Disclaimer:I do not own Harry potter nor do I own any of the characters with the exception of Nadia (stress the first a Naah-dia), her parents, Kyro (pronounced Kii like a long 'I' and roh) and a few others
*Some of you may also have been wondering what Nadia looks like? Well in my head she looks like sort-of like my avatar picture but with dark brown hair.
I begin to hyperventilate. What did she just say? No this can't be right. I look around me for what? I'm not exactly sure. I put my thumb in my mouth and bite really hard. Can never be too sure I could be sleeping. It hurts….yeah I'm not sleeping. I take a few deep breaths to steady myself. What should I do? Should I go…Of course I should. I think for the first time he must be so confused meeting his kids for the first time. Kids! Oh yes I must tell kyro…but how? I make my way slowly towards the living room unsure of how to tell him.
He is sitting in the largest sofa feet up playing his game looking so relaxed and at ease. I hate to do this to him especially when I know he has tried to forget completely about his father. I tried to speak to him about him on a few occasions but he shut me down. I guess that was his way of coping. My throat feels constricted and tight. I try to swallow and it barely goes down. I try to hold back the tears that fill my eyes but I can do nothing as they spill over. I clear my throat and decide to bite the bullet.
"Ky?" I say and I'm surprised that my voice sounds this strong. He is still playing. "Kyro this is important listen to me." My voice cracks and with that he looks up. Shock colours his face and he quickly jumps up from the sofa and hurries over to me wand out.
"Mum what's the matter? What happened? Are you alright?" He looks me over and I nod.
"Kyro listen to me." He looks down at me slightly panicked."Y-your father is awake. Your grandmother just called me and told me he woke up. I'm going to go see him. Are you coming?" I make sure to give him a choice…he deserves a choice. He looks stunned down at me and I keep silent for a minute waiting for him to speak. He looks lost in thought. "Ky?"
"Is this some sort of joke? Damn it mom this isn't funny!" He shouts at me and I flinch. He has never spoken to me like that before but I understand that he feels frustrated.
"Kyro, I'm not joking. I would never joke about something like this. Sweetheart I know you feel confused right now but so am I. I don't know what to think at the moment. Your grandmother called to let me know and I know she is expecting us both. I have decided to go and I just want to know if you will be accompanying me. I'm not going to force you because I know how hard it has been for you. But I know you father must be feeling confused at the moment and would probably like all of his family to be with him." I look up at him tears still streaking from my eyes. He looks as if he is holding back tears of his own but I know even if I tell him to chances are he will not let me see him cry. He nods finally and holds his hand out to me. I take his hand in mine and we both disappear to just outside the room where Blaise is kept at . I look up at the door to be sure we are in the right place because neither of us has been here in a while. The door reads 'B Zabini ' and I know for sure that we are here. I take a deep calming breath then look up at my oldest child. He nods at me and leads the way.
The sight I see when we arrive inside is astonishing. Zarah is standing at the side of the bed crying still with her wizard camera snapping shots of the scene before us. On the bed is Blaise sitting up looking almost exactly as I remember him….healthy, strong, and handsome. On the bed with him are my two youngest showing him a collage of pictures they drew for him and him heavily praising their artistic work. I want to cry tears of joy. The twins look so happy and so relaxed; you would have never known this was their first time actually talking to the man. They are so distracted that they don't notice our entrance. We silently look on.
The room has changed since I haven't been here. There are two miniature desks on the left side of the room with; crayons, papers, paint, and crafts of them. On the right side is larger mahogany desk I assume to be Zarahs working space. Right across from us is Blaises bed and the walls are completely littered with paintings and drawings that the kids have done. In that moment I realize that I am so happy that he is awake. I've missed him and we can all finally be a family. I grin from ear to ear.
A movement beside me catches my eye and I turn. Emilia is there looking at me her eyes filled with pain and rejection. She looks sadlly over at Blaise and a few tears escape her eyes and my moment is shattered. I feel guilty. She has helped me so much over the years. I can't just push her to the side now can I? She quickly wipes her face and looks away as if examining the drawings and paintings on the wall. I am a horrible person. I always end up hurting someone. It wasn't supposed to go this far and I let it now I have to deal with the repercussions? How do I choose between the two? I love Emilia in a way I never thought possible but when it comes down to it what I feel for her doesn't even hold a candle to what I feel for Blaise…not even a miniature candle. My love for him is endless. There are things I would do for him that I would never do for her; but she has been more than wonderful and patient with me and she deserves no less than the best. He deserves the best, she deserves the best. I don't. My decision is made. Neither.
"Dad?" I hear Kyro say finally pulling me away from my contemplation's and I notice he is closer to his fathers bed. Blaise looks up quickly and he looks completely shocked at his first son. Kyro walks toward to the bed hesitantly. He stands for a bit and they both stare at each other. Kyro reaches his hand out for a handshake. Blaise takes his hand and pulls him down into a hug. Another tear slips from my eye. Kyro sits at the edge of the bed and they both begin to chat. I try to fade into the background. But eventually he asks a question I've been dreading and Kyro looks towards me Blaise following his gaze.
He spots me and observes me from head to toe for what seems like an eternity. I feel self-conscious and naked. I regret the fact that I didn't dress more appropriately before I came; still clad in a cream camisole and a pair of black yoga pants and flip flops. He licks his lips, gets off the bed and makes his way towards me.
-BPOV-
I Lay back and stare at the ceiling. I'm tired of seeing white. I swear to merlin if I never see it again it'll be too bloody soon. I bang my head against the floor again in frustration. How long has it been; a day, a week, a year, longer? It feels like I have been here for a millennium already. This must be the hell muggles talk about. Their explanation was far from the truth but how could it be anything else? Do I deserve to be here? Maybe. I've done some pretty fucked up things in my life…including killing a few innocent people who were fighting for the right cause. I stop myself right there. I hate thinking about all the things I'd done during the war.
The muggles were right to some degree. This is torture…but not the fiery torture they described. It's nothingness…unbearable nothingness. Locked in a confined space with no other color than white surrounding me, a brick white wall to the left that I am tired of beating and pounding. I've resorted to even shouting for help a few times to no avail. I rub my eyes vigorously in frustration. I'm surprised I haven't gone mad already…it's just me and my thoughts. Maybe I have but I just don't know it…Mad people don't know that they are mad right? I stand…well shit maybe I should have looked into that muggle religion thing a bit more. What do they do? Pray? I've been here so long…I'm desperate. I might never get out of here. I walk to the wall and pound at it a few more times. Well it's worth a try. I look up and just do the best I can.
"Uh…God? I know I may not deserve a second chance or forgiveness or anything but I don't think I can take this anymore. I've learned my lesson. Uh…I'm sorry? I promise I will try my best to do whats right. I'll donate to the poor. Just let me out of here. I-I don't know how much more of this I can take. Ghost form would even be better than this…" I don't know how to do it, how to continue or finish. I growl and slap the wall in frustration. The brick shifts. I'm shocked. I make a fist and hit it again with all my might. The brick begins to crack and the crack expands around the room making other small cracks as it goes. I look up "Thank you so much." I say thought I don't know if the cracking is good or bad yet. The whole room looks like a large rectangular spider web now. I knock it again and it shatters. I didn't think about this. I cover my head waiting for the impact.
I feel feather light touches on my skin and notice that instead of brick or glass the room I turning to ashes. Everythings black now. I can't even see my own hand in front of my face "Aww bloody hell!" I shout in frustration and my voice echoes back at me. I feel a strange feeling going from my toes and finger tips. It moves throughout my body and I collapse. It feels like the prickling feeling when a limb has fallen asleep. My eyes feel heavy and I fight to keep them open but evidently not hard enough because they fall heavily shut. Relief from the tingling feeling finally starts to happen. It starts from my toes all the way up to my head. I can see a bright light from behind my lids and the tingling stops.
I try to move a hand and it works. This give me hope so I open my eyes. When I do I am greeted with different scenery. I am staring at a white ceiling but nowhere near the one I've grown accustomed to hating. This ceiling has many small designs on it. I take a deep breath and it feels different from the ones I've taken recently. The air is crisp and dries my throat. Am I out? Am I really out? My heart soars. I move my hand and I feel something soft. I look down finally and my neck feels sore. I'm on a bed. I look to the right of me and there is a wall that my bed is pushed against covered in paintings, drawings, and coloring's that I am positive were done by a child. Beyond the craft I notice the color of the walls is a light green and the small designs of a wand and a bone. I recognize it after a few seconds…St. Mungos. I'm at St. Mungos. This is good. For the first time I am strangely happy to be a patient there.
"Daddy?" I hear a voice call softly to my right. I whip my head that way.
"Kyro?" I say instantly. When I look there is a little boy looking much like Kyro; In features and complexion. The striking difference though is the mop of curly hair on this boy' head which is totally different from the subtle waves I know my son has. I look at him confused and with a closer look there are some small differences that let me know for sure he is not Kyro though he looks so much like him. But if he looks like Kyro that means he looks like me.
"Livy?" He says over his shoulder.
"Yes?" I hear a small feminine voice call back.
"Come quick!" The boy replies.
"Alex can't it wait? I'm coloring!" The voice replies exasperated
"No it can't! Daddy is awake!" Who is this child?
"Now, now Alex, What did nonna tell you about fibbing?" Nonna?Wait is that my-
"Nonna I'm not fibbing!" I turn my head to where the voice is coming from and I see my mother sitting at a desk writing on a piece of parchment.
"Don't take that tone with me young man I-"
"Mama?" I use my voice for the first time and it sounds a bit hoarse. Her head whips in my direction immediately eyes blazing open.
"Blaise?!" She says disbelievingly. She looks at me stunned for a second then loses consciousness the next. I sit up quickly intending to go and help my mother.
"That's not a very good idea. You've just woken up. Your feet probably aren't working properly." I hear the same feminine voice from earlier say matter-of-factly and I feel a hand on my leg. I look down and what I see shocks me. A little girl is looking up at me with a head full of curls, long lashes, big brown eyes, and rose pink full lips. She reminds me so much of…Nadia. It all comes back to me then; the fight, my pregnant fiancé…everything. I look back at these two kids disbelievingly. No this can't be. It just can't. "I'll be right back. I'll go call the healer. You should stay right where you are." She says grinning the whole time at me. She leaves and closes the door behind her.
"Smartass." I hear the little boy mumble.
"What?" I ask him.
"Nothing." He replies. He continues to stare at me…it's uncomfortable and I'm still confused I want to know what's going on here. I remember what the little girl…Livy I think called him.
"Alex is it?" I ask. He nods. "Is it short for something?"
"Alexander…It's my middle name." Alexander?
"So what's your first name?"
"Blaise" I'm shocked.
"Blaise is your name?" I ask again stupidly.
"Yes I'm Blaise Alexander Luciano Zabini…junior of course." I stare down at the little boy. Merlin. I ask even though I'm positive.
"Who's your mother?"
"I think you know who my mother is…that is unless of course you have amnesia? Can you remember your name? Who you are?" These kids speak so maturely…they can't be any more than five. Five?! No that's not possible. I don't understand. I nod slowly. "Yes you have amnesia or yes your remember?"
"Yes I remember." I say still confused. "Can you tell me what happened?" he nods and as he open his moth he is interrupted. An older gentleman walks in smiling in his healer robes, followed by a younger female healer who looks at me with barely concealed annoyance. What have I done to her? I see the little girl trail in behind her.
"Ah yes Mr. Zabini! It's nice to see you have woken up." He comes over to me while the girl goes over to my mother. The healer runs a few tests while updating me on what has been going on while I was comatose…for almost seven years mind you. It takes me a while to digest it. My mother is awoken during that time and she steps out quickly to let Nadia and Kyro know. I can't wait to see them. I learned about the struggle at the beginning, all the exercise simulations, and what Nadia had to do every few days and my mother explains in great detail why I need it. She even told me about what Daphne the snake tried to do. The other healer stands sadly in the corner of the room. I wanted to ask her what the matter was but the children who I learned are mine pulled me into a long conversation about them, what they like, and eventually their artwork. I enjoy talking to the kids and I am disappointed and saddened by the fact that I wasn't there for the pregnancy, their birth, or any of their milestones.
"Dad?" I hear a slightly deep voice say from my left. I look and standing there is a moderately tall, and slim young man standing looking at me hesitantly. I know immediately that he is my little boy…not so little anymore. I can't believe that he has grown so much….I missed everything. He makes his way slowly over to me and holds his hand out for me to shake it. I guess he is older now but last time I was conscious I was 'Daddy' now I'm just 'Dad'. It feels strange to have my little boy try and shake my hand. I take his hand and pull him into a hug. I can't believe I missed so much.
We get to chatting and it's a bit awkward at first because I don't know what he likes or practically anything about him right now, but we eventually get comfortable. His accent is not what I expected it to be. He tells me about his interests now, and eventually that he is a Ravenclaw. He seems so brilliant that I had no doubt that the hat was right.
"Great job, I would have been proud of you if you were in any house but Hufflepuff. No Pansy's in this family." I joke and he looks strangely at me until I begin to laugh and he joins in.
"Naw that was all mums doing she taught me everything I know. I'd probably be in Slytherin though if she didn't either way would have been good with me but being proficient in everything has it's perks; especially where the teachers are concerned." I nod and just realize what he's said. Did he come alone? Did she not want to come?
"Where is your mother?" He looks toward the door and there standing as close as possible to the wall is my love. She looks a different but the same. She still has ample breast and a tiny waist, her hips are wider which I suspect is from the children. Her clothing lets me see every single curve. Her face is the same but her eyes are a dead giveaway to me that she has matured- they are no longer the carefree warm autumn eyes I once knew…no these eyes are filled with wisdom and pain. I want to take the latter away. I feel awful that I have been so weak. How could I have not been here for my family? I stare at her for a while more from head to toe. I lick my lips and stand.
My feet are very week but I don't hesitate. I make my way over to my beloved. She backs up a bit when I get close to her and that confuses me. I reach my hands out and take her into my arms pulling her to my chest and into a tight embrace. She gives me an awkward one handed hug. Maybe she's in shock. I pull back and look at her. She is staring at the tile.
"I know I haven't been here for you these past few years amore but I promise I will never leave my family again. I love you so much." I whisper to her while tilting her head up by her chin. I lean forward and place my lips on hers. Her lips are warm and soft. Just like I remember them. I try to deepen the kiss but she doesn't budge. I try again but her lips stay tight. I pull back frustrated. "What's wrong?" She simply shakes her head. I don't argue. She just needs some time.
Not even a half an hour later Draco and the others arrive and spirits are high once again. I deal with all the paper work and I'm discharged about an hour after our friends leave. Nadia disapperates with the kids and I sidelong with my mother. I'm surprised when we don't arrive at the manor.
-Nadia pov-
I disappear with the kids back to my house and head into the kitchen immediately. I see that it's a few minutes after eight so it makes no sense to cook what I had planned. I call and order some Chinese. I turn and realize Blaise, Zarah, and the kids have all followed me to the kitchen. Blaise is looking around strangely.
"Where are we?" He asks eventually.
"This is Nadia's house don't you remember?" Zarah says to him and eventually he nods.
"It looks different." It does. I've had the place updated and remodeled over the years. "So what about the manor?"
"Your grandmother and I are staying there now. If you want it back we can move back to our manor in Italy. So you guys can stay there." Zarah replies and I'm a bit annoyed but I don't comment I know shes just happy to see him.
"No. That's okay here will do just fine. It makes no sense to move the family around." The food arrives soon after and we all sit to eat and I thank God that my little Livy is a talker because she monopolized the entire conversation and this will buy me time before Blaise tries to speak with me. I can feel his occasional stares but Livy continues to catch his attention.
"The other day Mummy took us to diagon alley and I saw this really fat rabbit with scales. I wanted it but mum wouldn't let me have it because it was half rabbit half dragon. It can breathe fire. What was it called again Alex?" She finally lets him get a word in.
"A drabbit." He says simply and does not try to continue because it wouldn't make sense. Olivia may look a lot like me but I'm sure that when she gets to Hogwarts she will definitely be a Slytherin albeit an outspoken one because she can get whatever she wants and Alex will probably be a Gryffindor or Ravenclaw.
"Yes a drabbit. It's purple with a green-ish tinge and I wanted it soooo much. I read somewhere that-" She is cut off by the fire place coming to life. I'm not expecting anyone so I quickly feel the wards and I see the twins and Kyro who are also connected to my wards do the same. It's Emilia. I jump up quickly barely excusing myself before I rush into the living room to meet up with her so the others don't see her. She is still in her healer robes and her eyes are red. She looks pissed.
"Oh you're here playing happy family with the man who hasn't been here for you are you?" She says maliciously and I'm confused. I knew she would be upset but I never expected her to sound this hateful. "'You're done with me now huh? After all we've been through? You're just gonna throw me out like yesterdays fucking trash?" Her voice is a few octaves too high.
"Santo dios, Lower your voice." I whisper shout with a pleading look on my face.
"Why? Why should I?!"
"Because my kids are here." She looks thoughtfully at me for a second.
"Don't you love me?" She finally asks her voice lowered.
"Of course I love you. You know that." I reply without hesitation but I feel strangely guilty about saying it.
"Then why are you doing this to me?" She asks beginning to cry her face turning a bright red and I can't stand it.
"I haven't done anything." I reply.
"But you will. I know you will." She says with no hint of doubt in her voice. "You say you love me-"
"I do." I cut in. She holds up her hand.
"But you love him more." She says again matter-of-factly. "It's alright I understand. It still hurts but I understand. We agreed the first night that that would be the only time and yet I still continued even though my better judgment told me not to. You love him and that's okay. I'm not into this love triangle bullshit so I'll make this easy on you." I'm about to interrupt but she holds up her hand again. "I knew this day might come and I didn't prepare myself. I became too comfortable. I still have a husband and you have him. We need to stop right now. I will tell you this though. I love you and I don't think I will ever stop loving you but this is the right thing to do. But I have to ask you one thing. Can-I Just one more time. Be with me one last time?" She says and she doesn't wait for a response before she connects our mouths and it's the least I can do. She is taking a bit of the burden off of me. I am about to disappear to my bedroom when I hear a voice I could have done without hearing tonight.
"What the fuck is going on here?" Blaise asks and I hear the anger dripping from his voice. I pull back from Emilia quickly and spin around. He is looking murderously at the both of us and breathing harshly. Shit shit shit son of a bitch.
"Mind your own business." I hear Emilia say next to me and I expect Blaise to explode but he doesn't.
"Anything that has to do with my wife is my fucking business now I think you need to leave." He says as calmly as he can in this state. He then turns to me. "How could you do this? How could you be so careless? Bringing this filth here, with our children in the next room. I can't believe-" He is cut off.
"Wife? Really? That's your reaction to seeing two beautiful women together. Don't want to join in? Hmm pathetic." Emilia says and Blaises head whips back in her direction.
"I thought I told you to leave you disgusting creature."
"Creature? Hah! Well this creature has been here for Nadia when you weren't, when you were too weak to be here for your family I was!" She shouts at him and that was a low blow I look at her with disbelief and she just continues. "I was here to comfort her, to hold her at night when she was upset, to make love to her." She continues goading him.
"Shut your mouth!" He shouts and she laughs.
"All you do is bring her pain. She used to cut herself. Did you know?" I gasp because I never shared that with her. "Yes because of you she wanted to take her life when she was pregnant. Breaking mirrors hacking away at her hands, digging her nails into her flesh; all that because of you. I helped her! I was here for her when you weren't! So don't you dare talk to me like that!" My voice catches.
"Emilia! Shut up! Shut up right now! How dare you?! I never told you that!" I say finally finding my voice she laughs again.
"Told me…." She chuckles "You didn't have to tell me anything. I saw you. Your mother let me in the house one morning to come and get blood for your incubus and you were so distracted harming yourself that you never even noticed I was there." I feel tears steadily running down my face and I see Blaise look to me as if he is begging me to say it's not true. I'm sure the look on my face confirms her story. I drop my head in shame. She continues. I knew I should have stopped but I kept doing it even after the twins were born. "But this is who you love. It's always the people that hurt us isn't it? I'm going to leave now. Feel free to owl me when you forgive me for what I've said because I am sorry it's not intended to hurt you as much as it is for him. I will say this though. Blaise I hope every time you touch her in any intimate way that you know that I know her that way. Maybe even better than you do." She finishes and I hear her footsteps retreating. I'm still staring at the hardwood floor. I don't dare look up. I hear Emilia call out her address and the fireplace comes to life.
It's completely silent for a few seconds. I decide to finally look up and when I do I'm hoisted up and thrown over Blaises shoulder. I elicit a small scream but decide not to protest. He heads for the main staircase. He moves like he knows exactly where he is going so I assume he remembers. He goes right into my room, crosses the room and into my bathroom. He deposits me in the tub and turns on the overhead shower. The shockingly cold water hits me and I scream. I try to get up but he just holds me down.
"What are you doing?! Let go!" I scream. He pulls out his wand and points it at me. I gasp and he whispers a scourgify spell but its powerful and my skin stings from it. I look in his eyes and it's the same as every other time he gets angry. It's like he's in a trance. "Please Blaise! Please stop. It hurts…" I begin to cry. He stares at me for a few seconds and I see him snap out of it. He let's go, stands and turns off the water. I sit in the tub and continue to cry.
"What the hell is going on here?" A voice by the door says and recognition hits. I look up swiftly and try to stop my tears. "What have you done to her?" I hear Kyro ask wand trained on his father a fierce look on his face. Blaise looks at him in utter disbelief, but it doesn't surprise me. Kyro's temper is so close to Blaises it's astonishing. I have to do something. I have to say something. He already has such a hard time trusting people and I don't want to ruin their relationship.
"Ky? Put your wand down sweetie." I say to him and he looks at me then back at his father wand still raised.
"Did he hurt you mum?" I shake my head.
"You know that I can defend myself if I want to. He didn't hurt me." It's true I could have defended myself. So why didn't I? Do I just like to be abused? No, that's not it you're just so used to not using magic that it's not a first instinct. I try to tell myself but deep down I know it isn't true. Had it been someone else I would have blasted them into oblivion long ago. Kyro looks thoughtfully at me and his wand lowers a bit.
"What happened then?" He asks still not fully relaxed.
"I had a slight panic attack." I lie and I know it was the best one to use because the first couple years after the twins were born I would have at least two a month from all my worrying over them and Kyro and almost everyone around me safety. I had to take calming droughts or be doused with cold water. His guarded features immediately turn into concern and he approaches me.
"Aww no mum, don't get yourself all worried and worked up. Everything will be alright. Everybody's okay. Want me to get you a calming drought or a sleeping potion?" He asks genuinely believing me. I shake my head. I know he's relieved that he and his father don't need to have a falling out.
"I think I'll be okay now."
"Sorry mum." And he finally looks towards his father. "Sorry about that dad. I just…I didn't know what was going on. I thought you were hurting her and I'm sorry for wrongfully accusing you and acting the way I did." Blaise opens his mouth but I cut his answer off.
"Ky why don't you show your father to his room." I say and they both look at me confused. The resemblance is striking.
"My room?" Blaise asks confused.
"Yes it's the door at the end of the hall." To the left of my room is the twins room across from that room is Kyros and at the end of the hall is a guest room as well as another to the direct right of my room. Kyro looks confused.
"Okay…what about the one right next to yours?" He asks.
"No show him to the one at the end of the hall. I haven't had a chance to clean the other one." I know it's a lame excuse but I'm tired I can't think of anything else.
"Alright." He says sounding unsure. "Come on then."
"Give me a minute I just need to talk with your mother." Blaise says and I shake my head quickly.
"Please not tonight. I'm tired I really don't want to talk right now."
*Some of you may also have been wondering what Nadia looks like? Well in my head she looks like sort-of like my avatar picture but with dark brown hair.
I know I haven't updated in a while and I'm sorry. I'll try to make the next update a lot sooner. Also check out my other fanfiction Find light in the dark. It's an alternate story where Blaise aand Nadia are in school instead. I just added two new chapters to it, check it out and let me know what you think. Until next time my lovelies keep calm and be positive. :*