Author's note: Yep, I'm back. Just finished midterms (gah!) and somehow survived. Anyway, my stockpile of rules is a little over-full, so there's no reader- submited rules for this chapter, but they'll be back next chapter, I promise!
Disclaimer: I do not own Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.
91- When some old one eyed guy with a grey cloak invites himself onto the bus, call for backup before trying to throw him off.
Surprisingly, Fittz managed to throw Odin about halfway off the Bus, If only by benefit of rotating sympathetic fermion field and good- old fashioned Scots stubbornness.
92- There is now a treaty between Asgard and the Kitten. Don't ask.
They didn't.
93- Ducks are never to be released on a Mobile Command Post in the future.
Coulson added this rule to the list in his typical calm demeanor.
A very large mallard made an incredible noise as the Kitten chased it across the room.
The duck sitting on his head quacked at him.
94- The duck liver is to be removed from the shower immediately.
Agent May added this to the list.
95- No more running through the Bus yelling "Squid!"
Coulson had given them all the "Don't go around yelling 'squid', just calmly tell everyone 'We're being attacked by a giant flying squid'." lecture.
96- Skye is not allowed to glomp any of the Avengers.
Hawkeye. Black Widow. Skye would probably be out of the Hub infirmary soon.
97- There shall henceforth be no attempt to weaponise the engines by filling the thrust reversers with Limburger cheese
On the bright side, Agent Hand wasn't going to be disturbing them for a while.
98- The flying privy incident is no longer to be mentioned.
A lasso, a Bus, a porta-potty, and a short VTOL hop later, Quinn was a prisoner once again.
99- The Bus doorknobs are to be re-installed immediately!
Why or how Skye had removed Every. Single. Doorknob. On. The. Bus, no one but she knew.
100- If it looks like a Balrog, sounds like a Balrog, and has the infrared signature of a Balrog- jumping in front of it with a stick is generally unwise.
Agent May was an excellent fighter, but a Maida she certainly wasn't, and had the extensive burns to prove it.
101- "I hope he falls on his head!" is not a good response when someone notes the villain you super-glued to the ceiling is coming unstuck.
Jemma had helped the team avenge themselves upon Quinn.
102- The kitten is not a SHIELD- certified interrogation technique!
Quinn had talked really fast, though. Really, really fast.
103- Fittz is no longer allowed to perform a traditional Scottish military maneuver.
As it turned out, a scrawny physicist wearing only a sheet, yelling and and wildly swinging a six-foot piece of steel, was a surprisingly effective tactic.
Two HYDRA agents had the mental scars to prove it.
104- StePPinG oN tHe CaTs TAil IS nOw A CaPaTaL OffEnCs
This was found on the list along with some muddy paw prints, but no further sign of who added it.
105- Ketchup is no longer to be loaded in the nite-nite gun!
In Ward's defense, the ketchup had made a rather convincing death scene, and got them out of a sticky situation. Skye had still hit him with the blender.
106- Old war comedies are not good material for movie night. People get ideas.
Ward. Skye. May. Twelve episodes of MacHale's Navy.
The reports literally said "Don't ask."
107- Velveta is no longer to be hoarded.
Skye was on the warpath after discovering that someone had swiped all the remaining "Only good toasted-cheese-sandwich-cheese".
108- Don't run through the bus yelling "The sporks are coming, the sporks are coming!"
This one had no particular reason aside from ethyl alcohol and a desire to pull off a prank.
109- We are never again playing "Pin the tail on the donkey."
Although watching May chase Skye with the donkey tail was amusing.
110- "When in doubt, shot it with a nite-nite gun" is not a valid strategy. Please refrain from using it.
So far, Simmon's tally included a tree, a bush, a picture window, and a AIM agent she hadn't even known was hiding in the bush.
111- The "Limburger bomb" is to be secured and dismantled immediately.
What had possessed Fittz to fit a NATO guidance kit on fifty two pounds of the worst stink known to man was something that SHIELD Operations classes would discuss for years.
112- No one may call the Bus "The Septic Tank of Ultimate Stinky Doom"
Fittz's creation had a slight malfunction - in the fuse.
113- I don't care how awesome the ice cream is, our budget does not include discretionary funding for running halfway across the planet for an Ice cream festival!
This one was added by Agent Hill, as no one from Coulson's team was arguing with the decision.
114- Agent Ward isn't allowed to throw the kitchen sink at anyone.
In his defense, it had worked rather well.
115- Coulson, the Oreo ice cream is not Level-eight classified. You are not permitted to lock it all up.
Colson disappeared into his office to make some phone calls.
116- Skye, the vanilla is not classified rookie-level only. You may not confiscate it.
"Actually," Simmons noted, "She didn't confiscate it, she consumed it. ALL. Without ASKING ANYONE ELSE IF THEY WANTED ANY!"
117- The Mobile Command Post is not to be referred to in reports, call-signs, or internet handles as "The T.A.R.D.I.S."
That one had nearly been disastrous. On a compromised communications channel, Skye had informed everyone that "Bus is compromised, Regroup at TARDIS".
FitzSimmmons had been found waiting in a junkyard by a deteriorated Police Box, Coulson was lost in a BBC sound studio, Ward had waited next to a random phone booth, and May had returned to the plane anyway.
Author's note: Well? What did you think? Review and let me know!