Part III

Before Arthur and Merlin could leave the kennels, Halwyn had rattled off instruction after instruction about how to care for the pup. Feeding, keeping her warm, the amount of sleep she needed, how to keep her clean—the list had been endless. After seeing how serious Merlin was about this, the kennel-master had taken it as an opportunity to teach him something, and he had been adamant to see Merlin off with every bit of information he could bestow upon him.

"If she still lives in the next few weeks," Halwyn had said, "I will step back and watch the show. I am quite curious to see how the great Merlin Emrys will train his dog."

"If I can keep her away from Arthur and prevent him from doing whatever it is he does to make his dogs hate me," Merlin had joked in return, "she'll be just fine."

That was how Merlin found himself walking up into the castle with a small crate layered with soft rags of all shapes and sizes. The puppy nestled within, soft whimpers emitting every so often. It hadn't been an easy thing, separating her from Rhymi and the rest of the litter. She'd cried most of the trip back to the castle and had finally fallen into a fitful sleep.

"I cannot wait," Arthur snickered as they approached Merlin's chambers, "to see Mithian's face when she sees this."

"I think you're going to be disappointed," Merlin said. "She loves dogs."

Arthur shook his head and chuckled. "Do you actually believe that she's not going to kill you or are you just trying to convince yourself?"

Merlin had absolutely nothing to say in response to that. He floundered for a retort and fell short. Instead, he admitted, "I might need to use a guest room for a little while."

Arthur clapped Merlin on the shoulder. "If what Halwyn says is true and the pup cries for food at any and all hours of the night, you're going to have a tiring few weeks ahead of you. I'll have one set aside for you. Just in case."

The warlock beamed. "Thanks, Arthur. I'll be sure to put silencing charms around the room and everything."

"I hope, for your sake, that this works, Merlin," Arthur said. "And as amusing as it'd be to see Mithian tanning your hide, I really do hope you won't need the guest room."

"Oh, gods," Merlin groaned. He really wasn't sure how his wife really would react, and it didn't help that this wasn't the only thing he needed to talk with her about. He was bouncing back and forth between she's going to kill me and she's going to roll her eyes and laugh at me. There was no in between. "What am I going to tell her? How am I going to tell her?" A profound realization struck Merlin at that moment, and he said slowly, "I didn't think this through. I really, really didn't think this through."
Tossing back his head, Arthur muttered to the ceiling, "And there's the question of the century: do you ever think things through?"

"You're not helping."

Arthur wasn't fazed by Merlin's glare. "And you didn't deny it."

"What?" Merlin asked, pushing open his door. The magic of the place overwhelmed him, rushing forward to embrace him with all its warmth. "Arthur, that is so far from the point right now. Mithian is—"

"Mithian is what?"

~…~

It amazed Mithian how quickly Merlin's mouth sealed shut. Brilliant blue eyes peered up from underneath his dark fringe. It was getting much too long if it was covering his eyes like that, but Mithian liked it. Sure, he looked incredibly guilty, as guilty as a boy who had gone out romp in the woods instead of do his chores, but there was little she could not forgive him for when he faced her like that.

"Mithian is sure to be with Gwen," Arthur said smoothly.

She wasn't daft enough to realize the king was covering for Merlin, who offered a crooked smile. Looking between them, she wondered if Arthur hadn't already talked some sense into her husband. If Gwen attacked today, it served to reason that Arthur had targeted Merlin, too.

"And look! You are here!" Merlin exclaimed. "And not with Gwen!"

Mithian saw Arthur jam an elbow into Merlin's cloak-covered side. He grunted and shifted awkwardly, and before it could get any worse, she decided to step forward. "Yes, Gwen was feeling a little ill, so she decided to take a little nap. Arthur, I'm sure she'd—"

Arthur's scowl immediately transformed. "Is she alright? When did she—?"

"She's fine. It is just nausea, I believe, but her maid and I have helped her to bed all the same. I only just arrived back, so you may be able to speak with her before she falls asleep."

Nodding to himself, Arthur said, "Come join us for dinner later, you two, alright? I'll have someone come fetch you at dusk."

It did not escape Mithian's notice that Merlin shot the king a terrified glance, his blue eyes wide and pleading. Arthur gripped her warlock's arm, and she distinctly heard a mutter of "don't be stupid" before he nodded his farewell and exited the rooms.

The moment they were alone, Mithian approached Merlin and kissed him soundly on the mouth. His lips yielded to hers, and far too soon, she pulled away to whisper against his skin, "I think we need to talk."

"Um…right," Merlin said as Mithian backed up a step. She took hold of his left hand in order to lead them to the small cozy area by the fire. It was Mithian's place, and with the exception of the loft, which housed their bed, it was the only place untouched by Merlin's messy and somewhat chaotic experiments. "About that. I think I—"

"No, I think I should go first."

"Mithian, really, I—"

"Not this time, Merlin," she said. "I really need you to sit and listen."

Without bothering to remove his cloak, Merlin sat heavily into one of the armchairs and propped his staff against the wall next to him. She took his lack of protest as a sign to plow forward.

"You shouldn't be afraid to speak to me about anything, Merlin, you know that, right?"

"Mith, I—"

She had to fight the urge to put her hands on her hips and roll her eyes. "Do you?"

Merlin sighed. "Yes, of course I do. I have no secrets from you, you know that."

"Nor I you," Mithian said fondly. "And you should know you're not as cryptic or as stealthy as you might think." Blue eyes latched on to her, and the pair realized they were on the same page. They knew exactly how the other was feeling. That wasn't the issue. As of now, she only wanted to talk about the fact they hadn't addressed their feelings together. As husband and wife. "I realized today that this had to end. You weren't waiting for me to tell you I've been wanting to start a family, so I must ask: when were you going to tell me? Were you ever going to tell me?"

"I…" He swallowed. "I didn't want to say no to you, Mith. A baby—starting a family with you is all I could want. It might not seem like I do, after…but I really do, Mith. I just…"

"I understand you're not ready, and I understand why. For the record, I think you'd be an amazing daddy, even if you can't see it just yet."

"And you, an amazing mum," Merlin returned. "You're…not upset? Not disappointed?"

A soft smile touched her lips, and she leaned across the way to grasp the nearest hand. "I am more disappointed that you tried to hide it from me, honestly. You don't have to worry," she said, tracing intricate patterns on the back of his hand with her thumbs, "about disappointing me or about fearing how I might react if you admit your feelings, Merlin. I can't say we'll always agree—that would be a miracle within it of itself—but I would rather have you say them at all than hide them away. I want a baby, I will not lie, but I do not mind waiting in the slightest. I just want..." Her heart panged, and she sighed, unable to look him in the eye.

They say you must do as you preach, Mithian chided to herself.

Merlin squeezed her hand and asked in a tender tone. "What do you want?"

Another day, she'd ask. She promised herself. They had nothing but time, after all. "It's nothing important."

His eyes hardened, and he squeezed her hand. "Everything you want is important to me. That's why it was so hard for me to come to you…when I saw how you looked at Arthur, Gwen, and their little princess or princeling."

His tone was so sincere, and when he looked at her…it took her breath away. At that moment, there was no one else in his world that mattered more than she did. Love surged through her, and she cursed herself for being a coward. "I—"

A high-pitched yawn interrupted Mithian, and she sat up straight, eyes widening. "Wha—" She blinked, and suspiciously, she scanned Merlin and noticed that underneath his cloak, his right arm was tucking something bulky tightly to his side. Her brow furrowed. How had she not noticed he'd brought something in? "What was that?"

"Um, well." He gave her a sheepish smile. Taking extreme care, the warlock withdrew a small crate from the safety of his cloak. "I was…going to bring this up first because...it's, um, a little…"

Mithian peered into the crate. A wrinkled face, framed by floppy ears far to big for its head, greeted her. The puppy was mostly tan in color, but the splash of black on its back stood in stark contrast to the rest of its body. It wiggled and squirmed in the nest of rags, eyes still tightly closed.

"That…is one of Cabal's litter."

"Yes, yes, she is. The runt, to be precise."

"Uh-huh," Mithian murmured. "And what are you doing with her?"

"I don't know."

"You don't know," she repeated. "How could you not know, Merlin?"

"I wasn't thinking, Mith!" Merlin released a slightly hysterical chuckle. "The bitch was beginning to reject her, and I know that means she has as little chance of survival as a baby bird that's fallen from its nest, but when Halwyn said he was going to probably put her down himself, I asked to try…to see if I could give her a chance."

This had to be the most spontaneous thing he had ever done, but it was so Merlin of him that Mithian wasn't sure if she wanted to kiss him or punch him in the arm. Before she could decide which one she wanted more, however, Merlin stammered on.

"I just want to be able to say I succeeded in raising her, taking care of her…"

The quip was on her lips before she could stop it. "You realize that you took care of Arthur for years, don't you?"

"That—" Merlin spluttered. "That was completely different. Arthur's life might have rested in my hands more often than not, and maybe I had to clean his dirty clothes and bring him breakfast. I might be able to take credit for making him a little less of a prat on top of that, but he's not…He's not fragile, Mith. He could take care of himself, and he wasn't entirely dependent on me."

Mithian's quirked eyebrows and deadpan expression made Merlin laugh. "I'm glad to see you have such faith in our king, Mithian."

"Oh, I have faith in our king now," Mithian corrected, a smirk on her lips. "If you hadn't straightened him out, I'm not sure I would have." When Merlin snorted, she smirked and added, "Another reason I believe you'll be an excellent father."

Merlin made a cross with his arms and swept them apart. "Being Arthur's servant and having a baby are two entirely different things!"

"Just as different as taking in a hound pup?"

"Yes, exactly!" Brow suddenly furrowing, Merlin steadied the crate between his knees, leaned back in his chair, and rubbed his eyes. "No, not exactly. I think this will be a good exercise."

Mithian blinked. "So you want to use the pup as some sort of…test?"

"Listen, Mith…I don't think it'd be such a bad idea." His eyes shone like they did whenever he had a brilliant, crazy new plan in mind. "If we can work together on this…"

"Merlin," Mithian said carefully, "a puppy will not necessarily…"

"I know that," he said excitedly, sitting forward again, "but if we go through with it, it's a huge responsibility we'll need to take on all the same."

She was highly doubtful about this whole business. In Nemeth, she'd spent more time with her father's stable- and kennel-masters than she did her own tutors. She knew that the probability of the little thing living its first week away from its mother was slim to none, and she knew better than to get attached, than to get too emotionally involved in this. Looking at her husband, she could tell he was already far past the point of logic. His long fingers carefully stroked the pup's back, and he smiled as it tried to nibble at his fingers. Soon, it would start crying about being teased and demand a real meal.

As she watched them, she was reminded of Merlin's less-than-stellar track record with Arthur's dogs. She had a theory that these dogs sensed Merlin's magic and did not trust him because of it. Horses, though, seemed to adore Merlin, so there was a definite flaw to that theory, if one argued that all intelligent animals could sense magic. She'd have to wait and see how this…

Did I just…agree to this madness? she asked herself.

Shaking her head, she asked, "That's not the real reason you took her, is it? This is just another reason to keep her."

Merlin looked up, his tender smile sending butterflies through her stomach. "I don't like bullies," he said simply, "and this one was giving it her all. If anyone has a chance to defy odds, she does, and where would any of us be, if not given a chance?"

Mithian had no real response for that, and she surveyed her husband, whose blue eyes were alight with hope and promise. He truly believed he could do this, and she couldn't necessarily blame him. In his own way, he was once a runt with a death sentence hanging over his head, too, yet he thrived. He succeeded beyond everyone's expectations.

Her gaze drifted to the pup in the crate, and her expression softened at the sound of its growing whimpers. It wouldn't be easy, and though Mithian predicted she and Merlin would be about ready yank their hair out by the end of the first few days, she couldn't help but think that Merlin did have a point.

And by the gods, that pup was darling. She would not turn it away now.

"I'll do it. I'll help you."

Merlin's smile lit her world, and he reclaimed her hand. This time, it was he who leaned forward to give her a kiss. "Thanks for standing by me on this, Mith."

Humming softly, Mithian slid from her seat to kneel on the ground beside Merlin. After resting her head against his knee, he began to run his clever fingers through her loose curls. She released a contented sigh, and they sat in silence for a few moments, watching the flames sizzle and crackle in the hearth.

"Mithian?" Merlin asked.

His fingers continued their rhythmic stroking of her hair, so she had no desire to lift her head. "Hm?" she murmured.

"We were interrupted earlier. You were about to tell me something. About what you wanted."

It took her a few seconds to remember, and because he cared to bring it up again, to follow through and hear her full answer, everything she might have felt bitter for was forgiven in an instant. "Oh, that." She did have to raise her head for this, to look him in the eyes. "I wanted to know how long…how long it might take you to feel ready, and I wanted to know what I could do to help you, but I think—" her eyes trailed to the pup once more "—I think I have a part of my answer."