Guess what. You've been reading this story (and I've been writing it) for 364 days as of right now. I love how crazy we are.

Foreword: Just a fair warning, I didn't finish tweaking this chapter to my heart's content. In fact, I haven't even met my quota (meaning next chapter isn't yet done) but I promised MikariStar over on my LJ (link in profile, dearies! ;)) through a meme to have in done "in two weeks" and today is the very last day in my range. In return I challenged her to make a 1st person BxP oneshot, which she went far above the call of duty. There are -three- (eventually 4, if I understand correctly) lovely BxP oneshots under the title "Peaches and Chocolates" if you care to read.

But first read this chapter. It has an intresting drama-comic-drama-relief pattern thing going on. Hope it isn't horrid.

(Disclaimer: I still don't own any Nintendo Characters. Its a shame)

Hours had gone by after Kamek, along with everyone else, had fallen asleep. He had woken to take care of "business" that old-age had made quite pestering and the palace was eerily quiet.

As he headed back towards his corridors, Kamek saw a light in a hallway. He hobbled down through the stone passage, coming upon Bowser, sitting hunched-over in an oversized chair.

Kamek cleared his throat and Bowser grunted in reply, allowing him entry. Kamek coughed rather obnoxiously, now sorry he had 'cleared' his throat, and hobbled himself over to a seat near the huge, dark-red, black-spiked armchair his king sat in. Kamek took off his glasses and cleaned them, staring into the fire Bowser had lit.

"Have you been in love?" Bowser asked quietly.

"In love, sire?" Bowser nodded. Slowly, Kamek thought. "Yes, sire, I have. My first love was with the koopa I became engaged to. She was killed. My second love is…unrequited."

Bowser looked over at Kamek, showing no emotion except confusion. "Unrequited?"

"Unreturned, sire. She…will never love me back. My time left is short, but I am pleased with my situation."

Bowser grunted, turning back to the fire. "How can you be pleased with un…unrequited love? I think it's worse than any torture device I've ever thought up."

Kamek closed his eyes and nodded knowingly. "You see, sire, my first love was a true love. We could have never been happier and were planning on spending the rest of our lives together. When she died, I lost all the tears I ever had. Her assistants became my assistants and the Toadies convinced me to try and move on. They cared for her as well, so they knew I couldn't forget her.

"I moved on, your majesty, and continued my life, never forgetting her. She died loving me, and I planned on dying loving her. Since then, I have found myself undoubtedly attracted to another. I love her, sire, but I know that she does not love me back, and so my heart still has room for my dear fiancée. I think it would be worse if she loved me back and I had to choose between she who died years ago and I still love and she who lives."

Bowser frowned. "What was her name?"

"My fiancé?"

Bowser avoided his eyes and grunted "yes".

"Deidre." Kamek answered quietly. "Her name is…was… Deidre."

Bowser looked into the fire and sighed. "I'm in love, Kamek, I'm in that stupid unrequited-love thing you seem to like. I never have and never will love anyone quite as much as Peach, but she doesn't love me back."

"King Bowser, have you ever given up on anything? No. So why would you give up on dear Princess Peach?"

Bowser avoided Kamek's intense gaze, magnified by his glasses. "I won't. I won't give up on her."

"Then what are you worried about?" Kamek chuckled. "You can have anything you want."

Bowser jumped up, the huge, quarter-ton chair screeching as it scraped across the floor backwards. "Not…her." Bowser heaved heavy breaths as he stared down Kamek. "Peach isn't like your stupid stories. She doesn't love me back, and I'm not happy with that. I want her to be the one. I want her to be my wife, my queen, my love. I can have anything in the world wish a single wish, but I can't have her! Tell me why, Kamek. Tell me why I can't have her. Because…"

Bowser's furious disposition melted as his face fell. He looked at Kamek, who was not showing the fear anyone else would have, but a fatherly look that Bowser had so needed. "I don't know why." Choking back stupid tears, Bowser stormed around the room. "She's beautiful, I'm a monster. She's a gentle princess, I'm a tyrant. She's a human, I'm a koopa. She's sweet, I'm evil. She's wonderful, I'm horrible. She's quiet, I'm obnoxious. She's forgiving, I'm cruel. She's in love, I'm in love." Bowser kicked a coffee-table across the room, where it shattered against the stone wall. "But we're in love with different people," he roared.

Bowser's shoulders heaved as he bit back tears. "She's my dreams, but my nightmare. Every time I see her, my life grows brighter. But every time she walks away, I remember it's not real. I remember after this week, she's spending a week in the most romantic city in the world with…him." Bowser collapsed, and felt stinging tears breaking out of his eyes.

Kamek stepped off his chair and over to his collapsed king. He slowly, gently, placed a hand on Bowser's shell. "Sire," he whispered, "You should go to bed. You have a busy planning day tomorrow. Peach will spend it elsewhere, she'll come find you if she wants to see you. You'll be free from her and your own desires, unless it is her desires as well."

Bowser kept his eyes locked to the floor. "I'd like to stay here. I don't want to go to bed."

Kamek blinked and removed his hands. "You're the king. I'll see you in the morning." He turned the other way and hobbled slowly out of the room.

Bowser stared at the floor through his condemned tears and heard Kamek summon a door to give the king privacy. Bowser rolled onto his side and into a ball, stroking his tail. He sniffed loudly and cursed himself. I'm the mighty king; I'm not supposed to cry. I am the world's best koopa ever, I can't cry. Crying is stupid. I'm not stupid. Crying is for weaklings. I am strong. Crying…is a stupid emotion, just like love. I don't have time for stupid emotions…

Furrowing his thick eyebrows, Bowser tried to force the tears back into his eyes, unsuccessfully. As the fire died down, Bowser broke out of his egotistic shell. Heartbroken, the mighty king cried. And he cried loud.

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"Mama Mia!" Luigi leapt up, causing the plumbers around him to laugh. Luigi, Mario, and about fifty other plumbers were at a class on pipe-history, and he had broken a rather uneasy silence. The instructor had grown quieter and quieter until finally he had stopped speaking all together, and was now asleep.

"What's-a wrong, Luigi?" Mario hissed as Luigi flushed red.

Digging in his pocket, Luigi saw his green cell-phone had rung, but only for a matter of seconds. Luigi showed the plumbers, each glad for the wake-up call, and checked who had called, still standing. "It was-a call."

"From-a who?" Mario laughed.

"A number in-a Daisy's castle."

"Call-a back."

"We're in-a class."

A boarish plumber chuckled. "A class wif no teacher." He tapped his tusk with a hoof and added, "A teacher wif no class." The boar chuckled at his pun, though no one else seemed to catch on. Upset, he went back to sleep.

Luigi called Daisy back as Mario fell into conversation with the toad a few rows away. Daisy was quick to answer the phone.

"Hello?"

"Daisy, Did you call?"

"What are you doin'?"

"I'm in-a class, but the teacher-a fell asleep."

"Oh, okay. Hey Luigi, what are you doin' next week?"

"Nothing, Daisy, why?"

"Guess what? You're on speakerphone!"

"What?" Luigi's face fell as Daisy perkily explained that she was at a meeting and it was "rather boring, so I wanted to do something fun" and that involved making him call the conference-call line. "Daisy! You can't-a just…put-a me speakerphone! You have to-a tell me. What if I would-a said something-a bad?"

"Like what? You're the most virgin-mouth boy I know."

"Daisy!" Luigi whispered, although she could hear him just as well as anyone else in that room, "Who are you with?"

"My council. I'm trying to talk them out of making me go to this boring ceremony next week. We're supposed to cut the ribbon on a nut factory. Can you believe that? And they wouldn't even let me make any puns if I went!"

Luigi rolled his eyes. "That must-a be terrible."

"It is, Luigi, you have no idea how boring it would be!"

"Daisy, our-a teacher fell asleep. Our-a teacher. I think-a I know boring."

"Good! Then you'll help me. Is Mario still going to Grand Canal next week?"

"Si, what does that-"

"And you're going with him?"

Caught off-guard, Luigi almost did a double take over the phone. "Ah, no-a, it's a week for-"

"A week for romance, yeah yeah, I know. So wouldn't it be sad if you went as a third wheel?"

"Well-a, that's-a why I'm not-a going, I'm-"

"Why, of course I'll go with you, hun! That's so sweet of you to offer. A week to ourselves, just you and me, Mario and Peach! Oh that's wonderful!"

Luigi laughed, realizing what Daisy had really called him for. He smiled under his moustache as he played along. "Oh, but-a Daisy, Don't you-a have a ceremony to-a go to?"

Daisy had clearly pouted on the other side and sighed loudly. "I forgot. How horrible! I'm supposed to open that nut factory. I guess I can't go to Grand Canal…during the best season of the year…with my best friends…see my boyfriend's parents…I guess I can't…how sad…"

Daisy was clearly getting impatient, and the council wasn't playing into her hand like she had planned. Luigi cleared his throat, trying to help more. "Maybe you don't-a need to cut the-a ribbon, Daisy. Maybe the-a head Councilman-a could. Get-a his face in-a publicity for-a once. He-a deserves it."

"Oh, you're very right, Luigi, he does! Head Councilman is always working so hard, and no one ever realizes it. He likes nuts more than me too; I bet he'd love to do it! Oh, but I don't think he'd want to. He's so busy; he might not want to clear his schedule for the ceremony and party held afterwards. And he might not want to be on TV. I guess I'll have to do it, even though I don't want to, instead of going to Grand Canal…" Daisy sighed and they were both silent in anticipation.

With a gruff cough, the Head Councilman, a rather flabby chap, spoke over the speakerphone. "I suppose we could let Princess Daisy enjoy herself for a week. Caroff roff roff… She might enjoy that and I could…Caroff roff roff…prepare a speech for the event…"

Obviously trying to contain her excitement, Daisy formally said, "I would very much appreciate that. Thank you very much; I'll alert the staff of the change of plans immediately." To the phone, she said, "Bye Luigi! I'll talk to you later!"

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Peach walked through the halls of the palace, almost sliding through. She was getting more and more familiar with the basic structure of the palace and had guesses about where everything was, many of which were correct.

There was no question that she was enjoying herself in the palace without being kidnapped. She turned down a hall headed towards what she figured would be a library and saw Kammy buried in a book in magic. A book, I must be right about the library…

Peach squatted down across from her and tapped the top of the book. Kammy looked up and glared at Peach. "I was reading."

"I know, I'm sorry, but do you know where Bowser is?"

Kammy put a bookmark in her place and closed the book, staring through Peach. "Are you looking for him?"

"Yeah, I am."

"Why?"

Peach was a bit surprised. She hadn't really thought about why she wanted to see Bowser so badly, but after walking through the halls, she had gotten overly curious why he hadn't shown up yet. "Uh, I haven't seen him yet today. I wondered how he was."

"He's in a meeting. Tomorrow's his birthday; he has a lot of planning to do."

Peach smiled at Kammy, trying to brighten her mood. She just glared back. "Thank you, that makes a lot of sense. Do you know if he had any plans for me to do today?"

"Are you incapable of finding something to do yourself?"

Peach furrowed her eyebrows and looked curiously at Kammy. "Well, no, but I thought maybe…since he's had plans for the rest of the week…"

"Well I'm sorry your life is ruined, Peach. Do you want me to tell you what to do?"

Peach stood up and looked down at Kammy. "No thank you, I'll find something myself. See you later…it's Kammy, right?"

Kammy closed her eyes and nodded slowly. "Yes. Now shoo, I'd like to get back to my book."

Peach smiled and walked off. Kammy scowled in her direction, quoting Peach's polite words in a mocking falsetto. Muttering to herself, she said, "It's really too bad she's going to find something to do. I had plenty of ideas for her to 'enjoy' herself."

From down the hall, Peach frowned slightly. She was trying to get Kammy to like her, or at least stop hating her, but it wasn't working and wasn't going to. The magikoopa made it clear she despised Peach, but she didn't know why. Why do I even care what Kammy thinks? Peach thought, laughing at herself.

Delighted to be correct, Peach found herself in Bowser's library. Assuming a large amount of the books were for his subjects, his more bibliophilic children, and for show, Peach headed to the computer.

Curious, she typed her own name into the search query. Not out of conceitedness, bur more out of curiosity, she kept up with all the books being published on her. It also made it easier to squander rumors, as the Mushroom Kingdom Libraries had a lot of "biographies" on her. But when the computer finished searching, it was clear the Darklands had more.

Peach skimmed through the titles, everything from Peach's Favorite Recipes to The Life and Times of Princess Peach and everything in between. She saw more than one book on her dresses, dozens on her "teachings" and political positions, and hundreds on stories, some true, some fiction, about her kidnappings and rescues. One title caught her eye: The Truth behind Peach and Bowser.

When she found the book on the shelf, Peach laughed. The pages were all burnt, many clearly torn out, and the book had signs of endless rebinding. A librarian stepped over to the princess and nodded. "His Majesty…dislikes…the opinions that Sir Toadas Moore has, but won't let us destroy the book. Funny, he's almost done that every time he reads it, but always requests rebinding." The old koopa shook her head.

Peach opened the book and flipped through the pages, reading words like "obsessive," "stalker", "lust", and "unrequited". She fingered through the Table of Contents, reading chapters with titles like, "The Origins of the Obsession", "The Science behind the Sickness", and "Peach Packs a Punch".

Peach's heart felt heavy as she looked at a section on herself. It was clear why she had never read the book- although the author clearly took her side, the conclusion, the only part of the book stained by nothing but water, was completely on Bowser's side. It made countless references to a story Peach herself had read, "Beauty and the Beast". It sympathized for Bowser's situation, and sorrowed for his happily ever after he would never get.

Her throat grew constrained as Peach read words. She turned the page to a photograph of Bowser, comparing him to the Beast in the story. Her finger traced Bowser's features and she recognized the water stains as tears. The Beast had a happy ending. He became human and went off to marry the girl that had fallen in love with him. Bowser couldn't change…and Peach…she…wouldn't help him change…she wasn't in love with him…but if she was, she wouldn't want him to change.

Peach handed the book back to the librarian and told her she had to leave. If I don't get out of here, something bad will happen. I might start…I might start feeling bad for him. More than I already do…

Peach headed towards a spiral staircase and rushed up the stairs, headed towards a kitchen, hopefully. She had climbed two stories when she turned a sharp corner and ran into Bowser himself. She bounced off his chest and he caught her before she fell backwards.

Flustered, she tried to fix her hair as she stuttered apologies. Bowser smiled warmly and lifted her off the ground and onto a more stable part of the hall. "It's my fault, Peach. I wasn't watching where I was going. Where are you going?"

Her heart was pounding as Peach pointed awkwardly behind Bowser. "Towards a kitchen."

"Are you looking for the bakery?" Bowser asked, amused at Peach's behavior. He took her outstretched arm and moved it to point to a different hallway. "The bakery is that way."

Peach dropped her arm and brushed her hair behind her ear again. "I knew that," she told him, blushing in embarrassment.

Bowser's heart melted as he saw her cheeks flush. He touched the back of his claw to her cheek and smiled. "You're blushing, princess."

"I'm embarrassed," Peach admitted. She turned her face to Bowser. A lump formed in her throat as he threw her a toothy grin and she swallowed. "Let's start over. Bowser! How nice to see you! Where are you headed?"

Bowser grinned at Peach. She was so wonderful! And she was embarrassed. What would she be embarrassed over, she was perfect! Playing along, he told her, "I'm going to a very important meeting. Someone very important and amazing is having a birthday tomorrow."

Peach touched her mouth delicately, as if surprised. "And who might that be?"

Bowser, bursting with pride, answered, "Me! The most important and amazing koopa ever."

Unbelievably glad the tension and embarrassment (not to mention the horrible lump in her throat) was gone, Peach smiled. She put her hands on her hips and said, "Is that so? Well, what would you like for your birthday then, sir?"

"Honestly?"

Peach nodded. Great. She thought. His change of tone was a clear sign he was going to get romantic. There goes my head.

"I don't want anything except to spend it with you." Bowser's heart swelled at his luck- Peach was here for his birthday! There wasn't anything better.

Avoiding Bowser's eyes, Peach laughed, "Well that's silly. There must be something you want. I want to get you something."

"You do?" Bowser asked, trying his best to contain his glee.

Peach nodded and chanced looking into his loving eyes. She regretted it as she felt her intestines knot. "Yeah, you've been…really nice to me…and I…I was ta…I thought maybe…"

"I don't think you'd want to get me what I want. I'd really like a kiss, but I consider it the highlight of my week if you so much as let me touch your hand."

Peach still looked away from Bowser's face, smiling in amusement. "What else do you want?"

"It'd be wonderful if you'd go with me to the Birthday Ball. That would be a wonderful present…" Bowser said hopefully.

Peach smiled. "No, it would be a horrid present. Because I'd go with you anyway."

"Really?" Bowser squeaked, immediately afterwards glaring at his own excitement.

Peach laughed and nodded. "It's a date." Peach said with a smile. Luckily for her sake, she didn't quite realize what she had just said, and it didn't quite hit her that she had just arranged a date with Bowser.

It did, however, hit Bowser. He couldn't seem to form any words, and simply grinned at Peach. "Well, I-ah, have to go plan it then. The Birthday Ball. I have to go plan it. I'll…ah…see you later, Peach."

Peach smiled at Bowser. "Alright then. See you later."

Bowser walked backwards to his meeting, constantly stuttering goodbyes, making Peach laugh and smile. She really did enjoy his presence and was glad she had gotten to know him better. As he left her line of vision, the only thing she could think about the situation was that she still didn't know what to get for his present.

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Toadsworth was drained. He had been told over and over and over again not to worry about Peach, but he could do nothing but. Empty brandy bottles dotted the floor around him and his eyes were bloodshot. Toadsworth was so drained, so lost in himself, so drunk, he didn't notice the commotion going on outside the door.

The commotion grew louder and louder until an intense pain in Toadsworth's skull starting manifesting itself. He grinded his teeth and squeezed his eyes, cursing Peach up and down, until the door swung open. He lifted his hand off his head and turned to see who had opened the door. Toadsworth fell out of his chair as he saw King Toadstool outlined in the door.

"Your…your majesty…sire…hic…what a surprise, sire!"

King Toadstool nodded at Peach's advisor but stayed in his place. "I heard something's ailing you."

"Um, yeah…your daughter, sire, she…uh.."

"Went off on her own for a bit of fun?" King Toadstool smirked as Toadsworth blinked, a bit of drool threatening on his mouth's corner.

He slowly nodded and replied, "Yes sir, a spot of fun…a spot of jolly good, bloody annoying, fun."

"Peach is perfectly capable of taking care of herself, Toadsworth. I trust her completely. Her judgment is better than anyone in our royal courts and she's a better diplomat than I am. And I'm thirty years older than her."

"Yes, the lass sure is a brilliant g'el. Always…always…hic…liked her, yes, I 'ave."

King Toadstool swung his scepter around and leaned on it, amusedly watching Toadsworth try to realign himself. "Then I'm sure you'll stop worrying about her. As your King, I order you to clean up your act and wait patiently like the rest of us. Peach deserves a break and you can't give her one if she knows you're a sleep-deprived drunk."

"I'm not-a sleep deprived…drunk…sire. I'm just…uh…sire where are you going?"

The king looked curiously around and then back at Toadsworth. "I haven't moved."

Squinting, Toadsworth tried to stand and walk towards the king. "You keep going backwards. Don't trip…sire…wot wot…"

King Toadstool chuckled. "You should get some sleep, Toadsworth. And lay off the brandy."

"Jolly good stuff!" Toadsworth began singing a rather embarrassing version of his favorite song and laid down. It wasn't long before he had fallen asleep on the floor, kicking the empty bottles around him.

King Toadstool shook his head and left his room. He faced a maid who was bowing as low as she could and tapped her shoulder. "Do me a favor and clean up his room. When he wakes up, remind him of what I told him." The king started to walk away, but then spun around to face the maid again. "Oh, and keep the brandy out of his reach." King Toadstool winked and went on his way, humming the tune Toadstool had just been croaking.

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Bowser Jr's eyes snapped open as his nose detected the faintest smell of baking. He stared up at the sheet he was hiding under, listening to the squeaking wheels of the maid cart he was on, and tried to smell more.

Impatient, the youngest koopaling sat straight up, causing the goomba maid to shriek and almost faint. Bowser Jr turned around at the maid, resituating himself on the dirty laundry and growled. "Hey you!"

The maid's lip quavered as she answered "yesssssir?"

Junior sniffed loudly and thrust his claw in the direction of the smell. "Take me over there!"

The maid stood up, but was still shaking. "Ssssire…I'm taking thethethethe laundry to the laalaalaalaaaun-"

"I don't care what you were doin'! I wanna go over there!" Junior shrieked. Fearing the wrath of the prince, the maid agreed and pushed him towards the bakery. "Faster!" Junior shouted, making the maid run as fast as her almost nonexistent legs could go.

Bowser Jr. grabbed a sheet and tied it around his neck, then stood up as the wind rushed past his face. He laughed and cackled as they headed down the halls, finally stopping in front of large wooden doors. Junior leapt off and threw a coin at the maid's head, rushing into the bakery.

Junior gasped as he saw bowls and bowls of batter surrounding him. Kookoopa lifted him up from behind and shook her finger at him. "Now, what are you doin' here?"

"I smelled cake!"

"Cake?" Cookoopa raised an eyebrow. "I don't know what you're talking about. I don't see any cake at all."

Bowser Jr. stuck his tongue out in reply, making the cook laugh. "Kin I help make it?"

"If you wash yoh hands and get an apron, sure." Cookoopa set him down and walked through the aisles, countless cakes batters being made, measurements tested, and tiers baked. She corrected a few assistants before stopping at Peach. "Dear me, you are good at this, dearie."

Peach looked over her shoulder and smiled. She had batter all over her face and arms, her sleeves rolled up to the shoulders. Her ponytail bobbed as Peach turned back to the bowl. "I get in a lot of practice."

Hearing her voice, Bowser Jr. rushed over to Peach. "Mama Peach," he shouted, "what are you doin' here?"

"Helping make your Daddy's cake. He's having a lot of parties that need cake tomorrow."

"I'm gonna help too!" Bowser junior shouted. "I like making things for Daddy!"

Peach laughed as she sifted more flour into her bowl. "Are you going to make his present then? Junior, hand me the rich- chocolate bar."

As Junior looked for the ingredient, he answered. "Yeah, one of 'em. Daddy's got everything anyone could buy, so I kinda hafta make his gift." He handed Peach the chocolate and she began chopping it into dust.

"What are you doing for his other gift?"

"Well, me and the other koopalings, we're gonna-" Junior's eyes went wide and he clamped his mouth shut. "It's a secret, Mama Peach."

Peach laughed, trying not to let the chocolate float away as she chopped it. "What should I get him?"

Bowser Jr. shrugged. "Something good." He answered.

Peach punched him lightly. "Thanks for the tip, Junior." She laughed silently, mixing the chocolate dust with the batter and blending. As the batter changed color, Peach sighed. She hadn't worried about a birthday present so much for years. But the thing that was ailing her the most was not what to get him, but what he had suggested. And how she couldn't seem to stop thinking that it might be the best idea…

Author's Note: Aren't you glad I usually revise overandoverandover again:P

Anyway, I'm getting really excited where with this story is going. There's a clear path for me to forge, but guess what- I'm in a very time-intensive school production and have almost no time for anything. So if I don't update for ages, blame that. I'll try, I swear I will, but...you all deserved a warning, eh?

Can you believe its been a year? Pretty crazy, especially since I wasn't planning on updating today if it weren't for Mikari. Yaaaay a year of CoH! And goodness gracious my great and honest apologies for wasting your time in such a way with a story that never seems to end and never seems to get updated! D: In honor of CoH's birthday I'm going to...um...Hey if you have any ideas, go ahead and spew them. You all deserve more of a party then me, I say!

Next chapter's forecast: A 70 chance of Fluff with scattered showers of koopalings. Good chapter for getting out, playing sports, and learning to enjoy yourself!

(Ugh, who on earth lets me write ANs so late? They get long and horrible, I'm sorry!) Razzi