Chapter Three - Broken Spirit

"And the walls kept tumbling down

In the city that we love

Great clouds roll over the hills

Bringing darkness from above" - Pompeii, Bastille

I open my eyes. The gentle morning light filters through the curtains and I pull them open, admiring the beautiful view of the Capitol. I put on some jeans and a grey shirt then exit my room and enter the dining area. I sit there on my own for a bit then Chris comes in. "Hey," he says. "Hi," I reply, stifling a yawn. He goes out again and I start daydreaming. "Raeee?" I hear Anja knocking on my bedroom door. I smirk. "I'm already up! I'm in here!" I call out to her and she trots in with a glowing smile.

"Hello sweetie, today you will be preparing for your interview. You will spend 3 hours with me then 3 hours with Finnick. Your session with me will start at 10, so... in two hours," she tells me. "Ok, what will be doing?" I question. "Oh, well I will teach you how to walk properly in heels in a dress and I will teach you how to sit properly and also I will-" I cut her off by saying, "Can we eat? I'm starving."

She grunts at my cutting in but tells me I can start eating when the food arrives in a minute. A young woman walks in and puts some trays on the table. Her eyes are distant and vacant but I can see sorrow underneath. I think back to my schoolwork. She must be an avox. Avoxes serve the tributes at the Capitol. They are traitors and have their tongues cut out and are forever slaves to the Capitol. I imagine how awful that would be.

I eat an apple and drink some orange juice for my breakfast. Benjamin and Finnick walk in a few minutes after I have finished. Benjamin eyes the food hungrily and gorges himself on it the moment he sits down. I look over at Finnick. My mind wanders back to earlier this morning when he kissed me. Did it mean anything? Or was it just a random occurrence.

Whatever it was, I find myself blushing beet red when I think about it. He looks upset. I try to give him a reassuring smile but he just hangs his head lower. I sigh. Why put the effort in? Sometimes I do wonder. I stare at my empty plate for a minute then grab another apple. I'm hungry. We all make idle chitchat about the interviews for a while then I escape back into my room. Checking the clock, I realise I managed to waste one hour having breakfast.

Time goes so slowly. I'm so bored. I get a book off one of the shelves and start reading it. It's some strange story about some Capitol person travelling the world and meeting tiny people. It seems to be some silly little children's novel. All the stories I read when I was a child were about how wonderful Panem and the Captiol is. Urgh. My family are all very supportive of Panem but I am quite anti-Capitol, though I would never voice my opinions.

I keep reading the book until I check the clock above my bed and see that it is nearly 10. I throw it on the floor and jump up. Rushing into the lounge, I bump into Anja and nearly send her off her feet. She sighs then gives me another beaming smile. "Follow me," she says as she leads me down one of the corridors into a room I haven't seen before.

There is a dress in there and some awful heeled shoes. "Now your dress is going to be quite short, so we needn't worry about walking around in it. However you will have to tackle the heels, the ones you will be in are quite tall," she tells me. I groan and slip them on, toppling the moment I stand up. Anja patiently teaches me how to walk in them until I have managed to walk around the room in them without toppling at all.

"Now, you have an excellent posture so we don't need you to change that at all. You have a wonderful sitting position, perfectly ladylike so again, there is no improvement needed. I fact, I am not sure what else to do. I guess you just need to improve your attitude a little then you are good to go!" She exclaims. "So I have two hours to spare?" I grin. She nods then waves me out of the room. "Don't forget you are with Finnick after lunch!" She calls after me.

"Hey Rae," Finnick says gently. "Hey Finnick," I reply. He sighs. "What's wrong?" I ask. "You are going into the Hunger Games," he whispers. "Yes I am." He puts his head in his hands. "And you may never come back." I look down and say, "Maybe." He looks up at me and stares intently into my eyes. "But.." He falters. "But what?" I continue. "But I like you. And I don't want you to go. I could lose you.." He breathes, barely audible. My eyes widen in realisation. His eyes start tearing up and I can't bear it. I go over and hug him.

He relaxes then releases me and gently pushes me back over to my seat. "Well, we need to think of an angle for your interview!" He announces, clapping his hands together. "Do you have any ideas of how you want to come across?" He asks. "Well, I want to seem strong, a good fighter, but I don't want to be one of the people that loves it, just someone who does it when necessary. I also want to try to be a good talker and engage with the audience," I tell him. He furrows his eyebrows then says, "Well I don't think you would like this too much but perhaps you could try be very easygoing, friendly and flirty, you know?" He suggests. "I'll try."

We spend the next two hours working on this until I have grasped the idea perfectly. I can flawlessly answer all questions he throws at me. "You do have the air of a fighter, so you shouldn't worry about trying to portray that idea," he concludes. "What do we do now?" I enquire. "I have no idea... maybe we could just run over some advice for when you are in the arena.."
"Seems fine to me, what advice do you have?"

"First off, don't trust the Careers. Stick with them for the start, they are helpful, but the moment there are less than 8 people in the arena, you have to fend for yourself. It won't be safe as the Games could be drawing to a close, and the pack will all start plotting how to kill everyone. I would suggest you don't give away your talent with axes, leave that for if you come against anyone very strong, and anyway from what I have heard, you are still quite skilled with a Trident. Make sure you are always hydrated and always have enough food to keep running properly.

Do not hide supplies from the Careers. If you even have a packet of food that you don't tell them about they will get angry and could kill you. And finally, one last thing, never forget that your family will always love you, no matter what happens in the arena. Everybody knows what happens is for survival and your family will understand if you turn into a different person in the arena. Please never forget that, I did and spent a year terrified that my father hated me." He tells me. We sit in silence for a few minutes.

I look across at Finnick and see his eyes are still slightly puffy from earlier. I wonder if he ever cries in front of people. He always acts so strong, but maybe inside it isn't the case. "When's your birthday." I ask suddenly and randomly. Hid head jerks towards me. "Umm, 18th of November," he states. I smirk. "What?" Finnick grumbles.
"I'm older than you," I laugh.
"Well I'm taller."
"Well I'm prettier."
"Well I'm handsomer."
"Well I'm.. I'm.. I have greener eyes."
"Well I have blonder hair."
"Well... I'm... uh... more drop dead gorgeous."
"No way you are."
"Yeah I am!"
"Sure, go believing that. Everybody knows that Finnick Odair is the most drop dead gorgeous person in all of Panem!" He booms and I burst out laughing. He caves into laughter as well and eventually we are rolling around the floor with tears streaming down our cheeks.

"What was so funny about that anyway?" He asks. "I literally have no idea, I just suddenly started laughing," I grin, wiping the tears of happiness from my eyes. I look up at the clock. "Time is up, I have to go to my prep team now," I sigh. "Oh shit I have to go too!" Finnick exclaims. "Where?" I question. "Uh, somewhere," he says before bolting out of the room. How strange.

Tigress hands me the dress I will be wearing tonight. My body is still stinging slightly from the touch up waxing my prep team did. I gasp when I see it. It is a beautiful sea green strapless dress which goes to just above my knees. Tigress asks me to put it on and when I do I realise it is quite tight and has a huge hole in the back. Strange fashion they have here. She hands me some pale blue heeled shoes and I slip them on.

They make my already long legs looks even longer and slimmer. I stare at myself in the mirror. They have darkened my eyes to a deep blue colour. I am wearing dark red lipstick. I have small gems in a pattern around my right eye which trails down my face to my shoulder. I study myself. I look mysterious, I look beautiful, I look amazing. I hug Tigress and thank her gently. Her reply is a smile. "Raeee! You are late! We have to get to the interviews now!" I hear Anja's screech as she pounds on the door. I roll my eyes, apologize to Tigress, then leave the room.

"There you are! Oh darling you look beautiful! Quickly come with me, Benjamin has already gone with Chris!" She says hurriedly while smoothing her skirt out. She practically drags me to the elevator and when we reach the right floor, she grabs my arm and pulls me to a small hallway where all the tributes are sitting. She ushers me over to my seat then pushes me down so I sit on it. "Okay, big smile! And remember you are a LADY," she hisses before tiptoeing away on her stilettos.

I groan and lean back in my chair, completely losing my 'ladylike' posture. Why should the Captiol care if I am like a lady? In a few days I am probably going to be murdering people. Now explain to me how that is at all ladylike. Exactly.

Caesar Flickerman enters the room and the audience all clap and cheer. He introduces himself and then calls up Dominic. I zone out and prepare myself for the interview. I prepare myself to answer personal questions I don't want to answer, about my family, about my life, about me.

I start daydreaming about winning. Being able to go home to my family. Being able to be alone by myself without worrying about the Capitol watching me and manipulating me. But then I imagine what it would be like to live knowing I have killed people. I've seen the Victors. Some turn to drugs, alcohol, anything to take their minds off the past. Others will act fine but underneath they are scarred for life.

There are a few rare Victors who can actually stay strong and stay away from drugs and alcohol. Most of them end up turning towards them in the end. I don't want to become one of those people. But if I win, that is my fate... To lock myself up in my house and block out the World. I feel fear rising up inside me and force myself to return to reality. Caesar has just called up Benjamin.

Okay.. Calm, you can do this. In three minutes your name will be called up and you have to go up there and be friendly, flirty, chatty, ready to reveal any secrets Caesar asks me about. I almost sink back into my daydream but snap out of it. Benjamin's timer has nearly gone. I sit up straighter and get my feet ready and poised to stand up. The buzzer goes off and Benjamin goes to sit back down. "Next up, Rae Larsan!" Caesar calls out.

The cameras turn towards me and I force a relaxed smile. Standing up, I stride elegantly towards the stage. "Sit down sit down," Caesar says with a beaming grin. I sit down in the chair and get into the position that Anja showed me. "Hello Rae," Caesar says. "Well hello Caesar, it's quite an audience we have here today," I speak effortlessly. "Well yes there is, quite the attentive young woman. Now, how has your time been in the Capitol?" Caesar asks me, trying to get to a proper topic.

"Well, it is huge here, rather unlike what I am used to, however all the people here are all so kind, giving us the opportunity to stay here in the most luxurious building," I gush. The audience cheers and I hear some clapping. "Well it is a once in a lifetime opportunity!" Caesar agrees. Hell yeah it is, an opportunity that nobody in their right mind wants. I beam at the crowds, trying not to show them how much I despise them.

"Rae, may I ask you a question?" Caesar enquires. "Of course Caesar, this is an interview!" I laugh and the audience joins in. "Of course, of course, how could I forget?" Caesar grins, slapping his forehead. The audience are all in tears of amusement now. "Okay Rae, back to the question, how do you feel to be fighting for the pride of your district?" he queries. He knows what he's doing. He always asks the Career Districts something like this.

I let tears well up in my eyes, as if I am honoured to be in the Hunger Games. "Well, ever since I was young, I have watched the Hunger Games, and I have always dreamed of taking part in them. In fact, I was going to volunteer this year! When my name was called I was terrified that somebody was going to volunteer for me and take my place! I am very glad to be here with all of you tonight, and I am excited for tomorrow," I say, the lies rolling endlessly off my tongue like honey.

Caesar nods throughout my speech and he acts like he is very excited about tomorrow as well. "Yes, tomorrow you will be entering the arena, and showing everybody your special skill that got you an 11 with the Gamemakers!" he exclaims. "Do you think you have it in you to win?" He questions me.

I ponder for a second. "I have a chance, maybe not huge, but I still have a chance," is all I can think of to say. "Now Rae, if you were to win, is there anybody back home, perhaps a gentleman friend who you are close with?" He asks. Wow he's getting to the deep stuff. The audience all whoop and whistle in glee. "Well, actually, I don't," I admit, acting upset. Caesar gasps, "You must be lying!"

I shake my head and sigh, "Yup, it's true." I feel all eyes trained on me. I look out into the masses of multicoloured people before me. I find a pair of sea green eyes. Finnick. I feel my face go hot. I quickly glance up at the screen above me and see that I am blushing like a tomato. "Well, maybe when you get back, there will be somebody for you, who wouldn't want a beautiful smart girl like you?" Caesar says. The audience all cheer and agree with him, shouting out compliments and screaming my name. The buzzer goes off and I return to my seat.

Well that failed.

I mean, the start was good, but the ending, that just flopped. I won't be remembered. Maybe I will get noticed for my 11 but my interview was nothing to be proud of. Shit.

The moment we can leave I rush to my room, tears filling my eyes. I sprint in, slam the door then stuff my head into my pillow and cry. It is my last night here in the Captiol. Tomorrow I am going into the arena. Tomorrow I will die.

For many hours I lie on my bed sobbing my heart out but nobody knocks on the door, or tries to comfort me. They leave me alone, alone in my room with only the sounds of the bustling Capitol to keep me company. Even at night, there are cars driving around, and people walking and talking in the streets. Eventually I wipe my eyes dry and change into some pyjamas.

I go into the bathroom and wash off the layers of makeup from my face. Sighing, I wander out of my room into the dark apartment. Everybody else has gone to bed. I glance up at the clock and see that it is nearly two in the morning. I sit on the couch aimlessly for a bit then feel my eyelids slowly drooping. I force myself back up into my room. When I flop onto the bed I immediately fall asleep, not even bothering to get under the duvet.

I groggily open my eyes to see my prep team all staring at me with huge smiles. "Hello Rae, it is time for your final preparations for entering the arena!" One of them exclaims. I groan and get up then have a quick shower before letting my prep team do the finishing touches. They rub strange goo into my skin which makes it tingle and then they do a quick check over me, braid my hair and send me off to the hovercraft. Inside I am greeted by a woman holding a scary looking syringe. She tells me to sit down in a special seat.

The moment I am in the chair I can't move any more. She grabs my arm and injects me. She tries making conversation with me but I completely ignore her. Instead, I stare out of the windows. When we are about halfway through the journey, the windows turn black and I can't see out of them anymore. I guess they don't want us seeing the arena before it is ready.

When we arrive eventually I am ushered to a new room. I think that I am underground somewhere. I stand in the clean white room for a minute then Tigress joins me. She looks slightly angry. "What's wrong?" I ask her. "You are the last person I am a stylist for. President Snow is kicking me off the team. He notified me this just minutes ago," she mutters, unable to keep the fury from rising in her voice. "Oh Tigress, I'm so sorry," is all I can reply.

She nods at me curtly then passes me my clothes that I will be wearing in the arena. She doesn't say anything to me. She must be boiling with rage. A voice from a speaker in the wall says, "One minute until launch," and Tigress ushers me towards a glass tube. I step inside and the door seals itself shut.

This is it. This is now. In half a minute I will be in the arena. In a minute and a half the games will start. I close my eyes and pray for my life, and pray that my family are safe and if I die, that they can get on with life and don't let it bring them down. I pray that none of my siblings will ever have to enter the hunger games themselves, that they can live a free life without going through what I am about to. And most of all, I pray that no harm ever comes to any of them, and that they live long and happy lives, even if I am not there with them.

End Of Chapter Three

Thank you for reading! I appreciate all my readers and
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I'm sorry that this was a week late, I had a lot to deal
with in the past few days

Again, a huge thanks to my reviewer: xenocanaan