I do not own Harry potter and I don't make any money off of this story. No copyright infringement is intended.
Last chapter
I roll to the other side of the bed to hug onto Blaise. I feel some moisture between my legs. A pain that I didn't notice before begins to grow inside of my stomach and the place between my thighs gets wetter and wetter. The pain is worse and I groan.
I sit up quickly and magically turn on the lights. I lift the blacket and I can't help the blood curdling scream that escapes my throat. I burst into tears at the sight of blood on my night pants, my thighs, and soaked into the sheets.
"Oh my God! Blaise!" I cry and he sits up disoriented.
"Huh? Whats the matter love?" He asks, but the horrified look that follows his question lets me know that he has seen. He pulls me into his arms quickly and hurries to the nearest fireplace looking like he is on the verge of tears.
NPOV
I open my eyes and everything is a blinding white. I close them and blink a few time until a white ceiling comes into focus. It's still too bright so I move my hand to cover my face. Something cold touches my face along with my hand and I startle.
There in my hand is a needle with a clear tube inserted into my hand with an eerie blue liquid flowing through it. I quickly take in the rest of the room and something beside my bed catches my eye.
Blaise is sitting in the corner silently staring at me. It's a bit frightening because his eyes are red yet emotionless, his face is stubbly probably from a day or two of not shaving, and though he is looking at me I almost feel like he is looking past me.
"Blaise?" I croak out and his eyes finally come into focus. He stands immediately and is through the door. I'm confused. Before I call him, or follow him he is back with a healer in St Mungos robes.
She quietly comes to the bed and begins to check me over with a solemn look on her face. The room is silent. I look towards my husband yet again and he barely meets my eyes. I don't like it. I rub my belly with my needle free arm, a habit I formed since I became pregnant...just like that the answer smacks me in the face.
I gasp and grasp my belly with both hands now remembering the blood that night before the darkness of unconsciousness swallowed me. It can't be. I don't want to believe it but with one look at Blaise I have my answer. The devastated look on his face once he realizes that I've connected the dots rips through me. A strangled sob escapes my throat and immediately I'm wrapped in his arms.
"Please tell me I'm wrong. Please" I plead with him crying in earnest now. He just holds me tighter and doesn't utter a word.
-:)-:)-:)-:)-
We finally arrive home and I flop down on the bed exhausted. I cried enough to last a life time. I think my tear ducts are either broken or I used up all the water in my body.
The healer confirmed what I'd already knew. She said had we arrived even ten minutes earlier she would have been able to give me a potion to save my baby...she obviously didn't take healer etiquette class because if she had she would have known saying that to a devastated woman who just suffered the loss of a child was not the brightest idea.
To know that if I had been a bit more alert, if I had woken up and noticed what was happening earlier I would still be expecting my baby now. It tore me up inside to say the least. I should have and I could have done better. Am I a bad person? Am I a circumstantial murderer? Maybe involuntary man slaughter because I didn't mean to. The Lord above knows that if I had known I would have gotten help immediately.
I can't help but to feel guilty...to feel at fault of the fate my unborn met. Blaise hasn't spoken even once since we left the hospital. I know that he was the most excited about this child...and now its been ripped away from him. I think he may feel that it's my fault. He's barely looked at me since we arrived home.
That baby was the restart of our relationship...I can't help but to think that now that the baby is gone our relationship has gone with it. I can't help but to feel that this will ultimately be the detriment of us.
-:)-:)-:)-
Its been a couple weeks since the incident. Things between Blaise and I have been strained. He's been hanging out with Hermione more and I have to say I'm a bit uncomfortable with it.
I know she is my cousin and I shouldn't be thinking along these lines but I am extremely jealous. Every time we speak it's Blaise this and Blaise that. 'Oh Nadia the healer says he's doing so well. I'm so proud of him he's really opening up.' Is the last annoying thing she said to me. Blaise has been seeing a mind healer. One that Hermione recommended for his anger issues.
I roll my eyes and begin to grumble to myself. I press my pen harder than necessary into the paper applying my signature to necessary paperwork. I hear my door swing open and I look up to bark at whoever didn't knock. I've been on a rampage at work recently and everyone is confused but my mood discourages them from asking what is wrong.I know it's wrong to bring my problems with me here but I can't help that I'm upset.
I slam my pen on my desk and look up with seething eyes. My look falters when I realize who it is.
"Ky? When...How did you get here?" I ask forgetting my problems for the moment with the happiness of seeing my oldest child.
"Lovely to see you too mum." He says in a teasing voice. I smile and shake my head While making my way around the desk to hug him.
"I thought you were staying at school for the Christmas break" I say going on my tip toes to place a kiss on his temple. He has to lean down a bit to allow me to do so. "I swear you get taller everytime I see you. Stop it...I still want you to be my little boy." I say pinching his cheek lovingly.
"I think you're just getting shorter mum." He says teasingly and I playfully slap his arm "Of coarse I wasn't going to stay at school for Christmas break. I'd miss your birthday and Christmas. I think not. The real question is what are you doing working on your birthday. You're the CEO for heavens sake!" He says incredulously.
"Today is no different than any other day. So like any other day I will come to work." He tsks at me.
"Let's go." He says grabbing my arm.
"Where are we going?"
"I took the liberty of telling everyone you were leaving for the rest of the day. They look relieved by the way...that's new." he says thoughtfully and I blush thinking of how miserable I've been of late. "Anyway I'm taking you to the salon to get your hair done and whatever else you want to do. Then we'll go home and make dinner together like we used to." I can't help but to grin and tear up. I'm glad even though he's getting older my son still wants to spend time with me.
-:)-:)-:)-
We went to the salon where I had my hair straightened and then put into big bouncy waves. I got a few subtle brown highlights, a mani- and pedi-cure. We also stopped off at a boutique where I found the most beautiful aquamarine cocktail dress and a pair of sparkling black pumps that my son insisted I wear out of the store. We stopped at a makeup counter in the mall where a woman applied light makeup and a bold smokey eye to my face.
"I don't understand why I had to wear this dress out of that store or why on earth we had to get my makeup done."
"Don't you want to look pretty on your birthday? Not that you don't always look pretty mom." He says as we make our way up the cobblestone path in the front yard.
"But we're just going to cook now. I should have saved it for another occasion...like Christmas." I say as he opens the door and we both walk inside. I flip the lights on.
"Surprise!" I jump grabbing my chest startled. I take in the occupants of the room. Friends, family, and a few people from work.
"Santo cristo! Are you lot trying to give me a heart attack?!" I say finally catching my breath. Everyone laughs.
"Happy birthday mum." Kyro says hugging me and kissing my forehead.
"Thank you." I whisper.
"Happy birthday mommy!" My twins shout at the same time. They have a tendency to do that.
"Can we have cake now?" Alex asks and everyone begins to laugh. He looks around with confusion. Probably as to why everyone is laughing, I know he is definitely serious.
-:)-:)-:)-
We all ate, drank, and danced. I put away my presents because I prefer to open them in private. The guests are slowly leaving and my mother is playing hostess. I decide to take a small walk in the garden.
I walk for a bit until I hear voices coming from close by. Who the hell is in my garden at this time of night? I get closer and soon recognize the voices. Blaise and Hermione are sat on the bench around the small pond talking. I quietly make my way closer to them.
"Tell me what's been bothering you...you know you can tell me anything. At least talk to her if you won't tell me." she says to him.
"I can't...I just...I don't know." He says.
"Blaise if you're feeling upset about something you need to talk to her about it. Trust me you will feel better...do it the Gryffindor way and just face your fears." she says and he chuckles.
"Really? We've been out of school for years and you still make references to our former houses."
"Shut up." She giggles. "But seriously...tell her how you feel. She'll understand."
"I don't like talking about my...feelings."
"Ugh you're such a man. Nothing is wrong with feelings. You're probably hurting hers by avoiding her like this. Have you spoken to her at all tonight?" I didnt hear him answer so I assume he shook his head by Hermiones response. "Well you need to."
"I will eventually."
"Well you better get to it soon. You're kids are starting to notice and now that Ky is here for his break he will definitely know something is up. I know she wrote to him and told him you two are getting along so if he sees this distance he'll know something is amiss...plus it's not really her fault is it...women have miscarriages all the time."
"I know...but I just find it a bit hard to even look at her b-" I spin around immediately and head back to the house as quickly and quietly as possible. So he thinks this is my fault? That I wanted to lose our baby?
I rush into the house ignoring the stunned look of my family. I slam the door to my bedroom, jump onto the bed and begin to sob as my barely healed wound over the loss of my baby rips open again. I ignore the knocks and calls of my mother.
-:)-:)-:)-
I must have cried myself to sleep. I open my eyes to a dark room. I'm hot a little too hot. I realize that I am cocooned in a heavy duvet and wrapped in a pair of arms and legs. I try to wiggle my way out of my metaphoric jail only to be pulled closer and have warm lips pressed to the back of my neck.
"Love?" He calls and I don't answer. I'm too upset with him. This is the first time since the incident that he's held me during the night. "Baby?" he sighs when I don't answer. He rolls me onto my back and I close my eyes to feign sleep. He sighs again.
"You're breathing pattern abruptly changed plus your heart is beating faster now. I know you're awake." He says matter-of-factly. "Why were you so upset earlier? Hmm, love?" He asks and I keep my eyes closed and still pretend to sleep. It's childish...I know. He sighs again.
I feel something reach inside of me...a weird intrusive feeling sort of like when my mom or aunt taught me how to read minds...but he shouldn't be able to do that. I'm confused. I push whatever it is out. He huffs and I realize that whatever it is was him.
"Why do you always do that? You're my mate...we have a connection for a reason." I remember then about the connection his mother told me about those many years ago. The one I was too afraid to use especially when it came to his strong emotions. "Why can't you just let me feel you for once?" He sounds annoyed.
My mind naturally has barriers around it. I can't help that...I can remove them but when I do I'm left vulnerable...I feel naked...indecent. He makes a frustrated noise.
"Open your eyes." He says firmly and I think about ignoring him but I don't. I slowly open them. It takes a few seconds but my eyes finally adjust to the darkness and I can make out his face leaning about a foot above mine. "See that wasn't so hard. I just want to talk...to connect."
I want to shout at him...to accuse him of being a bad husband. But I promised myself that I wouldn't. I would take this in stride...after all I initially blamed myself as well. Maybe talking is the right thing to do. I can make him see that I didn't do it purposefully...that it's not my fault.
"Let me feel you." He says again firmly. "please." He says softly this time. "Just let your guard down this once and let me feel you. Let's use our connection...if it's even only this once." He pleads. The room is silent for a full minute then two. He doesn't press but he sits silently waiting for me to say or do something. I steel myself, I take a deep breath and lower my mental barriers. He gasps.
I feel him concern,surprise, and relief. "Now why were you upset love? Did someone hurt you?" He doesn't even wait for an answer I suppose my emotions told him. He is immediately annoyed. "Who hurt you love?" I shake my head and try to roll over. He presses me back to the mattress. "Who?"
I sigh but don't answer. "Was it a friend? A family member?" I give him an annoyed look. I know that I may not be able to see well in the darkness but he definitely can. "Me?" He asks and suddenly I'm in his arms though I never answered. "I'm sorry love." he peppers my face with kisses. "I didn't mean to treat you this way recently...it's just that...well I-"
"You think it's my fault I had a miscarriage. I didn't ask for it you know." I finally croak out after being silent for so long.
"What? No! Of course I don't think it's your fault. How could I? What on earth would make you think that?" He says incredulously. I want to shout at him. Call him a lier...maybe throw a few things at him, and tell him to go shove it, but I can't. Not when I feel the genuineness and the truth of his words through his emotions.
"I-I heard you and Her-her...'mione." I sputter weakly still not wanting to believe that I'm wrong. I know he feels my denial and embarrassment. I feel fresh hot tears making their way down my face then.
"Shhhhh...don't feel embarrassed love. You probably just misunderstood. I never thought it was your fault. I just...well...every time I look at you I think of it...of what we lost." His words tear right through me and I begin to cry. He hugs me and shushes me.
"No, no its not your fault. Please just hear me out. Just listen." He pleads. I don't say anything but he probably felt my answer. I sniffle and try to hold myself together. "Every time I look at you I'm ashamed of myself. It's my fault that we lost that baby...I'm to blame." He whispers. I feel his devastation, his utter feeling of loss and hatred. "I hate myself more and more every day." his voice cracks. I don't want him to blame himself.
"Don't say that Blaise it's not you fault. It none of our faults. These things happen. There was nothing we could do about it." I say wiggling my way out the cocoon of sheets and hugging him.
"It is" I shake my head. "No, listen to me...on my last check up with my healer. The one who monitors my progress since the coma. I told him what happened and he ran some test. He found out that when I ruptured my magical center in my brain...it caused a few hormonal changes and deficiencies. I-I can get you pregnant...but the chances of the baby surviving a-are...slim." He croaks out and I'm shocked. I don't know what to think...what to feel. "I'm sorry...I should have told you. What kind of man can only make his wife a graveyard?" He breaks down and grasps his head in his hands tightly.
I feel the sadness, the loss, the devastation, the incompetence...everything he feels. I want to lock off our connection because his emotions are almost too strong to handle but I decide against it. Doing that would probably only hurt him more.
I love this man...and now that I know what's been going on I want to help him to take his pain away. I try to channel all the love, devotion, and admiration I feel for him. I force it onto him and try to break through his barrier of grief. I hug him tightly and put everything I have into conveying those emotions.
His breath catches and he falters. He looks up at me in shock with his tear stained face. "I love you Blaise...every part of you. This is not your fault. You had no idea. We have three beautiful, wonderful children. I don't need anymore. You haven't failed me in any way. I love you so much... You are the center of my universe. Don't you ever feel incompetent or like you're not good enough for me. I love you regardless of your faults...in fact I love you because of them...they are what make you, you."
"But-"
"No buts mr. I love you no matter what. We'll get through this." I say firmly and he captures my lips in a soft sweet kiss.
A/n: the story isn't finished yet. Just a couple more chapters to go...maybe more. I'm not so sure yet. We'll see I guess. But just know that I will not abandon this story or my other story. It may take a while but I will try to see them both through until the end. Until next time keep calm and be positive.