**Warning: I fail at writing drunk people. **

"Yu-yuuu-you're a-a-shcw-schweet man, taking time out uf shour night ta wa-walk me hame."

"Shut up Waluigi, you're too drunk to be talking."

"Druh-druhnk? Whazzat?"

"Be quiet, seriously, it's bad enough you were about to be found by a cop."

"You shaying you a caaaaaap, Luigeeeeee?"

"Damn it, Waluigi, just shut up!"

The intoxicated man laughed, stumbling for the millionth time and forcing Luigi to half carry and half drag him down the street, "Ohh, wait, you're Luu-Luah-Luigi." Waluigi laughed, "You've a fuuuunny name."

"Compared to yours mine is normal as ever," Luigi grunted, eyeing Waluigi's secluded house at the end of the street, "I want you to start carrying your own weight for a few more steps, okay?"

"Hmmeugh," Waluigi tried to stand up and walk on his own, only to fall down a few steps later. It was as if he was a child learning how to walk again, except more clumsy and annoying. "I hate joo, shidewahlk!"

Luigi sighed in frustration, calmly kneeling down and helping Waluigi stand again, "Please, Waluigi, learn to walk again, quickly."

"B-buh…" Waluigi leaned against the shorter, "…waiiit. Whai are you helpin' meh?"

"Because I'm a good person," Luigi snapped, "and because you were sitting in an alleyway crying and drinking like there wasn't going to be a tomorrow."

Waluigi became silent, occasionally grunting and huffing as he and Luigi made their way to his front door, scuffing shoes and fringing pant legs all the way. The elder man fell to his knees at the steps to his house, crawling up the steps towards the door and clawing at it with his fingers.

"You're pitiful," Luigi shook his head, "just plain pitiful."

"Oppehn aup, yoo stoopeeed durr!" Waluigi yelled, punching the wood weakly, "I wanna get outta dis outdoorshynessh."

Luigi stepped over the other, twisting the knob and finding that the door was securely locked up. Grunting, he knelt down and began digging through Waluigi's pockets for a house key, blushing as the taller started making comments.

"Ahh, wanna fffeel meh up, eh Ayebahls? Ya wanna get tah know meh better, ash in bodywaishe?"

"Shut up, you pervert, I'm just looking for your house key."

"Move your hand to da left some~!"

"Not that."

"Weheheheh~!"

"Be quiet."

"Ah, c'mon, Ayebullz, ya know yoo wanna summa dis."

"No, actually, I don't."

"I bet yoo've gotta prehtey body."

"Quit being so perverted."

"Nice ass."

"Wow, you become so nice when you're drunk."

"Shank yoo."

Luigi triumphantly pulled a key from Waluigi's pocket, patting the other's back before he stood up to unlock the door, "You better thank me now that you're home."

"Ah, home?" Waluigi watched as Luigi pushed the door open, "Ohhhh, hooooome. A place where you cry about life 'n shtuff."

The shorter furrowed his eyebrows in confusion, "What?"

"Muffin'." Waluigi began crawling inside his house, "Jus' muffins."

"Oh, I bet it's muffins." Luigi snorted, following him inside and closing the door behind him, "Here, let me help you to the couch."

Waluigi rolled onto his back, "Wai dun't yoo go home?"

"Because I'm being nice and helping you," Luigi growled, grabbing Waluigi by his ankles and dragging him to the living room, "I'm not just gonna leave you in the floor."

"Oh, whaa da yoo care?" Waluigi threw a hand at him, "Yoo're a'ways off enjoying yoo're harpy go rucky life of adventure and caring family and bla."

"Oh, so you think." Luigi muttered, wrapping his arms around Waluigi's torso before lifting him up and dropping him onto his couch, moving his legs up afterwards.

Waluigi's eyes widened, "Whoaaa, you actually picked me up!"

"Uh huh." Luigi deadpanned, "Listen, don't be drinking in alleyways again. People thought that your crying was a cat getting mauled."

"I-I wa-was crying? Ooh yaaah, I 'member wai I wasssa drinkin's…" Waluigi frowned, "…buh I dun wanna 'member."

Luigi cocked his head, "There are healthier ways of feeling better, y'know."

"Ah, what's it ta you?" Waluigi snapped, "Git yur perty face outta mah house." He flopped over onto his side, facing the back of the couch and crossing his arms in anger.

"Oh, c'mon now, Wally," Luigi gently placed a hand on the drunken character's shoulder, "I don't like it when you're sad. What's wrong with you?"

"Muffin! Gooo awaaiiiii." Waluigi shrugged Luigi's hand away, obviously annoyed by the attention.

Luigi rolled his eyes, "Fine, whatever, good-bye." he snapped, storming towards the door as loud as he could. Once at the entrance, he yanked the door open and slammed it closed to make it sound like he left before quietly slinking back into Waluigi's living room to keep an eye on him.

When he returned, he heard Waluigi quietly sniffling, "Damn it, damn it damn it damn it…" he hiccupped, "…why, why is this happening to me?"

Luigi's eyebrows curved in worry, he silently sat on a chair and leaned forward, intently listening to Waluigi as he continued to cry.

"I have nuthin'. No friends, no family, no happiness, nuthin', just muffin!"

Luigi tried not to laugh at Waluigi's mix up of words.

"I dun't even have da guts to say what I fuuh-feel anymore. Newp, just drinking and smokin' like I used to 'cause I thought it'd-a make meh cool, now I do it jus' 'cause I got no way of tellin' Ayebuals what I wanna tell 'im."

The sober Italian straightened his spine.

"I tink I wash hittin' on 'im earlier. Nononononono, I'm shtoopid! Das no way of sayin' wha I wanna say…"

Luigi leaned forward expectantly.

"Pleash, jus' pleash, someday, I wanna look at 'im 'n go, 'Ay, Luigi, I love ya!' completely shober and serious like." Waluigi waved his arm around, "Buh no, ai gotta be a pansy, I gotta bully 'im, I gotta prove I'm-a bedder dan 'im, 'cuz I'm-a shtoopid moron."

Luigi's eyes widened in surprise.

"Ohh, Luigi, dere's nobody else like ya. Blue eyes, perfect shkin, ador-ador-adoraaaahh-c-cute laugh, ngh, gah, dere's no one elshe like yoo. I've looked. Muffin."

He leaned back in thought, blushing at Waluigi's drunken comments.

"Buh I know you'll nevah love meh back, 'cuz I'm-a jerk face." Waluigi sighed, "I jus' wanna make ya happy, be wit ya, 'n maybe fight over shtoopid stuff with ya. Buh I can't."

Luigi nervously tapped his fingers against the arm of the chair.

"'Cuz frankly, you look happier without me."

"Waluigi?"

"Weh."

"Waluigi, c'mon, open your eyes,"

"I-I can't.."

"C'mon, Wally, you can do it."

"Don't call me that."

"Okay, fine. Just open your eyes."

Waluigi only managed to squint his eyes, hissing at the sunlight that came through the windows and hit his face. He covered his eyes with his arm, kicking in pain and cursing the sun.

"Oh, dear, I'm sorry," The room suddenly became darker, Waluigi moved his arm and tried to focus, "I forgot how light can be with a hangover sometimes."

Waluigi winced, "Don't talk so loud," he whispered, "That hurts my head."

"Sorry! Um, there's some water and stuff on the table…"

Waluigi groaned, flipping onto his stomach to reach the glass of water and tablets beside it, he carelessly tossed the tablets into the water, waiting a few seconds for the water to stop fizzling before proceeding to take a large gulp. He coughed, too much water in his throat at once!

"Be careful, please!"

"Shut up." Waluigi slammed the cup back onto the table, burying his face in the pillow, "Go 'way."

"Waluigi, you do realize who you're talking to, right?"

The purple clad male lifted his head slightly to look at the other, "Oh, Eyeballs. What're you doing here?"

Luigi folded his hands together nervously, "I helped you get home last night, as well as helped you onto the couch and-"

"Jus' say you helped me," Waluigi snapped, "I thought you left, anyway?"

"Well, I was concerned so I just, um, stayed." Luigi blushed, chuckling sheepishly, "I knew you were gonna be a mess this morning and all, so I spent the night here."

Waluigi's eyes widened, "Seriously?" He winced, grabbing his head as a sharp needle of pain pieced it.

"Um, yes, I did." Luigi continued, "I think you should stop getting drunk in public, mainly in alleyways."

"As you've said before."

"You were sobbing next to a dumpster with who knows how many empty bottles of alcohol next to you, Waluigi. If a policeman found you, you'd be in jail right now."

"For public intoxication? What would I have done?"

"Oh, I dunno, graffiti?"

"True, true."

"But then again, you were crying and upset…"

Waluigi shrugged, "Sometimes, you gotta drink to help deal with something."

Luigi rolled his eyes, "No you don't."

"So you say," Waluigi snorted, "You've got, what? At least four people to vent to? I have no one."

Luigi snorted, "You have, 'muffin,' rather."

Waluigi looked up, "Muffin?"

"Last night every time you tried to say 'nothing,' you'd say 'muffin.'"

"Oh, damn it," Waluigi rolled onto his back, "Okay, so I'm an idiot when I'm drunk, so what?"

"It was kind of cute." Luigi giggled, smile turning into a frown as he caught Waluigi's face turning red, "I-I'm sorry…"

"Whatever, you've done enough damage today, go home." Waluigi snapped, waving Luigi away, "Shoo shoo."

Luigi stomped his foot, "Oh, c'mon now, I'm helping you!"

"You're being too loud." Waluigi hissed, clawing at his head again, "Aiiiiiugh!"

"Then how's about this?" Luigi pushed Waluigi up by his shoulders, sitting down on the couch where the taller's head would lay before letting said man's head fall into his lap. Strands of mud colored hair were gingerly brushed from his eyes, gentle fingers tracing Waluigi's facial features.

With wide eyes, Waluigi stared back up at the green clad man in confusion, "W-what's this?"

"This is me being nice," Luigi whispered, slowly combing his fingers through Waluigi's hair, "I want you to quit being angry and relax."

Waluigi shook his head, "N-no, you should go-"

"I'm not happy when you're frustrated like this, Waluigi." Luigi snapped, "And I'm not gonna leave here until you are feeling better-mentally and physically."

Empty eyes squinted as tears stung at their corners, "You're actually…being…nice…because you're not happy?"

"Si," Luigi gave a sad smile, "But enough about that. Does your head still hurt?"

"It's killing me."

"Okay, okay, shh…" Luigi coaxed, gently placing a finger over Waluigi's lips, "…just sleep it off."

Waluigi shook his head slightly before finally giving up. He appeared to be soothed by the calm atmosphere of the dimmed room, head comfortably resting on Luigi's thighs. After a few minutes, the Italian dared to try to hum a gentle lullaby to try to coax the other into sleeping, low notes and very soft sounds coming from his vocal cords. Waluigi twitched his head slightly in response-as if he were annoyed with the humming. But his eyes slowly started to close and his body began to slack, slowly slipping away into a peaceful repose.

Luigi sighed with relief when he found Waluigi was peacefully snoozing, quickly falling into slumber himself after letting his head roll onto the back couch cushion.

**I wrote this last Monday before I had to leave for my college class. Didn't get around to finishing it until today, right before I have to go to the same class. **