**A story I started a long time ago, and was buried in the archives of my laptop for months. This was actually a plotless story with no intention of being uploaded, and this was also one of the first stories that began to form my current writing style. Of course, it's plotless, drabble-y, and pointless. It's…one of those stories that you sit down and start writing and then come back later and add onto what you feel like it needs. After reading over it, I decided to share it. It's long, and I mean long, but I'm too lazy to break it up into separate chapters.
I must warn that this chapter has a lot of mature themes in it that aren't pulled of so well… a lot of cussing from Luigi's part as well. As a matter of fact, Luigi in this entire story is kinda like a daze-er person that thinks a lot, and easily gets angered. Yeah. So… I hope you enjoy this long story. If you stop reading halfway through, I don't blame you.
And remember, this crap is old, ancient. So if there are some things that seems off or stupid about it, it's from little kiddish me. **
Little assortments of different flavored candies could sit on a kitchen counter top can be ignored or eaten. Or, someone can blindly reach into the group and take one. There's the possibility of getting a flavor you like, or a flavor that reminds you of someone you hate.
Like, Grape flavor.
Why not apple, to remind you of yourself? Or maybe a cherry flavor to remind you of Fratello? Or, how about watermelon to pick on fratello about his girlfriend? Or citrus-orange, that reminds you of...
Her.
That one princess that always has the orange-fling going. The one that makes green look and feel boastful.
Doing the same for fucking purple.
Of course not – well, OK, maybe orange has an effect on other colors, it's sassy and spunk-like, saying that the girl is very boastful.
Don't chew, just let it sit in your mouth and dissolve. Or, spit it out and grab green, so that way you can feel like you're not taking advantage over anyone. Just yourself.
Now, Fratello might come by and snatch up a handful, saying, "Don't let the pasta boil over. You're the one complaining about me cooking and burning crap all the time."
Of course, make me stop what I was thinking and look at the pasta that is completely fine Fratello!
Now... where's another apple flavor?
I mean, it's green, and I feel fine eating it. But... I always throw out the grape flavor. Why? It reminds me of my suck-ass cousin. Well, we call him a cousin, because our parents were related somehow – damn. Since when does pasta water boil over the top and get on the stove and scare me?
"Luigi?"
"I'm fine!"
"No your not. You're shaking. Something wrong?" How does fratello pop up over there all of a sudden?
"It scared me. What do you think is wrong?"
"You're thinking."
"And... that surprises you... how?"
"You're always focused on cooking."
"So?"
"Ahem. Luigi." How does he get behind me all of a sudden? I must turn around and ask. Why is he getting in my face –?
"Mari- mmph!"
Why does all of a sudden he feels like kissing me? Isn't this incest? Yeah, and he's pushing me against the counter and making out with me.
And why does he keep me from fixing the pasta!
I think I'm gonna start throwing out the red ones. Yes, the red ones must go.
They're gonna remind me to much of yesterday. I moved out, yes, that's how fast I got away.
It disturbed me... mainly how Mario looked at me whenever I shoved him away and ran up the stairs. Later on, he was apologizing, but talking about how nice it would be to kiss me again while he traced my face with his fingertips.
He scared me… I thought he liked Peach.
Nuh, the look in his eyes will always scare me...
I'm at my mansion – lovely greens and everything I could ask for – even a landscape that resembles Italy.
Dear... I need to get security.
My bowl of no red candies is sitting next to me as I'm cooking. No red, and hopefully no purples either. Maybe I should throw out the watermelons to – because they'd remind of me fratello's girlfriend – which will remind me of him.
Besides. Cherry has that sweet kind of taste to it, but it can also be sour. That's sometimes how Mario is. And watermelon is always sweet, but it leaves that aftertaste that makes you want more to get rid of it. That's how Peach is – after I first met her. Heck, she's all over Mario. I guess she digs red clad plumbers.
Uh, maybe I shouldn't be in the kitchen. I mean – yes, the ghosts are still here. This mansion used to be haunted by them, until E. Gadd let them go again. I asked him to, and made deals with them.
What do they do? Scare me. Not that often though. Which is good, seeing as how if they did they'd be back as a painting again.
But not a single one of them warns me about the person lankily walking in the front doors.
I bite down on my next piece of hard candy. It tastes weird... either it's a bad apple or a bad orange.
They don't tell me he knows where I'm at.
I spit it out – oh fuck, its grape.
They don't tell me he's silently walking through the dining room – although I'm sure Mr. Stuff-My-Face should be in there eating plates of cheese.
I throw the candy in the trash. OK, so I miss a candy occasionally. Oh great, now I smell alcohol –
"So, Luigi."
Oh, fuck my life. Waluigi could be the only one that makes grape taste nasty – because he's always snarling. I hate him – and he's right behind me! What's that poking at my back!
"Waluigi."
Oh, dear... alcohol radiating off of him...
"What! Hey, idiota! What the fuck are you doing?" Why is he grabbing me? Why is he pinning me on the floor? Is he so drunk that he's raping me in my kitchen?
Why? He's not even being careful! Oh my g-
Pain!
And he has that knife... he's holding it against my throat – of course he would, he wants to fuck and he's getting it. But – why me of all people!
The ghosts could have helped!
Of course they come after he's done with me. Played with me and threw me like I was some girl who got a new doll and then decided it wasn't worth the fifty bucks her parents spent on it.
Waluigi makes it out drunkenly while Melody helps me to my feet. I'm hurting so bad...
_
That's why I hate grape. It tastes nice up until you keep it still in your mouth for a while – then it gets nasty and you have to hurt your mouth muscles just to eat the damn thing.
That's how Waluigi is. He's nice up until he has something against you – which is the truth for any one who's lived here as long as we have. New people Waluigi either makes friends with or picks on and hurts them.
I always buy two bags of that hard candy and throw out all the colors that I hate – purple, pink, red.
Leaving it just orange and green. They're nice flavors and they don't leave behind a nasty aftertaste or make you have to move the damn thing.
Still sitting here in my mansion with great security, Waluigi tried to enter twice – both times sober. Mario wanted to come in, but after his show I won't let him.
I'm shut out from the world.
Occasionally Toad or Yoshi will show up, I'll let Peach in some days. All she wants to do over here talk. And I like talking to her – we talk about things I'm fine discussing. But some days I don't want to talk to her. Or anyone. So I tell my security guards to tell them that I'm out and that I'll be back Saturday or something like that.
Where am I? Out.
Out where? Out.
It's a funny word. But so is shut-in.
I got a cook for my kitchen, and my ghost friends leave him alone and avoid him at all costs. Even if that means they have to spook me. But they apologize and go on with life while I'm still stuck having to deal living with the dead.
Melody is my friend. She and I had some hard times when we first met, but now she's like my lifeline. Whenever that day Waluigi raped me in my kitchen comes around, she's right there and she always lets me vent about it. Whenever that day about Mario kissing me bites, she shows up and lets me cry.
I don't cry in front of anyone but her.
So, if there was a flavor for Melody that could explain her, it'd be something like strawberry. But they don't make those. They make gum like it, but not hard candy. Especially the brand that I like.
Great, nothing left but citrus. I think I'll enjoy the last apple and go get some more later.
"Luigi! Phone! For you!"
"Hang on!"
"Hurry up, it's Daisy!"
"D-Daisy?"
"Yes, darling."
I'm at my phone in no time flat, "H-hello?"
"Hey Luigi. I was wondering, would you mind coming over here and help me out?"
"With... what?"
"I'm learning Italian, but it's hard. This guy isn't a native speaker. You are, aren't you?"
"Um... y-y-yeah."
"Then come over here and help me!"
She's learning Italian.
I'm over at her place in a few minutes, and soon we are started.
She's already got the basics down and all, so I have to teach her how to say other things. Like, goodnight children. Why she asked me to go over that one first I will never know.
"Um... buttanote bambini..." Is that right? I have no sense of focus here!
"Really?"
"Yeah..." I don't know if I said it right myself. I can't remember my first language when I'm around her damn it!
Stay cool...
"Y'know, you talking in Italian's kinda hot..."
I gulp. What is she implying?
Oh.
Oh!
Oh!
The bastard I am!
"D-Daisy, uh... what if –" she's doing this to me like I've done it with her before. I'm still getting over being raped by Waluigi!
"Nothing's gonna happen." She hisses at me.
Can't she tell I'm shaking like crazy?
I haven't been called over for Italian lessons since. Daisy must've thought I sucked. Although Italians are the best lovers there can ever be. Maybe French people are up there to.
Screw my life.
I can hardly keep a relationship with a girl I like. Hell, I can hardly go outside without thinking that I need to stay huddled up in my mansion.
That's five times this week I've only taken a foot outside my door. I'm usually so happy to be in public, but now I'm not so sure...
Waluigi's there again, he's talking to my security guard. I can see it over the screen of the camera. I thought that twice he was gonna punch the man in the face, but that was more like a threat.
Y'know what? We're gonna see what he wants.
"Let him in. If he starts anything I'll call you."
The guard steps aside. At first Waluigi looks like he's gonna walk away, but then he shrugs and walks forward.
The bastard.
"Hey."
"What is it?"
"Sorry."
"For what?"
"Y-y'know."
"Oh, that." I'm waiting for Melody to appear out of no where and say something to him. Ha, that'd be nice to see, the look on Waluigi's face when a ghost pops up.
Our conversation is nothing but small talk. It's pissing me off.
"Look, either tell me what you want directly or get the hell out." I say, trying not to show how pissed I am.
Waluigi just stares at me. Staring at me like I'm gonna kill him with my bare hands.
"What?"
Stare.
"What?"
"Idiot."
"Damn -"
"No wonder I raped you."
"H-h-huh?
Yet again my mouth in conquered by another male's. Male.
I'm not gay, I hope they know that. Both Waluigi and Mario.
I'm gonna have to refuse him whenever he asks that question, but it's gonna hurt me more than it's gonna hurt him.
Daisy's back in Sarasaland. No wonder she hasn't called.
Waluigi keeps on trying to woo me; I keep on looking for some girl for him to hook up with.
Mario calls and calls, I'm not going back over there again. Ever.
Peach is here right now, visiting.
"Y'know Luigi, Mario is actually kind of... lonely without you there."
"Didn't you hear what happened?"
"What?" she gives the normal blonde look of confusion.
"He kissed me." I replied as if I was saying, 'He threw carrots at me.'
Peach's eyes widen.
"Don't hate me. He's the one who did it. Not me."
She only stays for another thirty minutes before she leaves. And when she does, my cameras show she ran to the kind of transport she hates – the pipe that leads to Mario's house that I somehow managed to use my plumbing skills to let people skinnier then Mario go through. Peach is skinnier then Mario, so she goes down the damn thing.
Oh yeah Mario, I told. And I'm gonna keep telling until I'm happy enough to go back into public.
Melody is trying to get me some more candy, after I told her I didn't want to go out. Anywhere.
She doesn't have to, I mean, I don't think they sell only bags of apple flavor and nothing else.
"Luigi?"
"Yes?"
"I just made a phone call, to the candy manufacturer. They said they'd make special deliveries for those who –"
She is just too sweet to me. I thank her and say that if she wasn't a ghost I'd hug her until her guts fell out.
She's a sweet girl now that I've apologized for being so rough with her and the vacuum I used to imprison her. Maybe it's just me, being Luigi.
The cute, little brother who always wears green. I think I'm cute.
That brings up a discussion between me and Melody later that evening.
"Melody?"
"Yes Luigi?"
"Am I cute?"
"…you mean guy cute or puppy cute?"
"Both."
"A definite yes for puppy cute, and people would have to stare at you for guy cute. Why?"
"I've been thinking…"
"Tell me."
"…if I get a little more self-confidence I think I might go out in public again."
"And look different?"
"Yeah."
"Hmm. Well, that sounds great. Grow your hair out a little, though." She hums, "Do some weightlifting to."
I laughed before holding up my hand, "No."
_
I listened to Melody. I let my hair grow out a little – now it sticks out from under my hat, and Melody said it makes me look similar to a guy model – and I did some exercising. I hate to brag, but I've got a four pack forming. (Thanks to muscle man ghost, we're getting along to.)
I also went down in clothes sizes. It's… embarrassing to go out in public in overalls to big dammit!
…but that's what the internet if for! Just make sure that you put in the correct size…
My first public debut was today, strolling down those streets like I used to was nostalgic to me. Huh, I even got some girls to coo over me.
I visited my usual places – coffee shop, park, y'know – before I decided to head home.
"Luigi!" I'm jumped on from behind, smelling that flowery perfume and hearing Daisy's laughter as she almost makes me lose my balance.
After getting her calmed down, she asks if she can come over today – and of course I happily let her.
Never before was my mansion so lively.
I thought it would never happen.
Daisy had to go back to Sarasaland while I stayed at my mansion, staring at the wall. Two months dating and this was our first obstacle.
I love Daisy, I really do. I just feel that something's missing… or, like something's not right.
Outside, I was sitting on one of the fountains whenever Waluigi popped up from the bushes snarling. Before he said anything I spat; "Come here to be jealous over Daisy?"
He blinked at me, then he laughed; "Why would you think that?"
Now I blink at him, "Aren't you…" I remember what he said a while ago. "…no."
"You considered it?"
"I didn't consider it!"
"Yes you did. The idea popped into your head just now."
"Hey, you were the one trying to woo me almost three months ago!"
"Yes, then I gave you some space. I'm tired of waiting."
"Well, either wait until I'm done with Daisy and convince me why I should be gay with you, or woo Mario, or find your own girlfriend slash boyfriend."
He gave me that freakishly, devious, and charming smile before saying, "But won't it be fun? Cheating on Daisy? It'd put a little more spring in your step and make your skin brighter."
"I'm – I'm not doing that!"
"At least have one-night stands with me."
"No!"
"C'mon Luigi. Isn't something not right between you and Daisy?"
"A little…"
"Cheating will help you figure that out."
"…no. I mean, yes there are some things I feel that are missing and not needed, but…"
Waluigi grabbed my shoulder, getting right in my face as he whispered; "If there's an itch you need scratched, you can always get me to scratch it."
Why did that sound like a good idea?
"Well…" I was silent for a long time, "…Fridays."
It's been over a month now; Daisy doesn't even suspect a thing. Nor does Melody.
Because Fridays are days whenever everyone goes off and hides out somewhere away from the mansion. Daisy takes this time to visit Peach.
But I think I use the time wastefully, cheating on her with Waluigi. It's a time eating schedule.
Watching everyone leave, including Daisy.
Waiting for Waluigi to arrive, ushering him in incase if Mario's spying on me. I'm afraid he is.
Sitting in a room, talking or staring at nothing – being an awkward couple (that includes a cheating man nonetheless!)
And it always ends with Waluigi getting me into that mood that I just hate with all of my being. I mean, it feels good right up until we're done and I'm trying to go to sleep.
Somehow, Waluigi leaves before even Melody comes back. I guess with his post-insomnia symptoms it makes him a terribly light sleeper.
Whenever Daisy's back, she doesn't even suspect that I spend my Friday's letting Waluigi's name pour out of my throat in that way that just sings pleasure. Neither does she suspect that whenever she's kissing me, that I was kissing Waluigi.
I guess I'll take the grapes back now.
Daisy had to go back to Sarasaland for a month, and Melody has been getting the usual flavors of hard candy I want.
Apple, orange, grape. She questioned the grape though, so I had to come up with a lie, quickly.
One day, I decided that I wanted to talk to Waluigi about this – me cheating with him. On a Thursday I dismissed the ghosts an hour before Waluigi showed up; acting like it was a Friday.
"Um, question." I said, sitting on the other end of the couch from him, "What if someone finds out?"
"Then either I'm dead or you are." Waluigi pinched the pillow next to him, "Whatcha wanna do tonight?"
I stood up, stomping at him; "Nothing!" I spat, "I'm worried about being found out!"
"How old are you? Twenty? Then you're still young enough to experiment with what kind of fucking you like." Waluigi said nonchalantly, "If someone catches us, we'll call it experimenting."
"Oh yeah, it's experimenting whenever it looks and sounds like the real thing!"
"It does happen. You should see what Daisy has on her laptop about you. She wonders – did my Weegee ever screw another man?"
That's enough to make me sit down and grab my head.
"…wait, are you saying that you're sick of me?"
"No!" I look at him, "I'm not saying that!"
Waluigi just glares, "You want me to leave you alone, don't you?"
"No!" I reply, "I'm just, scared… I mean, cheating…"
"It's good, isn't it? I cheated almost every single relationship I had and I never got caught."
"That's because you're so slick."
"Like lube."
"You've still got a brain of a sixteen year old."
He actually kept his mouth shut after that.
And that was the first night we didn't go to my bedroom for anything. Waluigi just left.
Daisy came back and walked straight to the bedroom. She admired it before saying, "Well, it doesn't smell like sex."
I looked at her like I had no idea what she was talking about, "Sex?"
"Yeah. A rumor is going around Sarasaland that you and Waluigi are fucking without me knowing it."
I look at her like she's insane, "Daisy, baby, I'd never cheat on you!" I grabbed her shoulders, "You're the only one I could ever love!"
Lie.
Daisy smiled at me, "If you ever do fuck Waluigi," she cups my cheek, "Video tape it for me."
I back away from her like she was holding a gun at me, "Are you crazy? I'd never even let Waluigi see me in my underwear!"
She laughed before going back down to the TV room.
_
Another Friday, and Waluigi comes to the door while Daisy is out – as well as the ghosts – like any other Friday.
As soon as I got the door open, he attacked my lips like there wasn't a tomorrow, about tearing my lip as he did.
I shoved him away, "Waluigi – what the fuck is up?"
"I can't see you anymore."
"W-why not?" Why did this news break my heart?
"It's Daisy. She's onto me." Waluigi wouldn't give me space, "I know it. I'm getting out of here, moving."
"B-but near MK, right?" I asked.
"No, far away." Waluigi lifted me up, and while going to the bedroom he said, "Please, just let me –"
"You better go faster." I said, "One more time."
That was probably the best night of my cheating life, going almost seven rounds before I was so tired I could barely even moan. Worse, the bed was wet and sticky, probably would've needed ten washes just to get rid of the traces of me cheating.
Before Waluigi left the room when we were completely done, he kissed me and whispered; "I'll be ten miles north of the border, in case if that itch still won't go away."
I nodded, "OK." And then sighed, "Be careful."
He was silent before he said, "I love you." Something he'd never said before to me, even during sex.
Daisy was smug as she watched me pull the sheets out of the dryer, "Isn't that the fifth time you washed that today?"
I looked at her while trying to smell it – damn it! Still had that sweaty smell to it! "It has a stain on it."
"From what?"
"One of my ink pens."
"Did you use that booster?"
"Twice."
"How much ink did you spill?"
"The pen busted."
"Wash it again. I'll go get some more sheets."
Daisy walked away, I started the wash again before Melody came in.
"He raped you. Why were you having sex with him last night?"
I froze. "W-what are you talking about?"
"Don't play dumb Luigi." Melody spat, "I saw him walking in a few weeks ago – that Friday whenever Daisy came back,
talking about getting a Chain Chomp. I heard everything. I've been dropping hints about someone knowing, and he thinks its Daisy. You cheated on her, I wanna know why."
S-she knew? I glared at her, "Look, I felt that something was missing and something extra was added with Daisy. Waluigi said that cheating would help me figure that out…"
"Did it?" Melody crossed her arms, "Or was it a waste of time? I think it was a total waste of time."
"It…" I stood there thinking. Waluigi did help me figure one thing out with my relationship with Daisy. Oh, that room was so silent for so long.
"…I think that…" I swallowed, accepting what I really didn't want to accept; "…I'm gay."
Daisy understood my situation, and broke up with me the best way she could without hurting my feelings.
"I mean, I hear it's great to have a gay boyfriend but… you cheated on me…"
I looked at my feet, "Just. Go." I said.
She sighed before doing as I said, not slamming doors or anything as she did.
Melody entered through the wall, "That went better then I expected." She said snootily.
"What do you have against gays?" I spat.
"Nothing. I'm just surprised that she took it so well."
I growled, "Don't make me pull out that damn vacuum young lady."
"Then who'd you vent to?"
I glared at her before I walked to the closet, pulled the vacuum out smoothly and aiming it at her, "Waluigi." I snarled before turning it on.
"A-all of that?" Waluigi blinked at me after I explained everything that happened to him, "Just because…"
"Yes." I spat, "Now, are you staying here or coming back to my mansion?"
He'd better come back, or else my two-day trip up here would be a total waste of time and I'd go home feeling... dead, inside. Waluigi seemed to be thinking while he looked at me, eyes expressionless.
He looked at me before his devious smile came onto his face, "Sure."
And when we returned to my mansion – a long three-day trip later thanks to him wanting to sleep in a hotel for a day - the first thing Waluigi did was shove me into the bedroom; saying that this would be the "Welcome back" sex.
Now that I wasn't cheating anymore, and that most of the mansion's ghosts were paintings again, we did whatever the hell we wanted what whatever volume we could scream at.
By the time we were done, Waluigi chuckled and whispered in my ear, "Just as good as you were with Daisy. Maybe even better."
I nodded.
"Well." He pushed himself off of me, "I think I'll go wash off."
"L-let me join?" I panted
"Oh, want to make your mark on me, eh?"
"Y-yes."
"Then c'mon. I think I've had a good time in the shower before."
It was only a month later whenever I decided to ask Waluigi something I knew he'd probably lie about, "Are you cheating on me?"
"No, of course not. Why?"
"You said in all of your relationships you cheated on someone with someone else."
"That's true. Why I did that was because I felt like seeing who I went more towards – guys or girls." He smirked at me, "If we break up anytime soon, I'm going for a girlfriend next."
"Uh huh." I left without another word.
I decided to do this: if he said he was "going for a walk" this afternoon I'd accept that he was cheating on me and find out if I was right. If I was: I would find out with whom, and dump him right on the spot. If he stayed home, however, I'd go about my business as usual.
That evening, Waluigi kissed my cheek before saying, "I'm going for a walk."
He's cheating on me.
"Have fun." I said, watching him leave.
I expected him to come home very late with an excuse that could be believed – Mario stopped me, or I had to run down to the oil plantation to check up on things, buddies wanted me to go for a drink.
Instead he was home in an hour, slinking in with that devious smile that he always wore whenever he was up to something and holding a bag. I stood in the doorway to the hall, "What do you have?"
"Stuff." He walked past me to the bedroom, "Just stuff."
"Where'd you get it?" I followed him.
"One of my friends."
"It better not be drugs." I crossed my arms, "I thought Mario and I got you out of that."
"No, that ain't it." He laughed, I saw him rubbing his shoulder.
"I'll play the guessing game." I leaned against the doorframe, "New bat?"
"The bag is too small."
"Stuff you use for your bomb-ombs?"
"I'm not allowed to make those for personal use anymore. Only for the Grand Prix."
"Files? I've seen you do that before."
"Nope. Think, different, Luigi."
"Hmm." I hit my head against the frame, "Gimme a hint."
He turned and smiled at me, devious stuck as always, "Oh, c'mon. It's not that hard."
"Yes it is."
"Hmm. How does it go…?" he faced forward while grabbing his shoulder tightly, "Je T'aime? Yeah, that's it."
I gave him my questioning look, "I don't speak whatever language you said. Italian, maybe."
"Well I had to learn French." He snarled.
"Uh huh." I walked towards the bed, "And what did you say?"
"How does it go in Italian? Ti amo?"
"Aw." I chuckled, "I already know that, Waluigi."
"So, does that give you a hint?"
I shrugged, "Sex stimulants?"
"Close, missed it by that much."
I opened my eyes much wider at him, "You don't have any toys in there do you?"
He nodded, "Not for us though."
"They better not be." I laughed nervously, "If it was, I'd have a heart attack. W-why do you have them?"
"Oh, just holding them. One of my friends said he'd be busted if his girlfriend caught him with them."
"Being the life saver, huh?"
"Yeah…"
I wish I had a built in lie detector, because later that week Waluigi had cornered me in the bedroom with one of the toys in the bag – smile as devious as ever.
There's not another word to describe it, aside from devious.
"Although you may have your kinky moments." I pushed Waluigi onto the couch, glowing in triumph as he looked back up at me in shock. "I have worse ones. So much worse." I smirked, "You're a smooth guy, using those things like you did. But I have something much better."
Waluigi – now completely dominated by me – just laid there. "L-Luigi – this isn't payback for what –"
"You could say." I cut in, leaning down to his face. "But tonight, I'm going farther." I gave an airy chuckle, "Take my place tonight, I'll take yours. It's fun being the catcher sometimes."
"L-Luigi –"
"Scared much?"
"N-no! It's y-your tone o-of voice..."
"Is it?" I listened to myself – yeah, who was that talking? "What's wrong with it?"
"Uh –"
"Oh, you like it, don't you?" I continued to speak in a husky-ish voice – which, seemed to be something I could use in the future against him – "Making you... interested?"
"Damn it Luigi, hurry up." Waluigi hissed, bucking up into my stomach, I winced at what I felt. "Stop using your voice and just start fucking!" he whined in a way I never heard him talk before.
I smirked, "Of course, darling."
I was out in public shopping whenever I heard the news: Mario was getting ready to get married to Peach.
"Well, good for him." I muttered.
"Are you going to his wedding?" Toad asked me – being the one who had to run up and tell me.
"No." I said.
"W-why not?" Toad screeched, running in front of me, "Why can't you come?"
"First of all, I don't think Wal – I wouldn't want to go, and second he took too long to make up his mind!"
"Daisy's going!"
I stopped. Of course, if anyone wanted to bribe me into going somewhere, they'd always say that Daisy was going to be there. Daisy this, Daisy that. "I'm sorry, not going."
"Aw." Toad said, walking away while he was slouched over.
"Tell Mario I'm happy for him though." I called back, crossing the street carefully.
If they were doing anything more, I'd screamed so loudly the paintings would be alive.
Waluigi and some woman, sitting on my couch, sipping water from my glasses!
I didn't mean to be all properitive over Waluigi – but my teeth clenched together and I made a fist with my free hand.
Waluigi – seeing my attitude – jumped up and rushed over, laughing nervously. "Luigi! Hey, welcome back!"
I shoved him away, staring at his female friend, "Who. Is. She?"
Redheaded, long hair, wearing a purple shirt and a black skirt with extremely unmatching orange knee-high boots – this woman seemed to be Waluigi as a female. She slowly pulled her hair behind her ear, "Maybe I should leave now." She snarled. Hell, she talked like Waluigi!
"W-Walgina, this is my boyfriend Luigi." Waluigi knelt down, trying to kiss my cheek while I kept his face away.
"Oh, so that's him! Looks much better then I'd imagined him to be."
"Uh huh. He's kinda pissed right now so –"
"Explain your relationship!" I spat.
"It's not what you think." Walgina stood up – good thing she isn't tall – and flipped her hair back, "Waluigi and I used to sit in one of the alleyways and smoke pot before he quit."
"Drug buddy." Waluigi sneered, "Now she's working at my company."
"Well, I better be going..." Walgina eyed me. "...before I get my head ripped off." She snarled.
"He's just tired." Waluigi mumbled through my shoulder.
"We'll talk more tomorrow, Waluigi." Walgina trotted to the hall, poking her head back in and adding; "I think Luigi should join us to."
"Drug buddy? How about past flame – ex girlfriend?"
"Luigi, she and I are just. Friends." Waluigi and I glared at each other on a balcony. "What makes you think –?"
"What did you tell me a long time ago whenever I was with Daisy? Quote on quote, I've cheated in every relationship I've been in!" I yelled.
"I'm not cheating on you!"
I was starting to shake, I was so angry; I started to breathe heavily, trying to look as pissed off as I could. "I don't want to hear it. Go home."
"Wha – Luigi..."
"Go home! Now!" I screeched, marching away from him to go to my bedroom. "Security!"
My longtime loyal security guard was dragging Waluigi away from my mansion by the time I was in my room. I watched as Waluigi struggled, occasionally yelling something I couldn't understand.
I think I'll call this relationship quits.
It's a wonder what happens to me when I'm bored around the mansion.
Without Waluigi snuggling against me all the time, and without any ghosts to talk with, and my guard living in front of my mansion, I've been locked up and looking for things to do.
My place is gonna look like a German house if I clean it any more.
I think I've played every game on the internet that is worth playing.
I've seen a list of things to do around the house when I'm bored, but that list depleted quickly.
I set up my own plumbing system, so I can take super long showers without worrying about a bill.
...super long showers.
I know, I know, I'm not supposed to waste water for a shower – but, I'm bored.
It's a wonder how there's hardly any steam on the mirror when I'm done in the shower.
...I use cold water, yes.
Besides, it's fun to mas-
Uh...
It's fun to... stand there, in the shower stream.
...fine.
I get so bored that I end up taking cold showers and jerking off. I've even gone to those toys that Waluigi left over here to help amuse me.
It's gotten to the point where I usually go five or six rounds with myself before I have to just take a normal shower and get out.
It's better than Waluigi ever was, anytime.
I was just done being... bored whenever my guard phoned up to me that Waluigi was back again.
"Is he in your face?" I asked, going to where I could see the front door surveillance.
"No, he's... asking for you to come out here."
I laughed, "Fuck him. I'll be out on my balcony."
At said place, I stood there looking down at the front of the mansion. Waluigi was talking to the guard before he looked up and saw me. "Luigi!" he called.
"What do you want?" I gripped the side tightly.
"I – I wanted to apologize..."
"For cheating?"
"No, for pissing you off." Waluigi threw his arms up, "I'm sorry! Will you just –"
"You're sorry? Well go ahead and start asking Walgina to be your girlfriend – we're done!" I spat.
Waluigi sighed, grabbing his face before looking back up at me again, "I wasn't cheat-"
"I don't care." I snapped, "You have one more sentence to say to me before you have to go."
He crossed his arms, glaring up at me before saying – "I can't go with Walgina, she's pissed at me because she had my kid!"
"Shocker." I muttered, walking next to Yoshi. "Waluigi knocked up his own drug buddy, and now he's not paying for the child care."
"I didn't even think he had a drug buddy." Yoshi stopped to sniff a plant, "Maybe it's just me barely paying attention to him."
"Hello? Yoshi! You were there whenever he started fussing about Mario and me getting him off drugs!"
"Speaking of Mario, are you going to his –?"
"No."
"Why not?"
"I don't want to."
Yoshi seemed to sigh, "Oh well. Hey, thanks for walking with me around my track."
We stopped in front of the finish line to Yoshi circuit – done with making sure the track was OK for the upcoming Grand Prix. Mario and Peach decided to have one after their wedding.
I'm going to stay home.
"No problem." I muttered. "Stay safe, OK Yoshi?"
Yoshi made his usual sound before I left him.
My security guard was sleeping when I got home, and after I woke him up and got inside, I quickly figured out what happened.
There was Waluigi, lounging on my couch like normal, holding a wine glass in one hand and his shoulder in the other.
"Waluigi." I growled.
"You're not going to be racing, are you?"
"I want to be home – alone."
"I'll take that as a no."
"Won't you leave me alone? I said we are over, OK? Over!"
"I can't."
"Seeing as how you knock out my security guard and break into my house!"
"Luigi. Don't get mad now..."
"Why can't I? I already –"
"I love you." Waluigi stared at the ceiling while he said it. "I love you. I can't just walk away."
I scoffed, "So?"
He was silent before he said, "You don't even care."
"Why should –"
"Seems like I've rubbed off on you."
"What are you –?"
"You're oblivious to what I'm saying and wiping it off like I used to. I see how you are now." Waluigi held his glass – which I now noticed was empty – high above his head. "Made an emotion shield."
"Because I –"
"Don't want to accept it?" Waluigi laughed, "Face it. If I bring this down on my face and let the glass blind me, you would freak out. You'd get your security guard down here; you'd get an ambulance, whatever."
"See if I do." I growled, although I didn't like the idea of him hurting himself.
Waluigi smiled, "Suit yourself." He started to bring the glass down onto himself.
I had quick reflexes, jumping forward and grabbing his arm just before the glass reached the brim of his hat. "Don't be stupid, you son of a bitch." I growled, managing to pry the glass away from him, "Get over me already, why don't you?"
Waluigi just smiled, "I see, I see…"
"Of course you can see. If you were blind you'd have a seeing eye Chain Chomp."
"No, you don't want me to hurt myself incase if you're gonna come running back to me."
"What the –" I sighed in frustration and grabbed my face, " – I don't want to be the one blamed whenever you can't see because you went and stabbed your eyes out with a glass."
"Wine glass." He corrected.
"Whatever." I sighed, holding the glass by its long body, "What about Walgina and that child?"
"Oh, her? The company's gonna increase her paycheck. By a lot." Waluigi snarled, "But I'm not here to talk about Walgina."
"You're here to gather what you left and leave." I pointed to a box of his things he'd left over here that I just so happened to leave in this room – n-not the toys, I need those.
"No." Waluigi stood up, snatching the glass back. "I'm staying here tonight."
"Whatever." I laughed, "Secur-"
Waluigi scooped my up like I was his small pet dog after throwing a piece of tape over my mouth. (Where the hell did he get it?) Laughing in his victorious way, he balanced the glass on my torso and kept me from falling while I struggled against him. "Ah, Luigi, you're just so cute sometimes…"
I hit my head as hard as I could against his chest, thinking that I knocked a little air out of him, trying to say "Jackass" through the tape.
Waluigi just carried me higher into my mansion, going into one of the guest rooms while saying; "Why don't we kiss and make up, hm?"
I shook my head at him.
"Aw, c'mon. I won't bring anyone else into this house unless you're OK with them."
I managed to loosen my arm up and take the tape off my mouth, "Who says you're staying here? Why don't you go on back to your own house?"
"Yours is nicer."
"Well, do some house cleaning, put me down!"
Waluigi tossed me onto the bed, pointing at the window as he said, "I won't get that kind of view."
I turned and looked, widening my eyes as I realized that I was hardly ever in this room. Ever. This was one of those rooms that only has a purpose when you have visiting family over for a while or something like that – one you hardly ever went into.
Yet, I wanted to make this room my bedroom before I figured I had to keep my bedroom close to the ground in case of emergency.
But the view, the view, of MK's forests and the top of Peach's castle – far away, but you can still see it – highlighted by a full moon, it made me remember why I wanted to sleep here every night. All the while, during that moment I just stared, I calmed down and relaxed – relaxed much farther then I used to be relaxed when I was still living with Mario – and thought he liked Peach.
Waluigi had used this time that I was staring to lock the door and quietly slide up next to me on the bed, not getting my full attention even after he was kissing my neck lightly.
"You think a one story can get that view?" he whispered.
"No…" I replied, turning so he could press more kisses to my neck, "…not unless you live on a mountain…"
"You always get the better stuff." Waluigi pulled my overall strap, "It makes me jealous. But not why I love you."
"It's so weird hearing you say that." I muttered.
"Well, I don't think so." Waluigi kissed me on the lips before jumping off the bed, "So, are you still pissed?"
"A little." I mumbled, looking at the blanket.
I heard Waluigi sigh, "Why don't you go take a shower? I'll wait on you."
I looked up at him, seeing that look on his face that he wore whenever he wanted you to do something whenever he did something else to surprise you – which is a rare look – and crossing his arms, standing up straight. I'm surprised his head didn't knock against my lights.
"…I suppose I could." I got up, "I had to go to Yoshi Circuit today, so I'm kinda grimy…"
"Take a shower, feel better." Waluigi said.
"I will."
I wasn't taking a shower, instead I was being… bored, and sitting down while reaching my high for the second time, the water being wasted as it went straight from the showerhead to the drain.
I wasn't sure if Waluigi had no time on his hands, but I didn't care. As soon as I closed and locked myself in the bathroom I felt the need to do this.
Thankfully, Waluigi hadn't broken in here. Yet. He's that type that's a good pickpocket and lock-picker, I'm shocked he didn't reach into my overalls and steal my wallet.
So I decided to go another time, trying to think of something that would make me desperate for another release. I tried thinking about some new kink I could have, or something that a guy like me might find to be a … turn on.
But, what scared me was the fact that I could easily imagine Waluigi. That kind of Waluigi no one has ever seen but… me, sadly.
That kind of Waluigi that… uses the husky voice, breathes against your neck while he plays with your pants, kisses your face lightly…
I was starting to pant.
The image of him nipping and kissing at my collarbone, him throwing his hat to the other side of the room…
I closed my eyes and leaned back, just letting it happen.
…teasing, undressing slower then death…
The water was loud enough to deafen the sounds of the lock being picked.
…maybe going slow, I imagined, in a candle lit room – green everything, of course. I'd hate for everything to be purple…
He slides into the bathroom…
…maybe a hint of mint in the air as well…
…I – I'm getting there!
…ugh, how good he would feel!
I'm – I-I'm – ah – I'm -!
"Luigi? Are you about done in here?"
I stood up, giving a small yelp as I heard Waluigi speak. "D-don't look! I'm –" I leaned against the wall, "– I'm almost done!"
Of course I was almost done, until he had to come in…
"I was making sure you were OK… I, heard my name…"
"You were hearing things, I wasn't talking." I quickly tried to finish myself off.
"No, I heard you clearly. Like, as if you were…" I saw Waluigi's hand reach for the edge of the curtain.
"Uh, uh!" I slapped my hand against the edge, trying to get to my high – "I'm almost done, just get out right fast!"
"You sound shaky, are you OK?"
"Fine, I'm – I'm –" Damn it, too soon! "– W- Waluigi –"
Maybe, just maybe, if I had ignored myself and just acted like I was taking a normal shower he would've stayed out. But no, now I was coming down from a high just as Waluigi ripped back the other side of the shower curtain.
Acting like a complete girl, I shut that side of the curtain as I said, "Stop looking!"
Waluigi started laughing, "You were jerking off in here!"
"I was not!"
"I saw all of it!"
"Shut up Waluigi!"
"What, do you do that every shower you take? Was I not good enough for you?"
"Well –"
"Maybe if you hurry up," Waluigi started to sound… oh damn, husky, "I might just show you how much I've improved since we've been apart."
"You've improved in two weeks?"
"My secret. Take a normal shower, and hurry up."
"Whoa." I about stumbled back from how warm the bedroom was from the bathroom, "Did you jerk off in here?"
"No, it's these candles." Waluigi replied, making me take a better look. Yes, he had some candles lit – thank goodness they weren't gonna cause a fire – and he had the curtains closed.
"Where are you?" I asked, not seeing him.
"Bonjour." He whispered in my ear, enjoying me jumping and squeaking before backing me up to the bed.
Just as I hit the mattress, it seemed that I had predicted my fantasy that I had in the bathroom, turning red as I watched Waluigi take his hat off while pulling his overall strap teasingly – before throwing his hat across the room.
We're back together again, if that was what Waluigi was after.
I mean, after last night, I really – really – didn't want to force him out again; besides, it felt good to wake up feeling just as nasty as that night when he returned from living outside MK.
Even better, no worrying about having to wash these sheets – I didn't have guests coming over soon. (Although saying that makes me look lazy.)
I was up before Waluigi was, taking a shower (no boredom there) and going downstairs like any other normal day.
Waluigi was along not an hour later, and I was happy he took a shower as well when he tackled me on the couch in the TV room.
Of course, that ended whenever my security guard phoned me and said, "Your brother is here."
Without a second thought, I was storming down the hall with Waluigi close behind, snatching up my old hammer while I did. "What the hell does he want?" I muttered under my breath, "If he wants me to be his best man he can suck my dick."
Waluigi made a sound of awkward surprise after I said that.
"What?" I turned around, "You shocked that I said that? I have a potty mouth to, ya know."
"I know. It's just, weird, hearing you talk like that."
We made it outside; I immediately started towards my nonchalantly waiting brother – pissing me off the way he stood there, looking like he did long before he smooched up on me.
"Hey Luigi." He started, "I wanted to – Luigi? What are you doing with that hammer…?"
"It's a warning." I muttered.
"Luigi, aren't you over it yet?"
"Nope."
"It's been almost a year since you've talked to me!"
"He's not going to your wedding." Waluigi walked up behind me, resting his hand on my shoulder, "He's staying home."
Mario gaped at him, "W-what are you doing here?"
I looked at Waluigi while I said innocently, "Ti amo."
"Je T'aime."
My brother seemed to be spitting over his own voice, trying to ask the obvious question before my guard made him spit it out – "You're dating Waluigi?"
Yes, fratello. Yes I am. And I do so rightfully believe that I love him more than I've loved anyone else.
** So, that was probably a sad presentation of the entire story, but I don't want to rewrite it.
This is an old story, remember? So if there's something that seems quirky, odd, or stupid about it you can blame the past version of me and the current version of me that's too lazy to edit it but feels its presentable enough for Collection.
Well, see you next time I upload something onto this story. **