**Oh my gosh I watch too much truTV. **

Frustration could settle in and stay for the night.

Luigi was glad that he had stepped up from plumber to police officer, after hearing all the bull going on in the Mushroom City. Two weeks on the job and he had already booked in a few drunk drivers and two people fighting over a game in a bar.

Now it was this, and he certainly wasn't ready to deal with it.

Luigi had caught a speeder going into the city late this evening on his way home, so he figured he'd go ahead and take care of this idiot. But when he got the guy to pull over and walked up to the window, things quickly became awkward and shaky.

With a sigh, Luigi began, "Evening, what seems to be your – hack!" he leaned against the car for a moment, confused as to what just happened. Looking away to get some fresher air, Luigi took a deep breath and tightened his hands.

The driver could be heard slamming his head against the back seat, "Damn it, I told you!"

A weird mumbling replied.

Luigi looked back, "That smell of alcohol is really…" he coughed, "…strong."

"I know, I know, he's been drinking since yesterday." The driver responded, looking at the roof.

"Well if he's not feeling good you should have called an ambulance." Luigi grabbed his radio, knowing this was going to take a while, "Maria, I need an ambulance at my location, heavy drinker."

The passenger groaned before throwing the car door open to spew all over the side of the road, the driver eyeing him as if he wanted to murder him.

Luigi coughed to grab his attention, "Its coming. Meanwhile, let me see your –"

The driver shoved his license into Luigi's face, muttering something and tightly grabbing the steering wheel.

"…right, thanks." Luigi replied, "Don't drive off."

"I know better."

Scoffing, Luigi went back to the patrol car to run the information, only looking up after a good twenty minutes to idly watch the paramedics heave the passenger into the ambulance, stopping to let him puke twice.

One of the people had to talk to Luigi, so he stopped what he was doing to do whatnot. Saw speeder, guy wasn't feeling good. What else was there to talk about?

After the roadside drama and the ambulance leaving, Luigi finished running the driver's license. He tensed up whenever he saw that this guy had been arrested before, twice for bar fights and everything else for D.U.I. Every time, he was bailed out, must've been his passenger that done all of that.

"Oh boy…" Luigi muttered, "…better, go give this back."

Returning to the car, Luigi held the license out, "Scary record you got there…"

The driver just kept staring forward, smugly smiling and grabbing the license. "You might wanna test me for alcohol."

"W-what?" Luigi blinked.

"Make sure I'm not too drunk to drive officer." The driver eyed Luigi, "I've been drinking."

Luigi sighed, wishing he didn't see this car at all. He just wanted to get home, talk to his brother and stuff like that. "Step out please," He grabbed his side, "While I go grab my breathalyzer."

The driver was surprisingly cooperative, and was leaning against the car when Luigi returned, quickly intimidating the officer with this height, and the way his eyes stared at him…

"Um, mind, lowering yourself?"

"What happened to walk on the line?"

"Let's be honest, I really want to go home." Luigi stood there, "Let's go."

"Can we just say I'm over the limit?"

"No. C'mon. I want to go home." Luigi held the breathalyzer up, "Here, won't have to bend down as far."

The driver sighed; "I'm telling you…" he knelt down, stopping at the tube to blow in. He sighed, "I don't want to."

"If you're looking to be arrested, I can for your ignorance." Luigi snapped, hoping the car camera wasn't working.

The driver seemed to smile, "Fine." He held his arms out.

Luigi snatched the handcuffs from his side belt, letting the breathalyzer fall onto the ground while arresting the driver. "Jackass." He muttered.

It wasn't five minutes later; Luigi was driving back to the station while desperately trying to ignore the other man's comments about him. Not comments about how he did his job, not comments about anything related to being a police officer at all!

"Did you hear me?" he man said again, "Honestly. Your eyes. Do women let you arrest them when they look into your eyes?"

Luigi coughed, wishing he could go just five miles faster.

"By the way, watched you walk back to your car out of my car side mirror when you first pulled me over." The man gave a small laugh, "Boy, you look more like a gay model."

"Shut up." Luigi mumbled. "I'll make sure you don't get out on bond this arrest."

The man scoffed, "Why don't you call me by my name, hm? You saw my license, didn't you?"

"Sir, hush."

"C'mon officer, I'm desperate!" The man whined, "You're good looking, just let me do something to you!"

Luigi growled, tightening his grip on the steering wheel and pulling to the side of the road, "I've had it. I'm kicking you out here." He looked at the camera. Off.

The man sighed, "Fine. I'll go somewhere else for a fuck."

"Good idea." Luigi got out of the car, opening the backseat door and working off the handcuffs. "But don't get to hasty there."

"Uh huh."

Luigi stepped to the side, putting his handcuffs back on his belt, "Go." He said, noting that the man was still in his backseat.

"Hang on, I dropped something…" he reached for the other side of the car, Luigi stepping closer in curiosity.

"Sir, you can't – hey!" Luigi shouted as the man bounced up and grabbed him, yanking him into the backseat and closing the door with his arm that wasn't holding onto the officer's collar.

Pinned to the seat, the driver on top of his laughing in victory, Luigi felt humiliated. "Officer." The man started, "Is it possible for me to be arrested for…" he brought his face closer to Luigi's, "…over-the-top lust?"

Luigi scoffed, "You can get arrested for harassing a policeman."

"But what if I'm doing him a favor? I'm sure those long days of dealing with drunks and criminals surely give him a migraine by the end of the day."

"That's what wine is for." Luigi blinked before mentally slapping himself for saying that.

The man seemed to get excited, "Oh, a wine drinker huh?"

Luigi narrowed his eyes, "Sir, what do you want?"

"Well," The driver rested his forehead against Luigi's, "This…" he said before quickly kissing the officer, "…and maybe a bedroom."

Luigi never felt so uncomfortable before, the tone the man used made Luigi feel like his pants suddenly shrunk a size.

"But, since that might take to long, this will have to do."

Oh joy.