes shine with joy. He invites warmth like he always radiates. He may be destructive and loud, but I find it comforting. He never fails to make me happy and I guess I'll never fail to love him.'

When he read that paragraph, he felt a pang on his chest. He could not think of what kind of emotion it was. All he recognized was a pain that was similar to being hit by a sledgehammer. What is a word for too much pain, guilt, regret and hint of goofy happiness? That would be it.

'I guess I'll never fail to love him.'

He pondered on that part more than usual, because it was crossed out on Lucy's notebook. Then the succeeding sentence looked like it shouted at him:

'I AM FUCKING IN LOVE WITH MY BEST FRIEND?!'

Just like that: written like an urgent message with the likes of WHAT THE HELL?!

Exactly what Natsu felt. He wanted to laugh if it weren't for how idiotic the message or he was.

'Natsu passed the entrance exam at Foire University. I am so happy. Fine Arts and Literary Writing here I come!'

Why me? Natsu felt his empty stomach drop and send up puke to throw up. Since when did taking a shower made him feel so deep?

"Hey, I am taller!"

"Apparently, someone has manipulated the measuring stick.

"GRAAAAY!"

somewhere at a cafe

"Gray-sama?"

"He found out. Let's bail, Juvia."

Okay, about this chapter... I wanted to explore on how Natsu would be guilty and confused with love. You might notice how complicated his thoughts are. I wanted to cite out pieces of sentences, instead of a whole entry from Lucy's notebook, because when someone is confused, the mind tends to recall memories that has brought us with that certain confusion. I guess this isn't uncommon. I hope you enjoyed it!

chapter 4: Here goes nothing