**I have a challenge fic I should have written instead of this. Inspired by a little derp I had from a chat with bluebruise. Includes bunch of fail innuendo. **

Breaking the peaceful silence of the bedroom, a green-cased cellphone buzzed loudly against the dark brown wood of a night stand. The screen's light chased away the quaint darkness that helped bring slumber to the Italian snuggled in emerald bed sheets, effectively bringing said man from his dream world. He kept his eyes closed, hoping that the light would shut off and let the darkness cover his face again.

Sure enough, it did. A notification for a text message, that was all. The man figured it was his brother, sending him a late night reminder about who-knows-what. Nothing important.

A moment later, the buzzing returned and the phone once again lit the room, effectively bringing the man into light drowsiness. He again opted to let the screen shut off, though he was slightly curious as to what the messages were.

Silence, blissful darkness, the man was almost asleep again, close to returning to the ship of dreams.

-VRRT! VRRT!-

The ship had sailed away. The man sat up and snatched his phone, flipping on the screen to look at the notifications.

Three messages from a number he'd normally be happy to hear from.

With a huff, he unlocked the phone and scrolled through to the messages tab. His eyes narrowed as he read the first of the three messages sent to him.

"Hey, Luigi."

His fingers shook as he scrolled through the last two

"Luigi! Wake up!"

"Luuuiiiiiiigiiiiiiii."

Curling his lip, Luigi irritably tapped at the screen: "Buzz off, I'm trying to sleep."

He locked the phone, flopping over on his side and letting the phone drop onto the mattress beside him.

-Vmm Vmm!-

Instinct made him pick up and look at the response.

"Nooo c'mon who needs sleep?"

To which Luigi responded, "I do. Quit texting me."

The phone was locked and dropped again. Luigi readjusted his pillow before sliding his hand underneath it, closing his eyes yet again.

It was a while before the vibrations of another message woke him once more.

"Call me."

Sighing, Luigi decided the best thing to do was to call and scold the other person before shutting down the phone. He tapped the screen, sending out the connection for said phone call.

He listened to the droning sounds. -Brrrrrnn. Brrrrrrrn. Brrrrrrn.-

Then, the sound of cocky chuckling came through, "I knew you couldn't resist, Eyeballs."

"I'm calling to tell you something. It's half past midnight. Why the fuck are you bugging me, Waluigi?"

The other responded with a sigh, "Oh, you know, it's late and I'm not tired..."

"Well I am." Luigi snapped.

"...okay." Waluigi could be heard moving, "And I'm hard as a thwomp."

The green-clad's eyes widened as his face turned red, "Waluigi! The nerve!"

More cocky laughter, "Uh huh. I know."

"That's not something you call someone about!"

"Pssh. I do what I want. You included."

"No." Luigi grabbed his face, "You're shameless..."

"C'mon!" Waluigi responded, "I just wanna one-up you."

"You're one-upping nobody."

"You don't want to see power stars?"

"I want to see sleepy sheep."

"Plumber doesn't need his pipes fixed?"

"I can fix my own, thanks." Luigi instantly wished to kick himself as soon as he finished speaking.

"Oh ho ho, putting Waluigi second to a molded-"

"No I'm not!" The Italian screeched, "Cazzo, you're a headache."

"I can be a pleasant pain in the ass too, y'know." The taller could be heard snickering.

Luigi balled up a fist, "Stop it."

"You don't wanna experience my ultra shroom?"

"No."

"It'd be invigorating for your warp pipe."

"I said no."

"You'll be flailing like a piranha plant."

"Waluigi."

"Purring like a cat, and howling like a chain chomp."

"I'll be snoring like I'm asleep."

"After I rock you like an earthquake."

Luigi quietly rolled onto his back, "Waluigi, seriously, I'm gonna hang up..."

"Uh huh, and I'm gonna be on my way to give you some fire flower."

The Italian ended the call in the middle of Waluigi's laughter, groaning angrily. "That's the third time this month." He muttered, rolling over to face the wall.

His blush was still on his face, recalling the conversation he had with the other male sent small tingles down his spine.

That cocky voice, the image of that confident simper, that overall aura he sent through the speaker...

Ooh, damn it, why was he able to flip the switch with an annoying attitude and cheesy one liners?

Hesitantly, Luigi grabbed his phone and turned it on once more. He tapped through the menus, finger hovering over one last button before he forced himself to press it.

-Brrrrrnn. Brrrrrrrn. Brrrrrrn.-

A moment of silence before the nasally voice answered, "Yes~?"

Luigi fidgeted with his pillowcase as he mumbled, "Are you here yet?"

"Hmmm...I won't say," Waluigi's grin could be heard through the phone, "unless you tell me something."

"Ugh. What?"

"You wanna be one-upped?"

The brunet remained silent.

"Huh? Do you?"

He took a deep breath, speaking through his teeth, "I want a one-up."

"From who~?"

"You."

"Say it again, Luigi."

"...I want a one-up."

"Again."

"Waluigi, one-up me."

"Hmmm, one more time."

Luigi took a deep breath, speaking again with an airy voice, "Hng, Wally, one-up me..."

"Ooooh hoo hoo," Waluigi chuckled again, "I like how that sounded. I'm on your porch, Eyeballs. Where's the key?"

"Under the flower pot..." Luigi's hands shook, "...h-hurry..."

The phone beeped as Waluigi ended the call, leaving the shorter to set the device on his nightstand.

Silence. Just like the silence that he preferred for sleeping.

Yet, it was interrupted as the lanky character opened the door and strutted inside, grinning as he did, "So. Ready to get bashed like a coin block?"

Luigi sat up, shaking his head at the other with a small smile, "Only because your antics are unique, Wally."

"Yeah," the elder replied as he crawled on top of the younger, "I'd say they are."