As Kate looked up, she could tell he was extremely touched by her words. The tears continued to fall from his cheeks, and she could tell hung upon each word she said. He leaned into her and placed a soft kiss upon her forehead, then nodded, encouraging her to continue. This man in front of her, this beautiful, sweet man. She wasn't sure she could find the words to convey how much he has meant to her, after all he is the best- selling author. But that didn't mean she wasn't going to try.
"Your books, Rick, they kept me sane after my mom's murder. Everyone has an outlet for their grief. Something that makes them feel better, when it feels like their world is crashing down around them. My dad's outlet was his drinking." Her voice trailed off as she looked down at the ground, struggling to continue. "He drank away his pain, and I thought that I was going to lose him too. When it all got to be too much for me, I turned to your books. My mother had loved them as well. They reminded her of the reason she did what she did. The reason she dug for the truth, and fought for justice. That was what had gotten her killed, and after she died, your books reminded me of her. Of the remarkable person she was and why she did what she did. They reminded me of all the good she did in the world before she was taken from it. Your words were wise and comforting, and your writing provided me with a sense of peace. I always admired you as a writer, and now I admire you as a person. Your books helped me become who I am today. They helped me realize that I wanted to spend my life providing families with the same justice my mother did. Your books saved me before I met you, and now you have saved me. Saved me from myself, and made me realize that my life is worth more than my mother's death."
She pauses for a moment, and lifts her head to look into his eyes. "She would have loved you Rick. She was brave and passionate, just like you are. If she could see me now, if she has seen everything I have done to try to make the bastards who killed her pay, I think what would make her most proud is that I finally gave up and realized what was really important. And that is you. She loved her job, but she loved me and my dad more. Family was more important to her. She lived and she loved, and I know she would want me to do the same. And I wanted you to know that before I tell you what I am about to tell you…"
He looks up at her, still shocked by the words she had said. He can't imagine what else could possibly be left. Kate Beckett, the guarded, strong, damaged, but incredibly beautiful person she is, has just opened her heart to him. And now she is looking him square in the eyes, ready to share more with him. Realizing she has his undivided attention, she continues, " I resigned Rick, I'm not a cop anymore".
Shocked, his jaw nearly drops, but he tries to compose himself quickly, because when he looks into her eyes, he can tell there is more she wants to say. He stays quiet, allowing her to continue. "Gates was going to put Espo and I on mandatory leave, and when I looked down at my badge before handing it to her, something felt different. For a long time, the badge has been a huge part of who I am. I dedicated my life to my job, you know that. I believed that it defined who I was, just like my mother's murder investigation. That's why once I started again, I was afraid I wouldn't be able to stop. It was like a part of me died with my mother, and I needed to find out who killed her to get that back. And then you showed up at the precinct, and the more time I spent with you, the more I realized you were like a breath of fresh air for me. A new beginning, a better life. After we fought the day Captain Montgomery died, he told me that he could have gotten rid of you years ago at the precinct. That it was his ship and he could boot you off whenever he wanted. But he didn't because he saw how good you were for me. He told me what a great detective I am, but how I wasn't having any fun until you came around. And he was right Rick, you made me realize I could laugh again, and that sometimes it wasn't so bad to cry when you have a shoulder to cry on. You've stood with me Rick, you always have. Since I lost my mom, I have been afraid to truly love someone, because I didn't want to go through the pain of losing someone I love. I saw what losing a loved one did to my dad, and did to me. But when I was hanging from that roof, Castle, the thought of losing you without telling you how I feel-",but now the pain of the memory became too much for her, and she began to cry.
"Shhhhh, come here Kate," Castle said to her, pulling her into a warm embrace. "I love you Kate, and you're here now. And I'm not letting you go. Not now, not ever. I promise." Kate is now scrunched up in a ball, knees to her chest. He places a kiss on her forehead, as he slides one arm under her knees and the other behind her back and lifts her off the floor. "Thank you Castle" she says, a small grin beginning to form on her face.
"Come on, how about we get you in the bathtub to soak those bruises. Black and blue have always been lovely colors on you… just not like that…" She laughs and his joke makes a smile finally appear on her face. His Kate is back.
"Okay, Castle," she teases, "But only if you're coming with me…" Castle gets a devilish grin on his face and replies, "Well if you insist Miss Beckett…" as he continues to carry her into his bathroom.