Author's Note: It's a bit later than I had planned to post this, as early midterms got in the way.
Credits: A big thanks to Hearns, who inspired rule 32, and HeartofFywinde, who provided the (indirect) inspiration for rule 35.
I am a little short of ideas for the next chapter, so anyone who wants to suggest one should PM me with it. I will post it on the conditions it is both clean and funny.
20-I don't care what alien substance is in your system, you may not sing "The Water Buffalo Song" over the PA at three in the morning!
Ward had accidentally ingested an alien toxin that, while not dangerous to humans, had some interesting effects.
21-We are never storing live chickens aboard again.
A crate of mean, Chitauri- tech-equipped chickens had broken open in flight, and caused quite a bit of excitement.
Agent May still insisted the high-pitched noise when they got into the cockpit was the fire alarm, however.
22-I don't care what you think of how they ended your favorite game, you may not use SHIELD resources to threaten video game companies.
Fitz began to doubt he would ever live that one down.
23- Agent Ward's code name is not "Larry the Cucumber."
Someone had brought a copy of "VeggieTales" aboard.
24- My code name is not "Bob the Tomato"!
This rule was posted in Coulson's most irritated looking handwriting.
25- Extremis Potatoes - just no.
Actually, they had worked quite well in smuggling hand grenades through the airport security. They continued to look like a good idea until Coulson threw one…
26- Calling Melinda May "Wash" is inadvisable. Especially if you actually want to take off in the next hour.
Coulson's "Take us out of the world, Wash" quip had grounded them for a half hour while Agent May expressed her extreme displeasure at the comment.
27-Refit the electrostatic discharge system before inviting Thor aboard!
One lightning storm later, the bus lost all electrical power. The control tower techs would probably never recover from the sight of a Norse god towing in an airplane.
28-No matter how upset you are, it is not advisable to consume every single piece of pizza aboard.
Agent Simmons had done so, and the result had been more than a few upset agents.
Which could explain why she was hiding in the dryer.
29-The next person who calls Agent Ward "Colonel Sheppard" is in serious trouble!
Turns out, Ward wasn't much of a Stargate fan.
30-No, the alien cat is not allowed on board.
The latest mission had found Skye taking possession of a lost kitten. One with a prehensile tail, six legs, and what Simmons suspected was some form of empathic abilities.
Coulson had relented from the rule, however, when the kitten had given him a look that defied the current human understanding of maximum possible cuteness.
31- The flack launchers are not there to "mess with people's heads." Please stop trying.
Air traffic control had a proper fit over Ward's attempt at flying.
32- Whoever hacked the autopilot's PA system, please restore it to the normal voice mode.
Melinda May wasn't happy about the fact the autopilot could now out-swear a longshoreman.
33- An overpass is not a suitable substitute for a set of brakes!
An emergency touchdown on a highway had led to the Mobile Command Post becoming firmly wedged in an overpass.
34- Please keep the cat contained!
Coulson had been awoken by something with six feet landing on his chest in the middle of the night. The ensuing battle had been brief, noisy, and full of psychic collateral damage.
Most of which was caused by Phil's pajamas.
35- Do NOT leave loose bowling balls in the hallway!
Fortunately for Coulson's sanity, it had hit the SHIELD SUV, not Lola, but Ward was desperately hoping he never figured out who had left it there all the same.
36- NO. MORE. LOOP-THE-LOOPS!
Once again, Coulson was considering adding an extra washroom in order to deal with airsickness situations.
37- Rule 36 applies to temporal Loop-the-Loops as well.
This one was left unexplained. Everyone thought it was better that way.
38- We will not, under any circumstances, use the engines as a means of executing villains.
Ward made an ill-timed attempt at a joke and was found an hour later, hiding under a table and muttering about hardened ceramics and rotor balance.
Agent May seemed to have made an impression on him.
39-The. Goat. Goes. Back. Now.
Simmons had "rescued" a flame-breathing goat from a secret lab.
40- The goat-rescue incident is never to be mentioned again.
Skye just laughed, and posted the video to Youtube. Specifically, the video of Ward, pants on fire and running from an angry, flame-breathing mother goat.
41- Fury said no fish tank. That means no fish tank. Take the fishbowls out of the life raft compartment!
Simmons was slightly upset about being forced to give up a massive collection of exotic fish.
Replies to those without accounts:
Kihonne: Thanks! As per your request, here's the next chapter!
aw yeah: Ty!
Author's Note: Well, what do you think? Review and let me know!