You readers are just the most cryin'-est bunch I ever met in my life!
I love it. Have a great weekend, sweet cotton babies!
Chapter Fifteen: Pageants & Promises
Being second place isn't good enough.
Though I made it to the regionals, that heathen Lauren Mallory beat me with her itty-bitty bathing suit that could barely qualify as string.
I would have done better in the competition, but I dropped my baton twice because my mind was somewhere else entirely.
On someone else.
Ma was still proud of me, and she and AJ and Jessie squeezed me so darn tight they crushed my bouquet of roses. Papa didn't come—he never does—but he wished me luck earlier that morning. That's the best I can ask for, I reckon. He never approached Rowdy and I in the sunroom, but I heard Ma and him talking later that night about Rowdy's condition.
I guess everybody knows now.
Jessie is stealing my roses one by one even though she thinks I'm not paying attention. On the way back to our car, I'm stopped by complete strangers and told congratulations. Jessie replies "thank you", all southerny and sweet and they just eat it up.
They have no idea how rotten she is.
"Where do you want to go, Cotton?" Ma asks after we're all buckled in. We always celebrate after pageant shows by going to the fanciest restaurants in town, but today I'm just not feeling up to it.
"Just home, Ma," I say, trying to keep my eyes open. I'm exhausted.
And I want to see Rowdy.
Ma frowns with concern for me, but sighs and agrees. We've been up since three in the morning, and the only thing I want to do is rest and be with my boy.
By the time we arrive on our road, AJ has downright destroyed my bouquet by placing all the flowers in Jessie's hair. She looks like a complete mess, but she's smiling like a buffoon and acting like the prettiest thing in the world. Just as we're about to pass the Masens' house, Ma turns down their driveway.
"I hope you don't mind, Cotton. Esme is waiting to see you all gussied up. We'll just be here a minute, I promise." Ma apologizes like it's an inconvenience to me, but it's the best news I've heard all day.
It takes ten minutes to shove, push, and pull me out of the car because my dress is so huge. When Ma knocks on the door, I look back and see a trail of glittering crystals in the driveway.
"Oh my goodness!" Esme all but screams at the sight of me and twirls me around and around until I'm dizzy. "Aren't you just the prettiest gosh darn thing I've ever seen? My, oh my."
"She won second place too," Ma brags. "She's traveling to Biloxi next month for the regionals."
"Well I declare, with a dress like that, you should've been queen. Gorgeous, Cotton. You're absolutely gorgeous!" Esme beams and she can't stop touching my plum colored gown.
AJ and Jessie are practically bouncing around, waiting to go play with Jasper and Emmett.
"They're upstairs, girls," Esme points. "Why don't you go up there while I show Renee this baby quilt I'm making?"
The girls have already jetted off and I tune out Ma and Esme's conversation about fabrics and colored spools.
I quietly follow behind my sisters and make a beeline for Rowdy's room. When I enter, he doesn't notice and he's softly snoring.
I hope he's dreaming of happy things.
I hope he's dreaming of me.
I try to be quiet and tiptoe beside his bed, but he stirs when I accidently bang against the railing. His eyes flutter open, revealing a pool of mossy green.
"Cottonseed?"
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to wake you," I say softly. He looks tired, and I pray he hadn't been up all night for no reason.
"I'm glad you did." He reaches out for me and I attempt to sit next to him, but the silk fabric of my dress just makes me slide off the bed.
He chuckles as he scoots over. "You look like a walking cupcake. What the hell are you wearing?"
"My pageant dress." I love that he doesn't compliment me like everyone else. He's brutally honest, even to a fault.
Rowdy looks over every inch of me, from the curls that fall around my face to the deep plum dress that makes me look like a princess. The crystal belt scratches against his arm as I settle beside him, but he doesn't complain.
"Did you win?" He asks, sitting up and resting against his oak headboard.
"Nope. Blondie with the big boobs beat me by three points."
Rowdy laughs and he sounds like his old self. "See? That's the route you gotta go. Sweet and pretty never win."
"Ain't that the truth," I mumble. I stare at Rowdy so long his eyebrows scrunch together.
"What's wrong?" he asks.
"Nothing. I just wanted to see if you're all right."
"Don't you start that," he groans.
"Start what?"
"Asking me how I'm feeling. Asking me if I'm hurting. Asking if I slept the night before. I hate that. Don't start feeling sorry for me. Ain't nobody a victim until you point out that they're weak. So don't do that. Just be normal. Please," he begs, and Rowdy Masen doesn't look like the type to beg for anything.
"Okay, fine. You look like crap, your pillow has drool on it, and you smell like an old man."
I can be honest too.
He hoots and hollers and wraps his arms around my waist. "That's my girl. Are you here alone?"
"Naw," I answer, sulking. "Ma just wanted to stop by and gossip with Esme. My sisters are with Jasper and Emmett but they'll all be busy for a while."
"Good." It takes Rowdy a minute, but he slowly puts his feet on the floor and makes his way towards the door. He locks it and turns back to me. He's wearing a wife beater and low-slung shorts, but it's his eyes I can't stop staring at.
I help him readjust back onto the bed and I snuggle closer. "None of that nonsense, you cupcake impersonator. Those sparkling things are scratching the hell out of me. Take your dress off."
"W-what?" I stutter, even though I heard every word. Take my clothes off?
In front of a boy?
With Ma downstairs?
And God up above?
Rowdy sighs and leans over, picking up a pack of cigarettes. He lights one slowly and gazes at me. "You ain't scared, are you Cottonseed? I won't try nothing funny, promise. I'll even look the other way."
"Promise?" I ask, debating whether it's the right thing to do.
"Promise." Rowdy makes a big effort to rotate to the side and I sigh.
Just do it, I tell myself. Jump under the covers real quick and he won't see a thing.
I turn so that I'm facing the opposite way. It takes me a few seconds, but I find the zipper on the side. I have to yank on it a few times, but it eventually unzips.
I glance down in dismay at my undergarments.
Oh, God. Could I be anymore childish?
They're white; as white as the godly snow I'm traveling down on my way to hell.
My underwear and strapless bra I had to wear with my dress are as plain as can be.
Don't look. Please don't look.
It's not as if I own anything, er, inappropriate anyways, but this is the worst.
I take a deep breath and turn around, ready to jump underneath whatever blankets Rowdy owns, and pray he keeps his hands to himself.
He's staring right at me, crushing the butt of his cigarette in an astray.
"Ahh!" I use my hands to cover myself, but it's no use. Rowdy has a cocky grin on his face as I bury myself under his sheets and keep my distance.
"You lied!" I accuse him, slapping him on the shoulder. He winces but I don't feel bad at all. I'm so embarrassed I can barely look at him. "You promised you wouldn't look!"
Rowdy pulls me closer to him, his hands wrapping around my waist.
This is so wrong.
I'm going to get into so much trouble.
"I told you I was a sinner." He smirks and it's everything Heaven and Hell should be. "You're fucking hot, Cottonseed."
This is so right.
I don't care anymore.
Rowdy grins and he's nothing but Sunday-sinning, church-cursing trouble. He may be sick, but I get the feeling certain parts of him are not.
It makes me scared.
It makes me want to know for myself.
I bury myself in his arms and he skims his fingertips over my tummy.
I wonder how long we'll keep this secret up, of me and him and our wicked, blasphemous ways.
Rowdy's lips brush against mine and he makes my toes curl. He's being careful not to go too fast, but I wonder what's wrong with me that I want him to.
My heart flutters and my eyelashes follow on accord.
"Can I kiss you?" Rowdy breathes against my mouth. I think I could stay like this the rest of my life.
"We are kissin'," I remind him.
He snickers and it's just a reminder of my innocence. I hate how he talks in circles around me. Just spit it out already.
"Not on your lips," he says, pecking me again. "Here."
Here?
Here is where his fingers run over the two mounds of my chest. I ain't big at all—flat chested, Rose Charlotte calls me. She would know; she's just as small as I am.
I snuggle deeper, hoping the twist of my body will avert him, but Rowdy's not the type to miss anything. He leans over me, keeping me on my back with firm hands.
I swallow, feeling my heart coming out of my throat. I should say something, tell him I don't know what I'm doing and that I don't want him to kiss me there.
But all I can say is "yes."
Rowdy kisses me other places, too, like my neck. He's calm, but there's a crazed frenzy I recognize only by the rapid exhales of his breath.
He shifts my strapless bra down and I cover my eyes with my forearm.
I only peek when I feel his fingers rub gently over my nipples.
"You're pretty, soft baby Cotton."
I'm practically heaving by now, seeing his head bowed over my chest and his tongue parting through his lips just so. I tense up, and for some reason I think it will be painful.
It's not.
It's warm-happy, running-through-fields-picking-fresh-daises good.
This knot coils in my tummy and I buck my hips forward trying to feel something.
Anything.
Rowdy's eyes flash up to mine and I think I've done something wrong.
I take it back. Please don't be angry. I'm sorry.
Rowdy smiles and moves his hand down, down, down.
"Can I touch you here?"
I nod, meaning to but not meaning to.
"Just be quiet, okay?"
I don't know what he says that for, so I agree.
When a finger slips inside of my panties, I learn I'm not the only one who's breaking promises today.